《Is it Reincarnation if I'm Still Dead?》Arc 2, Chapter 50: At Peace
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"Hello Takashi. I didn't expect to see you here."
"Hrm? You don't sound very surprised."
"That's because I've been expecting this to happen for a lo~ng time. The only surprising thing is it took until now. Speaking of which, when did you find out?"
"Find out what? About your intention to resurrect your teacher, Helena? Then only recently. If it's about your necromancy,
I've had my suspicions ever since you told me your story."
"The first day, huh?"
He finds a fallen log to use as a seat while I stand before him like an accused before a judge.
"Every necromancer worth their salt would carry a tome of black magic, but when you described how you salvaged his items, you never mentioned finding one. While I might have believed you simply didn't take it with you, if I were in your position I wouldn't have neglected such a thing, not when it could be my ticket home."
Takashi is right. At the time, I thought I could still return to Earth, which is why I took the spell book. When I first told him my story, I avoided mentioning it, but it seems to have been a mistake.
"However, even if you did have it, I saw no reason for you to practice black magic... that is, until I learnt about the passing of your beloved, Helena Forren. I offer my sympathies."
"... Are you here to stop me, Takashi?"
"I'm here to save you, Enbos. I don't want you losing a leg or even your entire body."
"This isn't alchemy or even science. It's outright magic."
"I think you're missing the point."
"Of what? The idea that man shouldn't step in the domain of god? Don't give me that trash! In this world, you don't need a god to bring someone back! The fact we exist is already a pseudo form of resurrection!"
"You're underestimating this world, Enbos. Or rather, you're overestimating yourself. There are some things that are out of your reach, and that holds true for any world."
"She's right here, damn it! She's right inside me! It may take decades or even a century, but I know I have the power to bring her back!"
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"And if you do, then what? Will you resurrect her every time you think she isn't ready to pass on? It's no better than turning her into a risen undead."
"I know better than to curse her to an existence like mine. Takashi, you just don't understand. Her whole world was a village and a patch of forest. She deserves a second chance at life."
"She doesn't need you for that."
"You mean the World Stream? Do you really think it's best to let her move on...?
LOOK AT ME! You preach about how the will of your current life influences your next. If that's true, then what did I do to deserve becoming a monster! You're wrong, Takashi! The World Stream is just a system. I don't care what lies you tell yourself, just don't feed them to me! The safest hands are still my own!"
As I "tell" him these words, I hear myself grinding my teeth to dust. After months of following his teachings, my true feelings have finally surfaced. The merest thought my rebirth was preordained fills me with rage, no less than the fact Takashi is willing to believe in such a whimsical idea.
"Enbos, like you said, the World Stream is not here to save her, but it's not here to damn her either. Helena will get her second chance. You just won't be there to see it through."
"How can I possibly accept that? She could reincarnate into anything, from a dragon to an ant, or even in another sickly vessel..."
"And you think she's safer with you? There are a million ways it can go wrong. You could tear her soul apart, inflict a fate crueller than any illness, or worse, unknowingly change her into someone else entirely. Besides, what's wrong with reincarnating as a skeleton, a kobold or even a barnacle? Is anything less than a human not enough? Don't lie to yourself. Resurrecting her is not for her sake, but your own."
"You're wrong, Takashi, I'm doing this for our sake. If I'm going to bring her back, it has to be as close to her original body as possible... You understand, don't you? The feeling of being stuck in a form that isn't yours? The fear that you've somehow changed because of it? I don't want Helena to ever experience what I've been through."
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"... I understand what you mean, and more importantly, I understand what you want. You want to bring her back as she was because you're scared it might change her, but more than anything else... you're scared of losing your bond."
"Y-yes..."
I find myself hanging my head in resignation. Takashi knows exactly what I'm going through. After all, I'm not the only person in any world to have lost a loved one, and he had just as many chances to walk down the same path. Still, I have to know...
"Why? Why do you want to stop me? You know I won't hurt anyone to bring her back, and in the grand scheme of things, everything will return to the World Stream like you say. Even I realised while I was in the Dead Zone that the forsaken undead, the very entities you call a disturbance to the cycle of life, are still part of that delicate balance. So why are you trying to stop me? Do you truly believe there is no place for Helena now that her time has passed?"
"Enbos, bonds aren't as temporal as you may believe. Just because she's gone doesn't mean your bond has vanished as well. Will you chase after every person you've lost just to rebuild those bridges? You almost did that with my son Hachirou, and if you keep thinking like that, you'll only be living in the past."
"I see, so Hachirou did hear me after all... I-I'm sorry Takashi, but I can't. I understand what you're saying, but my heart... my heart says Helena never died. She only needs me to wake her."
"The only one who needs to wake up is you! Can't you see? You're so scared of losing your tie to Helena by changing her that you're actually losing her because you're changing yourself!"
His words hammer into my skull like a morning star. I never considered that perspective and it's something I can't deny. Still, I feel my fist tighten and creak with frustration, which Takashi notices and resigns with a sigh.
"It's alright for now. All I want is for you to acknowledge my words, and maybe in time you'll wholly accept this fact. One day, you'll realise that your bond with Helena is still strong, with or without her soul in your . When she passed away, she must have realised this too, and that's why she could rest in peace."
"How could you possibly... Wait, of course. You read her letter."
"Actually, it was Hachirou who read it, and as far as I can tell, I'm the only person he has informed."
"But if that's true, you should also know about the hair and sample of blood."
"I do."
"Then why didn't you destroy them? It would have been the easiest way to discourage me."
"Enbos, like I said, I'm not trying to stop you, I'm trying to save you, and the only way that can happen... is if you destroy those samples yourself."
"T-that's impossible."
"I know it is now, but I hope one day you will. As reluctant you are to part with her, I'm just as stubborn not to give up on you. That's why I want you to make a promise."
"Promise you what?"
He stands up with a faint smile and caring eyes, and simply replies, "Don't save me."
While I'm thoroughly confused at first... I notice it. The secret Takashi has been carefully hiding, until now.
No. This has to be a bad joke, and yet it explains too much. The reason he started weakening in winter, the reason he didn't enter the Dead Zone, the reason he wouldn't let me use ...
"... H-how did you maintain that skill for all this time!? How could nobody notice!?"
"Hahaha! It just goes to show that effort trumps talent any day!"
"This isn't funny, Takashi! W-why didn't you...?"
"Why do you think I hid it from my spiritually sensitive daughter? I want everyone to look forward with their eyes at the stars and their feet on the ground, including you."
"Takashi, don't tell me you-"
"Brrr! It's getting kind of chilly. Come on Enbos. Let's go back to the village before anyone notices..."
I watch in dumbfounded amazement as Takashi walks serenely on the frozen earth. His figure seems as tall and broad as the mountains that surround us. A feeling of powerlessness consumes me as I realise his final attempt to persuade me, this trial of silence and restraint, has only just begun.
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