The lamps turned on; throughout the shabby island the flames of battle burned within the hearts of the warriors throughout the land.

Foxly’s army unknowingly marched to their death, clubs and spears in hand.

Atop his massive throne carried by a dozen shamans sat an anxious frogman sloshing a bowl of soup around like expensive wine.

Crown and Bromy observed the small legion moving towards Edgeonia.

As Foxly’s throne moved closer, John’s base came into view.

Foxly’s army began bashing the gates to John’s quarry with entire benches, the wood taking only a dozen or so hits before it splintered into bits.

Moments later Crown and Bromy charged out from their base, using roots and geese to move quicker, JohnWillStab’s army attacked Foxly from the front as Bromy and Crown attacked from the back.

The frogman atop the throne shook in his seat.

It wasn’t Foxly.

The real Foxly was smugly sitting in his castle of dirt and benches.

He grinned as he snapped his fingers, setting off the explosive seals as all of John’s base as well as Foxly’s castle were engulfed in smoke and flames, all this was observed by John from the ruins of Crown’s base, sitting atop a pile of ashes.

The smoke and the scent of flames spread around, Foxly’s castle crumbled revealing the salty-looking corpse of Foxly.

From the ruin of John’s base flew out chunks of people from both groups.

“I’m a little insulted he didn’t expect me to expect him to use a decoy…” John thought smugly.

John placed some of Foxly’s seals around Foxly’s base at last night.

Before he could celebrate his victory JohnWillStab was shocked to feel a deep, loud rumbling in the distance.

“What the hell?!” he asked, he turned back seeing Bonifacius sitting in a rocket made from dirt and benches as it slowly rose from the ground and began flying up to the sky.

“…”

JohnWillStab observed Bonifacius obtain the scientific victory as from around the hill appeared big, two-legged death robots made from benches and dirt.

“Ok, the castle was a stretch, but A FUCKING ROCKET?!” John cried as a dirt-laser was shot from one of the robots towards John.

JohnWillStab looked up to Bonifacius seeing that he wasn’t celebrating his victory, he looked rather panicked.

“Don’t tell me…”

JohnWillStab shadow-stepped past the giant death robots and saw it, a massive computer with bench-wires coming to and from massive dirt generators.

“Bonifacius complete dirt AI!” John exclaimed as he fell to his knees.

“I forgot about the tech…”

“If you leave a civilization unchecked and let them develop their tech, you won’t stand a chance!” John realised as he saw it.

The ground opened up revealing a strange mechanical device.

John gasped.

“The dirt inter-dimensional portal!”

From inside appeared creatures that vaguely resembled humans, they were made from dirt and benches.

In their hands, they held stun-batons and futuristic dirt-and-bench launchers.

JohnWillStab lowered his head, he accepted his faith as the sound of bullets came from behind him.

He turned back only to see a man with a goatee and glasses wearing a suit designed to withstand hazardous environments made from dirt and benches.

He carried a crossbow, crowbar, pistol, machinegun, grenades and rocket-launcher and stacks of ammo on his back.

He tossed the gun aside as from he produced a strange gun-like object that emitted a faint orange glow.

“G-Gordon?” John asked as the man lifted him with his gravity gun and shot him to safety saying nothing.

JohnWillStab landed against the walls of Foxly’s burning base causing him to pass out.

When John opened his eyes, he saw Crown, Bromy, Foxly, Bonifacius and the rest standing before him.

“Are you alright…?” Crown asked sounding audibly irate after John’s betrayal.

“G-Gordon Dirtman! He was here!” John exclaimed.

The group exchanged a concerned look before Alex kneeled down beside John.

“Who’s Gordon Dirtman?” asked Alex.

JohnWillStab’s eyes widened as a feeling of nausea came over him.

“Oh no! The archbishop of gluttony got him too!” John cried slamming his fists into the ground.

“…”

“…”

“Do you mean the guy from the game?” Bromy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Everyone went silent for a few seconds.

“…Yeah…” John nodded.

“…”

“John, he’s a fictional character… You must have been seeing things,” Bromy explained.

John took a deep breath.

“Yeah… you’re probably right…” he nodded.

“I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE, GORDON!” John thought, his faith unwavering.

“Now then, shall we figure out a way to leave this prison island?” Bonifacius asked.

“Yeah, I’m running out of shit to destroy…” Bromy replied.

“Can’t you just build a dirt-rocket again?” Alex asked.

Bonifacius shook his head.

“Such an act wouldn’t work well within the plot,” Bonifacius explained waving his hand dismissively.

“Is that really the best excuse we could get?” Revenberry asked.

“Honesty is the key to good relations!” Bonifacius exclaimed.

“Bluntness is a great way to expose one’s organs!” Bromy added.

As the group headed towards the most intact quarry, that being Bromy’s one, Lorb leaned in towards John and whispered: “I saw it too,” before placing a finger to his lips and catching up to the others.

John’s eyes lit up, perhaps Gordon Dirtman was out there somewhere.

No, he was definitely out there somewhere; somewhere where people needed a silent protagonist with endless storage and the ability to survive a rocket to the face but not standing around in knee-deep water on the beach.

God’s speed Gordon.

JohnWillStab followed the group back to Bromy’s base when a loud bang could be heard.

The group went over to inspect the source of the noise and saw a massive wooden bridge was just brought down onto the island from the distant land.

On the bridge marched an army of armoured people riding what looked like massive, sabre-toothed rabbits.

In the front of the army, sitting on the back of a white rabbit was the Thief.

“I HAVE COME TO LIBERATE… YOU…” she looked at the destruction around the base and breathed a sigh seeing that she was too late, the L.F.T.O guild already killed off everyone inside.

“Oh shit… I’m too late…”