Chapter 11: How Deep is this Hole?

I hesitated as the three guardsmen lined up in front of me, batons raised. The batons were long, heavy billets of some chocolate-brown wood; on their own they wouldn't have been much of a threat, but lightning crackled around all three of them.

"Stand down, Athos," said the guard captain—Tom, right? That was what Aerith had called him.

"Hey you," Aerith snapped, jumping in front of me. "Timanus, or whatever your name is! You can't just come up and kill my patient. Everyone cool it."

"Stay out of it," Timanus said. "He's not credentialed and I'm a Citizen. , , ."

Timanus was hiding behind the guards and didn't have a clear shot at me, but six glowing energy bolts launched themselves straight up into the air. They went up ten feet then swerved, each one vectoring in on me from a different direction. I jumped sideways, trying to dodge, but they turned again, having no trouble keeping up.

"," Aerith said in the Hellsport tongue.

An aura of shimmering ivory-and-frost energy coalesced around me; Timanus's Force Spike hit it and shattered.

"What are you doing?!" Timanus yelped. "He's uncredentialed! It's legal for me to hunt him and you can't interfere!"

"Of course I can interfere," Aerith said. "It's your choice whether you want to challenge me for it. Me, Master Life Mage Aerith, long-time consultant for the City Guard, a mage who earns over seven hundred Attunement a day."

For two long seconds, no one moved or spoke. From where I stood I didn't have a good angle on Timanus because he was hiding behind Captain Tom's broad chest. All I could see was half of his profile, but that was enough to tell that he was taken aback.

"Before you say anything," Aerith said, just as Timanus was opening his mouth, "Let's see if we can keep this civilized. I will apologize if my actions have inconvenienced you. We can agree that I simply needed to practice one of my non-offensive spells in order to level it up and I failed to notice that I was doing it in a way that interrupted your own practice. Some words may have been exchanged afterwards, but I'm sure that no insult was intended from either side. If you're willing to accept that and walk away, excellent. If not, and if you want to cry challenge, my name is Master Life Mage Aerith and I will choose all-Skills combat under the Solati Protocol. Now, did you wish to cry challenge for my purely accidental interference with your actions or should we call it a day?"

Wait, what?

{Murray! Get over here!}

Murray flapped quickly to my side, alighting on my head. "Wazzup, Boss?" he murmured in my ear.

He had said that he couldn't read my mind but that he could read my intent 'off my spirit'. Hopefully that meant that I could speak quietly without him missing anything.

{What's happening?} I asked by way of ears and tail and very carefully leaving out any vocalization.

"Hellsport law stuff," he said quietly. "I ain't a solicitah, though. I'm a translatah imp, nuttin' more. I ain't no exposition fairy and I ain't gonna pretend dat I am. Dose guys gotta real strong union."

I rolled my eyes and tossed my head slightly, although not hard enough to throw him off. We had a little time, but probably not much. The humans had calmed down; Timanus and Aerith were talking face-to-face with Bob and Captain Tom monitoring them while Fred kept an eye on me.

"Look, Boss, I'll get in trouble if I go beyond my contract. I got a review comin' up at da end of da century, can't afford no gold marks if I wanna get promoted from translatah imp." He paused. "Well...I suppose I could woik unda da 'exigent soicumstances' doctrine, make a one-time deal and like dat...waddya say, you willin' to pay fi'ty mana fah information on Hellsport legal code as it applies heah?"

{Yes!}

"Sweet. Let me just get dat—gotta be mana in claw, ya know." I felt a small prick where my neck joined my skull and a tiny, tiny fraction of my energy got sucked away.

"Okay, heah's da deal: Hellsport's a real open town. Very big on personal liberty an' responsibility, very down on dat whole 'rules and regulations' schtick, right? Dey got da normal rules dat anybody has—no arson, no poison in da watah, nuttin' like dat. Dose laws are all about stuff dat affects a large number ah people or da city as a whole. Da City Guard enforces dat stuff, and dere's serious penalties fah not complyin' wit' legal orders from dah Guard, fah offerin' dem violence or insult, or fah lyin' to dem in da course of dere duties. Ya buddy Eugene? He's in a lotta trouble if dese guys decide ta push it—not only did he cuss at 'em but he lied about havin' no cash. He's got his winnin's from da toinament.

"Anyways, dat's all city-related stuff. Personal stuff, dat's on you. Children an' pets have some legal protections but adults are expected ta take responsibility fah demselves. Wanna eat? Get a job, slacker. Don' want ya house boinin' down? Subscribe to ya local fire depahtment. Afraid ya might need medical soivices or summin' like dat, but ya ain't rich? Pay fah insurance. Somebody offends ya, challenge 'em to a duel. Somebody rapes ya, challenge 'em to a duel. Don' wann be raped in da foist place? Stay outta dahk alleys or hire a bodyguard. Not a fightah and yah afraid of being challenged? Hire a bodyguard and pay dah fee to da city so he's legally aut'orized to stand in fah yah in duels. Apud eundem legis is da fancy-schmancy way ta say it.

"Dere's a lotta legal stuff about duelin'. Dey gotta happen in an arena or uddah licensed location, not in dah middle ah da street. Ya can't interfere wit' someone else's duel, or wit' ya opponent before da two of yah get to dah arena. Ya can't use nuttin' in a duel dat might endanjah anyone except yah opponent. If the duelists set toims for the duel then ya gotta stick to 'em. Dat kinda t'ing. Dere's a lotta social rules around dueling, too. Like, if someone insults you, youse pretty much gotta challenge dem or you lose a lotta status. Dat's what Aerith is doin' right now: Givin' Schmuckboy a way to back down widdout losin' face.

"Anyway, all dat legal stuff is for credenshuled membahs ah society. Ya got no credenshul, ya got no protection. Dis guy heah, Timanus? He sees a dog wit' some powahful Skills, like da ability to put Spirit back inta someone. He can't attack a regular dog because it's presumed to belong ta somebody. Fortunately fah him, dis dog talks, so it's a person. Better yet, it's uncredentialed. Also, dah dog looks real hurt, prolly easy ta kill, so Timanus takes a swing at gettin' one ah dose Skills. Kinda a legal gray area, ya ask me. Ya ain't supposta use no offensive Skills in public areas—it's a health hazahd, ya know? Yah also ain't supposed tah mess wit' someone dah Guard is questioning. On da uddah hand, youse bein' uncredentialed means dat you don' exist in da eyes ah da law, and dis guy said he was a Citizen, not jus' some rando visitor or street trash. Dat means he's rich and powahful in dah local politics. Dah Homing meta-Skill he used means he wasn't endangerin' nobody, and he was aimin' at a down angle fah da first salvo so it would be hahd to convince a judge to do more dan give him a small fine."

This sounded bad. The entire point of this deception had been that I wouldn't have to fight humans, and here I had blown it within twenty-four hours of being in the city.

My initial flash of anger at being attacked had faded, and now I was faced with an unpleasant reality: If I wanted to, I could swat the guards aside without much effort (albeit probably taking some shock damage from their batons) and eat Timanus's stupid face. Foreonpaw, I hated the idea of hurting humans. Foreoffpaw, I figured that if you actively attacked me then you deserved what you got. Hindonpaw, if I attacked Timanus then I would probably end up hurting Bob, Fred, and Captain Tom in the process. I didn't want to do that; they'd been nice to me, giving me scritches and arranging to heal me.

Alternatively, I could run for it. That would mean leaving Eugene behind and who knew what would happen to him if I weren't here to protect him. Even if nothing bad happened, I wouldn't know where he'd been taken.

Actually, that might be a solvable problem.

"Hey, Fred," Murray translated for me. "What's going to happen to Eugene? Are you going to take him somewhere?"

The other conversation stopped and all of the humans looked at me. Fred glanced at Captain Tom for orders; Tom nodded.

"We'll take him over to the bastion on Third until he can make bail," Fred said. "There's a stable you can—"

{Thanks!}

Before Murray had the chance to translate, I activated Mystic Acceleration and took off at maximum supercanine speed.

o-o-o-o

"...and then I ran back here."

Marcus and Estelle exchanged glances. We were in the stable, with me sitting in my stall and the two of them in chairs they had brought out from the dining room, since I couldn't easily go in there.

"Did the guards ever tell you that you were detained?" he asked.

"No...?"

"Okay, then I don't know of any reason you'd be in trouble," he said. "Then again, the laws here are so bizarre that I can't say for sure."

"I need to get one of those credentials."

They both nodded.

"Sorry for that," Marcus said, abashed. "I really thought this would be the better way. Once word gets around about who and what you are, people are going to be actively looking for reasons to challenge you. That Spirit Transference Skill could be a real earner, especially for someone with a decent Restoration stat so they could afford to use it often. For the average person, if you burn a point of Spirit it takes a week or two to recover it, longer if you spend mana in the interim."

"So what do I do?"

"It's going to be tricky," Estelle said. "You get an ID tag when you come into the city, so simplest would be for you to leave the city and then come back in. Unfortunately, they'll let anyone in but going out again requires turning in your ID tag and signing an attestation that you have no pending debts, judicial actions, or duels. Regardless, you don't have the tag to turn in so you can't go out."

"We can probably get you one at the Acropolis," Marcus said. "I don't know how much they charge, though. Or what the procedure is."

"They might object to the fact that someone came into the city without admitting to being a person," Estelle noted. "We need to scout that out carefully before we go in. If it's a crime then we're accomplices."

I got a warm glow from the fact that neither of them had even paused for a moment before deciding they would help me. I had the best friends!

"Thank you, guys. Oh, also: After we get me a tag, we need to get Eugene out of jail."

"Do we?" Estelle asked. "We've satisfied all the terms of the deal we had with him, so we don't owe him anything. Also, he's a giant tool."

"Estelle! He's our friend!"

"He's a giant tool. Ever since a week after we left Ozurdati I have been keeping myself warm at night with the thought that once we arrived in Hellsport I would never have to see him again."

I frowned at her, then looked over at Marcus. "Tell her she's wrong."

He shrugged apologetically to Estelle. "I don't know. He's a little full of himself and he's got a temper, but he's not a bad guy. Besides, what will they do to him if we don't get him out?"

She studied him silently for several seconds.

"Fine," she said at last. "We'll get him out. From what Athos said that should be as simple as paying his bail. Unless the Guards are pressing charges, of course. Then he's completely screwed."

"Yeah?" Marcus asked. "I looked into their dueling code and as much as I could get of the law stuff, but I couldn't find a lot. What did you get?"

"If the Guard presses charges against you, you go in front of a magistrate. The Guardsman bringing the case is presumed to be telling the truth, so you need to be able to prove that they misunderstood or misremembered something. Easiest way is to hire a demon to put a Truth Compulsion on you, but that's expensive enough that you'll probably end up burning a couple points of Spirit. If you can't prove your case then the court has a variety of punishments that can be applied, ranging from monetary fines to forced labor to having your Spirit spiked out of you and fed to the demons. And, of course, if you manage to clear yourself of the charge then you've insulted the honor of the Guardsman who accused you and he'll probably challenge you to a duel once he's off duty. And Guardsmen typically do a lot of fighting, so they typically earn a lot of Attunement, so they typically have some really good Skills."

"Oh," I said. I considered her words carefully for a moment. "I think that would be bad. We shouldn't let that happen to Eugene."

Marcus snorted. "Well said. C'mon, Stel. Let's go save the day." He pushed himself to his feet with a sigh.

"Your funeral," she said, standing up and slinging her bow over one shoulder. "Let's get him to Zoola first and see if she can fix the bleeding. Then we can go back and talk to Simon, figure out if we can get the tag without going to jail ourselves. If so, we get Athos an ID chit and then we go save that smug little twerp."