Li remained there in his cabin until night had fallen and he felt the Gryphon move under sail again. He was deaf to the conclusion of the fighting and to anything that followed. All he could think of was the blood, of Ash, and of Ardlac dragging him once more to the Gryphon when he could have allowed Li to die and join his love in the Spirit Realm.

They had only been at sail a short time when Ardlac returned to the cabin. He hung his lantern on the wall and stood silently for so long that Li rolled over to face him. Ardlac stood just inside the door with his arms over his chest, staring at Li with a frown that suggested how little he thought of Li. His clothing was spattered with blood.

Li swallowed. "You could have allowed me to die."

"Bad luck to let your partner die when you could save him," Ardlac replied, his voice tight. "Especially when the dead one is a cuffer that earns the captain a decent payment and an extra share. He'd like a word with you. In his cabin."

Li did not expect it to be a pleasant conversation over dinner, but he wasn't certain that being admonished would make him feel any worse. He did, however, feel a sudden rush of fear.

"They whip sailors who fail at their duties on these ships, don't they?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Ardlac looked momentarily confused, but masked it and stepped aside to open the door. "Don't keep him waiting," was all he said.

Li reluctantly rose from the cabin's bunk and left the room. Ardlac closed the door firmly behind him. Taking a deep breath, Li made his way to the staircase. He heard much commotion from the common area, and some boisterous activities from the cabins he passed. He tried not to fear being abused for having a moment of confused panic so soon after the death of his lover. Perhaps if he swore to do better next time he wouldn't be punished too severely.

By the time he reached Captain Mond's cabin his hands were shaking. He took a deep breath and knocked on the closed door.

"Enter!" Captain Mond called.

Li did so, closing the door behind him. Mond sat at his desk, writing in a journal by the light of a swaying lantern hanging above him, the rings on his hands glittering as if freshly cleaned and polished. It was a moment before he looked up, but when he did he sighed and set his quil aside.

"I was told you failed to fight today," Mond said, almost conversationally. "That you froze at the sight of death. Many do when seeing death before them for the first time, but I suggest you become used to it. Many more instances will result in severe punishments. Everyone on this ship does battle, unless recovering from an injury that limits fighting ability. Even you."

Li nodded, relieved that it seemed severe punishment wasn't given on the first offense. "Yes, Captain."

"Yet, I seem to recall you are here for murder," Mond added. His chair creaked as he leaned back in it to better study Li. "I would not expect you to shy away from blood and death."

Li shook his head. He saw no reason to lie. The worst response Captain Mond could have would be not to believe him, or accuse the truth of being a lie. "I have seen blood and death before, but I have killed no one."

"There is no reason for you to lie, here," Mond replied with a chuckle, confirming Li's thoughts. "All of us here have killed." He must have seen something in Li's expression as he spoke, because his became gentler. "Sit down."

Li sat in the chair at Mond's desk, facing him. Instead of looking at the intimidating captain, however, he stared at the neat scrawl in the journal on the desk.

"You didn't actually commit murder, did you?"

The question was both gentle and offered no possibility for him to escape answering. Li swallowed and shook his head.

"Tell me what happened. It will not leave this room." Again, gentle but commanding. Compassionate, even, somehow.

Li swallowed again, unsure of how to begin and afraid of what would be thought of him. He reminded himself that relations between men were common on the Gryphon, according to what he had been told and witnessed.

"I became involved with a married man on whose estate I was working," he admitted. "We hid it for some time. His wife was cruel and domineering. They had been matched by their parents. Eventually, after nearly two years, he decided to end the marriage. He would be able to, as they had no children and they had genuinely attempted to have them. She had either learned the truth about us or simply guessed, however. She killed him. I assume when he told her she would soon need to leave. I found him."

He blinked back the tears in his eyes, forcing himself to continue staring at the desk. If he closed his eyes he would only see Ash laying on that bloodsoaked carpet.

"I believe she waited for me to find him," he went on, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. "I was holding him in my arms when they arrested me. She claimed she heard us argue and me kill him. I was covered in his blood, which was their evidence against me. She claimed I killed him because he ended our affair, so she knew."

"You didn't fight the charges?" Captain Mond asked, his voice surprisingly soothing.

Li shook his head. "I had no proof she had done it. And I didn't have any reason to fight. My world had been murdered and taken from me. Relations between men aren't acceptable, either."

"Perhaps out in the country they aren't," Mond replied, "but not so in the coastal cities." His chair creaked as he leaned forward on the desk, one elbow coming into Li's line of sight. "Why didn't they permit you a truth-seer?"

Li finally looked up at him. "A truth-seer?"

Mond's jaw tightened. "They ignored the law. Anyone accused of murder is permitted a truth-seer in addition to a judge to determine guilt. If they did not tell you that you were entitled to one, they failed in their duty in the law. A truth-seer would have seen your innocence, and if you had accused the wife in return, her guilt."

Li blinked silently for a moment, unsure what exactly he had done to deserve such a failure. Had they truly thought him so guilty because he had been weeping over Ash's body?

Captain Mond sighed. "We are bound to complete our cruise. It will be some time before we can bring you back to the courts to right the injustice they have done. I will speak on your behalf, however. It is an insult to my arrangement with the courts if they fill my crew with innocent landsmen given unfair trials."

Li wasn't certain he wanted to return to the courts. It would do little good for him, even if it did result in vengeance on Catanere. It would not change that his entire world had been Ash, and Ash would not be returned to life by any change in his verdict.

When he eventually returned to his cabin he attempted to crawl into this sliver of bunk without disturbing Ardlac. He did not succeed.

"I see he didn't toss you into the ocean," Ardlac muttered.

Li got himself settled facing the wall. He was too tired for conversation, and Ardlac was one of the last people he wanted to converse with.

"Next time, let me die," he replied. "It will do us both a favor."