“Essence of the Exceptional” by Fangorn George, circa 1XXX

Folks of all ages, let’s read a comedy for our minds to picture. I assure you I’ll have my jabs.

One mega annum ago, folks only knew of heavy wool and itchy fleeces. And I must say, poor grandfather deserved all the Gods’ apologies.

After a Tuesday’s dinner, a young Charles Frederick stumbled upon a red dress tangled in branches. A little girl yanked with all her might, so his feet ran the fastest that night. Headstrong, he was not before.

“Endless gratitude, good sir,” bowed the girl, never to drop her basket. Alas, the muffins got too eager to fall off the hole. Eyes below and a gasp, the red-clad miss had one’s head redder.

Dumbfounded like always, the timid boy had too many questions. Nevertheless, he replied after the help. “And you, too, I suppose. But perhaps tells me my help is far from done.”

No one knew how fast he mended the basket. If I asked till the world’s edge, I’d say my last breaths halfway. All I knew of Charles, my neighbor’s son, was a boundless wonder. Fitting, quite as so.

“I’m more than amazed, milady.” He kneeled for the hundredth time. “Your fabric sways with the wind like a friend. It would never know of the word stiff and thick. Teach me, or should I roll back in the swamps?”

The little girl spoke not a word, or so my folks told me. But they knew of her smile, and she grabbed his hand to a brighter world.

And so, we thank the hopeless lad and his companion for an itch-free folk. It may take thirty shillings for one button, but be as it may. And as I wear my red cap and chartreuse cloak: to arms, my friend. Aim for Harald’s head!

In the private suite, the new Charles read further. Hokori did not expect himself to listen for two hours. To think the otherworld’s first fashionista emboldened radical youths. He even cheered the man’s last stand. Then, he knew of his final words.

He snickered in bed beside Charles. “Hahahahahahaha! Well, that’s a bruh moment in written form. Today’s Harald might as well be Jesus. And his critics, blasphemous ‘til death. He ain’t no ‘Satan’s failed abortion’ if he wanted to.

He stretched and yawned. “Still, my man’s gotta fix the judicial and penal system. Ya up for it or nah?”

Charles giggled as he massaged his shoulders. “Heavens, no, darling. I’m not that kind of revolutionary.” He kissed his neck, arms wrapped around him. “On the other hand, you innovated a dangerous technique. I won’t accept anything else again.”

Unexpectedly, his eyes lowered. Worse yet, he asked not to link such words to him. “I ain’t sayin’ I don’t deserve it.” He stood up. “But it ain’t givin’ me pretty memories.”

Charles gasped and recollected his mind. For fifteen seconds, he did not let go of the hug. He shared his demons—for four years. It would be his greatest wish for them to forget.

Hokori shook his head. “That ain’t it, fam. Hayato’s family, regardless of similar magic. And would ya look at that?” He turned to one of the surveillance footage. “We weren’t the only ones feelin’ the love tonight.”

The new fashionista moved out of bed and covered his mouth. He had never known such passionate moves and voices between couples—the opposite of their deed. As his mind saw the couple’s new clothes at a glance, he came to his senses. “Oh! They’re more ready than I thought.” He grabbed his own and exited the suite.

Hokori stayed longer, eyeing his family’s color scheme on the screen. He had caressed his chin and smirked.

In the dressing room, the Minagawa couple exhaled deeply. On top, Haruto could feel the heat emanating everywhere. Their breaths intensified it, and their cheeks remained red for minutes.

He pulled up Tokino’s zipper from behind. He even corrected her strapless garment before her bolero.

She fixed her hair. “Thanks, honey. Amazing that the sweat didn’t stain our clothes. We still smell good.” She sprayed a few mistings. The company’s cosmetics were on par.

He dabbed a few drops of the cologne on his wrists. “I wouldn’t count on it, though. Even if we’re only here to take a few shots.”

Outside, the others had greeted them. Tokino hugged her two children in glee. Their siblings stood surprised over their attire of choice. In particular, Kakunō always saw Haruto as a walking pop culture reference.

The latter sighed. “Yeah, yeah… I get that from Bro a lot. Speaking of which, we should see them by now. I’ll—”

The family stood confused next. In the distance, they saw the volunteering model that Charles himself declared. Kenkō did not take it lightly with a raised brow. “Oh, come on! You said you’ll never wear anything else.”

Hokori raised his purple Cordovan. “Hahahahahaha! No shit. But it ain’t like I can’t redesign them over a screen. Technology for the win!”

They all saw that his aloha shirt had changed into the same color. Furthermore, it had even more flowers. The skeletons at the back turned into a mural of the nation’s pantheon. Morbidly, the center showed Uruvākkam headless and bleeding. His thousand arms remained intact behind.

Haruto comforted Yukino and Hayato over such graphic imagery. He, however, felt annoyed by his brother’s hat. It had now stated “YO MISMO>DEUSES Y REGALÍAS” in bold white cursive.

He sighed with closed eyes. “I regret my Duolingo sessions.”

Hokori chuckled. “Overseas missions would be Hell without it, boy. And ever wonder why we speak fluent English in this world? Best not to think about it. Now, let’s go!” He spoke Japanese in the last sentence.

Yukino and Hayato giggled and followed their uncle, holding his hands. Tokino felt nothing but happiness, yet Haruto sighed again and walked behind his other siblings.

Everyone expected a green screen and equipment worthy of a theatrical film. Instead, the cover set had full-scale environments. Yukino realized that they were real to the touch.

“It’s a mechanical simulation, darling.” Charles chose a suburban setting on a screen. “It’s worth every cent.”

Kenkō walked in and wondered what poses they should take. Before she could ask if there was a kid’s magazine, Hokori raised a finger.

He cleared his throat. “Yes, the two can join the fun. As for your first question, here’s the answer!” He handed his family peculiar issues. Back on Earth, it was a manga known for its flamboyant poses. Charles described the author’s art as his Bible.

Haruto went first and took breaths before the camera snapped. The energetic pop song of Remi Wolf’s “Photo ID” echoed in the set. He posed similarly to a sailor-esque character in the manga.

The simulation changed into a sunny metropolis setting. Tokino used the poses of a student-looking woman. Even with her unnerving traits, she found her green uniform adorable.

Suddenly, she found an opportunity to show off her flawless footwork. The song’s second chorus played in perfect timing.

Charles took more photos than was considered healthy. “Oh, yes, hon. You’re a natural! Move it to win it!”

Unexpectedly, Kenkō pouted and turned away with crossed arms. The song’s bridge had played. “Sorry, Sis. You’re a beginner at best. You merely adopted the kawaii.”

She walked on set, hands on her hips and walking with sheer confidence. Unlike the others, she chose poses inspired by her favorite idol manga. The simulation changed into the appropriate stage. Peace signs had no end.

The fashionista giddied loudly and snapped within milliseconds. “Oh, my Madonna. I’m so blessed!” He wiped his forehead. “Alright, darlings. Time for the camera to roll!”

Kakunō did no manga-based poses whatsoever. However, he requested an Edo Period setting perfect for a shōnen aesthetic. He made numerous stances with his katana.

Yukino and Hayato had a surprising idea. They wished for photos meant for children’s relief programs. Still, Kenkō’s heart melted over their playful demeanor. She hugged both after, muttering their nicknames ten times.

However, they did not have the most surprising idea. In fact, Hokori’s request was beyond what they had imagined. Even his family could not expect the vast scene before them.

He wanted a boxing ring—but the size of an island surrounded by oceans. The simulation also created colossal rock giants, seadrakes, and Nephilim. Teams of umibōzu swam around.

The powerful song of Peter Gabriel’s “I’m Amazing” played. He sat on an elaborate red throne for the first poses Charles would take. His fist rested on his cheek alongside a toothy grin and raised knee; the creatures loomed over him.

Haruto scratched his head. “I don’t get it. How will this help the company bring back customers?”

Hokori stretched and chuckled once more. “I told ya not too long ago, boy. I got more fans than I got pubes!” He appeared before a rock giant’s head in a single bound and threw a right hook. It had become countless boulders falling.

The camera captured every move he made against the monsters. He grabbed a seadrake by the tail and flailed it toward the Nephilim and umibōzu. Next, he roundhouse-kicked ankles by the dozen.

Red got smeared all over the set, and more boulders splashed in the oceans. His grin never faded, and it widened for his finishing lariat. The lone shockwave stripped the seadrakes and Nephilim of their skin and flesh from bone.

The simulation returned to its default gray room state. Hokori exhaled loudly in satisfaction. “Hahahahahaha! If I really used my power there, I’d hate to say goodbye to all y’all.”

Haruto stood in shock over his words. Yet, he did not expect his children to shout in praise. Even Kenkō admitted the footage’s absurdity with a sigh. Kakunō went so far as to perform dogeza on how to look cool.

Tokino sighed as well, but of happiness. As her family went outside, she bowed to Charles. “Thanks for everything, Gilbert. I hope your legacy lives on—forever till the end.”

He waved until the door closed. “Hmmm… Forever till the end?” he caressed his chin. “The Charles in me says it’s more than what ears catch. And that boy….” He shrugged in the end and turned off the lights.

The big day tomorrow went bigger than they all expected. With the king’s blessing, billboards ran Charles Frederick ads 24/7. Teenage and young adult women stormed over clothing chains around the city. For the first time, the products were affordable.

One screamed upon seeing more ads. “By—the—Gods! Imma stan his wife, too.” Not a day went without them sharing their vlogs.

Another demographic stormed in. Men of every age ogled at Kenkō’s poses. Unexpectedly, the girls had also “stanned” her stoic yet adorable demeanor. They considered it a rite of passage to cosplay as her.

Lastly, the loudest crowd entered like a billion hurricanes. They had just finished seeing their heroes curb-stomp poor saps at the Fools’ Theater. Man, woman, old or young, they all went primal inside.

“Oh, fuck yeah!” exclaimed a teenage boy. “Check it out, guys. I’m wearing Hokori’s old drip!” He presented his loose white shirt and tan cargo shorts.

His girlfriend showed him Kakunō’s old haori design like a cape. “Hey, dudes!” she turned to the other fans. “Who wants to sign up for the colosseum!?”

They all raised their hands. Luckily, the married fans were quick to discourage their children. In return, they showed them the efforts of Yukino and Hayato. Their hearts warmed upon knowing their schools’ budgets rose 98%.

At home, Yukino showed her siblings more videos of the cause. Kenkō ended up watching for three hours. She loved every second of their speeches.

Hayato excused himself outside alongside his brother. As the door closed, she hugged her sister. “Your acting’s pristine, Yukichi. I never knew that.”

Suddenly, the praise made her eyes frown. She went silent for a minute, and Kenkō began worrying. Another minute in, she found courage. “Big Sis… There’s something I need to tell you. The way you look….”

Kenkō encouraged her with every fiber of her being. The personal story went on until night broke. Yukino’s waterworks flowed the most in the end. However, she revealed it was like removing a yearlong burden.

Her big sister dried her eyes with a smile. “Oh, Yukichi.” She hugged her again. “So, I wasn’t the only lab rat from that hellhole, huh? Do you believe in fate?”

She nodded quickly, still in tears. “Of course, Big Sis! The stars guided us! My heart knows it.” She continued sobbing on her chest. Yet, she smiled, knowing how her ‘heart’ had felt. It was nothing but tranquility.

Later that night, after dinner, footsteps creaked. From the living room to the kitchen, Kakunō opened his eyes. He went downstairs and grunted. “I told you not to do that, man.”

He thought his eldest brother had sneaked for a night out with his partners. It only ever happened two years ago, but he took no chances. Lights on, he stood confused.

Hayato closed the kitchen door and went for milk in the fridge. Kakunō shook his head fast. “Dude… what’re you doing? It’s 3:00 AM.”

The former rubbed his eyes and smiled. “Sorry, Bro. I just wanted to do the challenge that earthly folk did.” He pointed at the living room’s coffee table. It had a piece of paper and a pencil on top.

He sighed. “If you wanna do old fads, I won’t stop you. But you gotta sleep, man. A mission’s coming next week.” He accompanied his little brother to his room, who was more eager.

Hayato tucked himself in bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. Despite his comfy room, the outside wind grew cold. His eyes gazed, and he smirked.

“Don’t fight it, child. It’s only the beginning.” He closed immediately. “See you later, Hayato….”

Like in a nightmare, he got up even faster. Waiting to sleep soundly again, he hummed the tune of “Come On Eileen.” He stopped and sweated bullets, never knowing of the song.