“Are you ready?”

I was still checking over my sling and supplies when Fellen arrived at the lone huntress area in the meeting hall. She had slipped away from her mother so that we could go on a gathering trip Rawley and Nole had given us permission to go on a few days before. It was going to be our first time doing something outside the valley on our own since we got separated from the tribe in Flickermark. I doubted anything would happen—there were sentries all over and my trip to the eastern side of the mountains had gone well—but prickles of apprehension pushed me to triple check that I had my water pouch and some food and that everything was in good order. It was.

I picked up my gathering basket and slipped my arms through its straps so that it settled against my back. The shoulder the bane clawed twinged at the movement, but it was mostly healed except for a few scars. Given how everything was healing, I probably had less than a week before I had to return to Grandmother’s tent.

I answered Fellen, “Let’s go.”

We left the meeting hall and made our way to the ridge where we first appeared above the valley. From there Fellen led us toward the base of the western mountains. Apparently, she knew a good spot to collect snow berries and weaver’s grass. Her mother had taken her there in the past to gather supplies for her work.

Ever since I had gotten my blooding, Fellen had become more persistent about doing things together. If it wasn’t the gathering trip, it was training together or playing a game or some competition. I didn’t begrudge her the time, even if it was getting somewhat exhausting trying to keep up with her and her list of activities. I did worry about what would happen when her mother lost her patience about her daughter’s disappearing act. Fellen never let that line of conversation go on for long, however—and I couldn’t quite let it go.

I didn’t push her about right away though. I had quickly learned that it was better to give her some time and space, to do whatever it was she wanted to do before I started asking my questions. Still, the maniac way she had been going about things for the past week concerned me. It wasn’t like her. And I couldn’t believe that the new deadline for when I would go to the Seedling Palace was the only reason for it.

The first stretch of our journey passed in silence—another reason I knew something was wrong. Along with the pensive look she wore when she wore when she didn’t think I was looking and the clearly forced cheerful one she put on when she thought I almost saw the other one.

Fellen finally added her voice to the sound of crunching snow and the occasional bird call after we had spent nearly an hour walking from the ridge.

“The weather’s nice, isn’t it?”

I rolled my eyes. “Really?”

She immediately turned defensive. “It is!”

Fellen wasn’t wrong; the sky was clear and the air was still, so the cold wasn’t being driven into our faces, but the topic was so weak that it barely had enough substance to hold itself up. I knew what the weather was like—I was standing in it.

“If you’re so desperate to talk pick a stronger topic.”

She huffed and mumbled something that I probably wasn’t supposed to hear, but heard anyway. “I can’t think of anything else!”

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. “Since when do you run out things to say?”

She rounded on me. “Since you got your blooding! We were supposed to have another year together at least, but now you’ll be gone in less than two months!”

I faced her, feeling my own anger start to boil as she shoved the situation in my face. “It’s not like I could control it! Besides, you’re the one who insisted that we shouldn’t go our own separate ways, that it didn’t matter that I would be leaving.”

Her jaw set as she glared at me. “That’s when I thought I had a year! But no, you just had to get your blooding before the Dark Night celebrations. Now I only have less than two months to fit in all the things I wanted to do. That’s barely any time to make sure that I win enough competitions that you can’t forget me.”

I blinked as I took a moment to try to process what I should address first. “Fellen—”

“No.” She held up a hand as she drew in a breath and let it out sharply. “I don’t need to hear ‘I told you so’ or ‘let’s just go our separate ways now’. This isn’t what we were supposed to talk about anyways.”

Fellen turned on her heel and started marching forward. I hurried after her. She had planned on spending a year with me? Had thought through a list of things she wanted to do? It didn’t make any sense why someone would want to do that. I had barely let myself hope that the cold season would continue as it had. She thought I could forget her? Sure, I could pretend but to actually do it?

I stopped walking as how absurdly impossible that task would be hit me.

And I hated both how easily she had gotten me to care and how utterly oblivious she was being not to notice. It wasn’t like I had competitions or voluntarily spent extra time talking with anyone else. And how stupid did she think I was that she thought I could forget the person I survived Flickermark with?

“Fellen.”

She had made her way farther down the mountain, but I still saw her flinch when I said her name before she kept walking.

I pitched my voice louder. “Fellen!”

She stopped to twist around and snap, “What?”

Ambition is nothing without discipline.

For some reason, her mantra shoved its way to the forefront of my mind as I opened my mouth to speak—for once not entirely sure what I was going to say before I said it. “Stop being an idiot. I recognized you as my rival, right? Maybe you should decide whether you recognize yourself as that too.” I walked forward until we were nearly touching shoulder to shoulder. “Don’t waste time trying to prove something that’s already been proven. Not that I know why you care.”

Then I kept walking. Not because I knew where we were going, but because her face was becoming blotchy with teary anger and I didn’t know how to respond to that. Distance seemed like a safe bet though.

Snow crunched under a series of rapid footsteps and then two hands shoved against my shoulders. I stumbled but otherwise kept my footing.

“How dare you!” Fellen shoved me again before I could turn around. “How dare you! First I have to find that you got your blooding and that you’re going to leave because of your clothes and now you’re trying to twist out compliments by saying you don’t know why I care? You’re a terrible, reclusive, self-important idiot who’s smarter and more resilient than you have any right to be.”

She shoved me again and that time I couldn’t catch my balance and fell. She stood over me and I looked up to see tears falling as she flipped her hair back over one shoulder. “Not that I should have to explain myself to you. You’re the one who doesn’t care and keeps stepping just out of reach so you can watch me struggle.”

I couldn’t say the words I knew she wanted me to admit. That was too big of a trap on a hair wire trigger to hand over. My thoughts felt jumbled and slow as I struggled to find something else that would work, that would calm her down. I didn’t have time to find my words as, evidently, Fellen had found hers and they were flooding out.

She sniffed hard. “See? You didn’t care enough to tell me that you would be leaving—you even keep pushing me to spend more time with Ma as if I won’t have years still to see her. Two months! That’s all we have before you go off to train at the Seedling Palace and pull even further ahead. How am I supposed to compete with that? How am I supposed to compete with friends who are going to become whisper women?”

I swallowed hard before I felt my own anger boil over. I shoved myself to my feet. “I didn’t want to think about it, all right? I thought there’d be more time too.” Exasperation pulled an ugly laugh from my throat. “I don’t care? You should know that isn’t true just by the fact that we’re standing here having this inane conversation.”

As soon as I said the words I clamped my mouth shut. But I couldn’t take them back and I could feel the implied admission in the air between us. Fellen pulled back, shock plain in her wide eyes.

Her voice become soft when she spoke a few long moments later. “What?”

I didn’t answer her. Couldn’t answer her.

The anger and exasperation were quickly getting swallowed by a gray lake of tired apprehension. It was a familiar feeling—one that always came when I had pushed her too hard and then simply had to wait for the consequences to hit.

I rubbed a hand over my face. “You should have picked someone else—anyone else. Really, you’re the one who should forget me.”

I could deal with that especially if I knew it was coming. I knew how to dig out the roots. And it would be better. She could live her life safe and sound in the tribe while I refocused on becoming a whisper woman. I knew how to live without people, I just had to get back into the habit.

Fellen dashed her tears away and scowled at me. “Stop saying that. You’re not very forgettable.” She let out a breath. “We’re not getting anywhere.” She waved a hand as if she was wiping away some of her thoughts. “Fine. We only have until the Dark Night celebrations? Then we’ll use what time we have. And you owe me a dance at the Heartsong festival.”

“I don’t want to do a competition I know I’ll lose.”

“Doesn’t have to be a competition.”

“But—”

“I don’t care.” Fellen passed by me and pointed. “The gathering spot is right up here.”

She rebuffed every attempt I made to get out of the dance as we finished making our way to a spot where the ground suddenly dropped about ten feet. The weaver’s grass clung to the side of the tiny cliff in tall, thick clumps while the snow berries had squeezed their way through the tree roots only to fan out just above the snow so it looked like a mat of green and red covered the ground. More snow actually helped the berry plants. If they got snowed on again, they would simply grow another layer while the berries that got covered would burst from the cold, sending seeds into the surrounding area. You always had to be careful after a fresh snow fall in places where the berries grew, because if you weren’t you could get pelted by the seeds as the snow berries burst.

Fellen and I made quick work of collecting the grass and berries as we both appreciated having something to keep our hands busy. We could work together and pretend that we hadn’t just had an argument over things neither of us had wanted to admit. And when it was time to return to Grislander’s Maw, we both tactfully decided to talk about our huntress training rather than comment on the fact that had probably been one of the last times we would go on a gathering trip together.