Recalling back these times, she felt that her actions were too foolish. Indeed, it can be considered silly too. As time passed, she felt a wider gap between them. With no common language or topic that they could talk about, she took the initiative to sustain their friendship by learning the different lingos used in the army.

Eventually, it had become a chore to her and she was too tired of guessing what he implied in the messages sent. Much of it was due to his attitude towards her, which made her feel that she is dispensable. All that she knew, it was not fair for her.

Communication deteriorated after he graduated from Basic Military Training. He then went to his unit and held a vocation as a Security Trooper.

After a week passed in his new camp, she asked him, “How’s the culture there?”. He lamented, “It is very different from what was used to be as compared to Basic Military Training, but have to see how things go.” From what he said, she knew that he was not able to blend in with his section mates. She hoped that he could find mutually common topics so that he could clique and blend with his newly allocated section mates.

During that time, she faced challenges and felt overwhelmed by her school work, and have little time to detract from her focus. Not wanting to act as a further burden to him, she did not tell him about the difficulties she faced in school. She thought, “He was already facing some issues in camp. Not being by my side, he cannot do anything even if he wanted to.” Hence, she swept her concerns below the carpet, put a brave front, and gave him an 'all is well' look. To him, he felt that she did not extend much of her concern towards him, as compared to what she did before the school term starts. She believed that this was the leading factor that caused their conversation to eventually collapse.

The meltdown began when he sent a gif of a teddy bear lying on a moon, which he will not usually do. She guessed that he might felt stressed at that time, she then asked, “What happened to you?”. His replies then spaned from a few hours and can last to several days. Most times, she will either receive a one-word answer or simply a double blue tick.

Feeling down, she took the photo that they had taken when they joined the Singapore Airline fair from her display cabinet. Originally, she thought it lost its significance and value, and decided to allow the blazing flames to engulf that piece of photograph. She then thought twice. It was her memories, that she initially treasured. No matter how much she hated how he treated her, she cannot bring herself to erase that portion of those she held close. She wanted to get it out of her sight. It is now currently lying somewhere in the corner of her room, in one of her files, that was far and difficult to reach.

National service curse, she believed, had befallen her. She remained very cautious in maintaining their friendships, where she sought her cousins, close friends, and anonymous people from the community on the Discord server for help when things turned for the worse, before the point of no return.

Replies received from them were:

"How to communicate with him when he clearly does not want to talk",

"If he does not know reciprocate, then how?",

and "He would not leave your messages hanging like this if he cared for you".

Though these words were harsh but were true enough, she recalled.

Despite throwing many indicators on her social media and sending him text messages to see whether there are any possibilities to reconcile with him. These chances she gave were not cherished. It turned out that it seems that she owed him this favor.

As the academic week progressed, her assignments and group projects started to pile up. Staying up late till midnight, she was too busy doing revisions and looking through the lesson materials. Hence, she did not have much time to spend thinking about this matter.

The silent treatment lasted for about three months. Until one day, as she was scrolling her social media channels, she realized that he had blocked her contacts. Initially, it hurt her a lot but she knew the outcome was expected. This day will come sooner or later.

Shocked and confused, she turned to ask for advice on the next move that she should take. It was the first time she received such childish acts from her close friend. She thought, “As a guy, isn't it a very petty and immature act to do such a thing?”. Gossiping him with her friends, she labeled him as a kid.

After much consideration, she decided to remain status quo and not retaliate against his actions. As the famous army saying goes, "Act blur, live longer". It was beyond her reach to try and understand what he really wants - her attention or...

As she recalled the struggles and uncertainties that she faced at the beginning of the second semester, it was a hurdle for her. Her self-esteem plummeted and doubted her own capability. She questioned, "Without any peer support, how am I able to proceed?"

Never did she know that he had become her strongest pillar of support. Be it a habit or not, he is always there for her in the past. However, things are not the same. The encouragement that came from her bunch of friends, has become the drive that keeps her going.

Thought he was her whole world, she always put him in the first place and compromised how she felt. She had lost her usual self and personality. It was a sign that the relationship is predestined to fail.

All that she knew was that the bonds that they forged were very close. Being a year older than him, she treated him like a little brother. At the beginning of the year, she sent a text to one of his friends to see whether they contacted each other. From one of his replies, little that she knew that he wanted to be more than just friends and that the heartbreaking text she sent hurt him badly. Those words that he took it seriously, “I treat you as my cousin. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Brutal enough, the last message she received was - "Enough was enough. Bye". These words echoed in her mind and the feeling felt so surreal. He will not, never, ever turn back again.