“Ok,” Andy began, “I’ll answer any questions you all have, as long as they don’t have to do with the system. That would be cheating. Then I have a quest for you. When you complete it, each of you get a present in the form of a single wish.”

“What is the purpose of this tournament you have us competing in?” Christopher asked immediately.

The others nodded thoughtfully, well, except for Camila who was pretending to be disinterested. Andy grinned with his eyes, his outline growing just a little brighter.

“I don’t really care about the specifics, but whatever,” Allen thought.

“That is a good question Chris… Can I call you Chris?”

“No, Christopher is fine.”

Andy took a deep breath. “Ah, well Christopher then. As you know, I am a cosmic being of ambiguous power. I can create worlds and destroy them on a whim. However, I’m not the only god, nor am I omnipotent. In truth, this world, which I literally haven’t even named yet, is not really in an official universe like Earth. It’s just a side planet that I created in an ethereal subdimension for the sake of your cultivation for the Cosmic Inter-realm Battle Arena Tournament.”

“What does this shitty planet have to do with anything?” Camila snorted.

“Oh, you sweet summer child, I’m getting to that,” Andy started, “Also, I would be offended if this world weren’t so completely minimal effort. Pretty much everything is default settings or randomized. Hence the reason why all its content is either painfully derivative or really stupid.”

Christopher rolled his eyes and let out a long and heavy sigh. “The tournament, please.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Andy continued with a wave of his hand. “Basically, in order to move up in the cosmic society, I need to show that I have what it takes to be a god. Thus, the tournament was devised to allow gods like me to peacefully compete for influence without just duking it out with our godly powers and annihilating reality itself yet again. That’s where you come in. I’m supposed to use my power to guide you five. You know, show don’t tell and such. Then you will compete in the tournament using the standard system, fighting as my proxy. If you win enough, I will gain the necessary influence to act upon the official worlds, like Earth.”

The group was silent for a solid ten seconds, just standing there in the clearing. Ty shifted in place while Christopher put a hand to his stubbly chin, not indicating that he was going to say anything any time soon.

“Well, that’s all much bigger than me… I do have a question though.” Allen cleared his throat, only getting Ty’s, Amelia’s and Andy’s attention. “Why us?” he asked.

Andy laughed lightly, “Now that’s a funny story,” he snickered. “So, it’s all some god’s fault, we’ll call her Jessica. If that bitch Jessica hadn’t been fucking with the laws of friction, then none of you would have died that day. Honestly, they never should have let her work on Earth, stupid fucking quotas… Anyway, when a god causes a mortal to die, they don’t go to heaven or hell, instead they become that god’s responsibility to, erm, fix. Jessica got fired though, so all fifty-three million people that died because of her were put up for raffle.”

Ty’s brow knotted. “Wait, so you won our souls in a motherfucking raffle?”

“Yeah, next question please.”

Ty buried his face in his hands. Amelia only seemed confused, or maybe surprised.

“Actually, I kinda feel better knowing I’m not some chosen one or anything grand like that,” Allen thought.

“Um,” stuttered Amelia, “D-do you know why everybody is so mean here?” she asked.

Andy put a finger to his temple, appearing tritely contemplative. “Though that is a somewhat subjective question, I can actually still answer it.”

Amelia’s face looked apprehensive but also eager.

“It’s because all the NPC souls in this world, that is, everybody but you five, were all bought in bulk from the second layer of hell. It’s cheaper that way. You can’t buy living souls or souls from heaven, but nobody gives a crap about the ones in hell. Erm, well the first layer ones can still get out on good behavior so you can’t buy those either. They’re like, the litterers, public farters, petty thieves and… people who say “a whole ‘nother,” you know. The second layer just has the robbers, gang lords, lawyers, bankers, and politicians. Now, the third layer is waaayyy to expensive because those are your murderers, rapists, and serial killers. Those guys are kinda cool, so they’ve got a high price tag.”

Amelia was shivering slightly by the time Andy had finished his block of monologue. She definitely looked like she regretted asking her question. There were some things that didn’t really need to be known.

“Don’t worry girl,” Andy said softly, “They’re all memory wiped, and they’ll just respawn if you kill them anyway. And they’re assholes, so it’s okay.”

Amelia only shivered again, her expression hollow.

“Andy?” asked Christopher, interrupting everyone’s train of thought, “What would be the best way to power level as a group in the shortest amount of time?”

Andy chuckled a little. “I can’t tell you that, it’s cheating. Buuut, it maybe might have something to do with the contribution categories… possibly.”

Christopher looked down again, deep in though. Ty seemed to still be in the midst of an existential crisis while Amelia was looking around the group, her eyes settling on Allen. Lastly, Camila just stood near the edge of the group inspecting her nails.

“Ah, I see!” Christopher said at last, “We should each pick classes and jobs that allow us to completely fill one of the contribution categories. If we do that, then we will each receive one hundred percent contribution and all the experience from the kill. That’s it isn’t it?” he finished, looking back at Andy.

The god only shrugged, but his eyes showed a telltale grin on his face. Christopher smiled to himself, content with his realization.

“So, it’s class pickin’ time?” prompted Ty, his voice a little shallow.

“Yes,” agreed the professor, “We need somebody for dealing damage, somebody tanking damage, another for pulling agro, a healer, and finally a supporter.”

“I’ll be the healer,” said Amelia without a moment of hesitation. She was unopposed.

“I can make a good defender, just give me a big shield,” Ty added.

“Alright then,” Christopher said, “I think it’s best I be the supporter. That leaves damage and agro.”

The three who had already chosen their classes looked over at Allen and Camila. The latter was still barely present in the conversation.

Allen raised his hand, “I’ll do damage. I’m pretty good with the rogue class and I think the assassination bonus will be good for dealing high damage.”

Christopher nodded in his wheelchair, a smile coming to his features. “Good, that’s a good idea. I think it could work. That leaves Camila for pulling agro, which fits nicely.”

“Oh, and what’s that supposed to mean? You can’t just decide this shit for me!”

“Calm your tits girl,” Ty said, “You’ll only be doing what you do best, being loud and fucking annoying.”

Allen sighed as he pulled up his status, ignoring the others as they went off at each other. The first thing he noticed was that his starting stats were the same as they had been ten years ago. A part of him hoped that at least the mental ones would improve with all his experience. At least his stability had started out really high; that was what had kept him going.

Status:

Jeremiah Allen Durand

Human – [None] – Level 1

XP: 0/512 (256)

Stat Points: 5, Skill Points: 1, Job Points: 1

Jobs:

[None]

[None] – Tier N/A

Stats:

HP: 40/40

Regen: 6/min

SP: 60/60

Regen: 4/min

MP: 21/21

Regen: 9/min

Primary:

STR: 6

INT: 7

VIT: 4

WIS: 3

END: 10

FCS: 9

Secondary:

DEX: 13

PER: 1

RES: 11

STB: 23

SPD: 5

LCK: 1

---

While the others were presumably looking at their own statuses or shouting at each other, Allen pulled up the box for the Rogue class.

Class: Rogue

Description:

A rogue is a sneaky fighter who hunts from the shadows and kills without being seen. A rogue is quick and cunning, a close and midrange fighter not to be trifled with.

Modifiers:

+10% WIS, +10% SPD, +20% DEX, -10% VIT, -20% END

He selected the class and closed his eyes as the stat modifiers did their thing. The most notable was the loss of endurance, but it couldn’t be helped. Next was the first job, so Allen quickly pulled up the list of available jobs for his class.

Jobs available to class: Rogue

Basic – Tier 1: Scout – Quick moves and quicker wits, along with the skills to back them up.

Basic – Tier 1: Mentalist – One who knows the mind and how to deceive it.

Basic – Tier 1: Assassin – A silent killer, always waiting beyond the shadows, just out of sight.

Basic – Tier 1: Striker – Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Basic – Tier 1: Illusionist – One who controls both the seen and the unseen.

Basic – Tier 1: Spy – A very particular set of skills, hard to spot, and even harder to catch.

Smirking, Allen chose Assassin. He didn’t even bother pulling up the in-depth description, already knowing what it said. He was familiar with the beginning of that job tree by then. Still, it was always fun to read the flavor texts, even if they were sort of corny and not really helpful.

Allen was about to spend his skill point when Andy spoke up again, interrupting Ty and Camila. “Alright, now that you’re all situated, I’ll give you that quest. It’s simple really.” The god turned and pointed over at the town in the distance. “Basically, that place over there is being terrorized by a tribe of ogres moving through. Go ahead and kill all the ogres and destroy their camp, then we can talk presents.”

The group collectively nodded, even Camila seemed to have gotten on board.

“Oh yes, and before I forget…” Andy began, a plume of black smoke already forming around him.

Allen felt an apprehensive chill run down his back.

“To add a little extra narrative tension, I decided to make a few… drastic changes,” Andy said, eyes shining, “Yes, the stakes have risen yet again. Starting now, just for you five, there shall be no more respawns! Bye now, mwuahahaha!” The god cackled to himself before disappearing with a pop. The wind and the sounds of nature instantly returned with his departure, like nothing had ever happened.

All was not calm though; a vein bulged on Ty’s forehead. “Wait, WHAT THE FU—"