Chapter 41

“Boy, are you a lifesaver,” said Heida, beaming up at me from her bed. She’d used her Lightshow affinity to make an artificial lantern that cast the room in a warm, golden light. “Thanks for the rescue; that was getting a little tense. Now we can figure out how to talk some sense into them.”

“Rescue?” I scoffed. “You aren’t reading the room, my dear.”

“What’s your deal? You seem pissed.” She snapped her fingers. “What, because I lumped Mariko in with the wounded? Have you seen her arm?”

“I have,” I replied, folding my arms beneath my chest. “That was a low blow, but that isn’t why I wanted to chat. I think it’s time I changed the terms of our little deal and discussed something heavy. For example, a certain combat wizard who freezes like a startled fawn every time there’s a fight to be had.”

“Oh, you want to go there,” she said, her shoulders slumping. “It’s not like I want to. You’ve seen me in a fight. My blood races and I just lock up.”

“You didn’t seem too frightened to ride Viktor earlier,” I pointed out.

“That’s different,” she said. “A-and I was afraid. I just didn’t want to give Yamada an excuse to have you to herself. Besides, you were there to help me. Otherwise, I’m… I’m not brave.”

I felt a glimmer of that lovely warmth at her kind words, but I set that aside. “How in the world did you graduate from an academy of magic, then?”

She waved me off. “School was easy; we trained with spells that couldn’t hurt. It’s different here in the real world. I could end up like Pabbi, or worse. He talks about riding Viktor into town, when he knows darn well he can’t. I only have a few years left in my service, and then for the first time, I’ll have life on my own terms, and I don’t want to live broken like Pabbi or Mariko!”

I felt my face harden. “So you should get to be safe while everyone else suffers?”

She glared up at me. “You don’t know what it was like, going through my finals while England fell.”

“No, I was busy actually being there,” I replied. Not the way you’ll take my meaning, but still.

Heida shot to her feet and stomped over to face me down. “Don’t pull that on me; I know what you went through, but that doesn’t change my feelings. We students were convinced they were going to pass us all without an exam and ship us south into the meat grinder. We’d have died for nothing, and that’s what everyone says our duty is!”

“Well, yes,” I replied. “It’s the old contract. We get the privileges because we might go off to fight for everyone else.” At least, that’s what we nobledevils always told everyone.

“Pabbi’s supposed to be retired; he did his tenner in the service years ago, but he insisted on reenlisting to help. Well, he did his duty, and he was maimed for it, and England still fell! It’s one thing when I can help, but not when it’s futile.” She reached out to caress my cheek. “Look at you; you’re already so badly hurt. That Mol thing would break the rest of us. We need to get Henrik and Asahi in here.”

I hesitated; if that was all I was there to accuse her of, she had a point. However, she’d just given me the rope to hang her with. “You say that, yet you were more than willing to stay here to guard Kowalski and Buddy, with only a ‘crippled’ wizard for backup.”

Her face fell as she took a step back. “I already said I was wrong about that.”

“That isn’t the point,” I said. “You were ready to throw Kowalski under the bus because you seemed so sure we were attacked by Buddy.”

“So were you!” she countered.

“I was, but I went out to test that theory while you stayed here. I’m to believe that you had the fortitude to fight Buddy alone in this tight space?”

“What? Well, that I could do something about. If anything, I thought you and Mariko were getting off easy.”

“You weren’t afraid to sit there with a creature that could wound that giant of a Macrauchenia? One that deflected a Magic Bolt without so much as blinking?”

She swallowed nervously. “W-well, I did what I had to.”

“Oh, come off it; you knew it wasn’t him. If you did, you’d have never let me go.”

She sat down on her bed again, glaring at me defiantly. “Fine, and what of it? Kowalski would have been fine when Mol struck again, and it would have gotten us all out of here intact.” She pointed at my bandaged hand. “You almost died, Magpie, and now you’re looking at weeks of recovery.”

“You were going to turn in an innocent boy… no, an innocent man to save your own skin?”

She shrugged. “I saw a way to save us all and I took it. Better to have him see the inside of a jail cell for a few weeks instead of a pine box forever.”

“I hope you understand that I can’t overlook that.”

“We can’t win, Soren!” She sprang up, her imploring eyes digging into me. “You took your shot when you could cast spells and you lost! I’d trade this farm and everyone one of those lousy sheep if it keeps us safe. If you back me up, we can make Pabbi retreat. Maybe Buddy could pretend to be a horse or something. Maybe we could hide in the cellar and wait for things to blow over.”

I wanted to object, but a sensible thought crossed my mind: was it actually too late to run? Would anybody fault us? We were a gaggle of cadets with one real combat wizard on hand, and not one with any real combat experience, outside of the Starlight. I could have probably argued that it was our duty to report Mulciber to the Wizard Corps, since if we died, they’d be in the dark. And so what if Mulciber burns down this farm? The League clearly doesn’t care about sheep farms anyway. They’d pay out Bryndísar just like Brandur. Probably at a better rate, since he’s a wizard.

If I were the true Soren Marlowe, it would all be so logical. However, I knew better.

“You’re probably right, my dear,” I replied. “We could probably talk our way out of any consequences. Rafal and Mariko would be dissapointed, but they’d still be alive.”

Heida let out a ragged sigh. “Oh thank God, I thought you were—”

“However, I’d never be able to hold my head high again,” I said. “I have quite enough guilt weighing me down. No, I think I have to reject your offer, and I’ll ask you not to make it again.”

Her shoulder slumped. “You sound just like Pabbi. I tried to tell him not to reenlist; the Corps didn’t even ask him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Bryndísar is a solid man,” I said. “Better than me by a long shot.” I saw the flick to my nose coming this time and seized her wrist. “That’s no false modesty. I have a responsibility to see this to the end.”

“Why? I don’t… wait.” She studied me, as though looking at me for the first time. “You know way too much about these devils, and Yamada said you called it Mol. Where did that name come from?”

“I-I speak a little bit of Demonic.” It was my turn to gulp as I shifted to the defense. “I told you, the Horde captured me and—”

“Bull,” she snapped, failing to break my grip. “I’m supposed to believe you learned Demonic magic and the language that easily, just because of your affinity? When would you have had the time? You were busy slaving in a Macrauchenia stable and trying to escape! If you’re a rogue demonkin, it also explains why the Beckers were trying to kill you back at the Starlight.”

I felt my forehead grow slick with sweat, despite the chill. “An interesting theory—”

“Stop it! I told you the truth; you owe me the same.”

“It took a lot of effort to get a confession out of you,” I countered.

“And you and Yamada lied to me to keep whatever secret you have,” she said. “I almost believed you, but you got Mol’s name! That means you were talking with it, and that means a demonic monster saw you as somebody it should bother with. I doubt it would care about a normal human. I think I already know the truth, but if you’re going to get all judgmental with me, have the balls to say it.”

“Fine,” I said. “Yes, you were right back in Brandur’s field. I was a demonkin, right up until I saw the truth of the Horde.” A lie, but one that had let me keep my friends so far, and as close to the truth as I dared to com. Even as a demonkin, Soren Marlowe is better than I could hope to be.

“If that got out, it’d be really damaging for a hero like you,” she said.

“I’m no hero,” I said, releasing her. I winced. “Again with my nose?”

“I told you to stop faking humility,” she said, flicking me again. “I could see my way to keeping your secret, so long as you back me up. Override the attack plan. Let’s all get out of here.”

“No way in Hell,” I spat. “I’m a demonkin, remember? I have inside information. Mol isn’t going to give up and leave us alone, and he’s after me in particular.”

Heida began pacing. “We’re still outmatched, even with all of us working together.”

“Probably,” I admitted.

“I want out,” she said. “Look, I’m not a fighter, okay? I don’t have whatever steel in the spine you and Pabbi and even a useless pacifist like Yamada have.”

“Well, good news for you, then,” I said. “After your recent performance, I don’t want you along for this fight.”

She stopped abruptly. “Excuse me?”

“You’re a liability in battle,” I said. “You got off one attack against the Beckers, and you didn’t do a damn thing against Mol. If you freeze up out there, somebody will have to protect you, and we’ll be quite busy enough.”

“Is this a trap?” I almost smirked; she seemed rather displeased for somebody who’d just gotten what she wanted. “It’s not like I want to freeze up.”

I shrugged. “And I don’t want my hand smashed to bits. We don’t get what we want in this world. We take it as we find it, and I’m completely willing to go along with your plan. You can flee until you can call for backup. Hopefully we won’t need it.”

She clicked her tongue. “This isn’t a trick, is it? You aren’t going to change your mind again?”

“No tricks,” I said. “You already know my secret; if letting you off the hook means you’ll keep it, that’s a small price to pay.”

She tucked her chin in her hand and paced again. “What about Lilja and Pabbi? They can’t come with me.”

“I’ll be taking the fight to Mol,” I replied. “He’ll be too occupied to think about them.”

“Assuming you win,” she said.

“Not your concern,” I replied. “When you call in the Divine Blade, I imagine they’ll let him use a helicopter or a plane. He might just arrive in time to be useful. Either way, you’ll be safe, and that’s what matters.”

She came closer, reaching out towards me, but not quite touching. “I’ve been dating a demonkin.”

“Yes, you have been.”

Her face flushed red. “God, is it weird that makes you hotter?”

“Yes,” I said instantly. “How could you possibly think that?”

“There’s something romantic about it,” she replied. “I know the worst thing about you, and you know it about me. We’ve seen parts of each other nobody else has.” After hesitating, she caressed my cheek. “It’s almost freeing. Maybe I shouldn’t have been afraid of the heavy stuff.”

I gently rebuffed her touch. “No, your instinct was right. Sometimes you’re best off staying at the surface level. It’s what made us work, I think. Now that’s over.”

Her face fell. “O-oh. I see.”

“You can’t be surprised; you were about to sell out Rafal to give yourself a chance to escape. We aren’t the closest friends, but that’s too much to overlook.” Hell, confessing to being a demonkin might have been a bad idea, even if she’d realized that on her own. Who knows when that might come out?

“N-no, you’re right,” she said. “It’s been fun, Magpie. If I don’t see you again, it’s been fun.”

“Come, now. Let’s not have any of that doom and gloom talk!” Not when I have plenty of that bouncing around in my head.

“How can you be so calm? It’s going to be you three against that Mol monster, and it already stomped you into the ground!”

She really needed to stop saying things that were bloody obvious and terrifying. “That isn’t your concern; you’ve been quite clear you didn’t want it to be.”

Unable to meet my gaze, she stepped away from the door. “Yeah, I guess I did. Take care of yourself, okay?”

I brushed past her. “I will, since you don’t seem willing to help.” I stopped in the open doorway; despite everything, I couldn’t stand rebuking her. Not if this could be the last time we spoke. “I’m sorry we were interrupted in the barn, and I’m sorry I brought so much trouble to your doorstep.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.”

Me, too. I kept that to myself, after all. I had bigger worries; now that I had committed myself to this attack, I supposed I’d need something resembling a plan.