Translated post by [Redacted] 12:45 PM, April 1st, 20XX

Today was the day I was supposed to die. I even had the bomb strapped to my chest set to explode. I erred. I know that now, after talking to them. But... how are they doing it?

“Drop!” Lore yelled.

I dived to the ground, my heart pounding erratically.

“Move!”

The rat king stank like an old wet dog and the smell intensified as he neared. I rolled away from his resounding stomps.

My back hit something round. A stalagmite? I used the moist stone to help me stand. With my arms out, I quick-shuffled away.

A bolt of pain shot through my back. I spun and landed face-first against the cave’s rocky floor. My teeth ached. The stinging and the churning in my head made it hard to think but I was pretty sure I’d just been hit hard.

The boss stomped toward me again. With a blink, I realized that shapes were now visible. It wasn’t much, but it just might work.

I chose a spot far enough that the rat king wouldn’t reach it easily and mentally pulled. My mana depleted and with a snap, I appeared at that location.

I heard Lore’s condescending, “Tch.”

Stomps grew distant from me. With a relieved sigh, I grabbed two of the super shitty, almost poison, healing potions. The taste of grenadine mixed with a handful of Italian seasoning and raw chicken nearly had me gaging but it brought my health back up to full.

I continuously blinked until I could clearly distinguish Lore who practically danced while dodging the rat king’s staff and foot. Every tenth step or so he would shoot an arrow made of light at the king’s face then dodge the next attack as if he planned ten or twenty moves ahead. Using an enthralling martial style the elf dunked and rolled only to stand up again and twist in such a way that the staff that barreled toward him merely moved the air enough to blow his long pale hair behind him. Sweat, like sparkles, flew off his forehead. Damn he was good.

I probably spent a little too much time just taking in Lore’s mesmerizing movements. But really, who asked him to look so cool? Or have such a high charisma stat! Fucking bards.

I coughed then cast Add Water on my swords before running up to the boss and slashing at his stove sized Achilles tendon. He roared with pain then started hopping on one foot. Nice!

The boss turned with a little jump and then started whispering something in its rat language. Static electricity danced across my skin and made my hair stick up. Since the limit of my reach wasn’t high on him, I kept attacking with slashes across his other leg hoping to break his concentration. It didn’t work. Soon the whole area lit up so I closed my eyes.

Agony burned through my shoulder. I gasped and involuntarily looked. Light beams shot out from the glow-quartz and bombarded the area in a pattern.

Something akin to a pinch hit my side. A cool healing sensation ran through me bringing my Health back up to full. I sent Lore a relieved nod, then focused on dodging the dangerous beams. They took all my concentration since it wasn’t like they were coming from directly above or from the side. With how painful they were, I did not feel like getting hit again.

After what felt like ten minutes but was probably only a half-minute, the light-beams finally stopped. I blew on my swords to cast Add Air and grabbed at the area just behind the boss and pulled. My mana drained and I landed near his enormous ankle. That was when I realized that he’d healed his tendon while we were dodging lights. Fuck! I stabbed my swords in deep then sliced them out, recreating the wound I had just given him. He yelled in pain.

“Stop healing yourself, asshole!”

I started to jump back but the rat king had other plans and swung his staff at me like a club. Since I was mid-jump, it caught me in the stomach and sent me flying into a nearby stalactite. My back hit. Pain! I lost all the air in my lungs. My body, for just a second, went weightless before I fell towards a sharp-looking stalagmite. I sucked in a breath. “Motherf—!”

On the edge of the mound, I landed feet first, with near bone-breaking pain. Fortunately, I had enough levels in parkour that I managed to crouch and roll. And then I kept rolling. Everything hurt. When my momentum stopped, I laid sprawled near the foot of the next stalagmite over, pulse beating in my head.

“Get up!” Lore said. “We’ve almost finished him.”

I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes and glared at my partner. He made fighting the boss look easy. Jerk.

As I stood, an idea popped into my head. I smirked.

There was a spot just below the rat king’s skull that practically screamed that it was a good place to attack. I didn’t know if this would work, but I had to try. It was one of those, hold my beer moments, after all.

With a mental pull and snap, I landed on the king’s shoulders. I breathed on my blades while casting Add Air as I plunged them upward, into his head and stopped at something hard. Bone? Fuck! I had hoped I would hit brain.

The king reached behind him while I pulled my swords out. Well, that didn’t work, but I could still do the pirate movie, ‘stab the sail’ technique… ‘stab the monster’ technique?

I dunked the huge hand, dug my blades into his back and dropped. Too fast. His long rat fur felt not entirely unlike copper wires — which meant that it scratched like a bitch as I fell. My hands turned raw and I only just managed to hold on to my swords.

By the time I reached halfway down his back he twisted in a jerking motion sending me flying. I flipped around once only to realize that I was heading toward Lore.

My eyes widened. I dropped my swords and reached out to try and break our collision... which didn’t happen since Lore sidestepped out of the way like a pro. Unfortunately for me, that meant I dived hands first into the cave floor and slid along the slightly moist ground.

Something pinched my ass and the scratches and bruises I received healed. Best. Partner. Ever.

“Idiot! You could have used your teleport to land on the ground. You forced me to waste good mana on something that could’ve been avoided!”

Okay, never mind. I totally take that back.

With my cheeks burning, I stood and faced the boss, weaponless but determined. He crawled back to his throne and grabbed a red plate. With a loud snap, it cracked. The rat king snickered and it echoed through the room.

From somewhere above, two of my worst nightmares dropped. Flame elementals in the shape of giant flaming spiders. They burned with an intense yellowish-white glow. Their eight flame legs crawled across the floor heading directly toward me as if they could sense my weakness. My face drained of blood.

Lore said something but I couldn’t hear him because I focused, instead, on trying to get air into my lungs. I focused on unlocking my shaking legs so I could run. I focused on not passing out even as the edges of my vision dimmed.

The flame spiders bore down on me like blazing demons. Their eight fiery eyes stared into my soul. They found me wanting. Mouths like the twin gates of hell opened and closed, readying to eat me. Devour me. Burn me up into nothing… just like my father.

I lost my focus.