《How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis》27. Shrek 2
Advertisement
I had a plan. Wait until it gets late and Grayson and his boys go off to wherever they went to at night, then ransack the shed for every secret hidden behind the curtain and in the desk drawers. Excellent plan, I think we can all agree.
Unfortunately, the moment I put my head down to give my eyes a rest, I was out like a light. Whether my body was getting used to being in this place or I was just knackered, the next thing I knew, it was morning.
We were woken by Grayson banging a spoon on a dish (I knew the bastard had spoons hidden somewhere!).
“Good morning,” he boomed cheerfully. “Looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day. Sunshine and fresh air aplenty.”
We groggily got up, faces squishy and eyes glued shut. The fire was out and it looked like the last two days of constant fear and anxiety had wiped us all out.
“Now, I do want to remind those of you left, I and my men will be leaving today. You’ll need somewhere else to sleep, and you’ll have to take care of your other needs yourself from now on. However, we won’t set off until after dark, so if you do have anything you need to ask, you’ve got until then.”
I got the impression he would have liked to have left earlier, but he was delaying the departure to give us every opportunity to do… something. Ask a question, hand in a token, claim a prize—I didn’t know what it was we were supposed to do, I just knew we were supposed to do something which most likely the other groups had already done.
“Do you have anything you want to ask me now?” He looked at each of us in turn.
Nobody said anything. We were all still half asleep, but I’m not sure that was the problem. I could sense this was more or less our last chance, but my brain refused to offer up any ideas.
“Okay then. Good luck.” The way he said it made it sound like he knew we’d be needing it. He turned around and went back inside.
I felt pretty scuzzy. I hadn’t had a proper wash in days and my clothes needed cleaning. There was a hand pump in the corner of the courtyard that provided our water, but we didn’t have soap or towels, plus we were too shy to undress in front of each other. You also needed someone to work the pump for you so you could use both hands.
All stuff we should be able to work out between us, but hadn’t.
Not knowing when we’d be able to find a decent water supply again, I stripped down to my rank-smelling boxers and asked Maurice to pump the water for me. He agreed, of course, making it seem completely stupid I hadn’t just asked on day one.
Advertisement
The water was freezing cold. I got down on all fours and stuck my head under the spigot to wash my hair and as much of my body as I could. I wasn’t about to stick my hand down my shorts and give things a good scrub with all the people around (although God knows I needed to) but getting everything wet helped with the smell at least.
I operated the pump for Maurice, although he didn’t have anything on under his onesie, so he had to go nude. The girls had tactfully disappeared into the shed, making it less embarrassing, but we still took great care not to make eye contact, or any other kind of contact.
Yes, we were those guys. The ones who can’t handle communal showers and can’t piss at a urinal if someone’s standing next to us. I realise it’s retarded, but we’d each had a couple of decades of feeling shit about ourselves, we weren’t going to undo all of it overnight.
Dudley was the tallest and had the most difficulty getting low enough to wash properly, but he did the best he could by splashing water over himself. We used the blankets as makeshift towels and patted ourselves dry.
Once dressed, and only slightly damp, we went into the shed where the girls were eating the fruit provided us for breakfast. While we ate, the girls went off to wash themselves, a tacit understanding between us that we wouldn’t enter the courtyard until they were done.
Grayson was at his desk doing more paperwork, so I couldn’t have a look behind the curtain unless I rushed past him and yanked it open. Which I totally could have done—it wasn’t like he’d kill me for it—but I couldn’t make myself do it. I just stood there, sweaty with indecision.
After we’d washed and eaten, we put all our gear in the sacks which now had straps on them so you could carry them like backpacks. One had the blankets in it, the other had metal dishes and the homemade torches. It had taken us ages to get everything ready, the sewing being particularly difficult and painful. Flossie had done most of it, but I had stitched together a very poorly constructed sap and my fingers still stung from the effort. You really had to force the needle through the leather.
I wasn’t too impressed with the results, the YouTube video I had seen made the simple weapon seem much more impressive. But then, all I’d done was stuff various bits of metal into a triangle of leather, sewn around the edges and sewn on a thin piece of leather as a strap. By looping the strap over your wrist and holding one end of the triangle, you could strike someone quite sharply while giving the impression you were just slapping them, which might work well as a surprise attack. But the metal needed to be heavier to have any real effect. Still, it would be more effective than a punch and less likely to break my knuckles.
Advertisement
All geared up and ready to face the day, we set off for our regular hunting ground. I couldn’t shake the feeling I was missing something and that Grayson was giving us one last chance to figure it out. We had the rest of the day to think about it, but after that he’d be gone for good and we’d be on our own.
We headed for the wheatfields, practicing with our slings and talking about rabbit hunting strategies. No matter how uncertain I felt on the inside, I couldn’t show it. If the others lost confidence, in themselves or me, we wouldn’t stand a chance. So far things had gone alright, but it would only take one bad experience to wreck us.
I mentioned my thoughts on Grayson waiting for us to ask him something and the others agreed it seemed like that. But when I asked them if they could think of any questions there was the usual deafening silence.
“We’ve got the rest of the day to come up with something,” I said. “Try to think about it. We should try to get as much info out of him as we can before he leaves.”
They all nodded and made thoughtful faces, but I didn’t hold out much hope. If I was going to figure out what Grayson wanted from us, I was probably going to have to do it alone.
“Also, I’ve been thinking, we need to make plans for particular eventualities.” They looked at me like I was talking a foreign language. Apart from Dudley, who looked straight up as usual. “For example, if we run into trouble that we can’t handle and you hear someone shout ‘Run!’, then we need to have sorted out where we run to, beforehand.”
Plenty of nods, no comments.
“If something happens today—” nervous looks zig-zagged around me “—I’m not saying it will, just if, then our meeting point will be back in town. But only shout it if you mean it. No joking around with this sort of thing. You hear ‘Run!’ and you peg it. Don’t wait to find out what’s going on. No questions. Grab what you can and start running.”
“Shouldn’t we leave everything?” asked Claire. “If it’s dangerous, it’ll only slow us down.”
“No. We have fuck all as it is, we can’t afford to lose any of it. I mean, don’t stop to pack things up and put them away. But if it’s within reach, take it. And generally keep things within reach and assume you may have to run at any moment.”
It’s probably great when a team’s been together awhile, with their own shorthand way of communicating and an innate understanding of their roles in any given scenario. But when you’ve known each other for three days, you have to have conversations where you state the blindingly obvious.
“And when you run, really run. Don’t stop. Don’t go back. If someone’s in trouble, getting yourself in trouble too won’t help.”
There was some grumbling at that.
“Look, if you want to go back and help someone who’s fallen and can’t get up, that’s your choice. I can’t stop you. What I’m saying, though, is if you’re the person who’s fallen, don’t automatically assume we’re coming back for you. You need to save yourself. That’s the mindset you need. Fireman Sam will not be coming to the rescue, and the rest of us may have our own problems to contend with.”
They seemed to see the value of what I was saying, although how much they’d remember when the shit hit the fan, I had no way of knowing.
We made it around the wheatfield and headed up the slope. With no shade, the sun bore down on us as we climbed to the top. Already out of breath, we were met by a gentle breeze and the sight of an ogre.
It was sitting in the middle of our meadow, crouched down on its haunches. It was about the same size as the one in the woods we’d encountered on our first day, but it had lighter coloured hair. It also gave off a completely different vibe just sitting there. It was still terrifying, but without the roaring and thrashing about, it didn’t make you want to scream yourself hoarse. It made you want to keep very quiet and hope it didn’t notice you.
What was really strange, though, was how the rabbits were reacting. They had gathered around the ogre in a circle, pushing each other out of the way to get closer.
The ogre reached down and placed the back of its hand on the grass. The rabbits immediately swarmed onto its palm. The ogre lifted the mass of squirming fur to its mouth and shovelled them in like popcorn. You’d think this might upset a few of the rabbits below. They couldn’t have not noticed. But they actually tried even harder to get closer. “Me next!” they seemed to be saying. The ogre obliged.
We all watched, transfixed, as more rabbits eagerly jumped onto the proffered hand and disappeared down its gullet. We were far enough away that we weren’t in immediate danger, but if it saw us and decided to attack were we really ready to deal with it?
No. Not even close.
“Hey,” I whispered to get the others’ attention. “Run.” I turned and ran, not waiting to see if my earlier comments had sunk in.
Advertisement
- In Serial64 Chapters
The Undecided Title of Sara Miller (A Hobbit Fanfiction) (Thorin/OC)
"You need to know something," said Fili, taking Sara's face in his large warm hands. "You will always have me. Even if the Valar take you away tomorrow, I will always be your brother. I want you here with me. I'm going to fight Thorin for the right to make you my Heart Sister. But even if I lose, you are always my sister. I would sooner stop being a dwarf than stop being your brother." Can exploring caves land you in a hobbit's pantry? It happened to Sara Miller. Taken from the 21st century, she must navigate through Middle-Earth to find a way back home. But to do so she will have to understand why the Valar have sent her in the first place, something even Gandalf does not know. All Sara wants to do is return home so she can resume the search for her family, but now she is stuck going on an insane quest. Of all the wizards in Middle-Earth, Thorin has to deal with a capricious one, namely Gandalf. Determined to reclaim his home in Erebor for his people, Thorin was prepared to accept a hobbit in his company at Gandalf's request. But now the wizard insists that if Thorin wants his help he must allow a woman from another world to join the quest as well. But just because the wizard brings her along doesn't mean Thorin has to welcome or trust her. Who is this woman, why is she here, and why is Mahal's mark on her hand?" I will release new chapters Tewsday and Friday until they run out. (I have 59+) If you don't want to wait check out this story under the same name on FFN, AO3, or Quotev. Just remember to leave a comment/review for me wherever you go. Thanks for checking out my story!
8 182 - In Serial10 Chapters
NOVA in the marvel cinematic universe
this is going to be a fanfic of the marvel cinematic universe including x-men, deadpool and etc. i will tweek some events and timelines so that everything adds up. this story is about Richard Rider the original Nova although he has a little something extra. our mc will be navigating what it means to be a powerhouse in a universe filled with monsters like Thanos , Galactus and Apocalypse. but before we get to the final boss fights he must deal with the hardships of life. yes it will be one of those novels. i actually like having a plot. i know everyone wants to see the mc collect infinity stones and blast bad guys with secret easter eggs but no. NOVA might be one of the strongest heroes but i'm gonna make him go through hell to succeed. oh and i did say he has a little something extra, it means that he wont always be the good guy.
8 126 - In Serial35 Chapters
Immortal Ascension Tower
Foretold to liberate the Heavenly Realm of its Tyrant, a child of prophecy was thrust into centuries of struggle and loss.Though Xu Ling persisted on this arduous path for three hundred years, his efforts still failed him at the last step. His blue eyes closed then, in eternal rest.The myriad worlds grieved at his untimely end, and the rekindled ember of hope extinguished with him: Heaven's Tyrant Tian was to oppress forever on. A thousand years after the demise of Xu Ling, a lower world exists in a remote corner of the vast Heavenly Realm. There, a child lies supine by a burning village. Wistfully, he looks at the night sky. The rekindled ember greets the stars of his fallen companions, the strange entity that had freed him dormant in his consciousness:"Fret not and watch over me, you all,"he reassures them,"As our conflagration again blazes at the loathsome despot usurping the Highest Throne."
8 194 - In Serial80 Chapters
Unraveling Secrets
Left in the middle of the fields was a mangled body. The person lying on the ground and on death's door was Kan Lock. He lied down and awaited for the beasts and monsters to come and ravage his body. Feeling hopeless in this situation Kan thought to himself, "Why am I always so weak? Why was I betrayed? Why did it end like this? Will I never know the reason for my parents' disappearance? Why? Why!? WHY!? As his body turned cold, Kan was left with regrets and unaswered questions but he resisted. He didn't want to die with regrets so he fought against death. He stood up and faced off against the hungry predators. He laughed and laughed in the face of death but in the end it didn't matter how much he struggled. Kan Lock had died but his story had not ended.
8 153 - In Serial17 Chapters
The Tattoo
Ever got your revenge? What happens when you get it?Or more accurate, did you achieve it?This is a story about a boy who wants nothing other than bathe in the blood of the one he most hated This is a battle between Jay, himself and his enemy Who shall succeed?*********Tags are subject to change Warning- no porn (implications not counted)- no instant op characters- no wimps - slow story- lots of swearing- no over the top lucky bullshit (lucky every now and then is allowed)- motto of the story 'No Pain No Gain'So read at your own risk :)Inspiration = IET works and many other novels I forgot the names of
8 103 - In Serial6 Chapters
Relentless
Pennywise x ReaderIt all started on a Friday night..
8 200

