With the rest of the adventurers we returned to the farmland so we could report back to Marc, informing him that the threat of the goblins had been removed. Marc, his daughter, and a few of his workers were treating the prisoners who, after a couple of days among goblins, were severely bruised and starved.

Young Lily smiled brightly noticing us approaching, but her enthusiasm quickly died as her gaze rested on me. I walked toward them, and as I did, every worker moved aside letting me pass. As I finally stopped in front of Marc and his daughter, the poor girl actually moved a few steps back, terrified by my horrid appearance.

“...It is done…” I said in a dull, weak voice “... Can I get a few buckets of water and pieces of cloth? I would like to clean myself up a little before returning to the city.”

He was looking at me dumbfounded.

“Yes, yes of course! A-actually, if you wouldn’t mind I can give you some of my spare clothes while my people would clean it up for you, this way…” “Thank you for your hospitality, but no…” I disturbed him “... I take care of my gear alone and I prefer not showing my face around. Letting me occupy one of your rooms for a couple of hours would be more than enough.” I continued in a calm tone.

Seeing my strong resolve, he couldn’t refuse. And so, once I was given what I ordered, I occupied one of the storage rooms, undressed, soaked the cloth in the water, and started scrubbing red stains off my once completely white armor. It was a long and quite annoying work. Instead of removing red marks from my equipment, I just slightly thinned it up and smeared sticky substance all over it. Then, I heard the door to the storeroom opening.

“I asked to be left alone!” I said in a calm, yet obviously displeased tone. Right now, as I was standing without my equipment, everyone could see what I was. “Easy there. It is just me.” I recognized this voice. It was Natasha “... I know how hard bloodstains are to clean, so I thought that I would give you a hand.”

I wasn’t THAT dumb to believe that, and so, I decided to remain silent. For now.

The lioness sat by my side, took a small piece of soap and dropped it in the bucket.

“If you try to do that with water alone, you will spend days here…” she said as she started helping me out.

Why was she here? What possibly could have made her - the top rank adventurer - come all this way here, into the middle of nowhere. Did she know that the goblin's nest would prove to be something bigger than the quest request told? Of course, that was not possible. She had to come here because of me. Then again - why would she bother so much just to check on some cadet?

The answer was simple. It was because I didn’t tell them that I was leaving, thus, for a quick short moment, I started running around without a leash. And that’s what Lions disliked. They fed me with such wonderful tales. About brotherhood. About unity. About the greater good. They promised me that I would be one of the most respectable knights and would join them on the noble quest of making the world a better place.

I believed them.

But, they didn’t believe me.

Now, as I think about it, looking at the past few days from the perspective of time, they had a reason to be afraid. I was an undead, and could have used them to achieve my own personal goals.

Still, a nasty aftertaste remained in my mouth.

“Aster…” she finally started, in a surprisingly soft tone “... I came here because…” “...because you were afraid I took the guild’s ID and left you behind, wanting to perform some evil, dark deeds. You came here not of your own free will but rather sent over by the higher-ups. And finally, you came here because you disliked the fact of me working without proper supervision. Because you keep talking about honor and trust, yet have none to spare to lowly undead such as myself.”

Weird. As an undead, most of my emotions were dulled, and yet, this anger and pure, crippling sadness I felt clearly.

Is this some kind of curse? Everywhere I go, I think I meet wonderful people. A man I treat as a younger brother, a carrying and wise lord, or Order of Noble Knights, who seem to like me, to invite me over into their lives, just to backstab me, abandon me, and now lie to me wanting me as nothing more than a puppet.

Go on, Natasha. Tell me I am mistaken. Tell me another one of your stories. Try making me believe!

“Yes. You are absolutely right…” she said stopping her scrubbing of my armor “... and, no more than an hour ago, I believed this was indeed a case. We don’t trust you, Aster. We can’t trust you. Not as an Order, not as a House. Even as I saw you leaving that tunnel, bloodied and bruised, the first thought that came to my mind was: ‘what if it wasn’t that hard. What if he himself damaged his armor letting us think he truly risked his life, just so we would lower our guards down’. But, then you said those words, looking at Luca: ‘You didn’t come’. And then… I felt those words in my very heart… I know. I know how it sounds now. As the damage was done… Aster… thinking about your story till now, you telling me how you were backstabbed and then abandoned by the person you trusted… and then adding your teammates giving up on you and higher up not trusting anything you say… Only when I merged it all in one, big picture and looked at it from your perspective I can see… How much have we all failed you...”

She put the piece of cloth to the side, got on her knees, and bowed her head down.

“I am sorry, Aster.”

That was so funny. So morbidly funny!

“You are sorry!? YOU ARE FUCKING SORRY!? For what?! For the fact that I keep doing my best, all the time, risking by life over and over again, continuing this pathetic failure of existence in pain, hoping to still live according to the credo of nobility yet being rewarded for my deeds with nothing but suspicion?!...” and then, I lost it “...DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO NOT GIVE UP!? To live with his hunger? Emptiness in your heart?! Feeling this disgusting coldness spreading across my bones?! This existence is a curse! I LOATH IT! This… filthy form! The stench of rotting, decaying FLESH! Not being able to touch your skin! Not being able to hug your beloved! I’ve wanted to give up so many times! But I keep on walking! But I keep on acting! Because, in my mind, this is the right thing to do… AND YOU ARE JUST SORRY!? Do you think that right now I will just tell you ‘don’t mind it?’?! How long will your sympathy last? A day? Till the next quest? It… It is… so hard to keep on doing the right things.”

Suddenly, I felt so much weaker. I dropped down, on my butt, surprisingly exhausted despite all the freshly consumed essence circulating in my body.

This dull sensation came again. A feeling of being put up as a small, unimportant, disposable pawn on someone’s chessboard.

“... Fixing the world is, in the end, impossible, isn't it?” I asked more myself than my companion. “No! It is possible!. It is more than just possible, Aster… No, Alabaster. Today, you have saved three innocent travelers from a horrid death. From a bigger perspective, you saved this farmland and most likely many smaller villages. I had my people check the nest, guessing by the number of monsters and the equipment they collected, soon they would have started riding, merging with other tribes, starting a green wave. Today, you have changed the fate of hundreds of beings. They might not even know it, but for them, you have just changed the world plenty…” she said getting off her knees, approaching me and offering her hand, helping me get up “...Never question your resolve, Alabaster. I might be the wrong person to tell you this… but, you are needed. We do count on you. Today, you have proved more than ever that you are more human at heart than most of us. We can only bow our heads to you, beg you for forgiveness, and hope to become as noble and selfless as you are. Many will disagree with me, many will try proving me wrong, but, you are already more of a real knight than many of us could ever be…”

After that, she became almost quiet and mumbled

“Well, definitely more of a knight that I am.”

After a few awkward moments, we got back to work and finished cleaning my gear, now slightly patched up.

We left the storage room, once again meeting up with Marc, I reported precisely what happened and what I fought with, then collected my reward (with a huge bonus) before turning around and leaving the farmland, again, in awkward silence.

Marc tried keeping us overnight, not wanting us to travel after fighting with a horde of monsters merely two hours earlier, but our lieutenant commander quickly informed him that our presence is required somewhere else. Oh. The prisoners came over to me and started thanking, squeezing, and shaking my hand with tears covered faces. The little girl of the group, as I was cleaning my armor, gathered some flowers from Marc’s garden, made a small flower-crown, and asked me to lower my head, then she put it at the top of my helmet.

She didn’t have money, she had no possession, yet still, she desperately wanted to give me something as a form of gratitude. A person that just lost her all belonging and nearly a life, instead of wooing and self-pitying or trying to get back on track as fast as possible, spent two hours additionally hurting her hands over thorny flowers, wanting to repay me as much as she could.

It was… nothing. And yet, somehow, to me it appeared to be more precious than money paid by the farmland owner.

One of the knights that arrived with Natasha tried teasing me about my new addition to the helmet, but I only proudly stretched my backs and puffed my chest, not paying much attention to his words.

Those flowers were now my treasure, for they were the best thing that happened to me in the past few weeks.

We arrived in the city by very late evening. Luka and the rest of my “team” moved to the guild to finish the bureaucracy regarding the quest, while I was quickly led towards Nicolai’s private office, where the rest of the captains already waited. Seeing me, Captain Godric only hissed loudly.

“By the merciful heavens! Alabaster! You had that armor for two days! Two days! Do you have any idea how much repairment of magically enhanced armor cost!?” “Three lives would be enough?” It was Natasha, who quite rudely spoke to someone who, in the end, had a higher rank than she. “Nat, child, what do you mean by that?... and don’t forget about honorifics, especially in front of a cadet. Being my cousin does not give you a privilege of violating the chain of command.” Nicolai quickly reacted, but, guessing by his tone, he was far more interested in the reason behind the Lioness’s tone, rather than lecturing her about the etiquette.

And so, not being allowed to say anything, I listened to Natasha reporting in my place the recent quest. I was quickly informed that indeed - due to my “condition” I am not allowed to leave the House without supervision - they did wrap it in nice bullshit as if in case of my identity being revealed, there would be no one around to protect me and clarify the situation.

Suuure, as if I could ever believe anything like that.

Natasha pledged to take full responsibility for my actions, saying that it was her fault for not informing me about my limitations before she summarized what happened, not forgetting to mention that I shielded the team and prisoners with my body, stopping the horde, fighting with a summoned abomination, nearly dying (again) in process.

“... and having said all of that, I believe that all our fears, bah, even unjust accusations, are completely deprived of any further reason. We promised him to treat him as one of us, yet our recent actions proved to not honor our promise. I do believe that we owe him an apology.”

The room became quiet for quite a long time.

“Indeed. My dear friends…” Nicolai finally started, looking around at the other Captains “... since when did we start acting like a money-hungry, spineless organization rather than an Order of Knights that we started as? Since when our name has been more important than our comrades… Aster. We are truly sorry. We have already checked you with a stone, had trainers assigned to you to see what kind of person you are, and even then we were quick to assume you were up to no good the second we lost you from our sight. That’s not something that Lions are meant to do. If there is anything you wish for, speak now, and we will try our hardest to repay you for our lack of trust.” “There is nothing I wish, but to continue doing what I believe is right, saving the innocent and hunting down the wicked - including those who wronged me. If there is anything I want to ask, then it would be for you to stop interfering.”

That indeed was rude and arrogant on my part, but, I hoped that with this I could lower their suspicions even more. I don’t need to be liked. All I need is to be allowed to work.

“Very well…” Said the commander, though I noticed that the light in his eyes changed slightly. Was he… displeased? “... there is another reason why we so desperately tried to contact you.”

Oh?

“Before going on that quest, you had a rather aggressive exchange of words with Rowan from Black Fox guild, didn’t you?” “Indeed…” there is no reason to cover up something they were already aware of “... he was badmouthing my teammates and Lions in general, and so, I allowed myself to inform him that words of a nobody have no meaning nor weight behind it. He tried to duel me right then and there, but we already took a quest, so I allowed myself to choose the greater good over personal issues.” “... I almost regret that Patic isn’t here with us. I would love seeing his face hearing that…” that was the first time for me to see the always serious commander giggle “... but, regardless of your motives, in twenty-nine days from you, you and Rowan will have to duel one another.” “Very well. I will be ready and…” “No. You won’t…” my statement was quickly cut “... Foxes are… efficient. They always finish the task with any means necessary. They have no code nor morals and will ‘cheat’ without ‘cheating’ as much as it is only possible, bending laws and rules so they would meet their needs. I am almost sure, that as you are now, you won’t stand a chance versus whatever Foxes would prepare for you. And so, I was thinking - can we cheat a little as well?” He said, getting up from his chair and walking around the room. “What do you mean by that, leading-commander?” “Knowing them, they will most likely give him some magical item, or another thing that would greatly boost his powers. We can’t do that for you, that’s not how the Lions work. If we would use their techniques, we would prove to be the same as well… but… if it was from the natural growth of the adventurer?” “I beg your forgiveness, leading-commander, but I am afraid that I still don’t understand.” “You said that you get stronger by feasting on the life-essence of creatures that recently died… and, according to Fredrich, you don’t need to be the one killing it, is that correct?” “Yes, leading-commander, it’s like a dish, just because you weren’t the one who prepared it doesn't stop you from eating it. I need to be around the body and make sure essence hasn't completely disappeared yet...” “We know, we read the report. Anyway. You will be given some new gear, and in two days I want you to participate in another quest. One of the middle-tier dungeons once again spawned monsters and we need to clear it. I will assign you as a scavenger. Officially you will be collecting treasures and valuable body parts of monsters. Normally, that could be quite an offense for you, so we will spread information that we want to show you how a proper dungeon raid works - as if we were preparing you to become an officer in the near future. Starting at the very bottom and making your path up is how the chain of command should work, and that should be more than just a suitable excuse.” “So… what you are saying is…” “That we are taking you to an all-expenses-paid all-you-can-eat buffet. Alabaster. You WILL win that duel.” he smiled in a rather nasty way.

To Patric, Rowan, and all other Black Foxes out there - I have no idea what you did to Nicolai, but I most sincerely pity you.