"Then, the god of love, Sairel gave us her tears. Her love for us coalesced into the Cenna. It is through the Cenna we love, we feel joys and tide over sorrows. The Cenna shows us worlds we couldn't have seen. Cenna is the gift of life, and it is to be guarded with ours".

- The Tears of The Goddess, 13:67

Honestly, seeing Yuki was a punch to the guts. As I saw the same upturned eyes, that toothy smile, I was instantly transported to all those years back to that final day in Kyoto that had broken the camel’s back.

It had been a summer day much like this. Or at least I think it was. After so long…I’m…I’m not sure. Strangely enough, I don’t remember what happened back then. Not in exact words and…It was just a memory in splashes of colour and…and the tears.

As the girl with the fishing poles stepped closer to me, I backed away even further. Yuki also…that day she had been this happy. She…we rarely had been happy those days. “Look, Look!” Yuki had pulled on my shirt. “They aren’t fighting!”

But I had known it was a lie. I had already seen the divorce papers, rifling through Dad’s cabinet. But I couldn’t tell her…not when she…. Yuki bounded through the endless vermillion gates of Fushimi Inari shrine, her face beaming with joy. If only I had kept my mouth shut about the other woman…But back then, I was a kid. And kids tell things they aren’t supposed to.

I was broken out of my stupor by the sight of the fisher-girl making strange faces at me. She waved her arms and pulled her cheeks, her thin fishing rod dancing in the air like a strange tail behind her.

“Yuki”, I sputtered with a dry mouth. “How, how are you here!” I all but screamed in Japanese, rendered broken by disuse. She…she should be all grown up by now!

She tilted her head. “Eh? Foreigner”, she said in Aruvahn while nodding. Her next reply took me aback in its harsh, guttural sounds and rapid speed.

That’s not Aruvahn. I smacked my lips. Shit. Shit. Shit. What the fuck’s going on? I repeated my question in Aruvahn and without the hysteria.

“You doo speak, eh eh? I thought you were mute! Or woorse!” Her eyes grew wide, “stuupid!” She tilted her head again, her black locks dancing. “Whose Yuki? I’m Temera. Yoou?”

She isn’t Yuki?! My mind reeled. Has she lost her memories? I knew my mouth hung open. Did…did the gods send her younger self here?

“Hey! I’m speaking to yoou!” the small girl complained. “Is he Dazed oor soomething?” she wondered aloud.

“Dressir, Temera-larr”, my mouth moved on autopilot. Is she even Yuki? But then how does she look exactly…

“A gentleman froom the city!”, Temera exclaimed, her voice a pitch higher. “So poolite! I feel like a…a…nooble lady! Like that froom last night’s plaay!” She cleared her throat as she spoke again, this time trying hard to hide her country twang. “Dressir…” her knees bent in an awkward bow, no doubt emulated from last night’s performance.

“Eri…kivala”, I spat out the first word that came to my mind. Shit! Almost gave away myself there!

Temera’s small nose crinkled, “Kivala?”

Oops. I guess I fu…

“I understand”, she gave a sagely nod. “Poik in our village also has a weird name because his parents love poik fish. I won’t laugh at your name, Kivala-torr”, she said with all the sincerity of a twelve-year-old. Her suppressed smile gave away the fact that she, in fact, was very amused.

Even her smile is like her. She really isn’t Yuki?

“Yoou new here, aren’t ya? Yoou staying at Krossels’ inn?” she grimaced as she spoke. “I hate the smell of Daze”.

“Well, I’m not smoking any”. My stomach sank as I considered other possibilities. Did those fucking gods bring Yuki too? My knuckles turned white. If they so much as touched her…

“The sun isn’t goona wait for us”, Temera bubbled, her previous thought already forgotten. “Coome with me! I knoow the peerfect spot!”

As I stared at her, I… I need to find out. I need to know. My hands trembled at the thought of Yuki having been transported to this shithole of a world. On the other hand…if this is really her…a slight smile broke my lips.

“Please”, I agreed. One way or another, I will find out.

Staring at a fishing line for hours on end could be the worst thing if you didn’t have the patience of an old Japanese man babbling about how the evil city gobbles up innocent country folk. At least that was what hours upon hours of fishing with Yuki’s grandfather had taught me.

Well, it certainly hasn’t taught me fishing.

I rolled on my sides to avoid the midday sun as I lay at the base of a grassy knoll overlooking a calm section of the river. Temera had stuck both our fishing poles in the soil, while we lazed about, eating small berries.

This is so fucking boring!

The little girl chattered on and on beside me, her face going through a palette of emotions in accordance with the story she was currently telling. How do people in the village have a personal life with a chatterbox like her?!

“…and then, Rossie fell ill. Then we found oout she was gooing to have a baby…” she gesticulated wildly as if she was the one going to have the baby, their scandalized parents and the excited father all at the same time.

Who the fuck even is Rossie?! By now, I had probably heard about all the houses in their village.

My eyes caught the slight flutter of the pole. Sure enough, the tiny bit of twig being used as a float bobbed down. Something bit! I lunged, eager to catch at least one fish.

Temera whispered shouts of encouragement, ready with the bucket.

….And nothing. I reeled in the empty line, now devoid of its lure. Yep, fish 5, Rigel 0.

“Here”, Temera offered me another piece of bug to spear on the hook. “Um, Kivala?”

“Yeah?”

“Yoour beard is lying oon the grass”

The fuck?!

I whipped my head to see the tawny beard I had stolen last night lay on the grass, its cheap adhesive worn away by the sweat and friction.

“I…um”, I stammered. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “It’s you see”, a cold sweat covered my forehead.

The girl nodded with her eyes cast down. “I oonderstand”, she whispered. “Faerad…well. It’s noot my first time seeing soomeone run from soomething”, she hesitated. “Smugglers, thieves…people who owe more than they can pay…”

“I could be any of those”, I drawled. I don’t even know if it’s Yuki but… “You’re sitting here with me alone”.

“I doon’t think you’re a bad person, Kivala. Bad people doon’t sit around and fish”.

Really? That’s a fucking strange logic. Oh well.

“Besides”, Temera flashed a gap-toothed grin. “I can whoop yoour ass with this pole”.

“I have a sword, Temera”. Calm down. This might not even be Yuki.

“And I have a fishing pole”, She said. “Which oone do you think would catch more fish?” she added confidently, her tiny fists on her waist.

What even…

“Don’t hang around with strange people”, I warned her. “They might be dangerous”.

She looked at her with her legs pulled up to rest her chin. Her black pupils gazed deep within me, almost as intently as the Lord of the Land. “Are you, Kivala?” she inquired. “Dangerous”.

With the things I have done… “Maybe”, I said. I can’t… I didn’t know why, but the yes wouldn’t slip out of my mouth. Maybe it was her face…speaking of that…

“So hey Temera”, I asked. My heart pounded in my chest as I formulated the rest of the question. I gulped. “You look very different from the rest of the people here”.

“Ooh yeah, everybody says that”, she nodded while she pulled at her line. “My foother….” She grunted as she landed a big fish that screamed as it was hauled out of the river, “People say he was a travelling salesman froom Huenxuan. Right bastard he was! Leaving my mother like that!” she sputtered without a care in the world, all the while putting her third fish in the bucket.

She might not be Yuki after all… A sigh escaped my lips. I was looking forward to it so much? My shoulders slumped at the realization.

“I’ll share soome of mine!” Temera assured me. “I can catch more than I need!” she said gleefully with her fists pumping the air.

Still. Such uncanny resemblance… a chuckle bubbled up my throat. Might not be. All I have are my memories and a few photos I haven’t seen in years. Maybe I just really wanted Temera to be her.

“Well then”, I yawned. “Wake me up after sunshadow”. The goddamn elf is gone again anyway who knows where. I rolled over on the soft grass as a sweet river breeze played with my wig.

“Ooi! You!” she grumbled. “Doon’t sleep!”

I’m not. Just that…she reminded me too much of Yuki.

It was well past sunshadow when I regained consciousness. Ow, my neck! I stared accusingly at the rock I had slept on to cause such a violent soreness. Sword, check. Dagger, check. Bag, check.

I looked around to find Temera asleep as well, her tousled and salt-matted hair framing her soft face.

You really aren’t Yuki, huh? My fingers brushed aside her hair to reveal her drooling face mumbling unknown words. Gossiping even in her sleep. I could feel the corners of my mouth lift up in a smile. I tucked her disorganized locks behind her ears. This isn’t Yuki, I told myself. This isn’t Yuki.

I shouldn’t be touching kids I don’t know. “Temera”, I called softly.

“It’s noot dawn yet”, she drawled.

“Temera”, I shook her.

Something splashed nearby. The bucket trembled.

Oh wow. The bucket now held six fishes, all thrashing and trying to escape the scant water inside.

“Aiiyee!” Temera yelped. “It’s already evening! I need to retoorn! Oh no oh no oh no” she panicked.

“Weren’t you keeping watch?” I asked while I reeled up my line. What the fuck? Not only bait, but the fishes ate half the line!

“Noot by choice!” Temera grumbled. “Now hurry up before I get thrashed at hoome”.

“Alright, alright”, I relented and started walking. “Too heavy?” I asked as I saw her struggle with the bucket.

“Help”, she said with a red face as she tried in vain to nudge the bucket.

Well, no harm I guess. I grabbed the bucket and…Oh shit, that’s heavy!

“Near the river”, she pointed.

Huh? Why? But I dragged it towards the river, my breath coming in ragged gasps. The fuck why these fishes are so heavy!

A snarky smile played on Temera’s face while she walked beside me. She kneeled down to pick up a fish from the bucket and…threw it into the river. One after the other, she released four back in the river. They disappeared with a slight plop, never to be seen again.

Why did you catch them then?!

“No sense in taking moore than I need”, Temera spoke as if she read my mind. “Greed is oor biggest enemy”.

Mature for a kid. But then again, I looked back at Faerad, it’s tin roofs glowing in the setting sun. Kids grow up fast in this world.

Temera even waved at the fish, “bye bye!” She puffed her cheeks and complained, “doon’t laugh!” as she saw me shake with laughter.

I put my hands up in apology.

“This way”, she pointed. “Quickest way to village”.

Our way back was through a dense thicket. The sky just divested of its sun threw the last of its light on the bushes and trees we passed through and formed eerie, contorting shadows. But for the first time in a long while…I wasn’t on my guard. My hands didn’t rest on my weapons. In fact, I found myself whistling along with the lilting song that Temera sang as we walked.

“O, ho the boats return~ their bellies like pregnant fish/ as the stars twinkle up, our fathers chart the seas~”

Where did Faeve go in such a hurry back then? I pondered as I tried to sing along to the song.

Temera turned back, her face set in a grimace. “I can see why they named you Kivala”, she shook her head. “Goo back to whistling”.

This kid!

“Ha ha”, I retorted. “Says the girl about to get beat”, I wagged my finger. “It’s nightfall, you know~”

“Don’t remind me!” she cried. “Hurry! Hurry!” she urged.

As I picked up my pace to match her trot, my eyes caught onto something. What’s that?

A small shrine made of driftwood and rocks stood askew in middle of an overgrown knoll. The wood and rope decorations had faded their colours and now hung like ghastly sentinels to an empty tomb.

Temera turned back and followed my stare. “The old shrine”, she whispered as if afraid to break the sanctity of the place.

Just a rundown shrine! What I she even paying respects to?

“And disused”, I pointed at the grasses and vines that had engulfed the shrine in their grip, as if in a bid to reclaim the land for nature. Good, at least one god is gone. My mouth curled up in a sharp smile.

“It used to be soo full of life”, Temera spoke softly. “Fathers and soons prayed for a good catch, wives and daughters prayed for their safe return; women prayed for a safe childbirth…” she continued as she walked towards the decaying structure. “When I was little…”

You’re still little!

Her feet crunched the fallen leaves, “Fish-oil lamps would burn ool night, they’d bring back corals and bits of the sea that goot tangled in their nets and offered it to the shrine. We would all wait for the harvest on the month of shadow”.

I know how it ends. Faeve told me in her ‘news’…

“The Daze changed all that”, she kneeled down and brushed her hands on one of the fish statues. “The day thoose men came and made their dazefields in the valleys woos the day we forgot to fish”.

Matches with what Faeve saw in her night sojourn. Daze crops planted all over the valley and the meadows. The villagers weren’t just addicts. They were the farmers. A labour force bound by their addiction, stupor, and mounting debt to the Noble that controlled the fields.

“What’s stopping them from running away with the crop?” I had asked Faeve. “I mean, why use addicts as farmers in the first place?”

“Lord Asper’s men and their whips”, Faeve had replied with a grimace. “I’ve seen this before. They’re never given enough Daze, just enough to staunch rebellion. To quench that thirst, they soon sell themselves, their wives, their children. Slavery is disallowed in Ebraven only on paper and for lesser nobles. Higher ups like Asper…” Faeve had taken a sharp breath of air, “the Aristocrats look the other way”.

So that’s why not one fishing boat leaves Faerad.

Temera sat up straight. “I wish all the Daze woould just burn away”, she sighed.

That’s not how it works, kiddo.

“Time to go”, I urged as the last bits of light disappeared. Firefly like bugs swarmed the dilapidated shrine as if to replace the old oil lamps that no longer burned.

Temera nodded and started walking, only this time in a veil of silence. When we reached a forked path, she swerved on her feet. “Here!” she gave me one of the two fishes in her bucket.

“You sure?” I asked. I dug through my pockets to pay her.

“I doon’t need it”, Temera said. “I don’t want your cooin either”.

“But…” I stared at her tattered clothes, patched in places.

A slight blush crept on her face. “It’s foine”, she insisted.

I’ll definitely get her something before I leave. She might not be Yuki, but…still.

“See you tomorrow!” she chirped. “Meet me at the secret place!”

I nodded. I might not even be here tomorrow. We needed to leave fast. Temera had seen me without my beard. She said she won’t tell anyone, but… kids tell things they aren’t supposed to.

Like all self-respecting people who ever went fishing, I hauled the fish on a bit of the line, as if I had caught it. Take that suckers! I mentally fist-pumped at the throng of people who lined both sides of the streets and marvelled at my catch.

Huh?

Pretty soon, I realized they didn’t marvel at anything. Their empty eyes traced the roads while their muddy feet dragged their body forwards. Their taut frames bucked under the load of the heavy farm instruments on their shoulders. Occasionally, their eyes would stare at my fish and gleam but would soon dart away as if it hurt their eyes.

My skin scrawled as dozens of people returned home without so much as a conversation between them, a river of silence despite the throng of humanity.

As I stepped inside the inn, the familiar scene of yesterday played almost verbatim. Men sprawled on misshapen furniture, already Dazed out of their minds while thick white smoke threatened to engulf all light from the flickering lamps.

The innkeeper stared at me like his eyes would fall off before he darted his eyes and made himself busy with his hookah.

What’s going on?

I took the stairs that penetrated the gas cloud and lead upwards. Is Faeve back yet? I pondered while I steadied myself on the groaning stairs.

Huh? The door to our room was ajar. Lurid yellow light spilt from it onto the dark hallway.

Something’s wrong.

I took out the wakizashi in my hand as I approached the door. Just as I was about to…

“No need for such alarm”, came a voice smooth as silk. “Please come in”.

Tch. My muscles tensed. How did he even know I was here?

As I entered, I found a man leaning on a chair with his legs up on a table.

Huh? These furnitures weren’t here, I thought as I stared at them.

The man traced my eyes. “I redecorated”, he answered while he cut a fruit with a small knife that glinted silver. “I wonder how Krossel stays in business with these horrid rooms”.

Expensive suit…not from Salrest…the capital? Gold and silver buttons, silk kerchiefs…Ah ha!

“With your Daze I presume, Lord Asper”, I retorted. This is the fucker.

“Sharp. I like it”. He motioned his two guards to bring me a chair. “Please sit”.

“I’d rather stand”, I replied, my hands resting on my weapons. Where the fuck is the useless elf?

“As you wish”, Asper nodded. His hands smoothened the creases on his coat before he replied, “I presume you know why I am here”.

I can guess. “Have I offended your Lordship in any way?” question is, what does this fucker want with me.

His laugh was like a blade that grated my ears. “Drop the act”, he rasped. “A man and an elf in my territory, armed to the teeth. Now, what should I make of this?” he leaned back further, his eyes glowed in the moonlight.

“Just two passersby”, I replied. “We have no…ill intentions”. Why the fuck is this guy so jumpy at two random people? A chill ran down my spine. Don’t tell me…

“I am not here to play petty games”, Asper wiped his mouth with his expensive silk kerchief. He took out a yellowish paper from his pocket, balled it up and threw at me.

I grabbed hold of it by reflex. Shit! It’s the wanted poster!

“I know exactly who you are, Torr-Eridan.”, Asper chuckled. “Your…exploits aren’t exactly very discreet”. He added after a pause, “it’s amusing that you think that cheap theatre-wig fools anyone”

Exactly who I am? My hands tightened on my blade. Should I take Asper out first?

“Don’t be foolish”, Asper rasped. “These two aren’t the only guards I brought”.

You say that. But your face is white as a sheet.

“A Moon-Elf shaman is targeting you as we speak”, Asper grated. “One snap of my fingers and…poof”.

I grit my teeth as I forced myself to relax. “Seriously, the reward money isn’t worth it to a noble like you”. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Is that all that is? Does he know I’m Rigel as well?

“Maybe”, Asper regained his composure. “But I am a Von Armatech”.

My eyes bogged. He’s a relative of that crazy girl? “You’re Grisaia von Armatech’s family?” I stuttered. “You guys put out that wanted poster?”

“Not me”, Asper grinned. “But uncle was always a bit soft on Grisaia. No doubt she pestered them hard enough to get this done”.

Shit, shit, shit. This is bad. Very bad. It’s not even the reward anymore! But…. My tensed muscles relaxed a bit. He hasn’t connected me with the “demon” Rigel.

Sounds of commotion floated up from below. Resounding cracks sounded as tables and chairs broke in the bar.

Asper nodded at one of his guards.

The guy left to check the trouble out. Before leaving, he turned around at the door, saluted Asper and said, “Stag protect”

Asper nodded back. “Stag protect”, he whispered.

That stag thing again?

“Now tell me”, Asper leaned forward. “Give me a reason to let you walk free”.

A cold sweat broke out on my forehead. Wait…what’s that? My eyes fell on a strange brooch that Asper wore: antlers carved out of gold that branched finely. Stag!

“How about I give you three”, I rasped. Well, here goes nothing.

“One”, I put up my forefinger. “You don’t care about Armatechs”.

Asper raised his eyebrow.

“Ebraven nobles follow only the four officially sanctioned Churches. But Stag…isn’t one of them. Don’t tell me…you’re in this frontier village because the main family has sidelined you. They aren’t very fond of apostates after all”, I paused. My heart hammered in my chest. I’m fucked if I am wrong. “Why would you listen to a brat from the main family?”

Asper chuckled. “Don’t you think I’d be in the good graces again if I handed your head?”

“Nah”, I replied. “From what you say, Grisaia’s tantrums aren’t important enough to risk taking an apostate back”.

Asper looked into my eyes, his pupils evaluating. “What’s the next reason?”

“The Sun-Elves want me. I am an Aivern, the chose—”

Asper cut me off. “I know what it is. One can’t do business with them without hearing about that damn Tree”. He paused for a bit, his mouth quirked up. “You’re an Aivern? I thought it might be the case but…thunders and clouds, still unbelievable when you hear it”.

That makes my job easy. “So you know that they want me. Handing me over or killing me kinda puts a dent in that plan”. Please please work. Where is Faeve anyway? Imma fucking kill her!

“You won’t piss off your trading partners, would you?” I said as sweat trickled down my brow.

“You don’t know a thing, boy!” He chuckled and then pressed his lips together. “And the third?”

“The elf is holding a dagger to your shaman’s throat”, I lied through my teeth. I don’t even fucking know where she is! You really thought we would be that careless? Yep, we totally were! “Besides, I escaped a squad of assassins, what makes you think I can’t do the same here?” I don’t even know what a Moon-Elf shaman can do, goddammit!

Asper’s eyebrows scrunched together. He twisted the ring on his hand. “You’re lying”, he said while his feet twitched.

“What if I am not” Good, he can’t communicate with the shaman to verify.

Asper grunted. “The Sun-Elves did tell me to let you and your elf pass. The night of the speared moon is tomorrow. Torr-Eridan…” He stood up. “I do not want any trouble. You and your elf companion stay away from my affairs, and I’ll stay away from yours. It’s a border town. Everyone is running from something. We don’t need to cross paths while doing so”.

He motioned to leave. His guards filed out, protecting him.

“And hey”, He threw a bundle of cloth at me. “My compliments”.

“I don’t want it”, I held the cloth bundle. The sickly sweet stink of Daze from the bundle was overpowering.

“A principled man I see; better than us smugglers and slave traders”, Asper sneered. “But that’s not what my contacts in Salrest tell me”.

After he left, I crumpled on the floor. So much for laying low. Fuck!

A knock sounded on the door. Familiar footsteps stopped beside my prone body on the floor. “You’ve Dazed?! You incorrigible rintrump shit!” Faeve spat.

The veins in my neck throbbed. This shitty elf! I sprang up and caught her by her collar in the same motion.

Her eyes widened. In a flash, her blades were out.

I pushed her lithe form against the wood wall, my hand grabbed her dainty wrists and pinned them over her head.

The dagger in her hand sank into the old wall with a dry sound, her hands still on the hilt.

“Where were you”, I rasped, my face barely inches from her.

Faeve gasped, her legs bending to knee me in the stomach.

Oh no, you don’t.

I pressed my body onto hers without leaving a gap. A faint scent of grass and sweat emanated from her and swirled into the meagre space between us.

“Where. Were. You”, I snarled. My hands grabbed her other dagger and pressed it on her throat.

“Made contact with Sun-Elves”, she trembled as she spoke. She licked her lips. “Let me go”, she said.

I could feel my jaw bunch up. The soft undulations of her body nestled on my skin. Her green eyes trembled.

“It hurts”, Faeve pleaded.

I took a deep breath. What am I even doing? I pushed the dagger in my hand into the holster on her body, my fingers brushing her hip. I retreated a few steps.

“I didn’t Daze”, I said with a gravelly tone. From the corner of my eyes, I could see her rubbing at her wrists that had now grown crimson.

“Yet”. Faeve turned away. “Tomorrow at sundown we enter the nearby forest, from there… the mountain of trees”, she said with a tone of frost.

Temera’s fish turned out to be a delicacy. Even Faeve ate more than she usually did. She did stare at me strangely when I told her I caught it myself. Probably best not to tell her about Temera. Faeve looked surprised when I told her about what went down with Asper.

Her lips pressed together when I told her the Sun-Elves knew we were coming. “Probably the Tree”, she whispered.

“Oh hey”, I said. “What’s that thing?” I pointed at the ring that gleamed on her finger. It wasn’t there before!

Her eyes darted downwards. “Identification; need it to show it at gates of Olyelnore.”

“Got it from the Sun-Elves?”

“Aye”, she shrugged. “Rest up; we have a long way ahead tomorrow”

“Yeah”, I nodded. “You must be happy. Soon you’ll be rid of me”.

“Aye”, Faeve looked outside, her gaze far away. “Aye”.

Huh?

Ocean waves roared and crashed in front of me in white surf. Countless stars stretched in a boundless sky with four moons.

This…this isn’t Sangraal…

Pitch black sand stretched as far as I could see behind me, all the way up to the horizon. The wind howled, but none of it touched my skin, or so much as ruffle my hair.

A dreamscape? Mine or…

Ocean water swirled with a great rumble. It wasn’t the sound of waves but of a gurgling river rushing to meet the ocean. The water swirled and swirled, its phosphorus glowing like millions of fireflies caught in a whirlpool. The air cloyed with an oppressive scent.

Aura of the Divine? About time that damn Astria showed up.

But as the water grew more luminous, I began to grow less sure. Her aura never manifested this way…the dreamscape is also…

From the eye of the whirlpool, driftwood arches and river stone pillars started to emerge. Fishes and other glowing aquatic organisms hung on to its doors, archways and staggered ziggurat dome at the top.

This…this looks familiar. Wait, what’s that?!

A small figure jumped down from its top, water cascading its lithe form.

Wait, that’s not Astria!

“Rigel”, the figure said in a voice of a roaring river, “we need to talk”