I stayed in the pine needle bed longer than I should have and longer than I wanted to. That didn’t change the fact that I needed time to process the quick succession of gains and losses the day had brought; time when I wasn’t being pushed on to make new mistakes by impulsive fury. So I laid there and, slowly, methodically, did what I could to focus on the good news.

I was allowed to stay and train to become a whisper woman. Jin and Yule would have a harder time coming directly after me if they decided to continue their efforts to get me kicked out of the Seedling Palace. Mishtaw would be my mentor once I became a Sprout.

Everything else but the hunt for the stones could be ignored for now. So I switched my focus to that as a pine cone lantern swayed overhead from a light breeze.

Wren, Dera, Loclen, and Chirp had found eight out of twelve stones already. I knew that they had found them hidden on the statue before the staircase tunnel, the platform where we first arrived to the Seed Landing, the training platform, the amber tree, in the bag under the thin path, the nook with the shrine to the goddess, on top of a dome on the housing platform, and in the bathing pool.

Which left the outlook, the Strands, the cooking platform, the viewing platform where we saw the Beloved, and the library as my top remaining choices for where a stone might be hidden. I had checked the outlook after Idra was no longer occupying it, but hadn’t found anything. The same was true for the cooking platform and the Strands, though I hadn’t really expected to find anything on the needle ridden platform. I hadn’t found the way up to the arena, after all, so I doubted I would find a small stone in that claustrophobic mess.

Still, I couldn’t check any of those spots now. I could check the viewing platform and the library which did help since I hadn’t been able to go over them before. The trouble with both of them was that I didn’t feel like interacting with anyone and I couldn’t reach a pine cone lantern to light my way down the staircase. If I went down in the dark, now, after I barely got a handle back on myself, there was a high chance that I would slip back into an…unpleasant memory.

Couldn’t go forward and couldn’t go back.

I could have growled at the sensation. Part of me was ready to storm forward and ignore all potential consequences like I had before, but I couldn’t ignore that such recklessness had landed me in this pine needle bed in the first place so I pulled back from the impulse.

In the end, I sat up and practiced one of Rawley’s tests of perceptions. It would help to be more observant when I looked for the stones and listing out everything I sensed settled me in a way pacing around the nook had failed. I fell into doing a few of my mentor’s stretching exercises next, only stopping when I heard multiple sets of soft footsteps coming toward me.

I turned to find Juniper, Idra, Ento, and Breck standing on the path. They all looked like they had recovered well from their injuries and were expecting something. I waited to see what they wanted.

Juniper indicated an area past me. “Join us?”

I narrowed my eyes at her, but she made no mention of seeing me…respond poorly to the garden earlier. Nor did she do anything that hinted she might have heard about the trial.

I crossed my arms. “Why?”

Idra scowled at me while Breck looked bored and Ento didn’t change her steady presence. Juniper, for her part, simply gave me an appraising look.

“To talk. We heard you and Wren’s group know how to get to the next step of training and we think we can help.”

That caught my interest, though I still didn’t trust whatever reason they might have had for approaching me rather than Wren. I stepped to the side. “Fine. Lead the way.”

Juniper offered me a small nod before she stepped smoothly forward, the others close behind. I followed after. Juniper took us to the wide oval shaped platform with cushions that the path to the library hid against like I expected.

Idra snatched up three of the cushions before setting them down close together. Juniper sat on the middle cushion while Idra and Ento flanked her. Breck and I got our own cushions. She sat a few feet from the others and I sat across from all of them.

I lifted my chin. “So?”

Juniper spoke, “My tribe helps protect the delta that ends the great river that runs from First Shore Lake. You killed the sea snake—that would bring high honor and reward to the huntress that managed it there. Since there are no higher members of my tribe here, I must do my part.”

Breck added, “Difficult kills are acknowledged in my tribe as well.”

I tilted my head at her. “You weren’t there.”

She shrugged one shoulder. “The kill has been confirmed and repeated enough to become storied. Storied kills should never be ignored.”

I nodded as if I knew what she was talking about and pressed, “I’m not a part of your tribes, so why do you care?”

Juniper’s lips twitched into a small smile. “We also want to advance.”

She held out a hand, palm up, and Idra, looking a bit put out, took something small from a pouch on her belt before placing it on her leader’s palm. It was an impossibly clear marble. I could see through it to her palm underneath without the faintest imperfection to cloud my sight.

Juniper rolled her hand so that she held the stone up between her fingers. “Idra found this stone on the outlook. We will give it to you and pledge to do our part when it comes time to open the passageway.”

“You spoke to Wren.”

She shook her head once. “Dera.”

As if that really made a difference when it came to this. My jaw clenched. “Why didn’t you give it to her when you spoke or keep it until the time came?”

Juniper leaned forward and placed the clear marble on the stone between us. “You killed the sea snake. You brought us back to the shore. The stone marks our pledge to you.”

I neglected to point out that she and her friends got hurt because of that and took the stone. The way she said sea like it was nearly a slur and shore like it was blessed ground was an odd contrast, however.

Juniper looked over to Breck and I followed her gaze. The strong girl had already pulled out a stone of her own and was holding it up. This one was as black as onyx, as black as something could get without the goddess’s touch.

Breck looked me straight in the eye. “You don’t get this one. But I’ll hold it in place when the rest are found and tell of your kill at the fire.”

I kept a firm grip on my patience. “You don’t need to spread the rumors.”

Breck stiffened. “I’m not a coward who silences another’s deed.” Then her shoulders relaxed slightly. “But I can tell your story.”

I didn’t want to tell a story or spend more time with them, but it also felt like I would insult her if I didn’t tell her—which normally wouldn’t have meant much, but I already knew that Breck could go to extreme lengths when her pride was wounded and it could serve as a distraction from…everything else.

“Fine.” I held up a hand as Breck went to tuck her stone away. “But first, where did you find that stone?”

She finished slipping it into a pouch. “The Strands.”

That made sense as much as anything. She had found the way up to the arena there, after all. Though it was a bit shocking to know that anyone had found something so small in all those pine needles.

I ordered my thoughts, waited several moments for Juniper to announce that she and the others were leaving, and then started to speak when she didn’t. I didn’t know why she wanted to hear what happened when she had been there the whole time, but she listened attentively the entire time. Idra didn’t. As soon as I mentioned the cave entrance crumbling she became fidgety and took to glowering at me, especially when I mentioned her getting head butted across the cliff. Ento sat stiffly with her attention mostly on the other two, like she was ready to jump up and protect them on the insignificant chance that a sea snake would pop up here.

By the time I finished, Breck seemed oddly pleased to have heard the story firsthand while Juniper kept her expressions to herself and the other two were ready for it to be over.

Breck inclined her head to me and rose. “I will be ready when the time comes to open the passageway.”

I nodded back at her, not sure what to say.

Juniper and her group rose as well. “Thank you for sharing. From what I’ve heard Andhi has found another stone.”

I nodded at her too and they all finally left.

I didn’t want her information to be correct, because I doubted that Andhi wanted anything to do with me after our first meeting and she was in Ulo’s group, who held a grudge against me for some reason as well, but I knew it probably was.

Which left a single stone unaccounted for.

I sighed and tried to reason through whether the library or the viewing platform or some other place would be the most likely spot to find it. After a while I gave up the exercise as useless. I could reason all I wanted, but it didn’t mean much unless I acted on my reasons and that wasn’t going to happen today.

Too much interaction and too much whiplash.

I knew what I wanted to do to settle down and regain my energy, what I would normally do, but reviewing plants and ingredients and recipes would only make things worse. So, I took advantage of the wide platform instead and practiced with my sling and knife before running laps and practicing some of the exercises Rawley had taught me. According to her, it was good to be flexible, after all.

Prevna found me sweaty and tired when she brought me my evening meal. Her nose scrunched up at my apparent smell and it didn’t take her long to find bowls filled with water and a rag. I didn’t ask where she found the bowls and she didn’t offer the information but they looked near identical to the ones I had stashed in the garden. The bowls weren’t large, so it took several refills before she proclaimed I smelled like a decent human being.

After that, she warned me that she wouldn’t be coming alone in the morning and left before I could object. I didn’t like involving others in my problems or even letting them be aware that I had problems, but Prevna had other ideas. Part of me hated the fact that I had let her in while another knew there was no help for it now.

Too restless to sleep, I wandered around the safe pathways between all the locations I couldn’t quite bring myself to go to until the shrine caught my eye. I knew better than to rail at the goddess even if the desire to tightened my throat. Better that small pain than Her anger. Still, it felt wrong to keep pacing around without doing something now that I stopped to acknowledge the shrine.

I stared at the shadowed stone slab and its carved tree for a long, long time. Night had fully settled with only a pine cone lantern nearby to light the branch under my feet. The light didn’t reach within the shrine’s domed nook, though it did help me make out glints of red of the pine tree. The occasional creak of wood or whisper of pine needles kept the night from being oppressively quiet.

Finally, my gaze dropped to the harsh white of the bone bowl at the shrine’s base. My prayer needle slipped free from its spot with the ease of long practice and I opened the flap on my thigh so that I could prick my mark.

The coppery scent of blood sweetened the air as three drops fell into the bowl and I prayed.

“Give me whatever trials you will, because I will face them. Test me, for every life versus death, and I can promise you I will still be myself on the other side. Just give me healing and I will give you everything.”

The blood pooled and settled and sat in the base of the bowl.

It did not flake away. It did not crumble.

And I had the ugly thought that it was because the goddess knew, one way or another, She could already have everything.