《Binary Progression》Volume 4 - Chapter 30: XPhaxX
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"And then the blond lad with the funny hair put Eric into this weird illusion!" Ed exclaimed before drinking another gulp of beer.
Having strangers listen to John's achievements made him feel great but when it came to people he knew, it felt awkward.
"Damn, I was wondering how this shut-in got this many friends!" exclaimed the Thief.
The room fell silent and quizzical stares came from all directions.
"Because he's pretending to be cool!" she exclaimed prompting a few of the inn's denizens to chuckle.
"That was blunt..." John remarked, despite her comment, he was having fun, John, Ed and the Thief were sitting at the inn, chatting about everything from the past to their plans when it came to professions.
"So, do you guys have any plans? Any friend of John's is welcome in Levelgreen, though I doubt you'd be interested in a shabby town like this!" Ed laughed.
"Well, I kind of ended up joining a guild, they said I'd have to wear this mini-robe thing with a little jGuardian logo..." John sighed.
"I dunno... I mean hanging around with John is fun, but I do plan to have a life outside of bullying him!" the Thief exclaimed jokingly.
"Hmm, well, what class are you?" asked Ed.
"Dagger and some magic stuff!" she exclaimed.
"Oh shit!" John turned to face her.
"You picked daggers too!" he exclaimed.
"Of course, I always wanted to be the stabby kind on earth, but I was a good thief, not a good fighter!" she exclaimed.
The fire in the back of the inn crackled as they continued drinking, slowly the sun rose outside, they didn't even notice it until the birds began chirping.
"Oh, man, it's day already!" Ed exclaimed.
Outside the sound of an unfamiliar person exclaimed "Hello? Is anybody here?"
"Oh, a newcomer!" Ed exclaimed standing up from his chair.
He was about to go and greet this newcomer when XPhaxX poked his head in through the door of the inn.
"Aha! People!" he exclaimed.
A short yet spiky-haired man appeared, his hair was dark brown and his eyes were a light-amethyst colour.
What looked like a start to a beard clung to his chin.
He wore a leather vest over a bland cream-coloured tunic.
"Greetings! Welcome to Levelgreen! What brings you here?" Ed asked.
"Well, I was hoping I could set up shop here, you guys wouldn't need a max-level blacksmith, would you?" he asked casually stretching.
"Of course we would!" Ed exclaimed, the entire building went silent for a solid thirty seconds before someone spoke up.
"DID YOU SAY MAX LEVEL!?" demanded a wolfman in the back, he looked like he was trying to recreate a certain Shiba-Inu from the internet.
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"Well, duh... as soon as I got isekaid I put my plan into action, I could grind and risk my life, but I could also not do that until I'm fully equipped," he replied.
"Naturally I also had a plan for if the mobs didn't respawn and I would be forced to grind them out before the XP runs out in the world," he added.
"Naturally, I also had a plan in case I was the only one iseakaid..."
"What didn't he have a plan for?!" thought John.
"A- w- o- off course! Off course we'd like to have a max level blacksmith in our town! I would have thought it would take months for someone to reach level one-hundred blacksmithing!" Ed laughed nervously.
"One hundred? The max level for professions is two-hundred and fifty-five..." XPhaxX replied.
Everyone except John and the Thief were in awe.
"Anyway - I was thinking, there's this one place with eatable slimes!" John exclaimed turning to the Thief.
"Eatable slimes?... I'm in!" the Thief exclaimed.
"Wait, what level are you?" asked John.
"Six..." she replied with a shrug.
"...yeah, we definitely need you to level up..." John exclaimed.
"Whatever you say..." she said drinking more of their now tolerable booze.
"Wait, what level are you then?" she asked.
"I'm level twenty-seven," John replied smugly.
"Nice!" she exclaimed.
"I know right!? I died a few times to get there though, not to mention I had to fight a few players, they drop a load of XP!" John continued.
Before the Thief could comment on John's statement, XPhaxX butted in.
"So you're one of the player-killers?"
John turned back to face him.
"It was in self-defence, don't worry about it..." John assured him.
"So an undead is going around killing players and nobody's questioning it?" he asked.
"How did he realised I'm undead?!" thought John.
"Judging from your expression you'd like to know how I figured it out? Well, that's quite simple!" he began before pushing his glasses up, he didn't wear glasses, he just did the finger motion associated with pushing up one's glasses.
"Your drink," he explained pointing over to John.
John looked at his drink.
"What indication of undeath does my drink have on me?!" he thought.
"Judging from the empty bottles on the table, you drank six bottles of ale, now, seeing as the big fellow sat next to you, it would be logical to assume you all drank two each, but the armoured guy and the girl have some red on their face, but not you!" he exclaimed.
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"That's... ehh.. well-" John was stumbling over his word but XPhaxX continued talking.
"Furthermore, you held your drink this entire time, clearly stressed about me discovering your secret without the surface waving from your heartbeat!" he exclaimed.
"You're also not sweating and you have white skin which would make the widened blood vessels from the alcohol more visible... but it doesn't."
JohnWillStab let out a sigh.
"Alright, you got me..." he sighed, "I'm not a zombie or anything - I just picked the undead as a race!" he shrugged.
XPhaxX looked at him suspiciously.
"Yes, I can assure you, JohnWillStab is a saviour of this town if anything!" Ed exclaimed.
"So then, mister undead..." XPhaxX began.
John's hand discretely hovered over his dagger.
"Let me ask you this one question..."
John could feel the tension in the air.
"If Art*as' horse was called 'invincible' then why could everyone see it?" he asked hiding a grin.
JohnWillStab looked at him with a look of confusion.
"What?"
"The horse was called 'invincible' - how come could everyone see it?" he asked.
For those unaware, this is the equivalent of a knock-knock joke for MMO trolls... like a level one joke.
Refined like strong alcohol through levels of irony.
It's not funny, that's what makes it funny, which makes it no longer funny, which makes it even funnier, and so on...
The joke, isn't funny.
"Because... it was bad at hiding?" asked the confused John.
XPhaxX looked at him for a solid thirty seconds before he couldn't keep a straight face, he burst into laughter, then fell to the ground.
"YOU GOT ME!" he exclaimed between bouts of hysterical laughter.
"THAT WAS THE DEFINITION OF AN ANTI-JOKE!" he added.
John was just confused.
XPhaxX got off the ground and wiped a single tear from his eye.
"Alright... heh... I guess a zombie... heh... couldn't home up with something like that!" he said walking up to John.
When he came close enough he stretched his hand out towards him.
"My name's XPhaxX, level two-fifty-fife blacksmith and level ten swordsman,"
John returned the handshake.
"Hey, I'm JohnWillStab, unintentional trap and level twenty-seven dagger and fist class."
"Hey, aren't you the guy who took over the continent?" he asked.
"...yes," he replied before immediately adding "But I promise not to do that again!"
"Alright, if you promise," he turned away from John and towards the Theif.
"And are you also undead?" he asked.
"Hm? Not, just pale," she assured him.
"I see, well, I apologise for interrupting your date," he explained.
"Oh, no this is just a casual alcoholism session," John assured him.
"Yeah, if we were like five we could get flustered and insisted this isn't a date, but seeing as we are adults we will simply explain to you that it is no, in fact, a date." the Thief explained.
"Yes, as much as I respect JohnWillStab I am against necrophilia, I also am very confused about whether he's a he or not..." Ed explained.
The wolfman in the back spoke up.
The innkeeper, a blond human with an improvised chef's hat spoke up from the kitchen, "I too am not on a date with JohnWillStab or the others, personally I find relationships with customers strange!" he exclaimed.
From outside a farmer who just woke up entered the inn, they wore blue trousers with suspenders and a short-sleeved shirt.
"I'm also not on a date with JohnWillStab," he assured them.
From across the room, under a chair sat Atwoz, with a group of three other players, he sat with binoculars and carefully took notes on JohnWillStab.
"I am also not on a date with JohnWillStab, because he is a traitorous fool!" he exclaimed.
"Hey, leave John alone, only I get to bully him!" exclaimed the Thief.
"Shut up!"
"That's it!" the Thief exclaimed.
"Everyone, I am officially not on a date with the blue-haired guy!"
A few gasps were heard around the room.
"So be it! Ditto!" he replied.
"I side with the Thief and also am not on a date with Atwoz!" John exclaimed.
"Aww, thanks!"
"I'm forming a platonic alliance with JohnWillStab!" exclaimed the Thief.
"A accept!" John replied.
Tensions rose as more people came forward.
"I am not on a date with anyone in this room!" another farmer exclaimed.
"I am not on a date at all!"
"I don't know you people!"
"How'd I get here?!"
"Is that a knife?!?"
The doge-looking wolfman stood up.
"I could be on a date with JohnWillStab!"
The room fell silent.
John looked up to the confused XPhaxX and said: "Just for the record, I don't know ninety percent of these people."
Alex and Revenberry sat on the other side of the room, seeing the verbal combat unfold.
"Do you think we should do something about this?" asked Alex.
"They would absolutely ruin our date..." Revenberry replied.
"Yeah, you're right!" Alex agreed turning away from the crowd.

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