Tamara, in spite of the general perception that she just hung out in Elsewhere and the space carved out under the Archives, was actually pretty busy for the last month. She had been keeping a close eye on Ruth, Rush, and Heath and his adorable little chosen. Those things were already incredibly taxing as far as attention went.

Would that it was only that.

Tamara sat across from Flynn and smiled.

Well, she sat across an Arachne that had a vacant expression that was being puppeted by Flynn. One of his sons that had either tried to supplant Flynn and failed in an embarrassing way… or one of his sons that had been too afraid to try and surplant him. Flynn was a weird creature, even for a god.

The Arachne puppet stared blankly at her and the human part opened its mouth and spoke.

“You are right. The planet means nothing to me. It is still a planet.”

“Why don’t you just… rent it to me for a while then? It’s not like anyone there is even worth grabbing. If I took them off would you even care? Everyone there has that weird soul formation placed on them. Pretty spiffy, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

“It is enough to say that I don’t want you to have it?” The arachne puppet did not smile but Flynn’s voice sounded amused nonetheless. “When you contacted me expressing interest in the planet, I agreed to these meetings out of amusement. The interest you display toward the planet is of great interest to several people.”

“I am fun to watch!” Tamara chuckled. “Is it because you named it ‘Flynn’s World’? Is that why? I mean, I’d leave the name. Otherwise what would I even name it? Tamara’s World? Wow, how pretentious would that be?”

The Arachne froze for a moment. Then the mouth started moving again and the tone that came out was almost cordial. “Pretending to be civil to one another is also a form of entertainment. You offer to buy my world, I express interest and we talk while I try to gather information on why you want it, you dicker and deflect, I say that I have no intention of giving it to you because you’re you, you give me a backhand insult, then I say something awful that makes you angry, and then where are we?”

“Am I boring you Flynn?” Tamara chuckled. “Or are you just afraid that you can’t keep up the back and forth? I’ve always meant to ask, are you one of those types of spiders that has sex once and the glandy part breaks off? That can’t really be it, can it? Is that why you puppet your male kids after a certain amount of time, so you can have more inbred spider babies? Is it because you had a detachable penis and…” Tamara clicked her tongue and made a short breaking motion with her index finger, “...left it in your first hideous lay?”

The puppet was just a corpse that was being preserved through the use of magic and a secret magical formation. It didn’t require air, had no vital points, and was here only to communicate with Tamara directly because Flynn himself preferred meetings to be face-to-face when not dealing with his children. If you could call this ‘face-to-face’.

Despite the fact that the voice from the puppet was calm and the puppet itself didn’t seem capable of displaying a great deal of emotion, the quiet rage was unmistakable when his response finally came.

“How vulgar. I don’t mind you speaking of such crude and crass things about my person, but refrain from speaking of my family in such a way. Unless you want to talk about your family, female? Weren’t you in a dispute with Damascus recently? That was over something trivial, wasn’t it? If it were me, I wouldn’t let the death of one person affect me so much…”

“Good thing, you just throw your kids away. Can you imagine if you had a soul and actually cared, monster?” Tamara lifted her hand and studied the back of her nails.

“Did you ever wonder how they found you three? He had such an interesting soul shape, didn’t he?” The puppet’s arms were hanging lifelessly down but suddenly came up and made a wide motion in a dramatic fashion, “...the ability to suppress and conceal aura! You three thought you’d just ascend and skip the Table’s process. How did they find you three?”

“Presumably, some giant dickless spider told them,” Tamara laughed, but her eyes were suddenly pinpricks that blazed with golden light.

The puppet dropped its arms.

“Maybe you should try having some children,” Flynn finally said, for the first time sounding the tiniest bit exhausted.

“Cut the shit. By now you’ve figured out I have a chosen that is learning on Wilkeena’s world. Why else would she have cut herself off completely from her favorite little toy? I’m not unsympathetic to her plight. If she had been around then maybe they would have bumped heads. I’m not going to encourage him to go find her or anything, but I would like to at least have general control over the territory.”

“How kind of you to restrain your chosen from continuing his invasion of my daughter’s territory.”

“What invasion? He was just visiting! I can’t step in and stop him if he’s just going his way and things attack him. Wouldn’t I be bullying everyone?”

“You aren’t bullying everyone?” Flynn replied with a dry tone.

“No, that would be inappropriate. I only butt in when I’m teaching my chosen something, or when another god butts in.” Tamara grinned. “Do you want to butt in?”

“If Wilkeena cut off her interest to the planet, then honestly I have no desire to keep a watch over it. This much is true…” The arachne puppet lifted up a hand woodenly and tapped his nose. “I don’t like you. That is also true. You could give me something I want, I guess, and I would gain something for nothing. I could keep the planet and do nothing… but… that would be less than entertaining, wouldn’t it?”

“Finally,” Tamara leaned back in her chair. “Conditions?”

“Wilkeena will continue to remain unmolested in her area. She is not to be disturbed. It is a crucial point in her development.”

“Fine, she can’t interfere either.”

“Naturally.”

“What else?”

“Make me an offer, you must have something that you’re going to offer me.”

“I’ll offer enough mana to replace the mana she would have gotten from the Under Arch. Until she reaches the tipping point into Demi-god.”

“Personally?” This time Flynn sounded surprised.

“Ew, no. I’ll just give you some treasure. She can sit on it, or eat it, or drain the mana from it however she wants. Whatever you spider’s do to gain mana.”

“Acceptable.”

“Are we agreed?” Tamara blinked rapidly, leaning forward despite herself. The flow of this meeting hadn’t seemed any different from the others, but somehow the old Arachne seemed like he might actually capitulate.

“You’ve just offered me something that Wilkeena could already take?”

“Mmm. That’s true. How about this? Let me ask you a question, and if your answer is ‘no’ then I’ll spare your life when the time comes.”

Flynn pondered for a moment and then made a ‘get on with it’ gesture. “Very well, ask your question.”

“Were you the one that told the Table about those three?”

The puppet went still only for a moment and then in a horrendous display, managed to jerk portions of it’s face into an ugly grin. “Yes.”

“Damn. Guess that’s off the table then. Next time.” Tamara leaned back and snapped her fingers.

“Dreams are good. I look forward to you coming to try to take my life. Current circumstances being what they are.”

“Well then, I’m having a hard time thinking of anything. What do you want, then?” Tamara thrummed her fingers against the table.

“I told you. Entertainment. I have told you that I am willing to give you the planet.” Flynn’s puppet gestured broadly to the empty space on his side of the table and a shape slowly formed. The revealed figure made Tamara narrow her eyes. “But that just means it is up for sale, no? There might be more than one interested buyer, don’t you think?”

Ah. Tamara stared at Damascus and visibly resisted the urge she had to stand up, forcing herself to relax back in her chair. “No wonder you had a change of heart, you’re just doing Damascus a favor. He probably already gave you something for the chance to fuck with me, huh?”

The Arachne puppet shrugged in a jerky fashion.

“Do I still have to provide the mana?” Tamara asked.

“Of course,” the Arachne turned to Damascus and nodded. “Thank you for your patience Damascus.”

“Flynn.” The man with the yellow goat eyes curled his lips up as he faced her, “Tamara. I trust you won’t give Simeon cause to come here, no?”

“I obey,” Tamara grinned. “Until the day when silly things no longer fetter us. Perhaps never, but…” Someday sooner than you think, you two fucks.

Damascus turned toward Flynn’s puppet. “I’ll match whatever she has said, of course. Plus a token you or one of your kids can use to exchange for something from my personal vault.”

Flynn’s puppet regarded Damascus as if he were surprised. Even though the face it made already looked horribly off, it was even less believable now. “Oh, I am so shocked at your generous offer. Am I to understand it can be anything in your vault?”

Damascus nodded as if he were following some sort of script.

“Alright, you’re both silly little salesmen. I bet you’ll just match me no matter how much I offer until I get mad, right?” Tamara grimaced. “It’s one thing to lose out on a deal. If I have to watch you two flirt with each other I’m the one that will need compensation. What do you want, Damascus?”

Damascus smiled, making Tamara lose her relaxed look for the first time.

“It’s simple Tamara. I fucking hate you. Present conditions keep me from having you killed. Circumstances also prevent me from simply killing your chosen in retaliation for what you pulled. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t pay to stand in your way just now.”

“You’re okay with this?” Tamara raised an eyebrow at Flynn’s puppet.

The puppet shrugged.

“So you’re really going to sell the planet and its inhabitants to this guy?” Tamara’s eyes widened.

“I will sell it to whoever gives me the best offer,” Flynn’s puppet said magnanimously.

“How about a side-offer then…” Damascus cut in, obviously enjoying the situation. He eyed Tamara up and down. “Strip. Get on your knees in front of me. Apologize. Then you can pay Flynn what you offered and give him a show. I’ll bow out. How about it?”

“Also acceptable.” Flynn nodded.

“Wow, that’s super generous you skeevy fuck.” Tamara laughed and kept laughing. After a moment Damascus started to laugh with her. The puppet did not laugh but was watching the two with dead eyes. Flynn was probably chuffing in whatever hole he was hiding in too.

“Why don’t you just get out of here?” Damascus made a dismissing gesture. “Now you’re just embarrassing yourself.”

“Mmm? What do you mean? I thought we were negotiating?” Tamara raised an eyebrow.

“Then offer something.” The Arachne puppet said with a raspy edge to its voice.

“I have to hear from the other interested party, though. Just give it a second.” Tamara smiled.

“You can call whoever you want,” the Arachne agreed. “There’s Heath… and… Arathan…” The puppet scratched it’s head. “There must be more, right? Do you have more friends?”

“Friends?" Tamara started laughing again. “Why would I call a friend? I’m a Slaughter Goddess of Chaos. If things are getting interesting and predictable, who would I call in? Someone who wants to fucking kill you and sow Chaos, of course!”

Flynn’s puppet considered her while she laughed. He and Damascus were saved from saying anything else because a red haze was starting to form in the space at the side of the table.

The relaxed expression on the goat god’s face was slowly turning into a grimace. Flynn’s puppet was frozen as it examined the latecomer.

A woman with curved horns and long dark hair stepped out of red blurred space. Scales peeked through in the places where her heavily armored body allowed flesh to show. Her smoldering blue eyes peered around the room in eager expectation, the curl of her lips denoting an enthused and delighted countenance. It took an extra moment for the four meter polearm that the average size woman wielded to pull itself completely out of Elsewhere.

Despite the size of Arachne, the presence of Tamara, and the weirdness that made Damascus seem to take up more space than he did, the new arrival pressed the room and made the rest of the space seem smaller.

Her eyes didn’t seem to find what she was looking for and a disgruntled look was immediately directed on Tamara. “Where is she?! Where is my Merriweather?”

Tamara nearly choked because she had never stopped laughing. Tears were forming in her eyes even as she tried and failed to stifle the insane laughter that kept pouring out.

“...ask Flynn! He is trying to sell her to Damascus!”

Damascus immediately blinked and took a hurried step backward. The puppet seemed to sag under the smoldering fire of the gaze being turned toward him.

“...ho…?”