I never really was a big fan of the whole “ home invasion genre “ thing that swept up popular cinema before the end of the world. Perhaps it was because I found the idea a little stupid, or maybe it was because I made sure to keep at least three shotguns and a rifle in my bedroom at all times. Sure, I replaced them all with flowerpots when the world actually ended, but that's not important.

Pushing aside films featuring feisty scantily-clad women at the time, I instead decided to invest my free time in watching nature documentaries.

They were action-packed, fulfilling, and most importantly heart-melting. As it turns out baby penguins were literally the cutest things ever.

Though, at the moment, although my life itself was changed by the very revelation that gay penguins existed, I was starting to regret not binging Generic Home Invasion #4 - She gets naked this time.

I could have really used that experience right now.

Although the creatures invading my little garden maze weren’t exactly human, I think the knowledge of how to deter intruders from your home with only your left breast and a spatula would have been incredibly pertinent.

It all started with that literal hole in reality that I mentioned earlier.

It was a twisting, turning, and oddly enough, moaning fracture in the face of reality leading to the material realm itself.

I really did hope it would just collapse in on itself and leave me alone with my garden, but Mr Blue had other plans, deciding that I should get an official notification to remind me that my soul was in harm’s way.

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Your coordinates in the ASCENDANT PLANE have become visible to those in the material realm….

102 access attempts recorded in .212 seconds… 98 rejected due to level difference. 4 entries pending… 1 Chosen at random …. 3 entries rejected…. Rift forming…. Rift formed….

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DING *

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Beware Dungeon !!! The cruel denizens of the Material Realm are upon you !!!

Beat back their advances so that you may live to another day !!!

To the victor goes the spoils !!! Wreck Havok and Unleash the Dogs of War !!!

-- Rift to Asteroid Belt 2032- Alpha 3 - Opened

Time remaining to rift closure - 48 hours….

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Mr. Blue’s sudden showing of bravado and a hint of personality didn’t escape me, I just happened to have more pressing matters to attend to at the time.

For the moment that the rift opened, an overpowering silence filled my maze. If only for a moment I felt the world around me grind to a stop. For only a single moment there was no rustling of razor-sharp leaves, there was no twitching of floating grass, there was no screaming from any moss, nor was there any movement from my mighty minotaur.

It was then, at the peak of the silence, that all hell broke loose.

Twenty-five square kilometers of sky-high hedges all began to undulate and twist at once as if desperately reaching for an invisible intruder. Every single yellow flower that lined the edges of my hedges began to pulsate and convulse as they began to spew even more pollen into the air. Every single strand of pitch-black hairlike grass, as if attempting to attract willing prey into its embrace, began to shake and shimmer in hypnotic patterns designed to give anything with eyes a grand headache.

My grand minotaur of marble and vine, as if not to be outdone, let out a silent bellow of immense rage and power. It could not scream for it had no vocal cords, but its sudden charge down the many corridors of the maze revealed its excitement. Minos of Gold and Silver ivy was most definitely to smash some unfortunate souls into some razor-sharp ivy.

Gagging, inspiring, wig snatching, amazing, unique, absolutely divine.

Everything that I had crafted, everything that I had brought into this world, everything that I owned. It was all coming together in one giant symphony for one purpose.

The defense of my very soul.

It would be a lie if I didn’t say I felt like I was at the top of the world. Never before had I seen such a fine hedge maze, prepared to stop even the hardiest of adventurers from making it to the end.

It was then that some of my hopes were dashed upon a section of well-worn pavement.

It was then that the creatures from the material realm began to sing back.

It was a song that rang across the void of space for eons.

It was a song of ten million conquests and ten trillion chitinous blades.

It was the song of the fifty-first brood of Sar-Nakalaptof, daughter of one of the grand Hive supreme.

It was the song of ten thousand voices…..

And it was coming for me….

It was then that the first chitinous synth came through the rift.

And it was then that the hardest forty-eight hours of my new life would start.

My chances of survival looked like a heart surgeon who just got out of a twenty-four-hour surgery session. In other words, my chances of survival looked absolutely horrendous.

I just really hoped that bugs could go insane…. If not I’ll just have to hope that they have a mild to severe pollen allergy….