Weeks passed and I found nothing. Not in the pine needle beds or the ice vine area or any other storming part of the Seed Landing I could reach without having to lay eyes on the garden. I even went as far as combing over the path leading to it, with my back to the garden and my gaze pointedly fixed on what was right in front of me, so I wouldn’t have another pointless breakdown. The second time I went over the library Clara nearly kicked me out for “disturbing their work” though I kept quiet and she was only reading a scroll, like she always was. Shawsh stopped her but also made a point that he would appreciate it if I only came in to get reading materials for awhile.

I went over every mind numbing inch of that side of our area that I could reach at least twice and…nothing. Nothing. The others kept up their search in the garden and beyond, but they also found nothing and no one would admit to keeping the last stone secret. We even double checked the recesses in the tunnel wall to make sure the number of stones we needed had been counted correctly.

They had been.

So, now everyone, even Wren and Dera, were getting irritated or sullen. It didn’t help that there was another game of Hunter’s Quarry that the others lost again to the Sprouts. I wasn’t allowed to participate, but, given the fact that I had no desire to test crossing the garden again and running through one of Jin’s illusions would give her the perfect opportunity to manipulate the situation, I wasn’t entirely put out about the exclusion. Besides, I was used to self study rather than trying to work with a group.

I kept up my training as well as I could between my searches. From weapons and endurance training to reading through scrolls from the library to working on logic puzzles and expanding my knowledge about the whisper women and other important topics. I didn’t need to pretend to work on improving my reading and writing of the basic characters anymore and the loss of the teamwork exercises were more a relief than anything else.

Somewhere in that my naming day passed by. Normally, it was a Grandmother’s job to count the days from the warming winds and the first storm of the cold season and remind tribe members when their naming day was approaching. I didn’t have Grandmother to remind me and I had never spared much attention to keep track of the count myself, but I knew my naming day was within the first month of the warm season. It always occurred shortly after we returned to Gabbler Shore from Grislander’s Maw.

So, when I judged it to be around the right time, I offered up a prayer to the goddess to thank her for letting me survive another year, though it came out a little awkward because I couldn’t be absolutely certain that She had ignored me this past year like I had in the past. If anything, between Flickermark and Yolanda’s judgment during the trial, I could confidently say that I hadn’t passed beneath Her notice. Which was terrifying in its own right and made the traditional naming day prayer mostly useless, but I said it anyway because all the things I actually wanted to say wouldn’t have helped and skipping over the prayer could earn Her ire as well.

Sometimes, Prevna brought Wren, Loclen, and Dera to eat with us or Juniper and her group would come and do some extra training with me. Breck would join in on the training as well. I doubted that they liked my company, though I did do my best to keep my temper from flaring as easily as it wanted to. Apparently, Juniper had been mildly impressed with the drills and scenario training I had molded after Rawley’s training when we were preparing to kill the crawler.

I wasn’t the most enthused about the joint training, but from my time on the shore I knew it was a necessary evil. Coordination in a fight made things go smoother than if we all reacted without a thought.

It also helped that Clara actually left the library to put a time limit on the training. The widest space we had access to on that side of the landing, other than the viewing platform, was the platform with the cushions that housed the library. So that’s what we used since practicing in front of the goddess’s residence didn’t seem like the smartest of choices. I doubted She reacted well to having anything less than perfection within easy reach.

Clara and Shawsh didn’t appreciate the occasional thump that could be heard through the library’s ceiling, but they also didn’t ban us from practicing there. I wasn’t sure if it was because they weren’t allowed to or if they had somehow learned about my situation and pitied me. I didn’t like the second option, but I also didn’t press the issue. I needed something to distract from the lack both with the search and otherwise, and physical training helped.

Clara left the library twice to come up and watch us. Each time that set Idra off. She didn’t like the competition from Hunter’s Quarry gaining more insight into our skills, which was understandable until you remembered that we couldn’t do anything too complicated on the landing and that we shifted to our most basic routines when she was there. Idra still tried to provoke her and get her to leave until Clara casually leaned forward and turned her tunic a garish, harsh orange that hurt the eyes. I doubted any self respecting whisper woman would deign to wear the color if they could even make the dye for it.

“Your hair is next if you don’t shut up. I don’t care about that game.”

Juniper stepped out of her practice stance to face down the older seedling. “Why watch us then?”

“I was bored.”

Idra was still taking in her ruined tunic when Ento stepped up next to her. She looked from the orange tunic to Clara. “Will you take the color back if she leaves you alone?”

Clara rolled her eyes. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Then she strolled back down the path to the library and I was stuck with seeing the group the next day as well.

Clara did change Idra’s tunic back to its normal faded brown color. Three days later.

As our searches kept coming up empty and everyone got more tense the joint meals and practices became more infrequent. I enjoyed the renewed solitude even if I didn’t appreciate its cause. Speculation that someone was hiding a stone was starting to run rampant and arguments were easier to fall into than ever.

Part of me wanted to believe the speculation and blame Ulo’s group, but it was difficult to come up with a reason why they would want to stall their training any more than anyone else. I didn’t think any of them were stupid enough to impede their own progress just be contrary.

It seemed, however, that others didn’t give me the same benefit of the doubt. Prevna let me know that Ulo was pushing the idea that I was hiding the stone just to be contrary and Andhi and Nii were backing her on it. Some of the others were wavering on the precipice of believing it too.

Wren laid down a handful of hints during the latest meal that if the last stone just happened to appear sometime soon no one would ask questions why it hadn’t come up sooner. Dera gave me few worried and apologetic glances in turn. Idra made a few sharp comments and Breck asked me straight out if I was hiding it.

Frankly, I was insulted.

I knew I hadn’t earned a whole lot of trust from any of the groups, but the fact that they thought I could be stupid enough to hide the one thing that would let me progress was incredibly idiotic. All I had was becoming a whisper woman; why would I do something that at best delayed that outcome or, at worst, made us all fail? They could fail, but I refused to.

That said, I didn’t exactly hold back my tongue when confronted with their insinuations and questions. That last meal ended with Dera looking shocked and nearly in tears, Chirp pecking at me while Wren lost her usual cool and glared, and Prevna so exasperated I wasn’t sure what she would do.

I hadn’t gone nearly as far as I had with Fellen—I didn’t quite have the insight into them to do so yet, even if I wanted to. Instead, it was the sort of jabs I had used on the twins when they were being insufferable and I needed them to shut up. The others did shut up.

They also left. Even Prevna, though she gave me the kind of look that said we would be revisiting this moment when I wouldn’t snap at her for speaking.

My meals for the next three days were left for me to find at the shrine and no one came to join in on my practice sessions. All in all the quiet helped as long as I kept my mind distracted from anything related to healing. Even though I knew I should be working on getting closer to the others there were times when I had to admit there was something comforting in not holding back my tongue and getting the space I needed. If they were smart, they would be able to get past disliking me when it came time to put the stones in the wall.

Prevna found me on the third night. It wasn’t difficult. I was back at the shrine after being unable to fall asleep, debating whether I should make another plea to the goddess or not.

I kept my gaze on the tree carving as she settled cross legged next to the offering bowl. “I’m not going to apologize.”

I didn’t see her roll her eyes, but I could swear I felt it. “Why? From one horror to another.”

I crossed my arms. “If you all really think I’d be dumb enough to ruin my chances just to ruin yours then you don’t deserve it.”

Prevna leaned her head back against the wall of the shrine’s alcove. “You don’t have the best track record.”

I frowned. “I’ve never done that.”

“I know.” Her easy admission took me off guard. “But you also make it really easy to blame you.”

“Do you blame me?”

For some inexplicable reason she chuckled before answering. “I should. But I don’t think you’re hiding the stone anywhere. You’re pushing yourself too hard for that.”

I pressed my lips together to hold back a retort about the fact that she didn’t know me well enough to know if I was pushing myself hard or not.

After a short silence she added, “I’m not going to be able to keep bringing them back if you keep pushing them away.”

“I shouldn’t need them.” That retort couldn’t stay behind closed lips.

She didn’t bother to comment. We both knew that the use of shouldn’t rather than don’t was more of an admission than I was willing to admit.

Prevna pricked her finger with her prayer needle and let the blood drop into the bowl. After a handful of seconds the blood wisped away and she got to her feet. “Have you thought about what the rumors will mean if you do find the stone?”

I glared at the offering bowl that had failed to communicate any of my prayers. “They’ll think I was hiding it.”

She nodded. “It might be best if someone else finds it then.”

My shoulders tightened at what she was suggesting but I made an affirming noise so that she knew I understood what she was suggesting. “Probably best if it wasn’t you either. They might think I just passed it to you to avoid suspicion.”

“If you hadn’t pissed Wren off Chirp would probably be the best bet since he’s found so many already.”

“I’ll figure it out if I find the stone.”

“Sure.”

She let me know she’d be back in the morning, just her, and left not long after that. I kept staring at the storming offering bowl. I pricked my mark with my prayer needle and dropped a couple drops into the bowl, making a quick prayer the stone would be found soon. The blood didn’t flake away.

I nearly spat out a few choice words about its favoritism and had to hold back the urge to kick an object linked to the goddess. I gave it my best scowl instead and resolved not to give it any attention in the following days. It wasn’t the only thing good at ignoring people’s wishes.

- -

Inspiration and irritation struck the next morning. I was in front of the covered stairway trying to psych myself up to search the dark stairs again. I had managed before—barely—with the pine cone lantern but it hadn’t been my most thorough search and I taken the better part of that day to get convince myself to brave the stairs again to get back up from the viewing platform.

The pine needles brushed against the statue’s hand and blocked my sight from the trial beyond. The covering was only an inch thick, at most, but it did an admirable job of hiding the trial beyond as well the spot on the statue’s hand that the stone had been stuck to. It didn’t look like it would hide anything significant when it had hidden our first piece to the puzzle as well as helped block the light from revealing where the stones were supposed to go. Not to mention the viewing platform and the goddess’s residence beyond.

Something so simple hiding so many important things. The only other pine needle screens blocked the view of the garden from the thin paths and the library.

That was the moment I felt as incredibly dumb as everyone was accusing me of being.

What if they hid more?

I started to run.

I couldn’t check the screen that hid the garden but the one that hid the library was easy to reach. And no one had found anything in the library yet while a stone had been found in the garden.

I had checked the library twice over, but each time I had stopped when I reached the entrance. When I checked the rest of the platform I had started on the path beyond. It was a simple, terrible oversight because the pine needles didn’t seem thick enough to hide anything significant and the walls had been smooth.

I should have known better.

It didn’t take long before I was stumbling to halt at the library’s entrance and frantically reaching into the pine needles. Nothing at first, nothing that I wouldn't have felt brushing in and out of the needles time after time. Then I reached up and started to look through the top of the entrance. Just to be thorough, just to be sure.

And I found a tightly wound bundle of pine needles, no bigger than a knuckle, tied to a handful of the hanging pine needles. I ripped it off and peeled the bound needles off of the object inside.

The last stone sat in the palm of my hand.

I cursed.