Arc 7, Healthy Green Glow, Chapter 2

It had been a few days since I got my new suit. The system was a little buggy on it. Some sort of glitch or something. It was not really bad, just a weird thing really, occasionally the interface would malfunction and a strange tracker would appear on the overhead map. It would go away after a couple of seconds. I have no idea where it leads, but from what I can tell it is different every time. There is not really a pattern either. Sometimes it is pointing to the mountains, others the gorge, and others the Slums. As far as I can tell there is no rhyme nor reason to it. At any rate, it was not really a problem. It just disorientates me for like two seconds every time it happens, which is not very often. Chief tried to fix it, but the thing is so random that it never happens when he is around. Sort of reminds me of the check engine light on my dad’s old truck every time he took it into the dealership it would turn off and they would not fix it since they could not tell what the problem was.

Gnome is avoiding me and Sunshine like the plague. I guess I can only give it time. Tomorrow we are supposed to be cleaning out the sewers. Not looking forward to that at all. If it is anything like last time I am going to hate every second of it. From the sounds of it, she will be stuck with me all day long. I bet we can have all sorts of fun. I really want to see her power in action, first hand. She has not really used it at all since she got here, well at the least not in the Station. She has already bagged a couple of bad guys, hung them up to dry from lamp posts or sunk them into the ground to be collected by police. It sounds so cool and I really want to see it. I mean, I finally have somebody to look up to, well, besides Chief, but he is a guy so that is different. I wonder what I could learn from her? I have been forcing myself from bringing up it, but it is killing me with curiosity over what happened in L.A. The problem is though that she gets this distant look on her face every time anybody mentions L or Los or even any of her fallen comrades. It is weird, it is like she is not here when it happens. I am at a loss over that.

As for what I am doing well, today I got a dinner date with my Daddy. We kind of have a lot of catching up to do and if I am going to be trekking around in an irradiated hell hole for god knows how long, then I need some daddy time. I mean he never even got to see my old suit first hand. In fact, I don’t think that he even knows that I am Mecha Fairy. I want to show it off. He is going to be so proud of me. I actually became a hero. There is another reason I am so excited, there is supposed to be BBQ. He makes the best ribs, the meat just melts off of the bones, not that that matters anymore for me. I can’t wait to chew on the bones. It is going to be so good to crack em open and suck the marrow out. It is going to be so nice just laying on the couch and catching up. Ah, but before that, I have to do something else and I am not sure if I am looking forward to it. It is my check up, of course.

Ah yes, my weekly psychiatric check up. I wonder what the hell she is going to make me do this time? Well, last time was not so bad. The moment of truth, I opened the door to her little office. It was rather quaint a lounge sofa, sitting opposite a chair and at the far wall was a metal desk. The room had muted colors and the lights were dulled. I actually preferred something like that rather than a bright and blinding place. Miss Mickenson filled the chair, she sure does not change, rounded as ever. She needs to go on a diet. But I digress, she was wearing her oversized business suit.

Who, eh, Who the fuck are you talking to by the way? Asked Sub.

‘Well, I am talking to you. Why?’

I already know all of this. So why are you telling me? Besides, it sounds like you are narrating. What? Do you think we are some sort of comic book hero or something?

‘Shush, Sub. I am not that delusional. It is not like we have an audience watching our every move. That would imply that this is just a story and nothing is actually real. If that was the case, then why does anything even fucking matter? Now who is the crazy one, Sub? Sounds like something Dr. Arbor would say. I need somebody to talk to and you are all I got. Who else would it be? Neon Nurse? Dr. Arbor? Dreamer?’

Oh, thanks. You make me feel soo loved. Said Sub sarcastically.

‘But I do love you.’

Yes, yes. She said dismissively.

‘Don’t be like that Sub, you are going to hurt my feelings.’

Your feelings?! Oh come on, I am not that bad. Buck up buttercup, life is a bitch so you better get used to it.

‘I would expect you would at the least be nice to me. Outside is not so bad, used to it now. You, on the other hand, your words hurt a lot more than most. Besides, it is not like I can just ignore you.’

You are such a pansy.

‘I am a delicate flower.’

We are a Wasp Monster. Keep up that attitude and I am liable to pluck all your petals and shove my stamen down your stem tonight. I assume you catch my drift.

I blushed, dammit Sub. This is like serious you know. I glanced over the room. Oh geez, how long have I been standing here like an idiot? I stepped in, with my heels clacking on the tiled floor.

“So glad that you managed to come,” said Marilyn, looking up from some papers at the table, as I closed the door behind me.

“Not like I got a choice.”

“Still hate me?” she asked, toad-like as ever.

I put my hand up flat and wiggled it side to side, “Eh, you are not that bad, I guess. Hate is a little strong. It is more of a sour taste in my mouth.”

“Been using the toy I gave you?” she asked, setting the recorder on the table and gesturing for me to sit on the lounge.

I sat down opposite her, “I have actually, broke it in fact.”

“Oh, well you can get another at the pet store.”

I glanced over the room, Mark was not here. “Hey, where is Mr. Dirkstein?”

“He had other business to attend, so today it is just you and me.”

I took the helmet off and set it to the side. It feels good, not being constrained. I squinted at her for a moment and she wiped the sweat from her neck. I suppose that never changes, she is still scared of me. Reeks of prey. I don’t get why. It is not as though I have done anything to warrant this sort of treatment. Sure, I killed a man in cold blood, tore a man’s junk off and have hospitalized a few people. I mean, who hasn’t? That type of shit comes with the gig. Well, she is just a human, so I guess somebody who could kill her at any given moment would be scary. I laid back on the cushion, nestling in.

“Well, let’s just keep it on the up and up. If I don’t wanna answer something I won’t,” I said, turning to her.

“Fair enough. Alright, so today I am going to ask you a few questions in regards to your kidnapping. Also, here, see if you can solve this.” She said, handing me a Rubik’s cube.

“You want me to solve this?” I replied, taking the cube. Oh god, I hope I don’t have to actually fully do this. I never could figure these damned things out.

“It will help you relax.”

Or it will stress me out. I got OCD after all and this shit is going to drive me up the wall if I can’t make it whole again. I sighed and started to idly flip the corners. I think there was a white cross or something I had to do. Can’t really remember, though, been far too long since I did this stuff. What was it college? No, I think it was high school. I remember back when I was like a jock and some nerd was acting all cool with his glasses and pocket protector and shit. I felt like a retard, trying to figure this thing out. Meanwhile, he would solve it in a couple of minutes or less. Ah shit, I am starting to remember things that I wanted to keep buried. Poor Morty, I decked him right in his big Jew nose when he was making fun of me. Granted, I had a big nose too, so it was more about me feeling self-conscious. I really was not a nice person back then. I understand now that he liked me and making fun of me was his way of showing it. I wish he had just grown a pair and told me, I would not have been so mean to him. Then again… Now that I think about it, I was really an asshole back in high school. I might have made fun of him for it, if he had told me. I can see why he never did.

I covered my face for a moment, really a dark part of my history. I was such a bitch back then, trying to be cool and shit. All that stupid stuff that doesn’t matter. I guess I was a bully, well actually there is no guess, I was a bully. If I could change stuff in the past, well that would be one of the many things. I would not have quit baseball either. I don’t know what I would have done if Morty had not introduced me to the wonders of anime. Come to think of it, we started really hanging out in senior year after I fucked up that catch and more or less dropped off the team from being heckled by everybody. What was it they kept calling me? Washed up Walda? That sounds about right. I fucking hate my middle name. It sounds like Waldo, what am I lost and need to be found?

I wonder why he still hung around me? I mean, I think I dumpstered him one time. Oh god, there was that one time I pulled his pants down in gym class. I know that I gave him a bunch of noogies too. It was like our greeting ritual, of course, he would always run at first. Although, there was that one time he was getting picked on by Josh, the resident dick. I broke his nose and kicked him in the nuts. I will admit, kinda a low blow. I almost got suspended for that, but it is kinda embarrassing to get your ass handed to you by a girl. He steered clear of us since then. I was kinda violent back then, wasn’t I? What is with me and going for the jewels? Have I always been this violent? Sub seems to think so. It is hard to remember, too many things fragmented, distorted. I wonder what the fuck happened to that kid after we went to different colleges. He probably got some cool tech job somewhere. Who knows, maybe he is working for Google.

“Vesper?” Mickenson leaned in a little.

“Hmm? What?” I asked.

“You did not answer my question.”

“Oh, sorry was thinking. What was it?”

“Not a problem. Now then, so what did they do to you?”

Hmmm indeed, what did they do to me? I thought for a moment, “Well, I got mauled by Den Mother and they threatened me to help them. Glitter Kitten was not so bad, well at the least, not at the start. She was still a liar in the end. Honestly, I don’t even know what the fuck to believe.”

“What did they force you to help them with?”

“Well, they sort of lost a bunch of drugs and I knew where they were, since I saw a map.”

“You were being threatened?”

“Yup, since they learned of my regeneration Glitter Kitten threatened to torture me, if I did not help. However, if I did help, then I would get released after the drug deal. At the least, that was the original arrangement.”

“That is clearly not what happened.”

“Obviously, shit went sideways. In the end, she nearly killed me since I refused to join her gang.”

Mickenson thought it over, writing things down. I listened to the scratching of her pen for a few minutes before she perked up and asked, “Tell me, why did you refuse to join the Mad Dogs?”

I tapped at my chin, a good question actually. I replied, absently twisting the cube, “Well, it was tempting. There was drugs, sex, good music, booze, and they did not really judge me once they got over their animal instincts. But I realized that they are not nice people. Not decent. They were just showing me good things, hiding what they really were. Criminal scum. They hurt people and laughed about it. I won’t condone their behavior and I certainly would not join them. Not after they tried to kill my friends.”

“So if they had not tried to kill your friends, you might have joined?”

“What? No, I mean, sure I like Glitter Kitten somewhat. She is cute and shit, but that doesn’t change who she really is.”

Mickenson leaned in, “Who is she really?”

“A criminal, obviously. I mean fuck she was trying to indoctrinate me into that little cult thing she had going there.”

“Cult? I thought she was a gang leader.”

“She is, but in essence that is what a cult is. Gangs are very similar to cults you know.”

“You mean like the Atomic Raiders?”

“What is with the Atomic Raiders?”

“You don’t know?”

“No. So enlighten me.”

She had a rather smug look on her face, “Funny you should say that. Nuclear Knight is the leader and he used to be a Reverend in the ghetto, before the melt down. Now he is down in the sewers spewing all sorts of religious mumbo jumbo to the mutants down there.”

“I think I remember something about that.”

“You will be briefed, I am sure, since you are going down there soon.”

“So what is their deal?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“They worship something called Pluton. They think radiation is a sacred thing sent from heaven and that the world needs to be bathed in the holy green glow.”

“Weirdos. You would think that they would know better.”

“Who knows? They are mutants after all. They probably don’t think straight.”

“You know. I take offense to that. I am a Subhuman, you know. Are trying to imply that I don’t think properly.”

Mickenson just shrugged, “If you really were sane, then you would not be talking to me. We both know there is a lot of evidence against you.”

I grumbled a little bit, “I would like to see anybody keep their shit together with all the hormones and shit I got going on.”

She sat there thinking about it. After a few moments, she started writing again. I sat there turning the sides to the cube to keep myself occupied. No use worrying over what she is writing at this point. I turned a particular side and something clicked inside my mind. A sudden realization came to me, I knew how to solve the cube. Oh my god, I am a fucking genius! Sure enough, I shifted it and got the white cross correctly with the two other squares in the middle row with the same colors on the other sides. It did not take very long to solve it after that as all four of my hands cranked the cube this way and that attempting different patterns until at last, I got one face all white. Soon the next steps fell into place and I solved it without realizing. All the faces perfectly coordinated. It was satisfying to the eye.

“Oh, good job. I usually have trouble with these,” said Mickenson.

I smiled slightly, “Thanks.”

“Now then, there was something else I wanted to ask you about.”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me about Sub.”

“Well, I do like sweet onion, chicken teriyaki, although meat ball is pretty good too,” I replied, drooling a little. Damn it, now I am hungry.

“Don’t play dumb,” she glared at me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? Hey, back off you fucking toad. I was not even kidding around, I thought she was asking me about what my favorite sub sandwich was. Wait, how does she know about Sub? ‘You been talking to strangers again, Sub?’

Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t do shit.

‘You sure?’

Yes.

‘Alright, I believe you.’

“Well, if you are not talking about a sandwich, what are you talking about?” I asked, maybe there is something else? I mean there are like two people who know about Sub. Neon Nurse and… Dreamer. Ah, shit. Did she blab? Now everybody is going to think I am crazy. Assuming they did not already.

Mickenson looked a little ruffled, “I was talking about your split personality. The one you call Sub.”

“You mind me asking how you know about that?” I said pointedly.

She replied rather candidly, “It is my job to figure out what the hell is going on in your head and if there is a problem to try and help you fix it. As such, I have done research and heard some rather disturbing things.”

Uh, oh. I don’t like the sounds of that, “What eh, what did you hear?”

“I am not entirely sure. Is it true that she wants to eat people?”

“Well, that would more be about meat. I love meat, like if I could fill a swimming pool with raw meat and eat my way to the bottom, I could die happy. It is kinda what I have wet dreams about.”

“So it is not people, it is just meat?”

“Yeah, basically. Although, blood is delicious too. One of my other dreams is to fill a swimming pool with blood and bath in it while drinking it.”

Mickenson looked queasy, “That is just sick. What is with you and swimming pools filled with things?”

“Hey, I don’t go questioning you over your sick fetishes.”

She puffed up a little bit, “My fetishes?”

“Yeah, I bet you’re into anal. Hmmm, maybe you are into ass to mouth.”

“You’re disgusting!”

“Hey, I am not judging. You can tell me. I am sort of like omnisexual at this point.”

“I am not into that!”

“I bet you have not gotten laid in years. Wait, are you still a virgin?”

“That is none of your fucking business!” she yelled, completely losing her cool.

“I am sorry. Alright? I was joking, just foolsing around.” I said, trying to disarm the situation before it got out of hand. I mean, she looked like she was about to start throwing pens at me or maybe even that encyclopedia over there. That thing looks kinda heavy.

She sat there, simmering across from me, “Why is it always sex with you?”

“Cause I am a pervert? I thought we established this already? I mean really, who else has fantasies about tentacle orgies and thrusting their thick ovipositor into their varied acquaintances or getting a train run on them by cartoon characters?”

“I… I don’t think I want to know.”

“Well, you asked about Sub and fucking like animals is kinda what we do.”

“Wait, what?” she looked at me surprised.

“What?”

“You and Sub have sex?”

I looked at her strangely, “Yeah, like all the time. I mean, I got urges, you know? It ain’t normal that is for sure. I know that much at the least. Neon Nurse was saying that I had the sex drive of twenty virulent men. What, you want me to rape somebody or something?”

She shrank back, away from me a little, “You are not thinking about me like that… Are you?”

My eyes got big as I stared at her, it felt like I was going to throw up. “What? No, no. Gross don’t, ew, don’t even go there. Jesus! What is wrong with you? I might be a sexual tyrannosaur, but I got standards you know.”

She looked like she did not know if she should be mad or relieved or disappointed or what. Wait, disappointed? Why is she giving me all these contradicting signals… She doesn’t think I wanna fuck her, does she? It got real awkward for about ten seconds before she defaulted to mad. Well, better than expectant, “That is offensive you know! What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Well, while we are being honest… You are kinda fat, not that it is that bad. I am not saying you are morbidly obese or anything, but you are a bit out of my strike zone. I mean cushion for the pushin is one thing, but when the boat capsizes in lard it is another. You also smell bad. At the least to me, my sense of smell is different than people’s so I take things differently.”

“What is wrong with being fat?”

I scratched the side of my face, thinking on it, “It shows a lack of self-respect and control. I know, trust me pork chop, I have been there, well not there, but there. You get the point. At any rate, it is easily fixed by hitting the gym and or running in the morning like every day for the rest of your life if you wanna keep it off for good.”

“Did you just call me pork chop?” she looked all indignant.

“I Did?” I was a little bewildered, I was thinking it, sure, but I said it? Oops.

She pointed at me, “You did, you totally did!”

I put my hands up, trying to keep her calm, “Look, pork chops are pretty damned tasty, so take it as a compliment. At any rate, I am sorry I offended you.”

“So you want to eat me now? Is that what you are trying to say!” she yelled at me.

I don’t get what is happening anymore. How did this go so fucking sideways? Can I go home? “… Eh, no.”

She frowned, “Why did you hesitate there?”

“I think we are done here,” I said, standing and getting ready to leave.

“Don’t you walk out! We are not done here.”

I towered over her, glaring down, “Look, I could snap you like a twig if I really wanted to, but I don’t. Ok? I mean you are kinda freaking me out right now.”

“I am freaking you out? You are scaring me!” she had retreated behind the desk, fumbling around in a drawer.

“Why are you scared of me? I won’t do anything.” I said, keeping my distance. I don’t know what is in that drawer, but something tells me I don’t wanna find out. I had learned not to get close to people who are scared since it typically made it worse. “I mean, you are just weirding me out. Look, let’s just call it for today and you know calm down, then meet up next week.”

She squinted at me like a toad, or maybe a pig I don’t know. Some sort of clammy beast and after a few moments she relented, “Alright, I will see you next week.”

I waved awkwardly as fuck, “Alright, next week then.”

Why can’t Neon Nurse be my shrink? The moment I start thinking we are getting some sort of connection, like you know friends or something things get weird. Am I just fucked up in the head? Is it me? Is it her? I mean, I know I got problems, but is it really this bad?

Clearly, it is you. Maybe you should keep our intimate affairs to yourself.

‘Oh, thanks, the only reason I was even in hot water there was because of you.’

What did I do? I was quiet the whole damned time. You don’t have to be honest, you know. Hell, you don’t even have to tell them anything.

‘Whatever, let’s just drop it. We don’t wanna keep dad waiting, do we?’

Fuck no, I want that BBQ! I am salivating over here.