The Mind of a Soldier

As Xe’Reth and Malinda comes galloping and running beside each other, they witness the city in front of them while the last sunlight slowly disappears down behind the massive mountains, making it glow in amber.

The City of Tertinum has a water moat that encircles the whole city. Only the City’s bridges connect to the landscape. They’re sturdy, thick and long bridges that can be raised and lowered, a precaution if the enemy would break through the Ebon Wall, which is highly unlikely because the kingdom defends it with such ease.

The City’s fortification, extraordinary, probably because they don’t want it to be inferior to Those Who Came Before. But as that priceless stone which's the foundation of the Ebon Wall is long gone, they could only make do with a different material of stone, though it looks breathtaking with its whitened walls that have zero flaws in its stonework.

Moreover, there are various carvings all around the fortification, making it a wall of art that’s surrounding this City where Xe’Reth and Malinda lives.

Xe’Reth peers at the towering buildings that peek out above the multiple layers, shining with small torches or candles, and the Citadel that’s even taller than everything illuminates with lights as if the stars bless the City with its presence.

Truly a place for the most esteemed and wealthy noble family to live in.

“Your Citadel is beautiful beyond one’s own imagining,” Xe’Reth says as he runs beside the galloping horse, though, he has seen it too many times to even count, but still, it’s a place of wealth and power which he wants to be a part of. At the moment, they’re surrounded by fields of farmlands and houses in the distance.

“Oh... It’s just an old castle that’s pretty much empty, except for me, my elder brother, my little sister, my elder brother’s wife and my niece live there. Though there are those that come to visit from other noble families who tries to gain our favor. The city guards aren’t even allowed inside the Citadel’s inner gate, only the people and servants that work there has permission to be inside. To do their jobs in keeping everything tidy and well-regarded. Still, it’s a very boring place, nothing happens, maybe festivities a couple of times a year, but nothing more,” Malinda says with a half-present voice as she gallops onward.

Xe’Reth knows everything about the rulers of this City, who doesn’t really know about them? They’re the family that runs this city with such conviction, rather generously also. The taxes aren’t too steep, but that doesn’t help if one got a house that’s owned by a property owner. Though over the last four years, it has become worse for the City’s poor people.

As they continue toward one of the main gates of Tertinum City, the darkness now lies thick on this side of the spectrum. Though Xe’Reth catches the fluttering black and red flags spreading around the fortification of whiteness. Guards who’re on rampart-duty, yawning while holding their spears and shields, and the incoming portcullis that has large chains hanging down from above the stones' holes which are attached to the bridge so it can be raised.

‘They should’ve made the fortification black like the Ebon Wall,' Xe’Reth had thought that many times but he keeps on thinking those words over and over again. For he’s the embodiment of darkness, his hair and eyes are in the rarest color, black.

Even though black is one of the country’s colors, it makes the kingdom look rather evil-looking, but they keep it because they represent the Ebon Wall that stands as the sentinel of this great Kingdom of Ellenoria that’s surrounded by the impassable mountains.

The Kingdom was renamed in the memory of the Divine Queen, who changed things for the better millennia ago.

Though Xe’Reth’s ebony features have only affected him ill since he’s the only one in these lands that has black hair and eyes, and that has made him an outcast, but not really an outcast. People just look at him with sneering expressions while saying mean remarks in secret, although in the open too. Because dangerous animals and monsters that are stained with darkness are often the cause for those hostile eyes targeting him.

The archer squad that he’s in have even begun calling him ‘darkling.'

Only because of his hair and eyes are black? Ah, the simple minds of child’s play had Xe'Reth thought when he heard the name-calling.

...

As they come upon the drawbridge, they’re greeted, or rather Malinda is welcomed by the city guards who’re standing with torches in their hands because their occupation demands the remembrance of the faces of the rulers of the City; they’re the bosses, the Honored Ones.

While passing the guards, Xe’Reth gets wondering wide-eyed faces directing at him.

The hooves of the horse thuds on the wooden drawbridge in a rather relaxing sound. The horse itself struts in a coordinated and elegant fashion as Xe’Reth walks beside Malinda.

They come upon the gate of the City.

Malinda is greeted once again by the city guards with faces full of admiration. Seeing this beauty ride with her mare and her full-bodied plate armor is a sight people must take in with generosity, because she usually doesn’t show herself out in the open, but when she does display herself, it is always a spectacular sight.

Though at this moment, her whole armor is covered with the blood of her enemies. She has no weapons on her because her equipment will be returned with all the other bounties that will be collected on the battlefield. For all of the various Honored Families are the ones who handles the Ebon Wall, they get rewarded with the dead enemy's armors, weapons, and other equipment that comes along with them.

Malinda had just secured her helmet, sword, and shield after the battle by her family’s carriages, then she went to see how her baby sister was faring in her duties as a commander, which Malinda saw with shameful eyes.

“Oh! Welcome back our Honored Lady Malinda! Please do continue, let us not stop you!” one of the city guards yells in awe as he bows several times to show his total respect. He’s the captain of this bridge, and he recognized her Honored Lady immediately when she had come to the gate with her graceful mare of a horse.

A fat bastard that Xe’Reth knows all too well, and he makes sudden eye-contact with him.

“Wha-What audacity!! You damned filthy scoundrel! Back away from her Honored Lady immediately!” the captain yells with a burning red face while his double chins quake as he catches Xe’Reth standing beside her.

But Xe’Reth doesn’t move, he just grins sinisterly in his mind.

“Silence!!” Malinda shouts as her whole expression turns poisonous. Her teeth grind together as her upper lip raises itself while she scowls at the now frightened captain, who flinches terribly. “You dare insult someone that I know?!—Guards! Throw this… this thing in a cell where he can stay for a while and learn how to speak correctly!”

'You truly are an Honored Lady,' Xe’Reth glees in delight as he peers at her new arrogant way of talking. Not in that gentle and considerate way that she had spoken to him, but in such a vile voice that makes people shudder before her very verses that come out between her alluring rosy lips. ‘At least she treats those she likes with kindness...’

The guards, beyond baffled, they stand there for a couple of seconds with gaping mouths. However, the guards do as they’re told. They take their captain who’s dumbstruck toward the City’s prison, literally dragging him away with feet making scrape sounds.

Just a typical day’s work from an Honored Lady, to throw her powers here and there. But what she just did was indeed illegal, even for an Honored One. Though she has the authority to quench the law if the need arises.

This is working out perfect for Xe’Reth. A nuisance that has been bothering him for years is now being sent to jail. But his face doesn’t show his real laughing feelings. Instead, it shows a mask of concern.

As Malinda turns her head to gaze at Xe’Reth, her expression grimaces, a face filled with embarrassment because she just showed a side of her that she doesn’t like. She isn’t any better than her baby sister.

She averts her head away to not reveal her closed eyes of self-pity and taps with her feet, so her horse will move. Xe’Reth follows behind her with his baffled mask of worry.

To know that she can act like this too… He needs to be careful around her, so he doesn’t make a slip of his tongue.

As they disappear through the portcullis, the remaining city guards start to talk in uneasy voices, “T-To think that he knows Lady Malinda. And that he’s even under her protection. What has happened in these past few days?”

“Y-Yeah. To think that the Honored Lady would be associated with someone like… him… But, you don’t believe that… that they’re involved with each other, right? …Right?”

The guards look at each other with different faces. Head scratching. Frowns. And closed eyes of wondering.

“To be that close to that kind of person, is she trying to ruin her reputation? He’s just a mongrel on the street who's so poor that he would do anything if money is involved.”

“Doesn’t he live in that area of the city, right?”

“Indeed, that sick mother of his… It’s such a pity to happen to such a beautiful woman. He should just put her out of her misery and find a new life. Trying to cure that kind of disease is beyond those who’re poor. Even those who’re rich can’t fix it. Only the work of magic has ever healed that disease… *Cough* I’ve heard, of course.”

“Disease? His mother got a disease? Is it contagious?”

“It is not. You know that disease which happened years ago? It’s that disease of death. But to think he has kept her alive for this long, he and her have dedication I tell you.”

“Ehem!”

As the guards turn their heads toward the crowd of impatient people that stand there waiting for them to continue their inspections, their faces turn worse. They were too caught up in discussing the new happenings of their captain being dragged away by the two guards toward the City’s prison, and the sudden Xe’Reth who came with Malinda.

They were so into it that they forgot about the people waiting on the drawbridge. They then continue with their work as gate-guards, to inspect the travelers if they’ve permits, then if they have the passes, their belongings will be checked next… However, if they don’t have one, they would need to travel to a nearby town to apply for one, which could take several days, weeks, months…

......

...

Xe’Reth and Malinda moves on a broad cobblestoned street; the horse’s metal shoes clink on the stone as it walks while Xe’Reth’s red plate boots, too, make slight sounds as they hit the tiles, though the noise is lessened for some reason. He walks rather happily beside Malinda since he didn’t need to show his permit.

“I’m sorry for showing you such an embarrassing side of me. But... I can’t stand when people do things like that. Who’re they to call you with such names?! Ah… Well, he won’t be released from jail for a while, I’ll make sure of that, Xe’Reth,” Malinda promises, first with an apologetic voice, but she changed her tone as she remembers those words… which the captain said to Xe’Reth.

He gazes at her with loving eyes, eyes of gratitude, and as she turns her head, she hastily turns it back. Her one gauntleted hand goes to her plated chest as she clutches her fist tightly.

She has never met someone who looks at her like this. Always the eyes of men in heat that only thought of her as some kind of sexual object that they wanted to gain control of.

But… from her skills and reputation that she had gotten over the years by fighting down by the Ebon Wall’s middle gate, she destroyed those eyes that looked at her with lust. That’s why she has never known love, never even thought about it. She only trained, fought by the gate, and handled some of the training schedules for her brother's soldiers.

No one has ever dared to show her those faces of lust anymore, though, Xe’Reth's face she doesn’t really mind to be looked upon by.

Now that she has met someone like him, maybe she can let herself loose a tiny bit? He’s very handsome with those dark eyes, his slicked-backed short hair, and that body beneath his armor must’ve been trained to its utter perfection. He’s taller than her, though only by a little bit, for she reaches almost 1.8 meters so he must be around 1.85.

Though how can she even think about this? She has never even thought about men these past few years. She’s soon turning twenty-five years old, and he must be around seventeen or twenty since none in her sister’s squad is older than her. He looks young but manly. He has a certain air about him that screams in her head, a scream that yells at her to indulge herself in the outlawed performances that she had put upon her mind to restrict such meaningless activities of weakness.

For she has heard that people change when they find their affectionate one… so she has been scared to change, to take that step into her own happiness, or into her own oblivion.

As they continue down the now lit street of flickering streetlights, night has set itself on this side of the world. The stars shine in the cloudless sky. The two big moons that circles this planet are aligned. The smaller moon is showing precisely in the middle of the larger moon, and Malinda witnesses that phenomena that only happens every hundred years.

It is as if the moons themselves push her to say the words to make him… hers. Xe’Reth the small moon – the poor one. And Malinda the giant moon – the wealthy one. She only needs to demand it of him, and he would be hers, without question, but of course, that would be highly out of her nature.

The people walking on the same street gawk at Xe’Reth and Malinda as they travel side by side toward one of the outer layer’s squares at a relaxing pace. Her horse taps the ground with carefully placed steps while Xe’Reth too walks with a new found mannerism filling his legs.

Malinda’s head turns several times to gaze at him, but only one side of her face shows so she can peer at him with one emotional eye.

‘I just met him one hour ago, what is the matter with me?!’ Malinda yells inside her newly sensitive head. ‘I-I should test him a little bit so I can be sure that he just doesn’t want me for my status… my wealth. Or maybe he isn’t interested in me at all…? Oh! How stupid of me, of course, he isn’t, he just tagged along to get past the gate faster. But… maybe he does like me?’

“Malinda, this is where we must part ways. I’ll remember you forever for your kindhearted way. I can see that those you hold dear is blessed with your compassion. But this is… probably the last time we’ll ever meet. I beg you farewell, my Honored Lady… Malinda,” Xe’Reth says with painful words reaching Malinda's now alarmed heart as he bows deeply, then with a spin of his body, he begins to walk in a different direction.

Malinda with a completely frozen body stares at him as he leaves.

He is moving away from her…

She can’t even speak out any words of goodbye. Xe’Reth is just getting further and further away from her. She was tired after the battle, but now she has forgotten all about her fatigue. She bites her lower lip gently, but in a desperate way.

Sitting there on her horse, he walks down the brightly lit street, the view of the two aligning moons is shining ever so brightly with its lightless light, urging her to take that single step into either doom or happiness.

Her wearied chest start to pound in an emotional way more and more the further away he goes from her. A panic attack is what she’s having. She just met him! So why is she feeling these kinds of emotions when she has never felt them before?

As Xe’Reth disappears from her sight, her eyes go wide with such anxiety… she doesn’t want to say goodbye… she wants to… go to him.

The battle by the Ebon Wall’s middle gate had been rough on her this time. The bodies had been piled upon each other, the blood that stained everyone, herself included. A gate soldier is something that isn’t for the weak-hearted. But why now… why now does she want someone to hold, to drown herself in a man’s embrace?

She has heard of the other soldiers who fights by the gates, that they’ve someone to talk to, to spend time with – their lovers. To ease their horrible experience which they don’t want to remember.

She feels sick to her stomach, and her head is making her dizzy, clouding her whole mind in disorientation.

Even if she has trained her mind to think that she’s protecting the people of her kingdom, sometimes it just doesn’t help. One time at the battle by the gates, children had come with the enemy, and that made her so distraught. But she still had to slaughter them, she gave no quarter. Otherwise, she would be the one to die.

She is a murderer of children… She killed those children without a second thought.

A monster is what she has become in her own mind, a monster of war that knows how to kill her enemies, but this young man, Xe’Reth, looked at her with such affection that makes her heart want to seek out such a warm sensation, which would unfreeze her cold core.

Those emotions which she doesn’t show on her outer shell.

“D-Dammit…” Malinda whines in a shaking voice as she pulls her reins towards the street where Xe’Reth disappeared to. And with eyes going wide, she yells, “Hiyaa!”

Her two plated boots drive into her horse's sides. Not caring if it hurts the animal itself. But, through its discomfort, the horse raises itself onto its two legs and neigh in a painful wail, which causes her to lose her balance, making her fall to the cobblestoned ground.

*Crack*

As her whole plated body cascades down, the cobble of the street breaks a little as her horse begin to gallop away, toward another direction, surprisingly.

“Come back…!” she groans, but the horse doesn't stop. She hastily turns her head to the direction where Xe’Reth went.

While frowning, she starts to run with her clattering plate armor.

“Making me like this Xe’Reth… how can you just leave me like that?” she asks as she runs like a madwoman towards Xe’Reth’s last known location. It isn’t a pretty sight no matter how beautiful she’s. That armor is not made for running, it’s armor for protection.

......

...

As Xe’Reth keeps on walking down one of the streets, the rage that he should’ve pushed her more burns inside him. He could’ve gained some kind of affection from her, which in turn would make it so he can continue wooing her.

But now he has such a frown while he walks, dampening his senses to everything. Xe'Reth wasted his precious time to play around with a woman when he could’ve done something more important.

Though, Xe’Reth would’ve still been at the City’s gate waiting for people to go in, one after the other. And that fat captain would’ve asked for something in return for letting him in, even though he has the pass, which he has lost many times because of the bullying he gets from the city guard. He has had to steal it back many times. A dangerous act to do.

“At least, she was useful for something. Now the city guard will probably not bother with me anymore. That is always a plus,” Xe’Reth says with a curve on his mouth. His wooing gained some puny result.

He continues to walk with quick paces until he reaches his house, a rundown house, but it’s a house nonetheless.

Xe'Reth wanted to buy ingredients before returning home, but all of the herbalist boutiques have closed its doors at this hour, for the battle at the Ebon Wall had dragged on longer than he thought before the enemy retreated shamefully to their own deaths. So he didn’t have the time to return to the City before all the shops closed.

His one hand begins to unlock the many locks that he has fixed on the door to his house. As he finishes, his hand goes to the handle, but he hesitates to go in.

He breathes in a deep shuddering breath as he opens the door to his house, which needs to be paid for; twenty silver crowns per month to the landlady he pays, with such hate towards the landlady.

If the war didn’t exist, he wouldn’t even be able to pay the sum that's needed every month. The landlady who owns Xe’Reth’s house is a vile noble woman that purchases homes in this area of the City, only to raise the costs to gain back the money she lost from buying those estates.

She squeezes out every crown that she can muster from the poor, especially from Xe’Reth.

He has no choice but to meet that sum. The expense of owning a house isn’t pricey, but a noble woman like her who owns estates and ups the fees—the people doesn’t really have any other choice than to pay that price.

His very life depends on it. If he was to be thrown out… His mother would…

He shakes his head to remove the dizziness that’s brewing inside because he has been awake for two days now. Though he has been awake far longer than that before, much longer. He has had days where he needed to work, work, and work to make ends meet of the house bill.

Finally! A battle had happened on the Ebon Wall, and now he can relax for awhile as he peacefully works at the various jobs, which he can get throughout the city, towns, and villages. He also needs to train with the squad on decided days that his commander decides, otherwise he would lose his position.

Three days of vacation until he must meet at the training yard in the Citadel's outer grounds.

He stands there in the opening while his gaze wanders to a closed door, but as he shuts the front entrance, he goes instead to a worn stove and places firewood inside. He lights it up with a fire starter—steel and flint.

As the fire blazes in its fiery color, he walks to a big barrel that has a lid over it. He opens it up and scoops up the water that’s in the barrel with his hands. He drinks five handfuls. With a swipe of his hand, he removes the droplets from his mouth while he walks to grab a pot that’s hanging on a hook on the wall. He goes back to the water barrel and fills it, so it’s half full; he sets it on the now warm stove to boil it up.

His gaze yet again wanders to that door where his mother lies sleeping. He has drugged her with a powerful sedative that makes her knocked out for a whole day. If Xe'Reth had returned a couple of hours later, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

His mother would’ve woken up in terrifying pain from her diseased body, that pain he knows all too well in his aching heart. His mother can’t do anything by herself anymore, and that has made him very unemotional because his mother is his lifeline.

If she were to die…

He wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

He has to clean her, take care of her, and do everything for her, which she can’t even do herself anymore. Her body has broken down over the years while his mind has gone deeper into darkness.

Xe’Reth has placed his ebony bow, brown quiver, and the pouches on a small table in the middle of his kitchen. He looks at his bow as he begins to take off his upper armor to show his well-trained muscled abs.

He also places the garments on the table.

*Knock knock*

‘What…? Who can it be at this time? Don’t tell me it’s her… wanting to ask for my payment personally again?’ Xe’Reth growls moodily as he clicks his tongue, hearing the soft knocks on the front door.

Xe'Reth walks toward it while frowning, and as he pulls down the handle, he opens the door.

His eyes, wide to the point of popping out as he gapes with his mouth, trying to utter the name of the woman in front of himself, “M-M-Malinda? W-What are you doing here?”

.........

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Thanks for reading!

What I thought was the post-traumatic stress of a soldier coming home from war when I wrote Malinda's thinking.

Until next time!

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