"It's really hot here too..." John sighed walking around the streets of the massive city.

"How hard is it to find an inn and get a drink?!" Alex exclaimed.

"Relax, I'm sure there is an inn near the harbour, sailors always drink, right?" Jordan said gesturing towards the harbour where stood two ships.

"I admire the confidence of the craftsmen who decided to make the city a glorified sand-castle by the beach," Alex said looking at all the sandstone walls.

"Yeah, I bet I could melt the walls of the buildings with some vinegar." John laughed.

"Don't! People live there you know!" Jordan reminded him.

"Relax, I keep genocide to a bare minimum," John replied.

As they slowly made their way down the steep road leading to the harbour, they could see the dozens of sandstone piers stretched out into the distance.

From one of the ships, dozens of boxes and barrels were being unloaded.

"I'm not much of a boat-lover, but I recognise that one from somewhere..." John said pointing at the large wooden ship.

It looked like it had several levels and completely over-shadowed the little fishing boat next to it.

"What's in the barrels... I guess it's cool to see the beginnings of trade appear in this world..." thought John.

A dozen or so people wearing the fancy cloaks identical to the one worn by the silver and blue haired men.

"Hey, peasants, go away. Can't you see we're busy." sighed one of the caped individuals.

"Sorry, I was just curious what you guys were shipping in," John explained.

"Look, man... this is private stuff, just leave it be..." sighed the cloak-wearing man.

"Fine..." John sighed.

He walked back to his party.

"I thought they looked familiar... they're being very secretive about what they're shipping in," said John.

"You could do that teleport thing inside of the ship," Jordan offered.

"Shadow blink? I think I need a target to use the skill on... but I'll give it a shot." John replied.

He focused in on the ship and tried to shadow-blink inside.

Suddenly he found himself in one of the lower floors of the ship.

Around him were dozens of boxes and barrels.

He walked up to one of the barrels and cracked the lid open revealing that it was filled to the brim with herbs.

"I wonder what they do..." said John picking one of the herbs up and sniffing it.

Suddenly he fell face-first onto the ground, only to wake up a few seconds later.

"Damn... that was... strong." He said grabbing a fistful of herbs and placing them in his pocket.

Discretely, he placed the lids back on.

JohnWillStab looked around and saw a set of stairs, they led down.

He snuck his way towards the stairs only to be stopped by a massive, intimidating figure, a giant of a man, not muscular - just scaled up... and muscular.

His eyes glowed a dim green and tendrils swirled around his face.

With one foul-smelling arm, he grabbed John by the collar.

"Yee be an undead... aren't yee?" he asked.

That was when JohnWillStab was able to see his captain's hat had a small pair of buttcheeks with two bones behind them engraved.

The captain placed an arm around John's throat and tightened it, in retaliation, John stabbed at his flesh only for the man to laugh.

"Yee can't hurt a grimtide like ye would a human!" he bellowed before JohnWillStab used the shadow-blink to get out of the room and back outside.

"Good, you're back! What took so long?" asked Jordan.

John looked at the ship which was already unloading the last of the barrels with their mast unrolled, reveal the familiar guild-crest of the butt-pirates.

"Oh how fitting the ass-thieves work with Harry..." JohnWillStab sighed.

"What's wrong?" asked Alex.

"I happen to know the people running that ship."

JohnWillStab looked in the direction of the ship and through one of the port-holes was able to see two dim, green lights, facing him.

"Let's get going... We're meant to stay low-key for now..." Jordan said gesturing to a shabby looking inn located a few meters away.

"Alright..."

They headed inside, the whole place was empty except for the bored-looking innkeeper, she slept on her folded arms on the till.

"Why'd you pick such a busy place?" asked John with a shit-eating grin as he turned to Jordan.

"I'll have you know quiet inns are always better! They're cosy!" Alex backed Jordan up.

"I was just joking, I prefer less populated inns," John replied.

"Well I don't..." sighed the person behind the till.

"Hey! Do you guys serve any booze?" asked John walking up to the till.

"If you have any money," she replied.

"I do indeed!" he exclaimed.

She squinted.

"How much," she asked.

"I'd like to know the price of your booze before I answer..." John replied.

"They're fighting over alcohol prices?... that's pretty low..." Alex thought.

"Alex, I said this before and I'll say it again, you're a hypocritical bastard!" Thal exclaimed in his thoughts.

"Whatever!"

"Fine, two coins per pint is fine..." she relented.

"Great! I'll take three!" he exclaimed placing six coins on the till.

She looked at the coins with a bored expression.

"Gold?" she asked.

"Alcohol," he corrected her.

"No, you can't pay with gold, HaremHarry introduced the Harry-Coin." she showed John a small bronze coin with a massive, muscular man, shirtless and with a rose in his teeth.

The man was standing on a cliff and the waves smashed into the rock and the droplets of water glistened in the sunlight.

The picture was in colour, each coin was hand-painted to have this image on it.

"What the hell?" asked John.

"I know right? It's even animated."

She tilted the coin to the left and right and it played a three-frame animation of the wind moving the man's hair and the waves splashing.

"This has got to be the height of narcissism..." Jordan sighed.

"I dunno, I kind of dig the idea," Alex replied.

"More importantly, is there nothing I can buy with normal gold?" asked John.

"Nope," she replied with a shrug.

"I could just steal some booze..." thought John looking around, he turned to Alex and Jordan and nodded, they both returned the nod in agreement, to which Jordan thought: "Looks like there's nothing for us here, we should go..." he looked to Alex and nodded, Alex thought: "Should I get one of those coins made for myself?" and nodded.

John let out a sigh and leaned on the counter.

"Damn, this place is really boring..." he sighed.

"You assumed it would be fights and struggle-snuggles at each corner?" asked the innkeeper.

"Kind of..." John sighed disappointedly.

"God, you're like the tenth group of travellers here to act like heroes."

She put on a high-pitched voice to mock them.

"I heard people are getting killed, robbed and raped at every corner so I'll come here and act all cool, then get decapitated for stealing booze."

She let out a long, drawn-out sigh.

"Well, I have some fucking news for you people, the only kind of fucking going on in our streets, is HaremHarry skull-fucking our economy!" She exclaimed.

"You tell one passing trader "Man, Harry's fucked all of us" and rumours spread like fucking aids amongst alter boys..." she complained.

"Wait... so there's no-" John's question was cut off.

"As fucking if MrBadWithNames would describe that kind of scenario on RoyalRoad." the innkeeper laughed in a mocking tone.

"Look, stop making fun of me! I came here to help you, people!" John exclaimed.

"Oh, thanks for your help, did you bring economic reform or perhaps stable trade-routs?" asked the innkeeper looking at him with a look of fake-curiosity.

"N-no..."

"Well, then you can shove your fucking help up your ass!"

"Why are you so upset?" asked Alex.

"How many times do you think you could go through this conversation before you'd consider lobotomy via the sharp edge of a table," she asked.

"If you really hate talking to people that much, why be an innkeeper?!" Jordan asked.

"BECAUSE THEY HAD BOOZE HERE AND NOT IN THE FUCKING BAKERY!" she exclaimed.

"You have some serious anger-management problems," John said.

She grabbed JohnWillStab by his collar.

"Look here you-" she was cut off by a sharp pain as from inside JohnWillStab's coat popped out Arachnophobia's head and bit down on her hand.

"..."

"..."

"..."

John Will stab grabbed onto his pet and slowly placed her in his sleeve while maintaining eye contact with the innkeeper.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You fucking know what! The adorable cat!"

"That's just my pet." John shrugged.

"..."

"..."

"Can I pet it?" she asked.

JohnWillStab produced an Arachnophobia from his sleeve and let the innkeeper pet the cat.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Slowly with each pet, her face lit up a little.

"Man, you're cat is adorable!"

"I know...?"

"What's the name?" she asked.

"Arachnophobia..." John replied.

The cat looked up at him and pressed its head into his open palm.

"Does she like fish? I have some fish I got delivered yesterday!" exclaimed the innkeeper running out before returning with a massive slab of what looked like tuna.

Arachnophobia dug into the meat straight away.