I couldn’t face this alone. Bobby and his wife Sarah were our—well—I guess my best friends. Collecting myself as much as possible, I called Bobby’s cell.

“Hey, Ben. How ya doin’, old buddy?”

“Hi. Uhhh… could you guys… can you come over?”

“Geez. Are you okay?”

“Can you come?”

“Hang on. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

We had never needed to knock on each other’s doors. They walked in and saw me on the couch. I completely lost it. They didn’t have a clue what was wrong. They just sandwiched me in a supportive hug while I emptied what tears I had left.

Sarah kept asking for some shred of information. “My God, Ben! What’s going on? Where’s Megan? Did something bad happen to her?”

I started to calm down a bit. Not sure I could speak, I picked up the letter and just handed it to her. Bobby came around next to her to see what it was. They only needed to read the first sentence or two to understand, and Sarah turned to me without a word and just held me.

Bobby got up. “Crap! I can’t believe she could do this!” He shuffled to the fridge, grabbed a beer for each of us, came back and sat in the chair across from the couch as he plunked three bottles on the coffee table.

Sarah just kept hugging me from the side. Neither said a word while they waited for me to open up. Sarah eventually reached for her beer and handed me mine, which provided enough of a mood breaker for me to start communicating.

I could only utter a few quiet words. “Just scan the letter for the whole story. See if you can make any sense of this.”

I took my first guzzle of beer and noticed Bobby moving back next to Sarah and they started to read. Sarah was dumbfounded. She quietly mumbled to herself but loud enough for us all to hear.

“Megan is my best friend… how did I not know?”

Bobby quickly decided to let Sarah read the details. She would summarize it for him later.

“Ben, why don’t you join me in the kitchen? We’ll let Sarah read it and she can summarize for me later.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

We sat at the kitchen table and glared at our beer as if the bottles held the answers.

“Ben, you didn’t see this coming at all, did you?”

I shook my head.

“With all my heart I wish we could fix this, but all we can do is be here for you and support you. It’s getting late. You need to sleep. We’re staying here tonight, and we’ll try to help you start picking up the pieces tomorrow.”

I was tempted to argue but knew it would do no good. Plus, I really didn’t want to be totally alone. The loneliness already consumed me like a black hole.

After a few moments, I slowly rose from the table. “You guys stay in the master suite on the bigger bed. I don’t want to be in there tonight. I’ll use the guest room.”

Bobby got up gave me a hug. Not a man hug, but a solid friend hug. “Ben, we’re glad you called us. We love you man and want to help any way we can. It’s late. Go try and get some sleep.”

I wanted to answer him with similar friendly affection but couldn’t make my mouth work. “G’night… and thanks.” I went to the guest room, flopped down, and sobbed into my pillow.

I started getting angry at myself for crying like a baby, but I had always worn my emotions on my sleeve. Either way, I was a mess. Years ago, I stopped worrying about letting my emotions show. It was who I am and I was okay with it. I let my tears pull me into a restless sleep.

Bobby and Sarah were perfect friends. Without their help and care, that night would have been unbearable.

In the morning I awoke to the smell of coffee brewing and thought for a moment that Megan was getting breakfast together. Realizing I was in the guest room brought me back to the depressing truth. Sarah must be awake and brewing some morning elixir. After showering I joined Bobby and Sarah in the kitchen and greeted them with a forced smile.

Sarah had prepared a big breakfast for us. I didn’t think I could eat, but after a few bites of eggs and bacon I realized I hadn’t eaten anything the previous night. I dug in with a ravenous need to fill the void.

While we ate we tried to talk, making light conversation about anything other than the obvious subject.

Once we finished eating, Sarah started cleaning up while Bobby took me into the den. We made a list of things we needed to do to protect my interests and started the process of getting things in order for the newly defined existence that was forced upon me. Sarah joined us once the kitchen tasks were finished.

There was one task on the list that I dreaded more than any of the others, and as I saw Sarah I had a sudden inspiration of a way to avoid it.

“Sarah, I can’t thank you enough for breakfast. I really needed that.”

“Ben, I’m just happy to help.”

“You both are really awesome, but, Sarah, I need to ask for a huge favor.”

“Sure Ben! Anything!”

“Could you call my mother and our friends, especially those at church, and let them know? I don’t think I can bear the conversations and I don’t want them to find out through some unofficial grapevine.”

“Gosh, Ben, of course. Anything to help. But what should I tell them?”

I pondered my answer. “Please keep it simple. Let them know we don’t know the details of what all caused this until I sort it out. Ask my mother to tell the rest of the family. But please, ask them not to deluge me with calls. Tell Mom to give me 3 or 4 days. The others maybe a week or so. I can’t bear the thought of having the same conversation over and over again.”

“You know your mom! She’s going to make your dad bring her right over.”

“I know,” I replied. “But I don’t want them making the three-hour trip and I really can’t bear the thought of them being here right now. Can you convince her? Let her know you and Bobby have me for now?”

Sarah smiled. “I know your mom is pretty strong-willed, but I can be pretty assertive too.”

A little tear escaped as I forced an appreciative smile. “Thank you!”

Sarah pulled out her cell phone and left the room to take care of the burden I managed to unload on her. Well, maybe not totally unloaded, but at least delayed until I felt I could control myself.

Bobby and I spent most of the day going over the task list. Occasionally we talked about Megan, but he always took us back to our tasks if my emotions started to show through too much. I never noticed that Sarah was missing for several hours until she returned with dinner.

“Ben, Bobby, dinner time.”

I was surprised how the day flew by.

“Dinner? Have you been cooking all afternoon?”

“No. While you and Bobby talked I went home to pack a few things and then picked up some Chinese take-out.”

“Pack?”

“Bobby and I are staying for a few days.”

“You guys have lives of your own. You don’t need to do that.”

Bobby grabbed my shoulder in a forcefully friendly show of control. “Did we say you had a choice? We’re staying for a few days whether you like it or not.”

His friendly smile told me that the decision was made. I wanted to argue out of principle, but instead decided to accept their love and support.

Bobby and Sarah would have stayed for weeks if I let them, but I told them Sunday evening that they should go home and let me get used to my new household of one.

“Ben, are you sure? It’s no problem for us to stay.”

“Sarah, you two have been more helpful than you can imagine. But life moves on and so must I. Go home, sleep in your own beds, and you can pray for me, but don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.”

Bobby took more convincing. “Are you sure? No offense, but you’ve been a wreck.”

“Bobby! Ben has enough to worry about without you making things worse.”

I had to laugh at them quarrelling over how much help I needed. As women are known to do, Sarah took charge and ended the discussion.

“All right. We’ll leave tonight. But here’s how it’s going to be. You’re expected at our house every night for dinner. Be there by 6:30, or feel my wrath, Mr. Hawkins!”

“All right, Momma Sarah. I’ll obey, especially since I can’t cook worth a dang. You two know that I love you both, and can never hope to repay what you’ve done for me.”

Bobby reasserted his hold on my shoulder. “Friends don’t need to repay, they just need to be there when needed.”

Chapter 3. Alone with Questions

The first night alone after I left Sarah and Bobbies after dinner, the house seemed very quiet. I had no interest in TV. I decided to get out my old guitar to play and sing some of the songs I knew well. Music was always an important part of my life, and it brought me great comfort. I made this an evening ritual in my new existence.

Sure enough, Mom called exactly 36 hours after Sarah told her my wishes. I think she set a stopwatch to be sure no minute was wasted. I managed to fake strength and promised I’d come to see them in a few weeks. She started to call Megan a few choice names using uncharacteristic terms, and I had to calm her down.

“Mom, I don’t want you saying bad things about Megan. After all, I’m the one she abandoned.”

“Sure, Ben. But a momma bear protects her cubs.”

“The cub is grown up. Listen, I love your support and I need your prayers, but you guys should pray for Megan, too. Something tells me she’s chasing rainbows expecting to find treasure, and she’s going to be disappointed.”

“Oh, you’re right, dang it. I want to claw her eyes out, but I can see your wisdom shining through. I’ll be nice, and we’ll add her to our prayers.”

My brothers all called at different times on Thursday. All three sisters Skyped me together early Friday evening. Over the weekend a few friends made contact and I repeated the same story I’d grown to despise. Even so, I still really appreciated the support I was given.

On Saturday morning my pastor stopped by unannounced, but I really welcomed his visit. He helped me clear my thoughts and center my mind on how to move forward.

That evening I had my usual nightly dinner with Sarah and Bobby, but I sensed something different, a little off, about Sarah. She was really quiet, which was not like her at all. As Sarah served me a slice of sour cherry crumb pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream (she knew that was my favorite), she gave me a crooked little smile.

“I have something I need to tell you.”

“What’s wrong Sarah? You look like your dog died or something.”

She plopped in her chair with a bit of an anguished sigh. “Megan called me today.”

“Oh!” I fought the urge to attach uncomplimentary names to Megan. “How’d that go?”

Sarah put on the darkest face I’ve ever seen her wear. “I wanted to scream at her and give her some nasty pieces of my mind!”

I had to smile and shake my head. “I know that’s not like you. Not that I don’t appreciate where you’re coming from.”

Sarah gave a little laugh. Bobby chimed in “You’ve never seen Sarah really mad!” She gave him a playful smack. I was reminded again why I loved those two people!

“So, I guess I should ask what was on her cruel little mind.”

Sarah lightened up a bit at my reply. “It was really uncomfortable. I told her I felt like I didn’t really know her and didn’t believe she could hurt you the way she did. She begged me not to give up our friendship and wanted to have lunch with me next week to talk.”

Sarah looked at me waiting to see my reaction.

I considered what she said for a moment. “I think Megan is going to need a friend, and I know firsthand that you and Bobby are the best friends anyone could ask for.”

Sarah put her hand on mine with a thankful smile. Bobby didn’t look as willing to agree with Sarah.

“Guys,” he said. “I support Sarah and can see the bigger picture of how this should go. But I can’t forget what she’s doing to you, buddy. You’re my best friend and I can’t get past it, at least not for a while.”

“I get it Bobby, and you and I can put Megan’s picture on a dartboard and have some fun.” I forced an evil grin as he chuckled. “But for whatever reason Megan did this, and wherever her head is now, I think she’s going to need a friend like Sarah. I know I’m never going to trust Megan or feel the way I did before all this. But I will never stop caring about her and I want to see her figure this all out and find some happiness.”

My thoughts about Megan were making me mad at myself. One minute, I would want to hurt her twice as much as she hurt me. The next minute, I wanted to forgive and forget. My love for her wasn’t like a faucet that could be turned off. Pieces of love would always be there. I was certain that she and I would never be together again, but I wanted to get to the point where my response was to live well, and I couldn’t help wishing the same thing for her.

A little tear betrayed the depths of my emotions. “Sarah, please be her friend. If not entirely for her sake, please do it for me.”

Sarah climbed over and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You deserved much better!” she said with a few tears of her own.

“Yeah,” I said. “But this lug over here already has you!”

Bobby laughed. “Like I said Ben, you haven’t seen her when she’s mad!”

As we laughed, a question started to invade my thoughts. It was hanging over me like an ax ready to fall. I know what Megan said that night as she made her hasty retreat, but I was not that naive. Risking bringing the mood back down, I had to ask.

“Sarah… she’s not at her sister’s place… is she?”

The smile fell from her face. “No.”