Pets resemble their owners.

Demons resemble their Warlocks.

But mostly their bad parts.

Their really bad parts.

No wonder I can’t get married.

- Wise wisdoms of a woeful Warlock.

“That’s enough!” I said, tearing myself free from the void. “We’ll set up a defensive line before breaking through.” My normal vision returned as the sweat streaked faces of several Sloth bearers greeted me. The medium-sized tunnel, in which we were standing, kept upright by another group of Sloths behind me, audibly huffing and puffing to keep the earth from crushing us.

“You heard the captain,” Pickle said as he stopped his tunneling duty. “Move your asses.” The rest of the front group let out a sigh of relief. “I don’t know why you shits are feeling lucky.” Pickle smiled at their confusion. “You still have some load-bearing to do.” Their were some mutters and complaints, but they quickly died down when Pickle gave them the stink eye.

“I heard we’re almost there?” a voice said. I turned around to find Sly looking at me, her eyes sporadically flicking up whenever the ceiling started to groan softly.

“One good push and we’re through,” I said before making my way past her, towards the tunnel entrance. “How are things on your end? Did the examinations go well?”

“Numbers weren’t an issue. It’s their quality that poses a problem.” Figured as much. We neared several Awakened with their arms outstretched in the air, limbs shaking with effort. Their trembling lessened considerably when Pickle and the other diggers joined in. “Their may be another one or two Warlocks hidden within these Sloths, but we’ll have to check that at a later date.

“So…?” I asked as we neared the entrance. “How much are we talking about?”

“Sixteen Warlocks and seventy-eight Shapers. Us six not included.” So that means a hundred Exiled in total. I’m beginning to think the Gods are playing a trick on me.

“I’m probably guessing that doesn’t mean we’ve got sixteen lieutenants and seventy-eight worth of sergeants?”

“No, captain. I don’t know what they teach them on the surface, but to call it broncshit would be a compliment. Their combat strength puts nearly all of them at recruit level… private at best. Though one can actually be considered a corporal.”

“Mmmm, a corporal. Not bad.”

“He’s an exception, sir. In more ways than one.” She furrowed her brows. “Those few that could classify as private made the cut only barely. The main problem is that they’re-”

“Too slow.” Sly raised an eyebrow. “I know. I’ve dueled one of them before. Can’t quick-cast a spell to save their lives.” I sighed. “At least tell me that their summonings went well.”

“No problems on that end.” We stepped out of the tunnel and back into the alcove. The Awakened were now neatly split into two stacks. The left stack was, by far, the largest. Hammer, Dirk, and Dagger were busy making their rounds through its ranks, periodically stopping and commenting on the mock battles held throughout this group. Sly gave my arm a tug, speaking up as we moved towards the smaller stacks on the right, “As you can see, their demons are all still in their larva stage, though your friend Maximilian seems to be the exception.”

The right stack consisted of sixteen Awakened, divided into three, neat columns, with a familiar bald man standing alone next to them. Each person was flanked by a smaller demon, their height barely enough to reach chest level. Most of them had pointy-ears, a variety of skin colors, and the wings you would expect of the average imp, though two of them were notably different.

The first one was the barely recognizable imp standing next to Maximilian. The thing seemed to be nearing the end of its transitioning phase. Its frame and limbs had elongated to twice the normal length of an imp, hands replaced by a set of sharp, bone-tipped spikes. Back bare and devoid of wings as two extra pairs of spiked limbs had taken up residence in that area. The imp had morphed into an obvious Envy demon, perfectly suited to his masters Sin, for there was no face. Just an empty slate, one which could be changed at a moments—such was the way of Envy. Didn’t think that Maximilian cared so much about other people’s opinions. What bothered me were the numerous ears growing on different parts of its body. An obvious reflection on the inner workings of Maximilian himself.

“Mister! Mister!” the solitary man shouted when we neared the group. “Do you know where brother is? Grumpy man won’t let me see him.” The bald man proceeded to point at the demon standing in front of the formation; a tall, lithe incubus who shielded most if its bare skin with a set of mighty wings curled around him. The demon looked over its shoulder, revealing a set of amber eyes surrounded by a golden mane. Long canines visible as he snarled at me with a bestial growl before giving a deep bow towards Sly. “Mistress.”

“Stand down, Monac,” Sly said. “My Pact mentions nothing about courting other males. You would do well to remember that.” The demon let out another low growl; one which caused Sly to close the distance in a heartbeat, pulling his mane till their faces were barely touching. “Next time you growl at me, you better do it in bed. Or I’ll make sure that breaking our Pact will be the least of your worries.” The incubus furrowed his brows, locking eyes with Sly for a few more second before nodding. “See,” Sly said as she tapped his cheek. “That wasn’t so difficult, now was it?”

“Mister! Mister!” the bald man shouted again. He seemed happy when I turned my attention towards him. “Have you seen Rick? I don’t know where he is.”

“Why don’t you ask your demon?” I answered dismissively. I was far too distracted to take his questions seriously, instead my attention was focused on finding his imp. I though this group consisted solely of Warlocks. Did Sly fuck-up somewhere?

“Good idea, mister!” the man said before looking down. “Thump-Thump, do you know where Rick is?” I didn’t notice it at first, but there was a large pool of dark gray mud spread beneath his feet. Its surface rippled before it gathered up into a small hill, reaching waist height, as various holes hollowed themselves out on the dark, sticky surface, creating a series of shapes that vaguely resembled a face. The thing opened its makeshift mouth, only to say something that barely resembled human speech, “Maaaaaaaaaaa.”

“You do?” the man said, making a small jump of joy. “Lead the way, Thump-Thump!”

“Maaaaaaaaaaa.”

The man made a rapid series of hand gestures before something akin to a mud saddle sprang forth from the demon’s skin. He plopped down onto it, letting his legs get sucked into the mass of mud squirming beneath him, firmly fixing him into place.

I watched in amazement as the sentient pile slowly began sliding its way towards the Awakened on the other side of the alcove. “Sly,” I said. “I thought I told you that I needed all the Earth-affinity mages you could find.” I looked towards blonde lieutenant. “Unless I’m completely mistaken, but that seems like a Sloth demon to me. Care telling me why he isn’t digging?”

“Quite simple, captain. I deemed him… unfit for any position requiring any form of responsibility.” She shot me a glance. “In case you didn’t notice, captain, he’s -”

“As dumb as dirt,” I finished, massaging my temples. Why do demons have to mimic their owners…. “Please don’t tell me he’s our only Earth Warlock.”

“I’m afraid he is, sir.” She looked at me with pity. “And he’s the only one I actually deem to be corporal level strength.”

“Is this before or after realizing he’s stupidity incarnate?”

“After, captain.”

“Gods preserve me. An actual idiot savant.” My temple massage had evolved into full on knuckle rubbing. “I want eyes on him at all times, and see if that brother of his can actually make him do something useful.”

“Got it, captain. Any other requests?” I almost let out a yelp. Her voice was flat, but the covert butt-squeeze conveyed her hidden implication quite well.

“N-no, lieutenant. That will be all.”

“A pity, sir.” She stealthily slipped her hand back. “Mind me introducing you to your new officers?”

“I take it they’ve been informed?”

“Indeed, they have, captain. Everyone here has accepted your proposal.” For now. The fact that Sly maintained her poker face was enough info. Everyone had either accepted, or pretended, to follow this new hierarchy. But that meant that dissidents were bound to start trouble sooner than later. Trouble that we could ill afford when everything is trying to kill us.

“In that case, proceed as planned.”

Sly nodded before inclining her head towards the “maaaing” mud-hill crawling away into the distance. “As you can see, sir, I’ve had some difficulty deciding the one to head our Earth-affinity Warlocks, due to the abundance of choices. So I’ll leave that decision to you, captain.”

“Thank you, lieutenant. I think I’ll take command of this promising bunch.”

“Thank you, sir.” Some snickers could be heard from the other Awakened. “I’m sure Pickle will appreciate it. I’ve left him in charge of those Earth mages belonging to the Shaper class.”

She pointed at the leftmost column which was pitifully small compared to the other two, forming a grand total of three people. The head of this column proceeded to step forth; a brown-haired woman who had lost half her face, and eyesight, to some hideous scarring. A single golden eye locked gazes with me, for the other socket was but black and empty. “This is Hilda,” Sly said. “She’ll be in command of the Wind Warlocks while Dirk and Dagger concern themselves with whoever makes the cut in the Shaper group.”

“Nice to meet you, Hilda.” I stepped forward to shake her hand, surprised to find her grip strong despite her thin frame. We’ve got a survivor here. These were wiry muscles built by adversity, not the kind that came from lack of nourishment. The woman didn’t utter a sound during the whole process, keeping her gaze fixed on me before stepping back into line.

“Next up we have Maximilian.” Sly motioned the noble forward. Behind him was the rest of the middle column, forming a combined total of six people. “He’ll hold the reins on the Water Warlocks for the duration of our stay. Though I’ve left Hammer to deal with those Water mages lurking in the Shaper portion.” I shook his hand for good measure, almost rolling my eyes as Maximilian finished with a formal bow.

“Last up we have Isabelle.” The spiked menace broke away from the rightmost column, this one as large as the middle one. “She’ll be in charge of the Fire Warlocks when I’m not around, or too busy keeping stupid Fire Shapers from committing suicidal charges.” I wanted to shake her hand, but it proved to be quite difficult with all the spikes protruding from her body. She must be really nervous. After a few vain attempts, I settled on a simple head nod. The redhead seemed thankful for it as she quickly moved back to her original spot.

All the while I studied the imp at her side, seemingly normal save for the blotches of red that permeated his brown skin. Must be newly summoned. Whilst watching, I had a distinct feeling of discomfort. One whose source made itself known when I looked a bit further down Isabelle’s column. The sleepy eyed man was situated in the back. I didn’t see him move his head the moment I looked his way, but that made my suspicion only grow. The feeling was gone now, but it was a feeling I knew all too well. It was that little tingle in your back, that sixth sense shiver of danger. It seems I’ve found my future meat-shield.

I could not help but smile as I turned towards my newly assembled band of misfits.

“Before I reveal our tunnel’s destination.”

“Tell me... does anyone here hate spiders?”