Katie

I sigh happily, leaning my head against my crossed arms resting on the rail. All around us is the endless expanse of ocean blue, no land in sight. A slight breeze whips up, blowing briny mist up into my face. I take a moment to glance around the boat. It’s a rather impressive sixed personal pleasure craft, with bunks, a bathroom, and a little kitchenette down below, and a large enough deck for a few beach chairs and space to lounge around. Luna is coiled up underneath one of the lounge chairs to shield her face from the sun as she naps. She’s been doing that a lot lately. Barely sleeping at night, she often dozes for small amounts of time, never fully asleep, but just relaxed and trance like. She still has nightmares like this, but not as frequently, so it offers her a chance to get some rest.

Olivia is also out with us, reading a book on one of the chairs, dressed in a rather modest blue bikini top and black shorts. Her wavy blonde hair is pulled into a loose ponytail and her blue framed glasses sit low on her nose. She glances up, notices me looking, and offers me a smile. “Everything okay?” she asks.

I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s quiet today,” I comment. Lately the waters have been busy with fishing trawlers and cargo ships crossing through the waters. Luna and I have spent a lot of time hidden in the cabins or curled on the net below the boat. “Not that I’m complaining, it’s just a change.”

“Well, we have left the more commercial routes, so it should be significantly quieter for a while,” Olivia replies. “I’d say we’re about a third of the way. And I have to say, despite the more serious reason to this trip, I can’t help but feel on vacation.”

“It is a nice day. Maybe I should wake Luna and we should go for a swim, stretch some muscles.”

“Leave her for now, she’s finally sleeping. Goodness knows you both need as much rest as you can get. How are you holding up?”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. It’s getting a little longer, now dipping just below my shoulders. “I’m alright, I guess. Homesick. Really homesick. And I’m still afraid to dream as much as Luna is, but…I feel a lot less tense now. I think being out in the open like this, having a way out, so to speak, is helping with my nerves.”

“Good,” Olivia states with a nod. “Hopefully as time goes on, things can relax even more and you’ll feel better. Looking forward to getting back to Australia?”

“Yes,” I admit. “I’m starting to feel rather desperate, admittedly. I just want to see Sophie again, to let her know I’m okay.” I sniff, rubbing at my nose a little. “I’ve never missed someone so much before… To be honest, though, I’m worried about how everyone is going to react. I mean, they all think I’m dead, and now I’m going to show up, rather randomly, not only alive, but with a wild story, a million problems, and this,” I state, gesturing to my tail, flicking my fin as I do. “What do I even say?”

Olivia shrugs, closing her book as she stands and moves to lean against the boat beside me. “That’s a tough one. I mean, I imagine it will be a bit of a shock for Sophie, but she is practically your mother. She’ll just be happy to have you back and safe, I think. Everything else will be secondary to her.”

“I guess so,” I agree. “I think I’m going to take that swim now. I could use some time alone, clear my head, you know?”

Olivia nods and squeezes my shoulder gently. “Go for it. Just stay close and check in before sunset.”

“Will do,” I agree. “Don’t let Luna worry,” I add as I slip off the chair and pull myself the few feet to the edge of deck where it slopes low near the water. Glancing around to ensure we’re still alone, I dive off into the ocean. The water is refreshing and cool against my dry scales, a breath of relief to parched skin. While remaining out of the water is no trouble, the hot sun can make me feel irritatingly dry if I remain out for too long. Not enough to hurt or peel, but just enough that a dip in the water is a huge relief. Rolling onto my back, I stare up at the distorted light of the afternoon sun as it dances across the surface of the moving waves. The boat continues to motor away from me, but I feel no rush to catch up, knowing it will be easy to do so and I needn’t spend every moment chasing it down. Beneath me is an endless expanse of blue, a bottom I can’t see. I begin to wonder how far down I can go before the pressure starts to hurt. How deep can Mer dive, and how long would it take me to reach the bottom?

I find myself drifting deeper, not really thinking about it, and letting the cooler waters engulf me like a welcoming friend. Flicking my fin and swimming on the diagonal to keep some semblance of direction with the boat, I move deeper and deeper through the sunlit zone of the ocean. It’s rather peaceful, though far from quiet. The ocean is alive with the resounding crash of waves, shrill calls of gulls above and dolphins and whales below. While I don’t see any, I know sound travels quite far underwater and coupled with the increased hearing sensitivity of the Mer genes within me, I could very well be hearing something miles off. The water has grown a little darker, taking on a shade closer to indigo or cobalt, and I know I’m approaching a depth I wouldn’t consider diving this fast, or at all, and yet, there’s no discomfort. No air rising in my ears, no strain to breathe, and I feel relaxed.

The water around me suddenly bursts to life as a school of cod surge by just below me, seemingly oblivious to my presence as they dart around, bright scales flashing despite the low light. The school is large, and outer lines have a few slower stragglers, clearly elderly or sick.

I can’t quite understand, much less describe, the feeling that bubbles up in me. It feels primal, instinctive, but the next thing I know, I’m flicking my fin hard to dive down into the school. The fish scatter as I breach their ranks, their movements’ no longer in unison, but instead disheveled and broken as they weave away, treating me as a predator to be avoided, and it seems that’s exactly what I’ve become. I twist and weave with them, getting a feel for their movements, before I lurch forward and snap my jaws shut on empty water where a fish had been only seconds prior. With a growl of frustration, I lash my tail to dive back in, swinging the muscular appendage around to smash into the side of one of the medium sized fish. Stunned, it flaps its tail weakly, giving me a window of opportunity as I close my jaws around it, fangs crunching easily through scale and flesh to embed in the bones beneath.

I give my head a shake, feel its fin smack against my face twice before it falls limp in my mouth, the life draining away. The rest of the school is gone now, surging ahead and away from me, but I make no move to follow them, instead swimming up in the direction of the surface and the boat.

It’s only then, as I make my way up, that the haze around my mind loosens its grip and I realize what just happened. I spit the fish from my mouth, a thin trail of its blood drifting away from my lips. Disgust wells in me, not so much at the fact that the fish is dead or that I had the raw meat in my mouth, but that I caught it. Caught it, bit it, and drained the life from it with my bare hands, or more importantly, my teeth. And I’d done it without thinking about it, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. And yet, despite the strange and distasteful nature of my actions, I find myself staring at the fish that’s beginning to drift around in the current. My stomach rumbles and I frown.

I didn’t even know I was hungry…was it just an instinctive reaction?

My heart leaps into my throat as a pair of hands cover my eyes, a tail twining with my own and startling me. I tug free of the grip and spin around to find Luna staring at me, her bright eyes shining, tongue jutting out between her teeth. I give her a playful shove and shake my head. “You’re not funny.”

Luna’s smile widens in response and she shrugs. ‘I thought it was funny,’ she counters. ‘You are not normally so easily startled. Everything alright?’

“Yeah, just lost in thought is all.”

Luna blinks slowly, purses her lips, but offers up no comment. She reaches out and grasps the fish I’d caught. ‘Good catch,’ she comments, pushing it back into my hands.

“Thanks,” I murmur. “Here, you have it,” I offer, extending the dead fish out to her, its limp form swaying slightly in the current.

Luna shakes her head and pushes it back to me. ‘No, you caught it, you eat it.’

“I don’t want it,” I admit.

‘Then why catch it?’

“I don’t know, it just happened.” When Luna cocks her head to the side, her bright eyes staring into mine as her slim eyebrows knit together, I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I think it may have been an instinctive reaction. I don’t know why I caught it, don’t remember what I was thinking when I did, it just sort of happened. Either way, you take it,” I reiterate, pushing it into her grasp once more.

‘If you caught it on instinct, it is probably because you are hungry,’ Luna argues, her hands moving fast.

“I can make a sandwich back on the boat. I guess I’m just feeling a little weirded out. I’ve just caught a fish in my jaws, Luna, which I guess isn’t unusual for a Mer to do, but it still feels a little wrong to me. I’ve never really shown any form of instinct before. I mean, you had to help me open my gills in the beginning, remember? I’m just confused. I don’t want the fish.”

Luna’s arms curl around me and she rests her head on my shoulder, curling her tail around mine as she embraces me. I relax slightly and hug her back. “Thanks Luna,” I whisper into her long hair.

‘You should go back to the surface now. We do not want to let the boat get too far away, and you look tired. You are not sleeping well either, you should try to get some rest while the day is calm,’ Luna suggests. She accepts the fish from me and then squeezes my shoulder and jerks her head in the direction of the boat.

I nod slowly. “Yeah, that sounds good,” I agree, relaxing. “Thanks, Luna. I feel a little like I’m losing my mind out here. I mean, at least back there I knew we weren’t safe or okay, but I also knew what was expected of me, what I needed to do. Out here, I feel like we’re much safer, but also like we could be caught at any moment. And I don’t know what to do about it. And then this on top of it is just getting to me. I’m worried about seeing Sophie again, about how she’ll react to the tail. I’m terrified of what would happen if we are found out here. Now these new instincts are surfacing every now and again, but they just make me feel less…well, less human, and I don’t like it.”

‘I understand,’ Luna replies as we swim, side by side. ‘I am afraid too, and nervous about my own family, though I still feel like there is slim chance I will see them again. I imagine that if I was in your position, I would not like new instincts to surface within me either.’

“We’re going to find your family, Luna,” I assure her. “I promise you that we will. If I have to traverse every inch of ocean on the planet with you, I will.”

A smile touches Luna’s lips, but it’s weak and doesn’t reach her eyes. ‘Thank you.’

I bump her gently. “That’s what friends do. I wonder if we’ll meet any other Mer out here. It’s been two weeks and we haven’t seen any trace.”

Luna shrugs, though her face lights with a curious wonder and more than once I catch her looking around as we swim. When we finally reach the boat, its dark shape bobbing on the waves above us, I pause. Glancing around first to ensure that the boat is alone before cautiously surfacing and pulling myself out of the water to sit on the edge, my fin trailing in the water. Seconds later, Luna joins me.

“Have a nice swim?” Olivia inquires, looking up from over her book. She adjusts her glasses on her nose and slides a green bookmark into her paperback before setting it aside and standing.

Beside me, Luna sinks her teeth into the fish, tearing away a chunk of the flesh and chewing happily. “Yeah, it was fine,” I reply. “Where’s Lukshia? I haven’t seen her today.”

“Down below,” Olivia replies, but she offers no further explanation.

As if summoned by the mention of her name, Lukshia chooses this moment to surface from the cabins below. “You’re both back then,” she observes. “Good, I wanted to discuss something with Olivia and it’s better that both of you are here; means I won’t have to repeat myself later.”

“What did you want to talk to us about?” Olivia questions as she makes her way over to stand by the taller, darker skinned woman.

“I’m thinking of changing the plans. Some things have fallen through and docking for a few days to resupply has become an unavailable option. We’re going to go hit journey’s end in Colombia, which is about a day further than we planned, but it’s not too bad. Anyways, I have a contact there that owes me a pretty big favor. I’m cashing in and it’s all arranged,” she reports. “His cargo flight is heading to Sydney anyways so he’ll fly the girls there.”

“Is that safe?” Olivia inquires. “I mean, it’s not like they are something you see every day and if he gets different ideas-”

“Don’t worry, it’s all taken care of. He won’t know they’re on board or who he’s bringing there. We’re going to give you girls sleeping pills,” Lukshia says, directing her attention to Luna and I. “You’ll sleep through the trip and make it in a transport crate. He’ll never see inside and I’ll tag along as a precaution. Once we land, it’s a half hour drive to the marine park you mentioned, Katie, and from there I’m fairly certain we can trust that you’ll be alright?”

I nod. “Yeah. Yeah, once we’re home there’s not too many people I can think of that would sell us out.”

“Then it’s settled,” Lukshia confirms. “Two days and we’re on a plane. You’ll be in Australia by the end of the week. And Olivia, that means you can fly home as soon as we dock if you like.”

“Just when it was starting to feel like a vacation,” Olivia sighs with a roll of her eyes. “No, it’s good this way. It’s high time you were home,” Olivia says, nodding to me.

I smile and nod, the tension leaving me. Something about the finality of this, about the set deadline, the plan, strikes a chord in me. I glance over at Luna, leaning sideways to nudge her. “This is it,” I whisper. “We’re finally out.” The statement feels obvious; we haven’t been near the lab for a little over a month now after all. But like Luna said, it never fully felt real. She never felt secure and frankly, I hadn’t either. Now, knowing that within days, I’ll be back home, I feel differently. Even though there’s still a million different things that could go wrong or backfire, I feel liberated, and all the stress and worries of mere minutes ago melts away.

Luna holds my gaze for a long moment before her eyes soften, shining like bright blue crystals held up to the light, and she nods. It’s a gentle motion, barely more than the slightest dip of her head, but she seems to relax too. Her entire body just loosens and loses all tension. Then she begins to cough. Violent hacking wracking her body, shoulders tight as she hunches over, the sounds wet and thick. The faintest splatter of blood drips down onto the sapphire scales of her tail.

“Luna, are you okay?” I inquire, concerned. I bring a hand up to rub between her shoulder blades. After a few moments, her coughing fit subsides and she pulls her hands away from their place covering her mouth. Thicker blood splatter coats her fingers. I frown, worried, but Luna doesn’t seem to acknowledge the glistening droplets, dropping her hands to her lap and glancing at me when I reiterate my question.

She nods, her breath shaky. Slowly, a wide smile pulls across her face, and this one does reach her eyes, lighting up her face as she nods again. “Y-yeah, I am okay,” the voice is weak, shaky and raspy, like it hasn’t been used in years. Which, it hasn’t and I can only stare at my friend as I hear her speak for the first time. “An-And I think-” She breaks off again to continue her coughing fit. After a couple of seconds of rasping and gasping, she forces herself to finish her statement. “I think you are right.”