Motherhood

Stephanie had always imagined that when she had a child of her own its childhood would be nothing like what hers had been. Having an alcoholic mother and a manic depressive father, Stephanie had developed an awareness at a young age that she could be bearing witness to a blow up between her parents at any moment. When she thought about the possibility that she might be pregnant, the opportunity to prove that a child didn't need to grow up with that sort of fear was what she thought about. She spent days thinking about her situation and decided, despite the complications it involved, that if she was pregnant she would keep it.

To find out if she was pregnant Stephanie went to a free clinic to get tested, where she had to deal with a judgmental nurse who she very quickly put in her place. Laurelle had gone along with her to lend emotional support, but support seemed to be the last thing that Stephanie needed. She looked happy, excited even. Laurelle had seen that look on her friends face before and knew that it meant she was thinking something crazy, like the night when they were at a nightclub and she suggested they try ecstasy and slipped some into Laurelle's cocktail after she had declined. She sat in the waiting area of the clinic and waited for Stephanie to be done keen to know what was going through her friend's mind.

“So?” Laurelle asked her friend when they were back in the car.

“So what?”

“So did you ask her what the procedure is if you’re pregnant?”

“What procedure?”

“You know, getting rid of it.”

“Getting rid of it? What do you mean getting rid of it? I’m not getting rid of it.”

“If you’re pregnant you plan on keeping it?!” Laurelle had suspected that this what Stephanie had decided but was still shocked to hear her say it.

“Yeah, I think it’d be fun to be a mom.”

“Fun? Stephanie, you’re eighteen, you can’t be a mother!”

“What do you mean I can’t be a mother? I’d make a great mother!”

“I’m not insulting you, I’m just telling you it’s a bad idea; your life would be over, do you realize that?”

“The only thing I realize is what a bad idea it was to bring you along with me today; the only thing I realize is what a bad idea it was staying friends with you all these years; obviously you don’t think I’m a very capable person and if that’s what you think of me then I don’t want you as a friend!”

“Stephanie I just…”

“NO, NO, you’ve said quite enough, I don’t want you saying another word until we get to your house, I’m dropping you off, and then you and I are finished, I don’t want to ever see or hear from you again; if I’m going to be a parent then I’m going to need all the support I can get, and if you’re not going to be there for me then I don’t want to know you!”

“But Stephanie…”

“I SAID SHUT UP!!”

And just like that, Stephanie dropped her best friend off at home, drove off, and never saw or spoke to her ever again.

In the days that followed her pregnancy test thoughts of motherhood wouldn't leave Stephanie's mind. She decided a girl would be more fun than a boy and prayed for a daughter, and to test his level of commitment to her before telling him about the pregnancy she called Angel and asked him soberly if he’d always be there for her no matter what, to which he answered “Hell babe, you know I will”, an answer that was enough to assure her that he was going to make a wonderful father and husband.

When she received confirmation from the clinic that she was pregnant she immediately started planning for life as a mother. She imagined a romantic life of struggle. She and Angel would get jobs that paid only just enough for them to get by and, watching her parents working so hard, their daughter would be proud of them and wouldn't be disappointed with how little they had because she would recognize their hard work as proof of how much they loved her. The only thing left for Stephanie to do was to call Angel and give him the good news so that he could start preparing for his responsibilities as a father.

“Hey babe,” she said when he picked up, trying desperately to repress her excitement.

“What’s up babe,” Angel responded groggily, her phone call had awakened him from a nap.

“I have something to tell you.”

“Yeah what is it?”

“Guess.”

“What?” He asked confused.

“Guess what it is.”

“Babe I’m tired, you woke me up from my nap, just tell me what it is,” he said, getting annoyed.

“Okay, are you ready, it’s pretty big.”

“Yes I’m ready, what is it?”

“I’m pregnant!”

“WHAT?!”

The news launched Angel out of bed and out of his skin.

“I’m pregnant babe! We’re going to have a baby!”

Having just heard from his girlfriend that she was pregnant Angel only had one thing on his mind, and it wasn't how much he was looking forward to being a father.

“Babe, you there?” Stephanie asked, unsettled by the silence coming from the other end of the line.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yes!”

“Is it mine?”

Angel asking “Is it mine?” was not the reaction Stephanie was expecting from him. Having caught him while he was asleep she dismissed it as the result of him still being in a daze.

“Yes it’s yours; who else's would it be? Okay, so, I’m going to leave now to come and see you so we can start talking about this properly.”

“No, no, babe,” Angel responded, his mind working faster than it ever had before, “thing is I’m going with Ralph to his work tonight, that’s why I was sleeping, he said his supervisor might have something for me, so I’m going with him to see about that,” he lied.

“Oh, well that’s terrific; actually the first thing I was going to tell you was that with a baby on the way it was time for you to get your shit together and find a job.”

“Uh-uh, so let’s rather get together tomorrow then, okay?”

“Okay babe, I love you; how much do you love me now that I’m going to be having your baby?”

“Lots babe, lots.”

The next morning, when Stephanie knocked on Angel’s door, she was greeted not by the man she loved but by his mother, who told her that yesterday afternoon Angel ran out of the house with all of his clothes in a bag without telling her where he was going. Stephanie knew Angel's mother didn't like her and thus refused to give her the satisfaction of making herself look like she couldn't work out what was going on. Angel wanted nothing to do with the baby and so he had run away. She could probably find him quite easily if she wanted to, but if he could refuse to take responsibility for his family and just run away like this then she didn’t want him in their lives. She’d raise Sarah all by herself and be one of those cool single moms.