《Binary Progression》Volume 1 - Chapter 28: The Butt Pirates

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The party moved through the zones, whenever Bonifacius tried to start a conversation XsuphicatR would offer a one-word reply.

"Bonifacius: So, how long have thou been playing the game?"

"XsuphicatR: About a year..."

"Bonifacius: How did thou get the vampire class?"

"XsuphicatR: I tracked down a vampire player and had them infect me..."

"Bonifacius: why are thou so obsessed with Jerry?"

"XsuphicatR: No specific reason..."

"Bonifacius: ...If thou says so.."

"XsuphicatR: I do..."

JohnWillStab didn't get involved since most of the conversation revolved around XsuphicatR.

Soon the party reached a large coastline, small sand dunes littered the beach - marine grass growing atop them.

The water looked realistic, it created dynamic foam and waves which if not for the textures could be mistaken for a real photo.

"Bonifacius: At last! We have reached the coast!"

"XsuphicatR: I don't see any boats..."

"Bonifacius: Our lift should arrive soon!"

JohnWillStab wandered over to the beach and started looking at the water and the multiple washed-up bits of trash.

"JohnWillStab: The beach really looks awesome!"

"Bonifacius: True, it does resemble a real beach!"

"JohnWillStab: I wouldn't really know, I haven't been to a beach before."

"Bonifacius: Ah, I suppose thou live far some the coast?"

"JohnWillStab: Yeah, I guess I'm not really a nature person."

JohnWillStab noticed a strange blob on the beach.

"JohnWillStab: What is that?"

JohnWillStab walked up to the see-through yellow-pink blob.

"Bonifacius: This a salt-slime, like a jellyfish except they feed off the salt in the water."

"JohnWillStab: I see, it's cool how there's this kind of info about monsters like this."

A minute or so later a boat became visible in the distance, a medium-sized rowboat.

"Bonifacius: Ah! There is out lift!"

"JohnWillStab: You called a water-taxi?"

"Pedecree: What's good, people?"

"Bonifacius: Greetings to you as well!"

"JohnWillStab: ...of course it's Pedecree..."

"Pedecree: You missed me, admit it."

"XsuphicatR: No way, it's the legendary cart-man..."

Pedecree turned his character's head towards XsuphicatR.

"Pedecree: Aren't you the polearm class from way up north? XsuphicatR?"

"XsuphicatR: You remember me, how nice..."

"Pedecree: Are you feeling alright? You seem kinda' down."

"XsuphicatR: no, no, I'm overjoyed..."

If the game allowed for players to raise eyebrows, Pedecree would have.

A private message came through to JohnWillStab and Bonifacius:

"XsuphicatR: Don't tell him about the vampire thing..."

"Bonifacius: Alright."

"JohnWillStab: Guess you wanna keep it secret, that's fair."

In normal chat:

"Pedecree: In any case, are you still hanging out with that ice wizard? Pnutbutterjerry?"

"XsuphicatR: No, Pnut quit a while ago..."

"Pedecree: That's a shame, well, not everyone's into MMOs."

"XsuphicatR: Right..."

"JohnWillStab: And here I thought he's a total loner..."

"Pedecree: Now, John, don't go adding "..." to your sentence as well - you two are killing the mood."

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"JohnWillStab: Sorry, It's just a one-time thing!"

"Pedecree: Alright! Where are we going to then?"

"Bonifacius: Diasole my wolf-featured friend! We are on a quest to find Bromy"

"Pedecree: ...why?"

"Bonifacius: Thou aren't still upset about the goat?"

"Pedecree: Bony, he turned it into a screaming abomination."

"Bonifacius: Perhaps, but his intentions were pure!"

"JohnWillStab: I'm starting to get more and more concerned."

"XsuphicatR: As long as Jerry is revived - I don't care if he's some sort of medical experiement..."

"JohnWillStab: JERRY MINDS!"

"XsuphicatR: Jerry's not a real person, damnit..."

"JohnWillStab: Ah - right, forgot."

The party they boarded the boat, as expected Pedecree was busy doing the rowing.

"Bonifacius: John, I recommend thou refrain from summoning thy pet anywhere on the island."

"JohnWillStab: Got it."

JohnWillStab's answer came very swiftly.

The journey was slow, the two-man conversation between Bonifacius and Pedecree dragged on, it was like a family meeting where JohnWillStab was the kid who didn't have much to talk about with the adults so he just sat quietly, following that metaphor, XsuphicatR was the family edgelord - too cool to talk to any of the kids who happen to be a year or two younger than him.

"JohnWillStab: Is that going to be trouble?" he asked pointing into the distance where a massive ship was- it was massive, the size of a modern cargo-ship, giant over-sized cannons placed on its side along with more modestly sized ones.

A black flag was displayed above the ship displaying a strange-looking skull with two blades crossed over it.

"Bonifacius: Most likely. That is the flag of butt-pirates."

"JohnWillStab: ..."

John took a second glance at the flag seeing that it was, in fact, two ass-cheeks, not a skull.

"JohnWillStab: Wait, this game has pirates?!"

"Bonifacius: Technically they are just players pretending to be pirates - but yes."

"Captain Morgass: Tis an unlucky day for yee down there!"

"JohnWillStab: We're actually on our way to an island near here, do you think you could let us go?"

"Captain Morgass: Aye - I do not mind, soon as yee hand over yer [email protected]*s!"

"Bonifacius: Thou shan't lay a finger on our [email protected]!"

"Captain Morgass: So yee say, but I'd like to see yee try to stay true to that."

As he said that a dozen or so players jumped down into the water. They were all seafolk letting them close the distance between ship and boat quickly.

"Pedecree: Now, now - relax, we can talk this out."

The seafolk started pushing the boat towards the ship and up to a thick net made from ropes, it functioned like an fishing net for boats and cargo.

"Bonifacius: Are you sure about this, Pedecree? I am very attached to my a$$..."

"Pedecree: You intend to fight seafolk in the sea?"

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Bonifacius knew they were out-numbered and out-powered.

"Pedecree: Relax, I got a plan."

"Captain Morgass: Yee realise I can hear yee, right?"

"JohnWillStab: Don't you guys have, like, a pirate-code? You're not supposed to eavesdrop!"

"Captain Morgass: Nay, pirate code covers no such thing..."

"Bonifacius: No, you are thinking of the wrong thing, John - pirates follow a codex of thieves."

"Captain Morgass: We do not!"

"Bonifacius: Then thou followth the honour-code?"

"Captain Morgass: Nay! We're just pirates!"

"Pedecree: They follow bushido."

"Captain Morgass: WRONG FANDOM!"

"Bonifacius: Mathematical axioms?"

"Captain Morgass: What even is that?"

"Pedecree: The principles of animation."

"Captain Morgass: Yee be makin' things up now..."

"JohnWillStab: So, don't pirates follow any rules?"

"Captain Morgass: No! NO CODES, NO RULES, NO LAWS!"

"XsuphicatR: Laws of physics..."

"Captain Morgass: ..."

"Bonifacius: ..."

"JohnWillStab: ..."

"Pedecree: ..."

"XsuphicatR: ......"

"Captain Morgass: Alright guys, cut their a$$es off, then their heads."

"JohnWillStab: He didn't deny it."

"Captain Morgass: ..."

"Bonifacius: It would seem that there are some laws they cannot escape."

"Captain Morgass: ..."

"Pedecree: Guess they are just posers, not real pirates."

"JohnWillStab: A real pirate lives without laws."

"Captain Morgass: I am so sick of you people..."

The boat along with the seafolk who pushed it was lifted up and placed onto the deck.

"Captain Morgass: Ye needn't worry - the procedure won't take long - once we're done we'll dump yee into the sea."

"Bonifacius: Why would thou do such a heinous thing as to take our a$$!?"

"Captain Morgass: Tis none of your business, is it?"

The captain was a large human, he wore a dark blue coat and a tricorne hat, his face was clean-shaven exposing that he had a chiselled jawline.

"Captain Morgass: Take them away!"

"Faladin: k"

"Captain Morgass: ..."

"Faladin: I mean, aye captain."

"Captain Morgass: Good."

The party was dragged down into the depths of the ship, the grey wood of the ship contrasted by the colourful paintings and decorations.

"Faladin: Don't worry about the a$$ thing, guys - you can get them healed back."

"JohnWillStab: Screw you..."

"Faladin: Don't be like that, it's just a game."

"Pedecree: That doesn't excuse you being an a$$."

"Faladin: It's just the RP, man - we're pirates."

"Bonifacius: Why would thou choose such a terrible occupation?"

"Faladin: I mean, I could have gone for bandit or thieves - but the boss is pretty chill, guess that's why I hang around here."

"Pedecree: Do you not have any less antagonistic job ideas?"

"Faladin: My honour points dropped past -100, we're basically screwed permanently."

Faladin was a large, muscular guy - with blond hair tied into a ponytail, he wore a yellow sleeveless shirt.

"JohnWillStab: That's what you get for killing low-level player!"

"Faladin: ?"

"XsuphicatR: Don't be a dumbass, players can lose honour points in different ways...."

"JohnWillStab: I guess I saw them drop when you die..."

"Faladin: Right, a certain faction liked going out on crusades against new players, they'd beat them down until their honour points would be low enough for them to be unable to play normally."

"JohnWillStab: Why'd they do that?"

"Pedecree: Server performance, John - we can't handle too many new players at the same time."

"Faladin: Yeah - I joined the game a year back, I'm pretty sure there was at least one admin left in-game back then."

"Bonifacius: So thou have chosen a life of crime..."

"Faladin: Don't act like I cut your a$$ off for real, we're just roleplaying."

"XsuphicatR: I'm like 90% sure they are too..."

"JohnWillStab: Weren't the JGuardians a thing back then? They deal with this kind of stuff, no?"

"Bonifacius: ..."

"Pedecree: ..."

"XsuphicatR: Yeah - I don't know what they're on about for once..."

"Bonifacius: You two are too new to remember the JGuardians of old, an army of megalomaniacs - they were the ones leading the crusades."

"Pedecree: There was a purge led by one of the leaders and our old guild was asked to co-operate with the new JGuardians for PR reasons."

"Bonifacius: Tis when the guild started to fall apart - a good portion of the guild refused to work with the JGuardians in any way, myself included."

"Pedecree: And some of us saw the power vacuum and decided that a reformed JGuardians guild could fill it well."

"Faladin: Huh, that's nice... now get in your cell."

The group was placed in a large cell, cracks in the wall let them see outside. A toilet and several bunk beds were placed along the walls.

In a private chat:

"JohnWillStab: So, I'm guessing we are planning to escape, right?"

"Bonifacius: Naturally, though I can't say I fancy our chances against seafolk in the water or an army of high-level players."

"Pedecree: Relax everyone, I brought a part-timer with me for this journey."

"Bonifacius: A part-timer?"

"Pedecree: Have a look at the boat."

The whole party excluding Pedecree looked out through the cracks in the walls, seeing the boat flip over by one-eighty degrees and showing a seafolk sitting on the underside of the boat.

"JohnWillStab: A fish man?!"

"Pedecree: A buddy of mine was looking for a part-time job so I asked him to tag along."

Pedecree invited the seafolk player into the private chat.

"Olivionion: How come it's always you guys getting into this kind of trouble?"

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