《The Isekai Police: Hero Summonings are Overrated》36. Mischievous as a foxgirl

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The sun had begun to fall and the visitors from TOAL were all present in the large common room. Whether they sat or stood, they were each covered in something. Kai, Kazuma, and Ruby were dusted with foxtail fur, the young woman visibly more so than the others. Others were covered in hay, another few dirt, and one particularly unlucky volunteer…

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Seriously, how the hell did you get covered in manure when the residents here use toilets?” asked Kai.

“They’re not the only ones who live here, you know. There were some unwelcome visitors that I helped chase away, this family of magical pigs.” The young man shook his head and sighed. “And apparently they were smart enough to shove me on top of one of their turds.”

“One of their turds? Couldn’t you just wash it off?”

“What do you think makes them so magical?! Have you seen the size of their shits?! It’s almost as big as them!”

“Shit- I mean damn, sorry dude,” replied the teen. “What are you gonna do about it now?”

“Either ask the owner if I can take a hot shower when he gets here, or do it back in my room. He’s serving us dinner, and I don’t think anyone can keep their appetites with me in the same room as them.”

“Maybe you can ask one of the farmhands? I’ll let them know about your… predicament if I see any.”

“Thanks,” grumbled the young man before turning away.

Kai made his way back to the other side of the common room, where the rest of the visitors from

TOAL were waiting after having completed their tasks. They chose to give the young, manure-clad man a wide berth, while Kai was the only one brave enough to approach and hold a conversation with the unfortunate victim.

The teen tried to open himself up to making friends with the others, but something he couldn’t quite put his finger on kept him from being able to connect with the others.

That didn’t matter. Kai already had a friend, after all. He was fine with relegating everyone else to a background role in his life.

“Seriously, you three had it easy!” exclaimed one of those background noises. “We had to move hay around for the animals and do actual work! Seriously, that stuff is a lot heavier than it looks.”

“Well that’s because you all lack the delicate touch needed to care for a Kitsune,” haughtily replied Ruby, before letting out another sneeze.

“Yeah, I guess my face isn’t as delicate as yours.”

“Start moisturizing, that should help,” she said with a smile, before turning to Kai and his friend.

“So are you going to leave out how we only got tail brushing duty so they could keep a close eye on us?” asked Kai in a whisper.

“By the Seven Saints, obviously!”

“Seven saints?” slowly asked Kazuma.

“Oh right, it was an expression in the World I got dragged to. The place was pretty generic, as things went. Dark Lord this, become a spellsword that, kick his ass whatever. You know?”

“No,” the two said simultaneously.

“Well… I wonder when dinner’s going to be ready? I’m starving!”

After that, their conversation seemed to die down. The two young men who’d missed out on their adventures of a lifetime walked to a spot along the wall nobody was occupying and began talking amongst themselves.

“Hey Kai, thanks for dragging me out here.”

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“Hey, no problem, man! Did you find this place fun then? It wasn’t exactly an adventure.”

“We both knew it wouldn’t be,” Kazuma moped. “I just came here to hang out with you, and honestly that alone was pretty fun. The tails didn’t hurt either.”

“True, true. I just need to get outside once in a while or else I’ll start going insane.” The teen turned towards the door and looked on in confusion at what he saw outside. “Speaking of insane, are you seeing what I am?”

“You mean the bush with legs?”

“Uh huh.”

Before the two was just that; a large piece of shrubbery was quickly gliding across the ground on a pair of ethereally pale, lithe legs.

“If only I had a girl like that,” whispered Kazuma, eyes transfixed by the sight.

Kai jerked his head towards the Japanese man.

“I mean with those legs. I’m not really a fan of that much bush.”

“I really hope that pun was unintentional.”

“What pun?”

“Eh, nevermind. Hey Kazuma, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Hold on, you’re not actually thinking of getting a date with a walking shrub, are you?”

“What? No! This is our chance at getting some adventure! I mean, we have no clue what that thing is, and if it was a serious danger, then the farmhands definitely would’ve told us about it. So-”

“Let’s follow it!” whispered the Japanese man, immediately making his way towards the door.

Without another word, Kai followed his lead, nonchalantly walking right behind him towards the exit. Being both the newcomer and recluse respectively, they were paid little mind by the others and made it outside with none the wiser.

“So which way did it go?” asked Kai, right on Kazuma’s tail.

“This way!” replied his friend in excitement, immediately running off again towards the right.

It didn’t take long before they’d caught up with the walking bush again, which had slowed to a relaxed pace. When it, along with its two followers, left the range of the glowing lanterns surrounding the sanctuary, the shrubbery stopped in place. With a quick twirl, its greenery disappeared and what was left in its place was a white-haired Kitsune in long, flowing robes.

“Oh my god, she’s beautiful,” whispered Kazuma, wide eyes staring at the ethereal creature before them. “Why do you think she’s trying to sneak out? Maybe it’s for a secret rendezvous with an old lover who’s changed his mind about leaving her? Or maybe she’s looking for an adventure as well?”

“You’re too much of a romantic, it’s probably nothing that impressive.”

“Well you’re too pessimistic, Kai. And what do you mean I’m too romantic? I’m still following the no fornicating rule!”

“No, not like that! I mean you’ve got a really idyllic view of the world, and think everyone’s out having an adventure.”

“I mean, aren’t we having one now?”

The teen hesitated for a moment before replying. “I mean, yeah. But we were summoned by a portal so we’re owed this! But she’s just some random fox girl doing fox girl things.”

“Like magically disguising herself as a bush to sneak out?”

“Ok, fair. But I still think she just saw something shiny, or at most it’s just poachers.”

“But why would poachers be interested in the ones here? Wouldn’t there be Kitsune that are single they can find elsewhere?”

“I mean, that one farmhand did say that their tail fur is really valuable. Besides, Kitsune are seen as exotic here, and that means people who don’t deserve them will try to take them anyway. That’s life.”

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Kazuma carefully regarded Kai’s sulk before replying. “Shouldn’t they be more interested in us then? With us being from Earth and all.”

The teen digested his friend’s statement for a few seconds before letting out a small chuckle. “Yeah, they should be! Now come on, let’s figure out what she’s up to.”

It didn’t take long before the Kitsune started walking again, and came to a stop several minutes past the outer wooden fences surrounding Foxtail Sanctuary. The two following her stopped just short behind a bush on a grassy hill dotted with large rocks. This stop, however, wasn’t made to change the Kitsune’s disguise.

“For he whose heart yearns for the fairmost beauty in the circleform of this world, thine visage is divine nectar to my tongue!” came the soft voice of a man from the distance, carefully enunciating each and every syllable. “Seducer, nay, the true object of my achy bleeding heart, make thyself known so I may quench my thirst in the waterfall of your love!”

“What kind of shit love poetry is that?” Kai scoffed in a whisper.

“Even I could do a better job!” added Kazuma.

“As much as I have enjoyed our secret nighttime rendezvous, I yearn to spend more time with my dear!” finished the man.

“There’s no way she’s into poetry like that,” said the Japanese man. “Watch as she breaks up with him.”

“Oh my beloved! Of course, let us be together!” exclaimed the Kitsune, in a much deeper voice than either of his stalkers was expecting.

“I guess you were wrong,” said Kai with a confused look, more at the Kitsune’s reaction than his voice. “And I think that’s a guy.”

The fox man ran towards the stranger and embraced him in a tight hug.

“Damn, I wish I was him right now,” grumbled Kazuma. “Getting hugged by that Kitsune like that.”

“Shit man, I never knew you were into dudes too. You’ve only ever talked about what anime girls you’ve had a crush on, never any guys.”

“Huh, what do you mean? No I’m not.”

“But you just said you’re jealous of him! Do you mean you just want a fox girl to love you like that?”

“No, I mean him specifically.”

“And you say you’re not into dudes, when you’re into him. A fox dude.”

“Eh, it’s really because of how lithe the fox boy looks, it makes it really hard to tell the difference,” shrugged Kazuma.

“That’s still pretty gay, bro,” shot back the teen.

“No it isn’t!” replied the Japanese man, frustration growing in his raising voice. “Liking femboys doesn’t make you gay!”

“Nah, you’re right. It makes you bi,” laughed Kai.

“No it doesn’t! I’m into women! And sometimes men who look just like women…”

“You said you’re into men, that means-”

“You two really shouldn’t be sneaking around like that! You could get hurt,” replied the strange man with a grimace.

“Goddamn it Kazuma, you got us caught!” exclaimed Kai in frustration.

“Me? You’re the one who couldn’t let something so stupid go!”

“Hey, hey!” shouted the newcomer. “Who the hell are you two?”

“Uh, we’re just volunteers,” quickly said the teen. “We just got lost, but I think I see the way back! We’ll just be going now.”

His friend looked at him in disappointment. “Hey what gives, this is supposed to be an adventure. Why are you trying to get out of it?!” he angrily whispered.

“What are you two talking about over there?” asked the man, pointing an accusatory finger at the duo.

“We were just about to leave!” said Kai out loud, raising his hands in the air in supplication. While slowly backing away, he whispered to his friend. “An adventure isn’t worth it if we end up dead. So let’s get out of here and tell one of the farmhands what’s going on.”

“Hold on, don’t tell anyone please!” the man exclaimed, his grimace suddenly dropping for a pleading look. “I just wish to be with my beloved, and I have the means and motivation to take care of him! I won’t abandon him like how many other Kitsune here have!”

“Oh, alright then,” suspiciously replied the teen, slowly lowering his hands. “How do human-Kitsune pairings work in the long-term anyway? I mean, if you really can make it work, then why not talk to the owner? He seems like a cool guy, he’d be into letting you take care of him. And you seem pretty serious about this too, so I don’t see why he’d say no…”

Kai’s rant was interrupted by an angry glare from the man. He raised his left hand and snapped his fingers. Immediately, a pair of lantern lights shined on the two. Behind the lamps were two other men, each dressed in brown leather armor and holding drawn bows.

They let loose their arrows, the first nicking Kai’s cheek and the other ripping open the skin on Kazuma’s shoulder.

“It couldn’t be easy, could it?!” angrily exclaimed the man.

“Hey, what’s going on?!” shouted the Kitsune. “I’m going to get help!”

“Oh no, you don’t! If you try to run foxy, I’m burning this entire sanctuary down!”

The fox man froze in place and let out a faint squeak, but nothing more.

“What the hell is going on?!” exclaimed Kazume. “Who are you people?!”

“What do you think, idiot? We’re poachers!”

The Japanese man slowly looked over at Kai with a low-simmering anger. Not at him, the teen realized, but at how he was right about what they were getting themselves into. All he could offer was an embarrassed smile in apology.

“I worked so damn hard to seduce this guy to bring him back to my employer,” continued the poacher. “Writing and performing shitty love poetry for this animal, and it was all for waste because you idiots just had to show up and ruin everything! I should kill you two right now, but I’ve got a job to do, and I don’t want to give you a reason to start really screaming if my archers miss.”

“So that means-” began Kazuma.

“That first hit was just a warning shot. I guarantee you that even if by some miracle they miss the second shot, I promise you they won’t miss the third.”

That quieted the two.

While his friend fidgeted in place, Kai’s adrenaline-fueled mind went into overdrive. Would those poachers actually let them go once the ringleader got far enough away? The teen didn’t know whether the World he was in was classified as Fairytale or Noblebright, so there was no way for him to tell. TOAL probably wasn’t stupid enough to send everyone to a Gilded World or worse for a field trip, but Kai wasn’t going to leave things to chance. Especially not when his life was on the line.

So the teen would have to do something about the archers taking aim at him and his friend. Those warning shots were incredibly accurate; injuring the two without hurting enough to make them scream. That took skill. Or Skill, granted to them by whatever System was present in this World. Why couldn’t he have something to even things out? Wait, he did!

Kai closed his eyes and let the flashing memory of the rune float into his vision. Fehu. It was his ticket out of this! He could perform the shrink-throw-enlarge trick to take out the two archers, which would let everyone get away. Even the fox man, who’s only being kept by threat of words rather than an actual weapon. But the teen wouldn’t be able to pull off the trick without ammo, or the two archers noticing and filling him with holes.

Well, there were plenty of large rocks in the area, two in particular close enough to get to in an instant. That was one problem down, but another to go.

“Oh god, I never should’ve gone on this field trip,” mumbled Kazuma.

The two archers immediately turned their attention towards him, aiming their weapons right at his head. The ringleader also turned his head and growled at him to keep quiet.

Kai’s eyes narrowed. So they were easily distracted, it seemed. And that was part two of everything he needed. It was time to put things together and get the hell out of here.

“Hey, fox guy!” exclaimed the teen. “Did you really fall in love with this guy? Did he really mean that much to you?”

“Yes, I did fall in love!” he wistfully replied. “I still remember my favorite poem of his, ‘a gray, dreary life turned asunder by the sun’s glorious light reflecting off my vibrant white fur!’”

“Shut up!” shouted the ringleader. “I hated that one the most!”

Both archers turned their attention, and aim, at the fox man.

“What do you two idiots think you’re doing?! We need him alive! That’s what we’re getting paid for!”

While the group was distracted, Kai bent over the large rocks next to him and readied the mental image of the rune. He’d just need to scribble it down, and… he didn’t have any ink. No pens, pencils, nothing!

As he was ready to start cursing himself out, he felt something warm slide down his cheek. He wiped at it, and his hand came back red. Blood.

Without wasting any more time, the teen quickly brushed his wet fingers on the two rocks and said the magic word. The two stones condensed in on themselves into a pair of silvery spheres, which Kai quickly picked up and threw at the archers.

“Fehu!” shouted Kai as the orbs left his hand with the velocity of a speeding baseball, turning them back into their original forms.

Before either poacher could turn back towards the teen, they were each struck by the speeding boulder, and thrown several feet back with the sound of crunching flesh and bone.

Everyone present at the scene remained silent for several seconds, trying to process what just happened.

“Oh god, did I kill them?!” hoarsely whispered Kai as his muscles tightened. He’d fought before, but the worst thing he’d ever done to someone was dislocate their jaw or break a bone or two. He’d never done… this.

“Dammit,” growled the ringleader, turning towards the teen with a baleful glare. “I don’t have time to check on them now kid, but I promise you, I’ll be the one killing you!”

Kai and Kazuma were frozen where they stood, unable to take even a single step as the man slowly approached them with a knife drawn. He’d shoved the fox man to the side as his seething rage was directed at only one unfortunate target.

“Maybe I should thank you for letting me keep all of the money for myself, but I have to finish up their jobs now. And I’ll… be… starting… with… yo-”

A loud bang resounded from atop the hill and the remaining poacher’s legs stopped moving. The rest of his body continued forward, and continued several feet before falling to the ground at Kai’s feet. The man let out a rough groan.

“Gotta love ‘em shoot-on-sight laws for poachers, huh?” shouted the sanctuary’s owner, cocking the hunting rifle in his hands.

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