“Back off, ya mutts!” Jack barked, waving his club and staring down the six wolf-shaped lizard-things paced before him in a snarling semi-circle of teeth and claws. The last thing he wanted was one of them flanking him, so he kept his back to the river and focused his attention on their scaled, lupine heads and slobbering jaws.

Jack knew his situation was dire. He wouldn’t last long against a whole pack of the creatures, and he scoured his memories for anything that might tip the fight in his favour, but kept coming up short.

Then he remembered the weird combat-report thingy that had showed up on the day of his arrival, back when he’d gotten in the scrap with the coyote.

“Alright, ya weird fantasy world,” he said, ready to try anything. “You got any idea how to fight these things? ’Cause I’m fresh out.”

Sure enough, a page appeared, the information registering straight into his brain:

Threat Assessment: Level 10 Draccaususinisis

Draccaususinisi are pack animals, soldier. These groups are dangerous, exhibiting a high level of coordination thanks to a rigid command structure. What the leader says goes. But that strength is also their greatest weakness.

Your task: Identify and eliminate the dominant member of the pack. The rest will either fall into disarray or immediately begin challenging one another for alpha status. Once that starts, they’ll be distracted until a leader has been chosen; that’s your evacuation window.

Sow some chaos, then get the hell out of there before they can respond.

Best of luck.

Jack cringed at the faux-military briefing, and the utterly stupid name of the animals didn’t help. Still, as much as the message grated at him, it was hard to argue with the value of the information.

Dirt flew up under one of the creatures’ feet as it surged forward in a lunging attack. Jack’s initial instinct was to dodge, but the warning about the creatures’ high degree of coordination led to a snap decision to hold his ground. It was a huge show of trust in his Tome message, but the adjustment paid immediate dividends when the attack turned out to be a feint, the creature abruptly veering aside to make room for a second creature who lunged into the space Jack would have occupied if he’d gone for the dodge instead.

“You are tricky buggers, aren’t you?” Jack muttered as he repositioned himself, even warier than before.

These were not dumb animals. Yes, there was a seemingly erratic nature to their attacks, but now that he knew to look for it, Jack could see that they were shifting in a well-coordinated fashion that would force him away from the river and open up his flank for attack. That kind of planning didn’t happen without a clear intelligence at play, and according to Jack’s Threat Assessment it all came down to the leader.

Jack watched closely, tracking the movement of the pack as he searched for one that behaved differently from its companions.

There, he thought.

One of the animals, a big one, was holding back. He hadn’t noticed it immediately because he’d been looking for an aggressive animal that led from the front like a wolf. But that was the wrong parallel. These were more like lions, where the dominant animal would cover their own ass if possible and let the others take the risk.

Not that different from humans, come to think of it.

Jack continued to fend off the creatures’ attacks. He made sure to keep track of the leader’s whereabouts but did so as surreptitiously as possible. He had no real idea just how clever the thing was, and he didn’t want to give away his intentions before one of the animals beside it attacked, giving him a chance to—

The creature to the leader’s right lunged. Immediately, Jack took the opportunity and charged at the beast, only for it to veer aside in another feint that created space for its packmate to slip between Jack and the river. It was a perfectly executed move, but what none of the creatures expected was for Jack to ignore the danger and continue charging straight into the middle of the pack… and into striking range of their leader.

The wyvern-bone club smashed into the head of the dominant animal. It hissed under the force of the first blow, but Jack staggered it with another strike and then dropped it to the ground with a third. If it weren’t for the blessing on his club, he would have broken the thing’s skull for sure.

With a nimble leap he probably couldn’t have accomplished in his 30s, Jack leapt away from the downed animal, separating himself from the pack as they stared at their fallen leader in shock.

Moment of truth, Jack thought. If his intel was good, they’d start fighting each other. If not, they’d be on him like a shot. Either way, he had no intention of waiting around to find out. Turning tail, he booked it down the riverbank, leaving the creatures milling around behind him.

Before long, a cacophony of hissing and clawing filled the air, much to Jack’s relief. He knew it was only a matter of time before a leader emerged and they resumed their pursuit, and he intended to use every second of it getting away.

Jack trudged along the riverbank, glaring at the cliffs to his left.

“Dammit, Jack. You screwed up,” he muttered to himself.

An exuberant voice appeared to his right, saying, “You certainly did!”

Jack turned and discovered the colourful figure of Nochd walking beside him.

“You again?” he said, shaking his head. “In case you didn’t notice, now ain’t a good time.”

Already, Jack could hear the barking of the lizard things drawing closer. He’d first heard them a half-hour ago, but despite his best attempts, he wasn’t able to lose them. At one point not long ago the riverbank had started climbing, and he’d had to pick between going up along the cliffs as he’d discussed with the Chian’dir or staying along the river and trying to mask his scent in the water. He’d gone with Plan B, figuring there was no way to defend himself if he was caught on the cliffs. What he hadn’t banked on was the shore disappearing as the cliffs closed in on the river, boxing him in.

Nochd chuckled at Jack’s words. “Is there ever a good time to be visited by Death?”

“Fair enough,” Jack muttered, only half paying attention to the deity. As far as he could tell, he had maybe fifty metres of riverbank left. After that, the cliffs would be heading straight into the water and he would be trapped with those… dragasisausages things. Whatever the hell they were called.

“You know,” Nochd said, “if you had taken me up on my offer, you’d never have found yourself in this position.”

“Yeah? How’s that?” Jack said distractedly as he peered at the rocks in the river. Maybe he could cross over to the north shore? Sure, the river had turned into a churning rapid, and yeah, the Chian’dir had also said to avoid the north shore, but when you had to pick between certain death and likely death, you chose the latter.

Jack glanced at Nochd. Although sometimes, Death won’t leave you alone no matter where you go.

“Spells, Jack!” Nochd exclaimed, oblivious to Jack’s internal deliberations. “Fancy clerical spells. Doesn’t that sound special?”

“What do spells get me?” Jack asked as he surveyed potential routes across the river.

“They get you out of situations like this! Honestly, are you even paying attention?”

“Not particularly,” he said, picking out what seemed like a viable route across the half-submerged river rocks. “You mean like that Speak With the Dying thing? I’m guessing that was part of your recruitment pitch.”

“It was!” Nochd said. “Although you’re not a cleric, so I had to fudge the numbers and make it an Ability for now. When you become my cleric, I’ll make it a spell again so that nobody notices.”

Jack scowled at the river. This crossing wouldn’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever was.

“Aren’t you some kind of supergod?” Jack said absently. “Who cares if anybody notices you.”

The barking was getting even louder, and Jack could see the creatures picking their way along the shore. The one at the front had a cut on its forehead, causing Jack to wonder if the old leader had managed to fend off his challengers.

“There are rules we play by, Jack,” Nochd said. “I am an Eternal, so we have quite a bit more leeway than the Terrestrial deities. They have so many feuds and politics between them that they are very tickety-boo about their rules. For Eternals like me, they’re more like… guidelines.”

Jack picked out the first rock in his sequence and started jumping across the river. Nochd opted to simply float along beside him.

“Alright then, Nochd,” Jack said as he hopped from rock to rock, the rapids whirling at his feet. “Why the hell are you hasslin’ me? Haven’t ya got anyone better to bug?”

“Funny you should say that,” Nochd said, twirling for a moment and sending his multicoloured cloak spiralling out around him. “I very rarely have clerics. Not much need for them.”

“You don’t have churches or anything?”

“Oh, I do, but those are run by my prelates. Very different from a cleric. Prelates don’t get out much. I’m not a big fan of them. Other gods get to be celebrated, but for some reason, my religious officials feel the need to mourn me.

“As for why I picked you, why, you’re from Earth! I’ve had good experiences there. One of the few places in the cosmos where I’ve actually had a cleric before. Lovely young lady named Persephone. She’s a celestial now. Have you ever heard of her?”

Nochd slapped his head. “What am I saying… of course you haven’t! She was thousands of years before your time. Too bad, really. Then again, people also got it in their heads that I married her, which is ridiculous. I don’t have a gender. None of the Eternals do. That would be a bit odd, don’t you think? Having a gender despite being billions of years older than the first organic life forms?”

Jack was barely paying attention, given that he was currently balanced on a rock barely wider than his shoe, simply muttering, “You look like a man to me.”

“I chose to look this way because you’re 95-year-old man from Earth,” Nochd said. “It seemed likely that appearing this way would increase the odds of you trusting my authority.”

“That’d make a lot more sense if you hadn’t shown up in a dress,” Jack noted.

“It’s a coat!”

“It’s an eyesore.”

“Anyhoo!” Nochd said, aggressively changing the subject. “Apparently, your great-granddaughter asked Ennàd to check on you, but she suspected I might be more interested in taking on the case. I don’t think she expected you to survive for very long. Why else would she have asked Death to check in on a 95-year-old man who was actively fighting a coyote.”

Jack nearly fell in the water at Nochd’s words. “Are you talkin’ about Angela? Angie sent you?”

“No, Ennàd sent me. Remember? The nature goddess?”

“I don’t mean that, you daft idiot! Was it Angela that got her to ask you? Is she alright?” In his haste to find out the situation with his granddaughter, Jack hopped over the last ten rocks with barely a thought. Shockingly, none of them shifted under his feet—apparently, that 33 Luck wasn’t just for show.

Nochd skimmed over to the riverbank and placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “I assure you, your great-granddaughter is perfectly fine.”

Jack let out a sigh of relief.

“In fact, after she was killed, she re-spawned right in Palmyre! Isn’t that nice?”

“What the hell do you mean, 'she was killed!'” Jack snapped.

“I don’t see how I could be clearer,” Nochd said, cocking his head. “She was alive. Then she was dead. In between, something killed her.”

“But how?”

“Ah, I see. Decapitation.”

If Jack could ever figure out how to strangle a god, this asshat was first on the list. “Alright, Death. Enough tomfoolery. Just tell me what killed her.”

Death looked up the bank and into the trees. “Oh, I don’t need to do that. Now that you’ve gone against the Chian’dir’s advice and put yourself on the north side of the river, you will most likely find out for yourself.”

Before Jack could respond, Nochd walked over to a huge boulder and lifted it high over his head with both hands.

“It’s been fun, Jack, but it’s time for me to say toodles and get back to work. I’ll come by later to offer you the class again. Perhaps you’ll be more amenable when next we meet!”

The god stepped into the spot where the rock had been sitting and tossed it a few metres straight up in the air. The rock came straight down onto the god’s head, driving him into the riverbank like a hammer hitting a nail.

Jack stared at the rock.

“Why do I always get stuck in the unit with a goddamned lunatic in charge?”