After waving goodbye to Captain Bing, the Continent of the Jam God’s first impression was dismal. Gray, rocky landscapes, a volcano spewing a permanent haze into the sky, and withered black trees mostly spotted the horizon.

“I thought this was supposed to be a rock party paradise,” Key Gullz said holding a red plastic cup in her hand ready to party herself.

Thad Penguino checked his sources. “According to Climate and Geography Enthusiasts dot com, the rock lifestyle is like one big party and no party can last forever. There are parts of this province that have been burnt out for years.”

The air took a noticeable evil turn. “How unfortunate, you poor sweet babies.” A devilish cackle from behind surprised the band. They swiveled around and Morgana Malevolent waved coyly with one hand, floating in the sky and surrounded by twenty-nine hovering unicorn pearls.

Candii pointed sternly into the sky. “Give those back, you witch!”

“There’s no need to go PG on me, darling. You now stand on the Continent of the Jam Gods where everything we do is hardcore. Swear if you must.”

Key Gullz yelled, “You’re a bobble-headed, lint licking bi…”

“Don’t stoop to her level!” Candii pleaded.

Morgana cooed and fluttered her eyelashes. “Despite your restraint, compliment taken!”

“Now we have you where we want you! Prepare to be rocked!” Candii said. She ran to her instrument bag and unzipped her guitar.

“You really think you can touch me from down there?” Morgana scoffed. “Without your instruments unpacked and while I harness the power of twenty-nine unicorn pearls, you have no chance.”

“Eh…she has a point,” Key Gullz said.

“Well…um…I’m gonna…” Candii looked around frantically for anything she could use. She quickly picked up a rock and threw it.

Such a barbaric tactic caught Morgana off guard and she flinched. The rock hit her in the boob and one of the pearls separated from the pack and fell toward the ground.

Candii caught it and held it tight.

“Curses, you rock plebe! I see strolling around outside with the pearls is a liability around you. I didn’t want to do this, but so be it!” Morgana used her magic and sent the remaining twenty-eight unicorn pearls even higher into the sky. They resonated and glowed for a few moments. Morgana dramatically shot her hand into the sky, winced, and clasped her injured boob with her other hand just before firing the unicorn pearls in varying directions inward toward the province. Several of them wobbled and darted wildly as they shot through the sky.

“Rats! That didn’t quite go as planned. I tried sending the unicorn pearls back to my castle, but some of them didn’t fly as straight and narrow as I wished. Never mind that. My minions will gather them up and keep them safe until I can retrieve them.” Morgana hovered higher and higher and cast a disdainful scowl upon the band. “Do not doubt that they will continue to assert my dominant rule over my people and that they will surely stop you if you interfere. I may not be able to hold all the power at the moment, but this is a satisfying, if not at least safe, alternative for the time being.”

Candii shouted from the top of her lungs. “You think that will stop us? We’ll get all thirty unicorn pearls, you just wait!”

“I’d like to see you try. At the least, it’ll be amusing to watch!” Morgana cackled again and disappeared with a wave of her cape.

Candii unclutched her new pearl. She felt its radiating glow. “This is for Phineas.”

He did not want to spoil Candii’s moment, but Sir Taco noticed the sun passing through the sky as morning was becoming afternoon. “How are we going to figure out where all these pearls flew to?”

“I already reserved a van at a nearby town,” Thad Penguino said as he tapped on his cell phone. “I just pulled up the directions and it’s about a half an hour walk south. Let’s head there and load up our gear in the van. Once we get reliable transportation, we can figure out how to track them.”

The band swung their luggage over their backs and started the long trek to the nearest town. During the walk Candii fumed about Morgana’s arrogance. “Can you believe the nerve of her? She greets us just to mock us. Did she just assume we’d be powerless in her presence?”

“That’s not an entirely false statement,” Thad Penguino said as he navigated via GPS.

Candii kept turning in her mind how peaceful and perfect things were on her unicorn ranch. Everything was safe and idyllic. Each day was the same over and over. She got angrier and felt more insulted about this game Morgana was playing and it was all at the expense of her unicorn’s happiness. She had it all going for her until Morgana ruined it!

She threw out her arm. “Sir Taco! Hand me my bass!"

Begin Rolling in the Deep by Adele

VERSE 1

There’s … dark.

Candii bristled with resentment. She knew the journey ahead would only get harder. “She was literally standing right in front of us! If only I was a little faster…”

“Or taller?” Sir Taco asked. “But that won’t magically happen, so don’t be so hard on yourself.” He patted her back soothingly.

“Don’t worry about it, Candii. We’re going to beat her!” Key Gullz said.

“They’ll be nothing left when we’re done with her!” Thad Penguino said.

Candii nodded. “Ha, yeah. Just think: what can she possibly do against all four of us with our instruments?”

“That’s the spirit!” Key Gullz said.

PRE-CHORUS

The … feeling.

“Yeah! She tore my unicorn’s happiness away! It hurts and I’m going to use that scar in my heart to wreck her!” Candii said.

Sir Taco was sad for Candii so he belted out the words to express how he thought Candii felt.

CHORUS

We … beat.

“You had it all!” Sir Taco cried. “Now you’re rolling in the deep! And it’s all because of Morgana!”

The band continued down the road and noticed the trees and the grass swaying to their music. The Land of Rock had music running through its soul and it recognized good music when it heard it.

Sir Taco wondered if every province of the Continent of the Jam Gods was like this.

VERSE 3

Baby … shared.

Thad Penguino looked up Morgana on the local web. “I see that Morgana has glowing reviews in the Land of Rock. However, she is rated quite poorly on accounts originating in other kingdoms and provinces.”

“Sounds like someone is fudging the numbers,” Key Gullz said.

As they crossed under a lush verdant forest canopy, Candii jammed hard and woodland creatures joined in.

PRE-CHORUS

The … feeling.

Charcoal black squirrels and woodpeckers danced and tapped to the beat. When Thad Penguino’s GPS lost its connection briefly, the band got turned around somewhere and lost their way in the woods.

As thanks for their musical stylings and free entertainment, the musical woodland creatures came to their aid. The band formed a conga line behind the animals and danced their way back to the road.

CHORUS x2

We … beating.

Candii handed her bass to a passing black deer that was surprisingly adept at playing a musical instrument with its antlers.

“On the Continent of the Jam Gods, almost everything is musically inclined!” Key Gullz said.

The band sound-checked their instruments and amps and made sure they were in top shape. Sir Taco matched his pitch and gave the band a thumbs up. They felt unstoppable and knew Morgana should watch her back.

Candii felt a lot better.

BRIDGE 1

Throw … sow!

“Ooo, when I get my hands on Morgana…I’m gonna…I’m gonna…” Candii growled.

“Save the performance for the show,” Thad Penguino said.

“I just have so much pent up emotion and I want to let it out!” she cried.

BRIDGE 2

We … all.

“Oh, you’ll have your chance,” he said.

“No! I just got to let it out!” she shouted. Candii burst with emotion, grabbed Sir Taco’s microphone, and sang! “Me and my unicorns, we could have had it all, it all, it all, it all!”

CHORUS x2

We … beat.

They approached Jammertown as Candii belted her heart out. This fairly normal-looking modern city was themed black and blue. They jammed through the streets with their battery-powered amps blasting from their backs. They searched for the address of the vehicle rental store. People opened their front doors and windows to witness the traveling rock concert. They waved and cheered the band on.

Thad Penguino led them to a vehicle rental business where they greeted a forty-something metal head who looked like he lived in his mom’s basement. Candii wrapped up her song as the metal head patiently waited behind the counter and just enjoyed the show.

End Rolling in the Deep by Adele

“Welcome to Killer Solo Vehicle Rentals. My name’s Krawl. Will you be renting for domestic travel within the Land of Rock or do you plan on visiting the neighboring Synth Kingdom, Death Province, or the Hair Band Republic?”

“Just domestic,” Thad Penguino said.

“Do you have a reservation?” Krawl pushed his black bangs out of his eyes. Key Gullz noticed his fingers twitching slightly.

“We have one tour van.” Thad Penguino gave him their reservation number.

“Righteous. Are you sure you don’t want to take any other type of vehicle?” Krawl asked as he rummaged through a drawer of keys.

Thad Penguino scratched his head. “Um…”

“I’m just messing with ya! We don’t have any other type! I’ll pull your van around and meet you up front.” Krawl grabbed keys and headed out a back door.

“Well, that was an interesting guy,” Key Gullz said. “Did anyone else notice…”

“The twitchy fingers?” Candii asked. “It was like he was holding back from wiggling them uncontrollably. Very weird!”

Thad Penguino confidently said, “Maybe he’s a guitar player and he just loves…killer solos.”

Out front, Krawl pulled up a tour van that was big enough for everything they had and then some. They loaded their items and Thad Penguino signed a mountain of paperwork.

“So, what methods of payment do you take?” he asked as the pen fell out of his cramping hand.

“Tourists, eh? Well it all depends on how talented you all are. I can take bills in Continent Cash or you can play me…” Krawl’s fingers began twitching wildly again, “...one killer solo.”

“Are you, like, addicted to solos? Do you need help?” Candii asked incredulously.

“No, no! I don’t need help. I can stop anytime! I just…I’m a little hard up since Queen Morgana outlawed guitar solos in Jammertown.”

Candii laughed. “Why would anyone do that?”

“Eh, she’s not the biggest fan of me…for reasons.” His eyes shifted rapidly back and forth. “So, how about that solo?”

Key Gullz opened her money sack, but Krawl refused to take the mainland bills. Thad Penguino pulled out his lead guitar and shredded notes like a rock god. Krawl was drooling by the end and said he was very pleased with the deposit. They would pay or play the rest whenever they returned the van.

“That’s the good stuff.” He twirled the van keys around on his finger. “Okay, so who is going to be the official driver?”

The band looked at each other and everyone looked confused but Candii.

“Wait. Am I the only one with a drivers license?” she asked.

“I live in the city so I haven’t renewed one in years,” Sir Taco said.

Thad Penguino and Key Gullz shrugged. “We haven’t needed to drive ourselves for a long time. We fly and charter town cars on our social justice missions,” Key Gullz said.

Krawl slapped the keys into Candii’s hand. “Looks like you’re up, buttercup.”