"And our next fighter...!" Malagmus exclaimed gesturing towards the tent from which emerged the next fighter, he wore blue overalls and an orange shirt.

On his head a yellow hardhat.

Messy brown hair and an unshaven face.

In his mouth was a cigarette, he had massive bags under his eyes, he looked like Bromy from about ten minutes ago.

"A master carpenter and two-time divorcee, the crippled alcoholic,"

"Bob the Builder-er!" Malagmus put emphasis on the second 'er' for legal reasons.

Bob looked around with his blank stare,

"Can we fix it?..." his eyes began to water.

"No... no, we can't..."

The crowd looked awkwardly as Bob collapsed to the ground and began violently sobbing.

"O-ok... and his opponent is..." Malagmus gestured towards the tent once more.

Out from the tent walked out a man wearing poorly applied makeup and a dress.

"His x wife! Or at least a representation... since the actual one didn't get isekaid..."

The battle was long and difficult but eventually, bob gained the upper hand and successfully hung himself.

"..."

"..."

The crowd applauded the man in the dress.

"...Hold on... I won?" he asked.

"That's right! Next round you'll be fighting the next contestant, Timothy the neck-snapper!"

"..."

"Fuck that," the man removed the wig and tossed it to the ground before removing Bob from the noose and hanging himself too.

"The fact they can respawn kind of takes away from the impact, y'know..." Bromy remarked.

"Yeah, well we're not all psychopaths here so..." Crown sighed.

"I dunno most of us are here to see the blood..." Bromy replied.

"And... uhh... alright, well - we'll be back after the ad-break!" Malagmus said stepping away from the fighting zone and walking behind the tent.

"Ad break?" asked Crown.

In the centre of the arena a hooded figure manifested, the grass wilted all around and the sky went dark as they spoke in an echoing voice.

"This tournament was sponsored by Raid Shadow L-"

Meanwhile, Malagmus was making his way towards Bromy.

"Bromy, buddy!"

"No," Bromy said coldly.

"Ach! I didn't even ask you anything!"

"...fine... what do you want?" he asked.

Malagmus let out a sigh.

"Look, I expected Bob to last a bit longer, I'm in a little bit of a pickle here!" Malagmus began in a shaky tone with a forced smile.

"..." Bromy's expression soured even more.

"I can resurrect Bob if you want," Bromy replied.

"That's not what I mean, we need a new contestant!" Malagmus continued.

"..."

"..."

Bromy pretended to consider Malagmus' proposal for a second.

"Yeah, no," he replied.

"COME ON, MAN! I promised Abby a good fight!" Malagmus pleaded.

"Nope,"

Malagmus grabbed Bromy by the collar and in a hushed tone exclaimed: "She'll wring my spine like a sponge and that fucking hurts!"

Bromy pushed Malagmus aside.

"Have some dignity for once!" Bromy said looking at him with a mix of pity and disappointment.

Malagmus let out a sigh.

"Oh ok, guess I'll just go hang myself too," Malagmus said with a morbid smile.

"Woah! Relax! I'm sure we'll be able to reason with the ogre!" Crown assured him, unlike Bromy, Crown wasn't one to passively watch someone hang themselves, at least between rounds.

Malagmus turned to face her,

"Thanks for the reassuring words, random child, but alas I have been abandoned by my former friend!" Malagmus began.

"What the fuck did he just call me?" Crown thought.

"Don't listen to him, Crown! He's trying to trick you!" Bromy warned.

"Maybe I'll just jump from here... it's about two meters... no.. that won't kill me..." Malagmus sighed.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dagger.

"Could you at least do it for me?" he asked handing Bromy the dagger.

Bromy rolled his eyes, not taking the dagger.

Malagmus let out a sigh before he placed the dagger in his pocket.

Malagmus began his zombie-like walk away from Bromy.

Crown looked at Bromy with a look of disappointment as she crossed her arms.

"What!?" Bromy asked.

Crown caught up with Malagmus.

"Hey, I'm not sure what's up between you and Bromy, but if you want I can try taking part in the competition," she offered.

"Really? Are you sure?" Malagmus asked still not facing Crown.

"Sure, why not... I want to try out my goose abilities anyway!" she assured him.

Malagmus spun around revealing a devilish grin as he held back laughter.

"Good!"

Crown immediately knew she should have listened to Bromy's advice and left Malagmus be.

"..."

Malagmus began to laugh like a villain.

"AHA! MY SPINE IS SAFE!" he screamed.

He snapped back towards Crown.

"You're up after the next fight! Good luck!" he patted her on the shoulder before heading down to the fighting area once more.

Crown turned to Bromy who tried to stop himself from displaying the smug smile saying "I told you not to listen to him..."

Crown let out a sigh and walked back to her seat sitting down beside Bromy.

"..."

"..."

Bromy tried coughing as a distraction from the bouts of laughter that kept escaping him.

"..."

"...alright... maybe you were right..." she sighed.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Bromy fell back, no longer able to contain his laughter.

"YOU FUCKING FELL FOR IT!" he cried.

"W-well! What if he actually killed himself!" Crown argued.

"Y-yeah, I..." Bromy tried to contain his laughter.

"I doubt that's a problem..."

Crown raised an eyebrow.

"How so?" she asked.

Bromy crossed his arms.

"Because despite the fact he's a total idiot, he discovered the potion of immortality... for better or for worse..." Bromy explained.

"Immortality?!" Crown demanded.

"Yeah, the moderators kept trying to ban him for it, but allegedly the game devs themselves kept unbanning him," Bromy shrugged.

"Maybe Lorb always wanted an immortal idiot in his isekai world," he joked.

Crown let out a long sigh.

"No... that's not it..."

"If he's immortal..."

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE I AGREED TO TAKE PART IN THE TOURNAMENT!?" she demanded.

Bromy shrugged, "Well, since you're such a nice person I guessed you'd want to help Malagmus," he said smugly.

"Naturally a psychopath like myself that comes to an arena to see people fight wouldn't comprehend the depth of your kindness..." Bromy said with exaggerated hand gestures.

"..."

"..."

"You can be a real asshole, you know that, Bromy?"

"What can I say, it's part of my character," he shrugged with a smug expression.