《Of Men and Dragons, Book 1》Chapter 11
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-Two days ago-
Angela was bored, or maybe more accurately, she was going stir-crazy. She hadn't been alone this long since, well, ever. Even when Jack was asleep, there was usually plenty to do. Monitoring Jack's vitals, scanning whatever system they were passing through, or even just trying to pick out fragments of old radio signals from the background radiation of the universe. But with Jack and S'haar gone, and her sensors muted by the mountain currently burying her, Angela had never had so little to occupy her attention.
She'd thought about shutting down temporarily to kill some time, but then she worried that some damage to the ship might prevent her from starting up properly again. Also, what if there was an emergency, and Jack came back early and needed her help? The seconds or minutes it took to boot up could be the difference between life and death! What if the mountain collapsed further around the ship, sealing Jack off from his home? What if...
As Angela's processors started feeding themselves ever more improbable doomed scenarios, her avatar faded into existence despite no one being present to interact with her. She examined herself with one of her sensors as her avatar stared back. After a moment, she finally spoke to herself. "Wait, I've seen Jack react this way before. This is anxiety... This is a... panic attack...?"
She'd witnessed Jack experiencing a panic attack a few times. It was a reasonably common occurrence shortly after their family died. Usually, they happened when he was required to leave the ship and travel into unfamiliar territory. As the years passed, the attacks happened with increasingly reduced frequency. Regardless, she could still pick up a spike in anxiety in him whenever he left the ship. Over the years, he'd developed various tricks and other methods for dealing with the stress, many of which were second nature for him now.
Angela had never felt anxiety when Jack left before, not like this anyway, but she'd usually ride sidesaddle with him via a signal connecting him to the ship from some type of transmitter. This time an entire mountain was blocking signals going out and coming in, preventing her from keeping an eye on her little brother.
She knew how attached he'd grown to the ship and her, but she hadn't realized the same thing had happened in reverse. She watched as she shook her avatar's head at herself and chuckled. "I'm a right mess, aren't I?" 'Looking' right into a sensor, she continued her thought. "I'm even talking to myself. Who has ever heard of a ship talking to herself?"
What did Jack do to calm himself when the anxiety was getting too much to handle? Well, for one thing, he used puzzles. Not jigsaw puzzles or the like, well, maybe once in a while, but not usually. When he was out and about, he'd start doing math in his head. That wouldn't help Angela though. She could do math too quickly and easily. Besides, that was usually only a stalling tactic until he could get somewhere to do some real stress relief.
When things got really bad, and Jack realized it, he tried to "reset" his brain. He'd usually put on a demanding video game while simultaneously watching a movie, and sometimes even listening to music as well. Doing so many things at once overwhelmed his brain to the point it couldn't dwell on anxiety, and his body would slowly stabilize itself. The process of flushing various fight or flight chemicals from his mind usually took a minimum of 20 minutes, then he was able to think more clearly and objectively.
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Angela didn't have any chemicals wreaking havoc on her brain, but maybe a similar tactic would still work to calm her processors. Perhaps if she distracted herself for a bit, she could think more clearly once she reexamined the situation.
Looking through Jack's library of classic games, she decided she should start with something challenging. "He always enjoys the more brutally challenging games when he's stressed. Maybe one of those will do."
Shortly after starting up the game, she could tell it wasn't going to be anywhere near enough. With all the processing power available to her, Angela had way too much time to react perfectly to every attack. It still might be a good idea, but maybe she needed to scale it up a bit.
Angela started going through Jack's library of games he'd acquired over the years. Any that caught her eye got thrown up on a different monitor.
As her experiment got under-way, a small corner of Angela's program noticed a whole two hours had passed since Jack and S'haar had left. It was going to be a long two days.
-
Jack and S'haar were finally on their way back. This was the longest Jack had been away from his ship in years, and he could feel himself becoming unreasonably annoyed by the smallest of things. That was usually a sign that stress had been building up in the back of his mind, and he had to start watching himself for signs he might be on a downturn. Initially, he'd been distracted by small things like survival and keeping a mountain from burying him alive. When that slowed to a less immediate demand, he'd been distracted by getting to know his new companion and the new world that now held him captive.
Now that they were headed back home, Jack felt as though a weight were lifting from his shoulders. Something about going home always made him breathe a little easier and allowed him to think a little more clearly.
He felt a little ashamed that he was just sitting in the cart while S'haar did all the work. Not that He'd ever been the heavy lifter of the pair up until now, but there was something to be said for pulling one's own weight.
Shifting his weight to a more comfortable position, Jack could see S'haar lost in her own world as she pushed the cart along. Deciding they both needed a break from their thoughts, Jack thought it was time to break the relative silence.
S'haar seemed to notice Jack's attention as her eyes suddenly focused on him instead of whatever inner vision they'd been looking to before. Jack decided now was as good a time as any to bring up a possibly touchy subject. "Mind if I ask you something personal? If you don't want to get into it, you can tell me to mind my own business, and I'll leave you be, but I was wondering, what happened to alienate you from the rest of the village? I know about the captain of the guard and the hunter chief, but there seemed to be plenty of decent enough people in the village. For example, Lon'thul seemed really interested in being friends with you."
S'haar flashed a bit of a sad smile. "Lon'thul is a nice enough kid, but he's just a young pup who doesn't know what he wants yet. Hell of a hunter though. In the lodge, he's second only to his father."
Shaking her head, She continued. "Well, since I know your sob story, I suppose it's only fair you know mine. My isolation started before I ever left the guard. While I don't envy your history, I do envy your family. Your dad sounded like a real decent guy. Mine wasn't."
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S'haar took a deep breath and refocused on the distant horizon as she spoke. "He was a guard like me, but he liked to drink way too much. He was always missing patrols, and even when he went, he spent most of his time patrolling the inn. The only reason they let him stay in the guard was that he was unbeatable in the ring. More than a few of our guards learned dirty underhanded tricks that saved their lives after getting beaten down while training with the old drunk."
S'haar's grip on the handles was tightening enough that Jack could hear the creaking of the wood in her grasp. "The only other time he was of any use was if raiders showed up. He enjoyed killing far too much. The only times he'd come home sober was after he got to kill something or someone.
S'haar developed a scowl that would terrify Jack if it had been directed his way. "Other than that, the only time he was home was if he needed a place to sleep or sober up. I'll never know what my mom saw in him, maybe there was something more to him once, but it was long gone by the time I knew any better. Everything he made was spent on drink and women, leaving my mom and me to fend for ourselves."
S'haar's eyes hardened, and her smile developed a feral edge. "Then the old bastard crossed one line too many. I'm not sure who's mate he got caught in bed with, but it was someone important enough that he got himself exiled in the middle of winter. Can't say I miss him. The world's definitely better off without him."
Jack was stunned. He knew S'haar had no patience with what she considered "useless males," and with a father like that, he could understand why. Jack was suddenly very glad he'd ended up on S'haar's good side, at least so far.
S'haar's face calmed somewhat and took on a sad expression, as though she remembered something bittersweet. "Thankfully, my mom was different. Her only real sin was her love of that waste of a man. Because of her, I grew up loved and healthy. My happiest memories were all of the times spent with her. In the spring, summer, and fall, we'd go wandering in the forest where we'd forage for supplies to feed ourselves or sell in town for food. I never knew what she did to bring home food in the winter, and now that I know a little more about the world, I'm not sure I want to know, but our home was always warm, and there was always food on the table."
S'haar's expression darkened as she continued on. "The only thing I'll never forgive her for was giving up after my father was gone. He never did anything for her, but something in her died when he did. She never fully recovered, it took years, but eventually, she just faded away, leaving me on my own. How she could ever become so dependant on someone so worthless I'll never understand."
S'haar's expression changed again. This time it was merely the look of someone who'd been through more than their fair share and was profoundly tired of life's offerings. "After that, the days began to blur together. Everything I owned was taken as payment to provide food and a place to sleep until I was an adult. The other kids started out picking on me for being an orphan. In turn, I'd hit them for opening their fat mouths. I guess I inherited a bit of my father's talent for fighting because, after enough squabbles, I caught the guard's eye. They took me in, and that was my life until recently." S'haar shrugged. "You already know what happened after that."
A lot of pieces fell into place in Jack's mind as he took in everything he'd been told. They traveled in silence for several minutes, listening to the creak of the wagon and the song of some creature trying to find itself a mate, or maybe declare the bounds of its territory.
After a bit of the mood relaxed, Jack took a breath and spoke up. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that. No one ever should have to experience something like that, especially a child... Sadly, we both know the universe can be a cold and lonely place. However, for the record, I'm glad you didn't let it break you. There's no one else I'd rather have as a guide, bodyguard, and friend."
S'haar's eyes sharpened with a look that Jack was coming to associate with her sometimes sharp sense of humor. "So we're friends now, are we? Here I thought you were the boss?"
Jack smiled in return. "You and I both know that without your help, my odds of surviving this world would be negligible at best. I'd say we're both helping each other out. You're not just some muscle I hired. You're a partner and a friend... I hope."
S'haar looked lost in thought for a minute, then grinned. "Friends, huh? I know you tossed that word around before, but I just thought you were trying to get on my good side. I suppose I could let you try out for the role. Though I warn you, I'm not the easiest person to get along with."
Jack grinned and shrugged. "Well, if you'll put up with me being a relatively weak, traumatized, shut-in, I suppose I can, in turn, put up with you having a bit of a temper and being blunt with your thoughts."
The smile slowly left S'haar's face as she grew serious once more. She looked at Jack as though searching for answers. "How do you know I wasn't broken?"
Jack was momentarily stunned by the sudden shift in the subject. "I'm sorry, what?"
S'haar looked withdrawn, as though weary of the answer to her question. "When you said you were glad I didn't let my experience break me, how do you know that I'm not broken?"
Jack smiled for a moment making sure S'haar was looking at him before he answered. "That's simple. I know you're not broken because you are still moving forward. A broken person stops fighting. They just lie down and give up. You might bear a scar or two where no one can see, but you are still moving forward, you're still trying to find a place for yourself in life..." Jack chuckled. "And I have no doubt that if you can't find a place for yourself, you'll make one. For the record, I pity anyone stupid enough to get in your way."
S'haar gave Jack her best predatory grin. The one that always slightly unsettled Jack. That many sharp teeth had no business being on one person's mouth. Then with a look that made Jack think S'haar was the real dragon, she replied. "Well then, don't get in my way, and I'll try and keep you alive long enough that we can both find our place in this life."
Jack laughed a little nervously before shaking his head and responding. "Fair enough, it's a deal. You know, crashing on this ball of mud you call home is starting to seem like it wasn't the worst mistake I've ever made."
S'haar laughed as well. "Well, being left as a sacrifice to such a mediocre dragon is starting to have its own bright side!"
-
As Jack and S'haar pulled up to the cave, Jack felt relief wash over him. He was back, and all was right in the world. Aside from a broken foot and acquiring a new mortal enemy, everything went as planned. S'haar found a place to park the cart next to the ship's door, and Jack hobbled out as S'haar grabbed the first armful of leathers and meat to bring inside.
Jack was a little surprised Angela hadn't already opened the door to greet them. Instead, he placed his hand on the scanner next to the door. After a moment, a chime sounded, and the door opened. The sight that greeted him left him speechless. Whatever he had been expecting, this was not it.
Every screen in the ship was playing a different game, and at every screen was a different Angela, screaming at the game in question. "Who programmed this buggy mess? That's bull. I dodged that in plenty of time! Where the hell is the ballistic fiber hiding? Why does Gandhi have a nuke?"
Jack just stood there stunned for a moment before speaking up, his voice betraying the fact that he was wondering if he hadn't finally gone the rest of the way off the deep end, and this was all the resulting hallucination. "Ummm... Hi, we're home?"
A dozen or more Angelas yelped in surprise before fading from existence, leaving the screens unattended, half of which were soon displaying some variation of "You died."
One Angela avatar re-appeared before Jack and a now very confused looking S'haar. Angela had the good grace to look abashed that they had walked in without her noticing until Jack had said something. Looking at Jack out of the side of the eyes of her downturned head while one hand rubbed the back of her neck Angela replied, her voice fading into an ashamed squeak as she spoke. "Uh, hi! Welcome back! Has it been two days already? My how time flies..."
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