《Mana Anxiety》7 Paperwork: Saving Lives!
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Well, the grass was wet. But she was already sitting in it, so there really wasn’t anything that she could do about the inevitable grass stain now. Her knees were scrunched up against her, her head in between and her eyes closed. She just felt so weak. All it took for her to get overwhelmed was a crowd of people. Not even that.
At least nobody was around to see this moment. She might be considered aloof by some, at least by those that saw her at all, but at least they didn’t see moments like these. Moments when the world just seemed to want to swallow her whole. James just loved her social anxiety.
Letting time pass her by, James opened her eyes, not really seeing anything anyway. What were her options? She still didn’t want to go inside, a room with so many people couldn’t end well, for anyone, least of all her. Or the people that would need to clean up her vomit. She could just go back to her apartment, pretend this never happened? Maybe that would make her wake up and realize that this was all just a bad dream. No, she was kidding herself if she treated that as a real option, as appealing as it appeared. Because she probably wouldn’t leave her apartment again. And then where would she be? Eventually she’d run out of food, she was supposed to go shopping tomorrow so she didn’t have much left anyway.
Maybe the Tutorial was meant to eliminate people like her? People that wouldn’t be able to handle this new System reality. Because she was certainly proving that theory correct right now. Everyone else was getting their Quest, and she was stuck here, outside, being weak and unwilling to go inside and change it all. Another option cropped up. Nobody knew her, she could theoretically go inside and become a new person. She scoffed, yeah, no, people would certainly notice how awkward she was. And then she’d get a panic attack. And then- No.
For now, she’d stay outside. She followed a ladybug on a blade of grass next to her hands with her eyes. She doubted it had to deal with any of this. It was just a ladybug, after all. System or not, it had the same goal: getting food. But these thoughts were just procrastination; the inevitable conclusion of her going inside the medieval structure clear to even her. Regardless of what would happen inside.
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Deciding that she could procrastinate more efficiently, because she was all about efficiency when procrastinating, she got up and went to the sign where the alien had appeared. Getting closer to it, she wanted to investigate how it worked and the weird headache it seemed to inspire in her. It was somehow different than the rest, and she could feel the humming of the headache more clearly the closer her proximity to the sign was. Somehow, this headache felt more advanced than the other signs.
James ran her hands across it, glad when it didn’t start shouting instructions like the last time she got close to a sign. What type of polymer could produce such a screen? Besides being able to project images and sound, she hadn’t seen a true matte white like this material before, and it felt surprisingly soft. Acting on instinct, she began to prod the headache with invisible mental hands. A set of words she never thought would be in conjunction together, but that’s what it felt like to her. The headache transformed itself instantly, becoming a splitting migraine that seemed to trample over her while the screen turned on again.
The being reappeared on the screen but felt a lot bigger now due to her proximity. Unlike last time she had seen the alien, its face wasn’t an emotionless mask, but instead radiated anger. Or maybe she was personifying it too much, all she really knew was that it was now sporting a sneer and that its eyes had flickered with a sheen of gold momentarily.
“Who are you and why are you interfering with sanctioned Pact activities in this Tutorial?” Her headache took on new heights and she felt internal injuries start at the high pressure.
“I didn’t know! I didn’t know, I promise I didn’t know!” she felt the air constrict around her, her mind turning into a blubbering mess. That was one way to start a conversation. Her therapist hadn’t mentioned that one before. Neither had the internet. If she could think she would reflect if these were the lows the being had described earlier. As quickly as it came, the onslaught lessened as the being seemed to register her distress. Or maybe it wanted a real conversation. She didn’t imagine she’d make a good talking buddy like that. James let herself stay on the ground, shakily breathing in and out. It felt like she’d been doing a lot of that. She hated it.
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“Are you a part of the Federalist Faction? Proper System protocol has been followed! Go away and report to your master that you’ve been found. Might as well tell them what you’ve seen too.” It seemed to peer down at her through the screen, it’s face filling up more and more of the white background. “Out!” the word seemed to reverberate through space, but ironically James couldn’t be moved an inch though it did start up her crying again, her hands clutching at her head in a hope that somehow she would be able to lessen the pain.
“You’re absolutely pathetic, have some self-respect. Who would even lower themselves to such valleys as to pass as a sub-Omega human? Now I need to fill out the paperwork! Do you even know how long that takes?! There are other Tutorials to administer and they’re all getting delayed by you sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.” How did he even have such sayings? His nose couldn’t stick itself anywhere! That was some good translation software.
“I am human.” She was proud her voice only had a single quiver, but again that made the being refocus again, something she wanted to avoid. She just couldn’t help herself, could she?
“Preposterous. You’ve been found, scamper back to your master.” He paused. “I could just kill you, there are no rules about people encroaching on Tutorials.”
“But this is my Tutorial!” they were getting nowhere. At least she wasn’t so crippled by anxiety she couldn’t reply. She really should be right now. Food for thought for after she survived this experience.
“And if you’re not lying, killing you would go against the System.” The being watched her with annoyance, its eyes squinting at her. Somehow even that motion didn’t create any wrinkles. If she could create anti-aging cream like that, she would have been incredibly rich. So rich she almost asked for its skincare regimen. “This is an academic focused Tutorial after all. The Pact wants more academics, but it won’t hurt if we lose one, right?” it murmured to itself, that same dissatisfaction from his earlier Pact comment in his speech coloring its voice again.
“Paperwork.” This reminded her of her thoughts on bureaucracy. She was surprised she said anything, though, let alone anything that could pass as sass. This being was definitely much more powerful than her. Certainly, one of those heights she could not comprehend yet.
But for one second, they were on a level playing field, as the second she said the word, its eyes snapped back to her face again. This time it looked at her, stared into her eyes as if judging some inherent fact about her. She held on as long as she could, even as she trembled, and the world became blurry through her tears. For the first time since she’s seen it, it smiled. It wasn’t a nice smile, lacking any teeth as the line of a mouth parted. Somehow their lack made it feel even more sinister.
“Transfer doesn’t take much paperwork.” Its eyes flashed a full gold, and she was out like a light.
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