(Continued from part 98; Aylem, tent city at Black Falls)

"I'm done eating, Emily." I was so hungry, the sandwich had vanished into my stomach before I realized I had eaten the whole thing. I took a sip of tea. "You better tell me what you need to tell me so I can stop pretending I'm calm."

She let out a huge sigh and collapsed into herself, and then looked at me. That look coalesced and focused on me until I couldn't look away. "First, I w...would like you to make me a promise that no matter w...what, you w...will not run away again."

"What?"

"Promise me. It's the entire reason those damn gods woke me up in the middle of the night. The most important thing y...you can do today is not leave this tent city."

"Emily?"

"Do you trust me? Trust me on this, w...when today is over, you w...will be happy that you made this promise to me."

"I?...is?...I..." I was suddenly more frightened than I could remember being.

"Aylem, I can't stop you if you get up and w...walk away. No one here can. The only thing I can do is ask y...you to get through today, here, in Black Falls. No one will die. No one w...will get hurt. The army loves you. To the populace of the kingdom, y...you're their goddess right now for having defeated the Impotuans. You worked a real-life miracle w...with Senlyosart yesterday. All I'm asking is a promise you'll not leave."

She tilted her head to one side and studied me, "take a deep breath, Jane Paxton. Hold it for a slow count of ten and then let it out, just like Ud taught y...you. Come on, I know you can do it." She gave me a confident lopsided smile. I did as she asked and felt my head stop spinning and my heart stop pounding.

"I think you know w...without knowing w...what follows, don't you?" Emily looked at me with sympathy. "There is no w...way this won't be difficult."

I could see the shape of what was coming at me and Emily was right. I wanted to be far far away.

"Promise?" she asked with just the tiniest hint of impatience.

"Why is this so important right here and right now?" Why couldn't I put this off until I'm ready?

"It's simple," Emily explained with some personal pain, "because what you decide to do right now w...will affect millions of lives. It's why five gods decided to wake me up from a sound sleep to ruin the rest of my life. It's simple and it's hard, Aylem. You can take the easy w...way out, doom millions and tick me off at you for the rest of your existence; or you can do the correct but hard thing, promise me you w...will stay here today, save the future that the gods want to create for all sapient creatures, and let your daughter say hello to you this afternoon. I can explain the details later because it w...will take time to explain. Just promise me?"

As I looked at her, with my stomach turning over with fear and my hands in my lap so she couldn't see them shaking, I saw her briefly close her eyes. In that half a breath, I saw fatigue flash across her face along with fear and deep grief. Then it was gone, but I was left with the certainty that the burden she was carrying was greater than any of my own problems. I could not deny that the gods had once again touched her and what they required of her had taken her even further from the future she wanted for herself.

"I'm not ready to see my daughter, Emily," I finally admitted. "I can't...I can't..."

"You can and you will," Emily replied sorrowfully and sighed. "It will happen and it will be today. Kamagishi has seen it. It's an immutable event. We can't stop it but we have done all we can to make it easier for you. So, promise me?" She didn't stutter once.

"Yes, I promise. If Kamagishi has seen it, I can not escape it."

"Take her kite flying," Emily suggested. "Bet she has never been."

"Kite flying? There are no kites in..." I stopped when I saw Emily's grin aimed right at me.

"Emily," I could barely believe it, "you introduced kites?"

"W...while staying at the Shrine of Giltak," she beamed with satisfaction. "They're everywhere now." She got up and walked across the tabletop to me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and hugged me. I hugged her back and wept out all my fears and hurts and regrets, sobbing like a child. Asgotl walked up behind me and rested his beak on my other shoulder and wrapped a wing around the three of us, hiding my sobbing face from sight. I did not deserve these two and all the forgiveness they had given me, especially in the face of Emily's ongoing disability which I had caused.

I don't know how long it was that we were like that together. The fifth bell rang and I became aware that the guards at the entrance to the encampment had barred several people from entering. I dried my eyes and cast quick healing on my face so there would be no traces of a drippy nose and red eyes.

"We should move on or at least move elsewhere," I said. "I believe the guards are keeping people out so we could have some time to ourselves.

"Is Imstay a...wake yet?" Emily sat back down on the tabletop.

I snooped and saw Imstay trying to drag himself awake, sitting at the conference table, rubbing his head as if he hadn't had enough sleep. "Well, his eyes are open and he is sitting upright."

"Usruldes?" Emily asked.

"Heading this way with your sandwich, which you will now eat, young lady," Asgotl said in a voice that would not take no for an answer.

"My life has turned into a disaster," she dropped her head into her hands and moaned. "Alright, here's what I w...would like you to do, for now, Jane. You should attend the meeting with Imstay but do not accept any obligations or things to do this afternoon or evening. Your afternoon and evening are for your family."

"Emily, I am the Queen and I do have..."

"No, I'm pulling rank on you today, Aylem. And from my point of view, taking care of y...you and your family this afternoon and evening is the same thing as taking care of the whole world."

The look she gave me was formidable and as solid as the Marble Arch. It was a look that allowed me no room. The touch of the gods was still burning within her eyes and I could not defy her.

I realized suddenly that she knew it too and was consciously using that authority with no small skill and all her stubbornness. Just what had the gods done to her this time?

"Asgotl, w...will you ask Imstay King to please speak w...ith me before his meeting starts?" Emily requested.

"You will eat?" he butted her with his beak.

"Yeth, dear," she lisped at him with an annoyed face and goofy voice, as if he nagged her often. Given this was Asgotl, he probably did nag her, just like he sometimes nagged me.

Usruldes tilted his head as Asgotl walked past him and then got the back of his head swatted by Asgotl's tail. Emily chuckled.

"Your mid repast, Great One," he said in a monotone.

"Sorry, friend, for snapping at you earlier," she slumped and looked at him apologetically with big eyes. "I w...w...was a little stressed."

"Still are," he said and then he visibly relaxed. "Warmed your food up for you."

"Can you tell the guards it's safe to let the meeting attendees in?" she asked. "Oh, and the Queen should attend the meeting. Then she should hang out here until I return. She w...will probably be climbing the tent w...walls so can you show her how to fly the kite? She hasn't flown one in a very long time."

"I do have my own duties to take care of, you know," he folded his arms, "as well as filling in for Garki, who is still asleep with a stupid smile on his face." He looked down and thought for a moment, "lucky kid." He looked up, "I have taken care of the meeting attendees at the gate."

"I can help with filling in for Garki," I volunteered.

"No, you can't, Great One," Usruldes contradicted. "It is not meet for you to do so." He tended to get very formal when he disagreed with royalty.

"I find that I have a sudden need to be distracted and I am offering to help, you thick-brained over-bred stubborn person," I pointed out.

A very tall, stout --- not fat --- silverhair, even taller than most high priestesses, approached and made full kneeling obeisance, "may the blessings of the eleven gods be upon you, Great Ones." She was in a plain lilac-colored work dress, a full-length work apron, and her hair was up in a kerchief. I knew I had seen her somewhere before this.

"And upon you," I replied. "Please rise. Your face is very familiar but I am embarrassed to confess that I can't place it right now."

Emily looked between the two of us and also at Usruldes, who was standing so still as to almost be unnoticeable. The woman was taller than Usruldes, who was the tallest man I knew. She might be taller than Lisaykos even, and Lisaykos was the second tallest in the Convocation.

I didn't get to complete what I was saying because Imstay arrived at the table. Before he could do or say anything, Emily pointed at him, "let me grab your collar, Imstay King, because w..we need to talk for just a moment, in private."

"For the inventor of that wonderful new beverage, anything, lovely lady," he pulled out the charming behavior, like usual. He sat her on his arm and the two of them vanished off to an empty part of the royal encampment. I was sure she was filling him in and asking him to make sure I stayed put while the conspirators brought my daughter to me. Just thinking about it made my stomach clench. Maybe I could fake being sick? No, that wouldn't fool anyone. In this world, I never even got sick.

"Sorry," Usruldes said to the silverhaired lady, "I know you would like to harass the King and me a bit more for what we have done to your family but we have some crisis-level crises to take care of today. Save it up for later and I will be pleased to deliver up another opportunity for you to take out a little more retribution upon us for our sins."

"I can't tell if you're joking or not, not with that fool mask on your face, you miserable reprobate," she addressed Usruldes in a very familiar tone as if they had known each other for years.

"For the record, Lord," he said in a lofty tone, "I can hardly be a reprobate since I have never been incarcerated nor have I needed rehabilitation for past deeds of ill repute, given that I have never committed any."

"That we know of," Lisaykos said as she walked up. "Did you know, Lord Gunndit, that this agent of the King called me a beaky squawk this morning?"

"No, the nerve!" She then turned to me. "Figure it out yet, Great One?" Katsa haup Gunndit winked at me.

"Yes, now that you and your mother are side by side, I see the resemblance," I admitted. "I don't think I've seen you in about four years."

"Before we start to chat," Lisaykos interrupted and walked up to me. She placed her hand on my cheek and frowned. Then she sat down and hugged me tight, "it will be alright, Aylem, I promise." I hugged her back and started crying again. Lisaykos was another one whose forgiveness I didn't deserve.

"I promised Fassex and Emily I would take good care of you and I will do so," she leaned her forehead against mine. "You will get better. Do you want me to stay with you while you wait?"

"Are you together enough to come to the meeting, Aylem?" Imstay's voice said from behind me.

"Can you give me a moment to compose myself?" I asked, sounding a lot more confident than I felt.

"Of course," he took my hand and kissed it. Then he winked at me. What a ham.

"Where's Emily?" I asked.

"She and Asgotl have some errands to run," Imstay replied. I looked around and noted that Katsa and Usruldes were herding the meeting attendees away from us and into the royal pavilion.

"Katsa knows about Usruldes?" I asked Lisaykos. "When did she find out? And how?"

"It's quite an amusing story," Lisaykos smiled and looked up at Imstay. "I'll tell you after the meeting."

Imstay groaned. Then he paused and looked at me, "I would let you skip the meeting, since pretending that you're all together when you aren't is difficult, but Emily did not give me that option. I'm sorry." He looked at the ground for a moment, thinking. "Would you like to walk in with me? I think it might be a good move for you."

"How?" I asked. My mind was a morass of pessimistic notions, all of them conjectures of my fears. "I'm the reason for this war. How can people not blame me? I..."

Lisaykos flicked her finger against my forehead painfully, "stop it, Aylem." She grabbed my shoulders. "Was it you who mobilized 80,000 soldiers to invade, destroy and pillage? Was it you who raped the Coyn in Uldlip? Was it you who burned a shrine? You may have been absent but this war was not your intent."

Imstay crouched next to me: "When someone falls down, you can choose to help them up or you can kick them and stomp on them and then steal their belt and pouch. You fell down but they chose to start a war and kick us while you were down. You are not at fault for this war."

He took my hand and stroked it with his thumb. "I would cancel this meeting if I could but there are too many captains and priestesses and craftmasters who have not yet gotten the entire story on Ud or what she was sent to do, courtesy of Sassoo. I dare not put this off any longer."

I nodded my head while working on regaining my composure.

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