The evening sun wakes me from my slumber as it shines upon my face. The room I currently occupy is one of the former Frey residences that faces the West side. It is a small room with a desk, small wardrobe and bed suitable for a knight. As a lord i was given a room inside the castle so I didn’t need to sleep outside in a tent, but due to my low standing I was not given one of the better rooms.

The Frey rarely had visiting guests of high standing and fewer still who wished to spend the night under the roof of the late Walder. Most would rather choose to rent a room in one of the inns than spend more time than necessary with the Frey family. The combined with the huge family meant that space was limited so most of the good rooms were used by the family members, this being one of them.

The few noble guest rooms were occupied by the larger Nobles like Umber and Bolton, while the small Lords like myself were delegated the rooms of the remaining Frey. Ironically the dead members’ rooms are still unoccupied as it is considered in bad taste to kill someone and sleep in their bed the next night.

Instead the surviving family were evicted- no, sorry, i mean they willingly relinquished their rooms for their guests while they moved to either the servant’s quarters or barracks.

I rise from my bed, shirtless but still wearing last night’s trousers, and moved to the wardrobe in search of clothes. The servant that led me to my room also told me that they had brought my luggage from the main camp, as well as settled my horse in the stables.

This was about 4 in the morning, when after spending half the night walking and drinking, I made my way back to the keep and caught one of the night maids to show me where I could sleep.

Luckily, I ran out of ale outside the keep and was too far to easily refill. Combined with my superior constitution allowed me to sober up enough before my exhaustion caused me to sleep outside where I would have likely become sick. Without a barrier between myself and the ground, the heat from my body would have been drawn away and I would have caught pneumonia.

After stripping myself of yesterday’s clothes I chuck on a fresh set and leave the room. My first stop is the well outside where I draw a bucket worth. Taking a few gulps first to quench my thirst, I then use a cloth to wipe my face and body from most of the grime. The cold water is brisk upon my skin and despite the lack of soap I feel a thousand times cleaner. After making my way to the kitchen i ask the chef to give me something to eat. He informs me that dinner for the soldiers will be in an hour and to wait till then.

It was clear that he mistook me for a peasant, and normally i wouldn’t bother arguing, but because i was particularly hungry and I didn’t want to dine in the hall with the other Lords I informed him of who i was.

My name seemed to give a rather dramatic reaction, whitening face and shaking hands that he almost dropped his knife before clutching it closer as if to protect himself. Thinking for a second it was an understandable reaction. He is one of the Frey’s chef and I am likely considered a bogeyman in the keep after last night’s antics.

Though he looked to doubt me for a moment, but either he saw me before and now remembers my face, or the look in myeyes convinced him how serious i was. He immediately apologised and offered to cook some stew if I desired. I told him not to go through the trouble, just get me some bread and jerky from the pantry.

With it I made myself a sandwich and made to leave before pausing at the doorway. I turned and tossed a stag I received from my pocket.

“For your trouble.” I spoke before leaving. I thought there was no point scaring the poor man over a meal, especially if I am planning to stickaround. That’s right, I decided to stay.

I admit I debated it for a while. In fact, it was just before I went to bed that I thought I would definitely leave. As soon as I woke I would grab Brutus and my horse, ride for White Harbour and my family, then off to Essos. Where exactly i don’t know.

I figured that there was no point sticking with the army, if I did then I would just be made to kill more irrelevant people. The ones truly responsible for the war and Ned’s death are in the capital, but this war won’t lead to their deaths. I could tell from Rob’s tone that while he hated the Lannisters like Tywin and Cersei, his desire lied in his sisters return.

So long as Sansa remained with them, their death would never come. Even if we sieged King’s Landing and destroyed their army, so long as Sansa remains in their hands they can bargain for their lives. The only ones to die are soldiers that follow orders and maybe some bannermen that had no part in what happened in Kings Landing.

I am not saying killing is evil, as that would be hypocritical. I would and have killed for self preservation, for my loved ones and for benefit. The problem is I could see none of these fighting the Lannisters.

At least till i closed my eyes to sleep.

In my dream i watched as Ned lost his head, only to disappear and be replaced by the other Starks, Rob, Sansa, Bran, Arya and Rickon. I watched as their lives were taken from them, all because they got wrapped up in schemes not their own.

Every time that blade swung, stripping the world of a young wolf, i felt a piece of my heart disappear as well. When the last head fell, and my tears had dried, I found myself face to face with Ned. Literally, as he was only a head, as he looked at me with disappointment.

“Ben, was my vow so weak that it lasted not even a year before you have forgotten?” He asked in a somber and soft voice. I looked at him in confusion, until his face disappeared and a different scene appeared. An open field with 2 riders side by side. It took a moment to realise it was me and Ned.

I am pretty sure I know what is coming next, but i still watch anyway. “Those who keep their oaths are in short supply these days, knowing another is serving my family brings me comfort.” Ned drew his sword. “I swear to you Ser Baskerville, by the gods New and Old, if you protect my family, I will protect yours.” As Ned finishes swearing his vows he stays in that position for some time before he disappears again.

I feel tears come again and it seems even dried as my eyes are they can still produce the flood. It is only now I realise how mistaken I was, nearly betraying the qualities I once thought so precious.

I wanted to flee the war to protect my family and avoid suffering. But the Starks are a part of my family, brothers and sisters I spent years watching grow into the people they are today. Ned was my friend and betraying his trust will cause my heart to suffer. Since I will face pain stay or leave, I will choose the method most likely to preserve my family.

Though in the great scheme of war maybe I will have little effect, but I know Rob and the North will have a greater chance winning with me here. And should our army fail on the field, I will take to the woods and hills, and deliver my terror to the Westerlands. For as long as soldiers bearing lions try to take my home, I will grant no peace to the Lannister lands.

With my decision made my dream vanished and only the eternal darkness welcomed me. With my mind and soul at peace all remained was to rest my weary body and prepare for what would come.

*****

After an hour I made my way to the main study, previously belonging to Walder Frey but has now been repurposed by Rob into a meeting room for the War council. After asking a guard where Rob was i was told there had been a meeting earlier but I was asleep at the time and Rob ordered that i be left alone as I was in need of rest. On the way up the tower to the study i passed by several Lords who were descending.

“Good lad. Keep your head up.” Lord Umber says patting me on the shoulder as he passed. He gives a huge smile and I nod while returning a grin. The other Lords are far less friendly, but most greet me with a ‘Milord’ as we pass which i return. Some look to me disapprovingly, but whether that was for missing the meeting, my previous behaviour or some other reason is unknown. I dismiss those and greet them all the same. After they all passed, I continued up the tower before reaching a room with a thick door and 2 guards standing outside.

“Inform Lord Stark that I am here to see him.” I speakto the one on the right who bows shortly and knocks on the door before entering. A few seconds later he exits the room and tells me i am allowed inside.

As the guard closes the door behind me i take in the room. Rob is sitting behind a desk with a chalice and pitcher of what islikely to be water beside him and several pages with writing laid out in front of him.Lady Stark is standing to the right behind him, from what i assume was her previously pacing.

“Ben! Glad you are feeling better. I wanted to call you for the meeting but thought some sleep would do you better so you had a fresh mind. I was going to send a servant to fetch you after the meeting if you had awoken, but it seems you beat me to it.” Rob says with a smile, my improved demeanour obvious to him.

“Sorry for my tardiness, Lord Stark. In truth I should have slept much earlier the previous night, but I needed time to clear my head.” I don’t return the informal greeting and instead slightly bow my head. As i raise it i look him in the eyes and try to bring out the elephant in the room.

“More so than my lateness, my foolishness is what I really feel the need to apologise for, My Lord. Due to my arrogance, I lost dozens of your soldiers and abandoned them to their doom on the day of the attack. They were brave and loyal men, who joined an unknown commander to attack a heavily armed fort with far fewer numbers. If i had kept them contained and retreated when I had the chance, or just made greater considerations for a counterattack, then maybe they would still be here to serve you.” When i finished kneeled to the floor. “I await any punishment you choose to give me, My Lord.”

Rob waits for a few moments then places the quill e was writing with on the table. Lady Stark looks to me for a moment, then turns to face Rob, appearing to wait for his decision like i am. When Rob speaks hedoes so in a tired voice.

“*sigh* several people have approached me concerning that. Some like Umber think what you did was disappointing, but considering your accomplishments could just be waved off as no rewards and no punishment. Others like Roose think you did the correct thing and has expressed admiration for your tactical talent. He wants you to be in charge of the armies scouts,so you could plan more effective ambushes in the future.” Rob starts with the good news before giving the bad.

“The majority however think you fucked up and acted disgracefully, the knights in particular, but you haven’t exactly been winning many points with them recently. Most viewed you as a competitor for fame and promotion until recently and your lack of tact last night did nothing to win you any friends. They argue you should be stripped of your title as punishment. The biggest problem lies with the commoners. A lot think you were a coward to abandon your men to the enemy. Even the few survivors of your unit don’t have much to say in your defence. Most of them call you a demon, someone who can perform the impossible and slaughter our enemy, but treats our own like shit as well. They don’t dare gossip about punishing you, but most just want to keep as far away from you as possible.” Rob explains with a smocking smile.

That is understandable. What they are saying is mostly true, though there are a few exaggerations and assumptions, i can’t argue the events. I feel like the best comparison for my reputation at the moment is that of Gregor Clegane, ‘The Mountain'. A powerful fighter who is renowned for his strength and his cruelty.

Though it is likely nowhere near asbad as his, afterall he has been known for years and has never done anything to contradict his reputation. Besides i have never been particularly cruel to the peasants, my reputation born of cowardice rather than rage. A shame my previous popularity has been forgotten

Huh, actually it seems i am ironically more similar to the ‘Kingslayer’ than the mountain. Jaime may be a renowned fighter but his most famous act is his stabbing of the Mad King in theback, a cowardly and dishonourable act in the eyes of nobles and commoners alike. His glory as the youngest Kings Guard swapped for the shame of being the only one to kill their king.

“In the end i can’t just dismiss your punishment, not if I want to keep the moral of the army. But I am also not going to do something stupid like dismiss you for a single mistake. Instead i am revoking your right of command. I will announce that you are never allowed to command any forces other than your own. I am instead assigning you as the forward scout on our march to Riverrun. You will risk your life and use your accomplishments to make up for the ones you Lost.” Rob declares solemnly.

Rob decides my sentence and i have to agree that it is a good one. The right of command refers to the fact that during war what a noble says pretty much goes. Unless a soldier or servant has been given orders otherwise they are required to cater to the commands of the nobles, as their ‘superior officers’. I being stripped of that right means I can’t give anyone orders and am automatically considered thelowest in the chain of command among the nobility for whatever unit i join. Assigning me to the scouts is just another way to shame me as it means living in the pen and venturing into dangerous territory ahead of the army for days at a time. On top of the risk accompanied it is considered undignified and improper for one of nobility

But the second ’punishment’ makes the first pretty much irrelevant. The one in charge of the Stark scouts at the moment is Theon, who knows better than to give me trouble if he wants to avoid some good-natured sparing at least. On top of the fact that scouts require being seperated from the army for extended periods means no-one can give me orders most of the time anyway and we are left to our own devices.

As for danger, i had confidence in escaping from the entire Northern army when i was right in the middle of it, i am pretty sure i can avoid some patrols.