《Energy》Energy 36: Elsewhere
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There are, before me, so many paths that I couldn’t begin to count them if I wanted to. All of them call to me, singing their own, sweet songs. Some call louder, some barely whisper. All are beckoning.
I can see a little bit along each path.
Some paths are paved in blood.
Others in light.
Some in stone... bone... broken or pure.
“I will make you strong” or “I will make you swift” or any number of other temptations echo simultaneously, their meaning passing through me, waiting for my answer.
A million, million decisions, and I know for certain that I want nothing to do with any of them.
Every path, no matter how bright, dips eventually into darkness. Some go quite high before they fall, but many simply fall off straight away.
It all ends in darkness.
My eyes take in the lines, tracing every path as it disappears away, hoping I can find something… anything.
My search goes on. Boredom doesn’t exist here, as time does not flow. How can you be bored if nothing has changed? You’ve been here but a moment, and maybe not even that.
The paths get louder, more insistent. Perhaps there is some change.
“You must choose” at the same time as “You have no choice.”
Lies, half-truths, and full truths. All promising success, glory, fulfillment…
They know me. They can see me. Who and what I am. Their calls get personal, tantalizing me with the return of my memories, the bonds I once had…
But it would be empty now.
This world is not that one.
Even if I remembered, the others wouldn’t. I’d be more alone than ever, stuck with knowledge but with no one who cared. Greeting my mother only to have her look at me as she would a stranger.
The paths writhe, angry. Their calls, once individualized, unique, devolve into a mantra, repeated over and over into infinity.
Choose.
Choose.
CHOOSE.
The words are all-consuming. I can’t see the paths anymore, nor hear anything but the mantra.
I couldn’t say how long the torment went on for.
One moment passed, and I opened my eyes again to behold nothing but soft white all around me. One single path forward.
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And I walked.
-----
The platform I had started on had disappeared from view by the time a hole in the floor opened beneath me.
Falling holds no fear for me here, but only because it’s here. This dreamlike space makes certain truths readily apparent, and among those is that the real danger is not from falling. It’s from what you fall into.
I’m now brought face to face with that horrid darkness, cracks of lightning lancing through it and crackling red static covering dark clouds. It’s a defined layer, where peaceful light becomes crushing dark, and I’m falling toward it.
The fear starts, but not for long.
A small platform comes into view, hovering close to, but not inside, the darkness.
I land, far more gently than my velocity would bely, and come face to face with… something very hard to describe. A bipedal entity, to be sure, but it looks… blank. Like a naked mannequin, but fuzzy around the edges. It’s colored a light gray, but has no other defining features. It-
…
It looks a lot like that thing from the waterfall. The one that scared me into jumping.
But… gray, not inky blackness.
“Do you ever wonder why you are asked to choose?
Why there is any option for you at all?
I assume you guessed it. That, or you’re a coward, and insufficient for what I need.
Are you a coward, Amadeus?”
Its voice feels like a liquid in my brain: ice cold, seeping into my very bones.
-“Th- that’s not… my name. Nobody calls me that.”
There is no visual reaction.
“It is your name. You’re ashamed of it because it’s old-fashioned and makes you feel weak, so you made something of your own. A figment of your imagination designed to protect you from yourself. You are a coward, Amadeus, and you can’t even accept your own name. You should go, you aren’t sufficient.”
There’s no anger, no derision, it’s as clinical as a doctor listing off life changing ailments, and the words cut deep. Not because it knows my name, but-
-“I. Am not. A coward.” I feel my eyes narrow, intensity filling my gaze. “Yes, I changed my name, but because I never felt like it fit me. ‘Anthony’ isn’t less than ‘Amadeus’, just different.”
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Something that could be a chuckle is the only answer.
Fury wells up in my chest, that this thing dares to criticize me. But… There might be truth to what it said. More than I want to admit. A lot happened to make me try to change myself. Even without specifics, I remember that time very clearly. The name was only the label I gave that change.
“Oh really? Then I must ask you to prove yourself. I say you’re a coward, but perhaps I misjudged you. You will complete a test, one you’ve already done, in fact. Two words you may recognize: ‘Jump already’.”
I freeze.
-“Y-You? Were you that fucking thing from the waterfall!?” It looks different, but that might mean nothing.
“Not exactly. You could call him my… warden. A guard. Now jump into that darkness.”
-”It will kill me.” Not a question, I’m sure of it.
“Yes.”
“N-” I bite my tongue. Something’s up here. My pride is screaming at me to tell this thing to ‘fuck off’ or even take a swing at it… but that wouldn’t do anything. Does attacking a random stranger make you not a coward? Even if the one hit is a fucking asshole? And mouthing off isn’t worth a damn either because this thing has made no indication of hostile intent. It might even be unable to hurt me, and words mean nothing when the repercussions don’t exist.
But… is listening to the order to literally kill myself any better?
Yeah. I think it is.
This place? It’s obviously a metaphor for something. The paths I didn’t choose all ended the same way; with a deep, angry darkness consuming me. But that’s life. All the choices you make all lead to the same place.
You’re going to die.
I don’t think this thing is asking me to kill myself, but instead, whether I cower before death… or face it.
I walk to the edge.
The platform I’m standing on is so thin it might actually be two dimensional. My attention, however, is quickly stolen by the swirling dark clouds only around 20 feet below me.
I turn, staring for a moment at the mannequin, before looking down, and pushing off and out.
This time there’s fear… danger.
But I accept it. I’ll find a way back. I will face death, but only because I refuse to die.
My fall stops abruptly, a firm grip on my arm holding me in place. I dangle for a moment, confused, but mostly relieved, before looking up to see the mannequin.
“This is where I say something like ‘boo’, isn’t it?”
-”You believe me now.” It knows my outward calm is entirely fake.
“I do.” I’m hauled back onto the platform. “But it helped to see your thought process. You’re a funny creature. Your arrogance astounds me, considering your weakness.”
-”I was right.” Lucky. Lucky is the word I was looking for.
The chuckle again.
“Right enough to not let you waste yourself. We’ll see.” It pauses a moment.
“You would not make a choice that would willingly put yourself on the road to annihilation, so the choice was made for you. This path is much worse than the others. Much worse. And you will need to go down into that darkness at one point, if you continue to follow it. But… It does not end down there. Walk on. Find your way. Survive and I’ll see you again soon. Then I will answer your questions.”
A flash, and I’m back on the path again. I briefly look over the side, but can’t make out the platform I’d fallen to. Too far off, I guess.
Shrugging, I start walking again, and the world falls apart around me, fading to a soft blackness.
Congratulations! You’ve chosen the Path of Denial. You must honestly fucking hate yourself.
You have gained access to the ‘Traits’ tab. Earn traits by leveling up skills. Every skill has a unique Trait or tree of Traits associated with it, which will remain hidden until the appropriate skill level is unlocked.
Good luck!
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