《The Girl in the Abyss》Update
Advertisement
Update
Since reaching trending my story has received a lot of feedback. I’ve been struggling with writing now that such glaring issues have been pointed out, so I have decided I will do a lot of changes.
I’m hoping to take this time to ask those who have read my story to point out things that should be addressed. My current to-do list can be found below.
Pacing: This is the most common criticism and to be honest I am having a hard time with it. Suggestions on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Friendly to quick: I am going to rewrite that those bound to her cant lie about bad things. It was kind of in place already Ellie just wasn’t fully aware. I am thinking of making it a skill, so it's clearly stated. Examples would be Kenneth could say he is fine when he is not fine, and that would not trigger the lie detection since it's about him. If he were to say “I’m not going to shoot you.” As he was about to pull the trigger, then it would trigger the lie detection. LitRPG stuff is getting in the way: Ellie gains a lot of skills most of which will not show their relevance until later. I will move stuff that’s not required at that moment to a status log at the bottom of each chapter. Torture time Part 2: I’m going to rewrite the intro to this part so that the events take place outside the cooking guild. The catalyst will be the gruesome and mangled body of Harrison in their shared room. I will also make Morfran’s desires for death powers clearer which is why he did all of this. Ellie’s trust in Safe Haven: She clings to people who are kind to her. I don’t think I will be changing this part, but suggestions are welcome. Foreshadowing more. Clearer motivation eailer on.
Advertisement
In the meantime, I am going to do a simple story with 2k word chapters to try and improve before returning to ‘The Girl in the Abyss.’ This story is very precious to me, and I want the changes to make it the best it can be.
Thank you for reading my story,
Lumia / Amber
Advertisement
- In Serial42 Chapters
The Gamer Magician
Synopsis: When he fails to become an apprentice for the Mages Union, Nico Kanazawa must push the limits of his magical abilities. But can he establish a place of power before the magical forces of the city devour him? Does not contain: Harem, Post-apocalypse, Portal Fantasy Does contain: GameLit elements, Progession, Spell Analysis, Urban Fantasy Outspan Foster is the author of staples in the GameLit+LitRPG genres such as First Song and The Crafter. He started his career on royal road, and is now a small, full-time author.
8 111 - In Serial62 Chapters
Embrace the Ether
To burn away the old, rebuilding it anew. Countless years ago, a terrible war came for the ancient Primordials, casting down their once believed immovable dominance and securing the rise of a new empire. The Ether was fractured, broken into numerous pieces as peace was hard-fought. Thrown into this new hectic land, Deus must come to wield an unexplained power, one that threatens both his sanity and life simply to use. If he wishes to survive, he must learn not only how to harness this strength but how to grow and expand it, altering the path of those around him. What he doesn't know is that he's found himself involved in a terrifying plot hosted by those demons of old, a game of sorts to decide the fate of Midnight. Does Deus have what it takes to survive, or has he found himself trapped in a plot he has no hope of escaping? Note: This story has a slow-build and takes awhile for the pace to get going. If that isn't your thing, this may not be for you. Heavy emphasis on world-building and character creation and progression. --------------------------------------------------------------- • Release Schedule • Chapters will be released weekly, with some occasional alterations throughout. This may not be a permanent adjustment, but I'll do everything I can to remain active. --------------------------------------------------------------- • Important FAQ • Q: What is the cover art from?A: The current cover art for ETE is called 'Run Boy, Run...' which is a work from Gustavo Arteaga's collection, which can be found here - https://gusart.artstation.com/https://www.instagram.com/sirgusart/ If you're the original artist of the work and would like me to remove your content from my cover art, please send me a private message telling me so. I'm not making any direct profit off this story or the cover, as everything here is a passion project. Also; This story and all its chapters are a work-in-progress, and may be altered at a later date. Don't expect perfection, but I am trying my best. Look at everything posted on this fiction as a first draft.
8 155 - In Serial89 Chapters
The White Horde (Revised)
The rewritten version of the same ongoing story, recast into Past Tense and lightly edited. Inspired by the intrigue, drama, and destruction whispered to us by ancient history, this story is set in a world where magic is slowly dying, and decadent empires struggle against each other as well as against the barbarian hordes pushing ever westward. The story is told from the viewpoints of three people whose actions will change the fate of nations and empires alike: Amazonia. More than just a female gladiator but a champion of the arena, she will win her freedom at a price: to become a Reaver Knight not seen since the days of ancient Babylonia, with a mission to save the empire that enslaved her from destruction at the hands of a rival empire, the Sasnayams. Wysper. A Celtic priestess stolen away from her homeland by Muzen, high priest of the Sasnayam deity Yun-Kax, she possesses a mana node like a second heart inside her body which Muzen rips out each time he 'sacrifices' her to their god to appease the masses. Despite her strong will, everyone has a limit, and Muzen's actions have driven Wysper close to the edge of suicide. Greywolf. Son of the infamous Shadow-walker, Ghostdog, and the Celestial Asena, who was once revered as the Wolf-mother goddess, but now guards caravans for drinking money. His boring life will change when his impulsive act puts Wysper's life in danger, yet saving her risks his death, or enslavement at Muzen's hands. And all the while, the White Horde sits on the edge of empires, biding its time...
8 111 - In Serial82 Chapters
Souls Reforged
The multiverse is slowly being corrupted. Many universes have already fallen into decay. As their worlds crumble the World Lords, ancient beings of immense power, call out to their long-forgotten creator, asking for aid. Their requests are answered, however the form that aid takes is rather, unexpected. They are not given more power or direct intervention. Instead, they get a few handfuls of weak unsuspecting souls in need of endless training, as soldiers. If that wasn’t bad enough. An entity that was ancient before their universe was born, is assigned to keep an eye on the help. The entity in question isn’t exactly happy about it either. None of the parties involved are happy with the situation, but they will have to learn to work together if they want to survive what is coming.
8 217 - In Serial24 Chapters
A Bridge From Balor
Ireland, 1305. Six are called: warrior, druid, healer, scholar, harper, witch. Summoned in a dream on the Eve of May, they are charged by the Earth itself to thwart an invasion from another realm. Note that I might be over-cautious with the content warnings. "Gore" consists of some fights and people turning to stone. Sexual Content appears infrequently, is intrinsic to the story, and never graphic. Chapters to be posted every Friday and Tuesday Cover photograph courtesy of SandiePhotos www.sandiephotos.com.
8 181 - In Serial8 Chapters
The Tale of a RunAway (Peterpan x reader)
Your abuisve mother has been treating you awful for years. After skillful planning you finally snuck onto the Jolly Roy, but is that really the ships name?
8 207
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
