《A Vague and Indistinct Existence》39: Bikini Wax Deluxe

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The basement of the House of a Hundred Candles was surprisingly ordinary. It was just a normal basement filled with random junk and utilities...The only thing out of the ordinaru was that all of it was covered in wax and cobwebs. There was nothing dangerous on that first floor of the basement.

Things only got dangerous on the first sub-basement. There the house was replaced by a forest. A depressing marsh, completely drowning in wax. The trees drooped, their branches were heavy with wax. Their leaves were dead and brown but were preserved by the wax. The grass and shrubs were frozen into spiky, uneven mounds.

The team of seven made their way through this forest. Traveling down three floors of even more dire-looking wax-covered woods. Fighting against the inhabitants of the woods with guns and magic.

Predictably the sixth sub-basement, the lowest within their preset journey, was the most difficult. In that sixth sub-basement, the wax-men were tougher.

The wax-men were undead soldiers with their bodies mummified in decomposed fat. They had been dangerous enough when they first appeared. Now they were all much smarter here than they’d been on the higher floors. Smart enough to follow simple strategies. Smart enough to use weapons and magic.

Andrew crouched behind a boulder, a combat-chainsaw in his lap. Mikel, Oliver, and Olivia were firing plasma rounds, from behind an overturned tree, while Sophia and the rest flanked yet another party of wax-men.

Andrew watched the progress of his team through the mapping software installed on his sprite. Through a combination of rapid modeling software and a basic but handy radar spell, Andrew could see where his teammates were and he could see where the enemy was.

With that knowledge, he could see the direction that the battle was going in. He could see the certainty of their victory.

He didn’t need to peek out of cover and watch as the three Asceline clansmen used their family’s [Aegis of the Four Seasons] to create walls of ice and wind to divert the arrows being shot by the wax-man archers.

He didn’t need to look to see Moody using her [Song of the Magus] to cloak herself, Sophia, and the rest of the group, while also preparing a nasty surprise for when they’d finished flanking the Wax-Men. The enchantments on the arrows in her arrow-rifle turning ominous as she fed them power.

He just needed to wait. Remaining crouched by the boulder while his team took out the small fry, so he could focus on the big boss of the area. A fourteen-foot tall, wax-troll, with machine-gun where its left hand should be.

Andrew closed his eyes and counted to ten while the team got into position and tangled with the wax-men. Then he ran out from behind the boulder to deal with the wax-troll. His combat-chainsaw’s whirring, roaring, teeth ate their way through the greasy wax, leathery hide, and dense muscle and bone of the wax-troll.

He cut the troll in half with one smooth motion. Then since he had the leeway he cut it into fourths, eighths, sixteenths, then sixty-fourths...Then Andrew immediately regretted it as he was showered in entrails, wax, and meat confetti.

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“Fuck...This is what I get for showing off,” grumbled Andrew. Casting a spell to clean himself off.

Thankfully his little goof was missed by all except his wife, who’d no doubt tease him relentlessly about it later. The rest of the team was focused on dealing with the party of elite wax-men quickly now that the strongest threat on the floor was dealt with.

The battle quickly came to a close with Oliver firing the final shot. His plasma-rifle tearing holes through the last of the wax-men.

“Kekek..So that’s it for this floor,” said Mikel.

“Pretty much, unless there’s still more wax weirdos hiding in these woods,” said Modeste. Shouldering her arrow-rifle after the recall enchantments on the arrows finished drawing the projectiles back into her ammo pack.

“Hey, I don’t suppose you were able to map out this floor as well, Miss Luce?” said Olivia.

The group turned to Sophia, who nodded and smiled, while brutally butchering wax-men to get at the magical core that served as its heart. That wax-man was just one of many that she’d quickly and efficiently butchered throughout their trip.

“Yes, I’ll send it over to your sprites in a minute,” said Sophia.

“Cool, er...Let us help you with that,” said Emilia. Flipping over a wax-men to join Sophia in harvesting the valuable bits from the corpses of their fallen foes.

Andrew and the rest quickly joined in on the effort and it wasn’t too long before the task was finished and the group moved on. They were now headed towards the exit of the sixth floor.

Just as they reached their destination they saw a small gathering of people. Students of HNA like themselves, except unlike themselves some of these students were Nurari natives. Members of the academy’s original student body.

There were also a handful of Blackvale students there as well. As one the HNA students lashed out as a Blackvaler another Blackvale student stepped in front of them and took the blow in their place.

Andrew and his party quickly entered the clearing before things escalated. Their entrance thankfully served as just enough of a disturbance to bring whatever conflict had arisen between the Blackvale students and the HNA students to a pause.

“Uh...Hey, what the hell’s going on here?” said Andrew. Hands in his pockets as he forcefully used his aura to suppress the group in front of him.

“Ugh...More of you...I mean...Nothing, I was just encouraging some of our classmates to be a little bolder in their contributions to the academy.” said the HNA student. A tall human male with curly purple hair, one of the numerous ‘young masters’ attending the academy.

“Ah, uh-huh…Is that true?” said Andrew. Turning his attention to the Blackvale students.

“No...It fucking isn’t. These lot are trying to force these guys down the slide.” said the Blackvale student who’d leapt to the defense of his fellows. A brawny orc who curiously held the title of ‘Thug’ in Andrew’s mental roster, but had apparently cleaned up his act since then.

Andrew frowned as he heard the Blackvale student’s words. Passage through the floors could happen in one of two ways. One could go through the stairways which were regular routes that took one through the floors in a sequential fashion.

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Then there were the slides. Random apertures that occasionally appeared next to the stairways and would drop you down into the lower floors at random. Meaning that one could end up lost or dead real quick if one traveled by slide because it was easy to end up going below the safer levels.

Andrew looked towards the HNA academy student, his eyes narrowed.

“I’m sure...Our dear senior, wouldn’t do something so reckless and tasteless...and so thoroughly, thoroughly unwise,” said Oliver. Stepping forward. His green-blue eyes like springtime frosted over.

“If so then, we might just have to make a formal complaint with the academy…” said Olivia. Her expression sardonic and filled with similar malice as that held in the eyes of her twin brother.

The HNA student glowered, a vein in his forehead throbbing at the provocation and not-so-subtle threats from the Asceline twins. The student’s hand fell to the saber that was sheathed at his hip and in response, Andrew crossed his arm and raised a brow at him.

Since Andrew didn’t feel like having to cover up a murder that particular night, he adjusted the mood in the clearing and lowered the overall aggression level of the HNA students. Suddenly feeling a lot more clear-headed, the Hundred Night Academy students looked around and quickly realized that with the addition of Andrew’s group they were outnumbered.

“.....Hmph!” the HNA fop ran a hand through his purple hair and turned on his heel. Leading his group away.

The Blackvalers all watched him and his crony leave the clearing. Then the remaining students relaxed.

“Whew...That’s much better. I was afraid we’d end up having to fight them.” said Emilia. Sounding shaken, but looking surprisingly prepared, her aura still surging.

“So uh...What was that about?” said Andrew. Frowning as he turned to the group of the Blackvale student.

“Ain’t nothing much… really. The Hundred Nighters fucks still think they can pick on us because we’re new...But we’re handling it. Blackvalers look after their own, yeah.” said the orc.

This was followed by nods, and sounds of assent from the group.

Andrew looked over the group and realized something, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was he was realizing. Before he could put his finger on it Sophia stepped forwards, helping the students who’d been knocked down to their feet.

“Th-, Thank you, miss.” said the student.

“Think nothing of it. Just doing my part as a Blackvale student.”

“Nh…Ye-, Yes.” said the student.

“In any case, are you guys still going to climb down or are you heading back.” said Andrew.

“...Eh, after dealing with those fuckers I’m not in the mood to deal with this wax-forest anymore...Hey, you...Want some help heading back?” said the Orc. Looking towards his injured fellows.

“H-, Huh?! Oh, thank you!” said the student.

“Oh, here’s the coordinates to a return door, if you want to avoid running into those unpleasant fellows from before,” said Sophia.

The orc blinked blushing bright green as the data was sent to his sprite.

“Thank you, kindly.” said the orc. Flicking bill of the cap he was wearing.

The Orc and the other Blackvale students then wandered off towards the exit door they’d been pointed towards.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” said Oliver. After watching the blackvale students’ backs recede into the distance.

“What’s amazing?”

“You’ve turned what should have been a disorganized crowd of student-refugees into a proper faction with cohesiveness and everything and you did it right under the noses of the HNA’s elites ” said Oliver.

“...I did?”

“Yes, hoheit...Or at the very least it seems we’ve made great inroads on doing so,” said Sophia.

“Was...that something we were trying to do?” said Andrew. Looking skeptical.

“Yes and No...Hypothetically, it was almost always guaranteed we’d have to make some form of stand to keep the other factions within the school, and the sect, from trying to turn us into their captive goose,” said Sophia.

“Goose?”

“What else would you do to a goose that lays golden eggs besides keeping it in a cage, hoheit?”

“I don’t know...Eat it?” said Andrew. Scratching at his ear with his pinkie.

“Then you wouldn’t get any more eggs, hoheit,” said Sophia.

“A-, Anyway, this means...We’re probably not going to be quite so easy to push around…Especially if we can establish a presence inside the sect.” said Oliver. Shaking his head after momentarily allowing himself to get pulled into the strange couple’s pace.

“...Cool,” said Andrew. Blinking rapidly as he decided to file that information under the file for things he’d deal with later. Vaguely aware that this had roughly been the plan all along... Even if things seemed to be coming together a little faster than he and Sophia had anticipated.

“So are we still climbing downwards? Or…?” said Andrew.

Oliver gave his friend a strange look and chuckled, shaking his head. Still thoroughly unable to tell whether the other boy was a master manipulator or simply just so capable that the things he did just kept resulting in positive outcomes.

“Sure...Sure. We’ll climb.” said Oliver.

“Great...Because I’m pretty sure there’s something at the core of this hidden-realm that I need to see.”

There was silence as everyone just gaped in Andrew’s direction.

“Wait, you were aiming to reach the core?” said Mikel.

“You weren’t?” said Andrew.

“In one day…?!” said Emilia.

“Wouldn’t it be a waste of a day if we couldn’t manage that much?...It’s only a few hundred floors,” said Andrew.

“We understand if you can’t follow us the whole way down,” said Sophia.

“N-, No...That’s fine. Something tells me is that this is some shit I’d regret missing.” said Oliver. Smirking as he clapped Andrew on the shoulder.

“Mhm...I’m game if everyone else is.” said Modeste.

There were some more nods and words of assent from the group. Then the climb downwards to the house of a hundred candles’ deepest depth continued.

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