Lyili flicked her wrist, tossing her long black hair over her shoulder. “At last, our paths cross again.”

“Hi,” I said. It hadn’t even been three days since I last saw her, but I guess pointing that out wouldn’t sound as dramatic.

“Do not think for a second that I have given up on crushing you, Sir Allard.” She pointed her finger at me. “You have yet to see even half of my true strength.” Yeah, okay.

“Oh my god, it’s the real Lyili!” Hadria squealed, practically shoving me out of the way. “And look at how she’s pointing at Ryley! This is just like a real trial! I’m gonna die!”

“How intense,” Yaika said. “Just like the real thing.” Jeez, there sure were a lot of people excited about nothing.

“Don’t think I didn’t hear about your little side trial either, Sir Allard.” Lyili’s bare porcelain skin glowed like the polished floor. “I expect a full report on the proceedings. Every detail.” What, was she my boss now?

“So do you usually come to these things?” I completely changed the subject. “You don’t really strike me as the ‘dinner party’ type.” She certainly didn’t dress for the occasion.

“Very amusing, Sir Allard. Quite typical for a man of your caliber.” Lyili smirked, crossing her arms in her usual under-the-nippleless-boob style. “But unlike you who is only competent in one arena of life, I am capable of excelling in many.” Nice backhanded compliment. “No, I take that back. You are only half competent.” Okay, so it was just an insult then.

Two could play at this game. After all, not only was she a failure in the courtroom, she was also a failure at her primary job. For an executioner, she sure had to help a lot of people out from underneath guillotines without killing them. But I didn’t need to say that. I had beat her twice already, and I would let that speak for itself. I took the high road.

“With how many executions that have been cancelled in the last few days, I’d say you’re only half competent yourself.” Okay, so maybe I didn’t.

“Wow, Lyili,” Yaika said. “You gonna take that?” The princess wasn’t taking the high road either.

“H-How dare you?” Lyili’s face burned red and her eyes burned literally. “For a trial expert, it’s laughable that I almost defeated you my very first time as prosecutor!” Yeah, but I was a fake trail expert so her point didn’t really stand. Not that I could say that, of course.

Thorns gasped.

“Yaika, my dear, I was so excited to see you that I nearly forgot!” she said, seemingly indifferent to Lyili’s argument with me. “I know one of the Lich’s announcements is this year!”

“Say whaaat?” Yaika immediately pulled her attention away from us. “Are you psychic, auntie?” Not sure why her mind went straight to that, but I had already committed myself to stop trying to understand.

Thorns covered her mouth with her slender fingers and let out a laugh. “Goodness no. The Lich came down to see us just a short while ago.” She leaned forward to get closer to Yaika’s level. “And he had his original face back!”

“What? No fair!” Hadria moaned. “He gets the looks and the powers?”

“So he looks like that picture in the hallway now?” Violetta asked.

“That’s right.” Thorns nodded, the bangs of her red hair bobbing along with her head. “No more Lich face.”

“Oh… This is...” Violetta’s shoulder sunk. “Kind of disappointing!” My god, you just couldn’t win with this girl.

“Wow,” Yaika said. “So what’s the announcement?”

Thorns frowned slightly. “It’s that he made his face normal again, dear.”

“Oh.” The eyebag princess slowly put her hands up into the air. “Wow.” Wow.

I couldn’t blame Yaika for her lack of enthusiasm. This was like someone holding a press conference to announce that they finally got their hair to stop flipping in the back. Okay, melted-face was a little more extreme than that, but still. I didn’t care about this guys personal problems.

“Is that all?” I asked before realizing my that my tone was less than polite. “Er, I mean, did he have any other announcements?”

Thorn narrowed her eyes, her smile taking on a mischievous edge. “He assured us that he has a much more important announcement to give when dinner is served. Apparently, it’s his biggest one yet!” Did he finally ‘discover’ butter for the pancakes?

“Princess Thorns, as much as I regret doing so, I would caution you from getting your hopes up too high,” Lyili cut in.

“This certainly isn’t the first time the Lich has… exaggerated his claims.” So it was the butter then.

“I don’t know, Lyili,” Thorns said the words like she were singing them. “This could always be the big year.”

“Of course, Princess.”

Yaika let out a cough loud enough to echo through a mountain range. “What do you think it is, auntie?”

“Your guess is a good as mine, sweetheart.”

Yaika clapped her hands. “Well I bet he figured out how to finally eat that batter and sticky tree juice.”

“Exactly!” Thorns clapped back. “I knew your guess was as good as mine!” Uhh… okay.

It sounded like the chances of me eating blueberry pancakes were getting slimmer by the second. In fact, now that I thought about it, these idiots would probably just mix everything into a bowl and serve it as slop.

I glanced around the huge dining room again. The table in the center extended all the way to the other side of the room, but the chairs were all empty. “Speaking of dinner,” I started, trying not to sound annoyed. “Are you two the only other guests?”

Krow, who had been completely silent, spoke up. “There are four other guests that already arrived before you,” he said. “They’ve all gone to their private rooms for a change of clothes.”

I looked down at myself. “Yeah. I could really use a change of clothes right about now too.”

“Me too,” Violeta agreed.

“Well by all means, track the mud and water all through the house up to your second floor rooms,” Krow raised his voice. “Please, right this way!” I really hoped the lich paid this guy well.

“Go on, Ryley,” Yaika said. “We can meet up again when it’s dinnertime.”

“Yeah, you look like shit,” Hadria added. Always nice to have a blow to my confidence for the road.

“Alright. See you all later then,” I sighed, moving toward the door.

“I’ll save you a spot right next to me,” Thorns called out. “I just have to hear about these trials you’ve been putting on.” Shit, I almost forgot.

“Oh, uh, Thorns.” I turned back around. “If it’s alright, I did want to ask you a few questions about the queen...”

“The queen? Oh, you mean Ashley!” Thorns straightened up, causing her chest to bounce so much that I didn’t even pretend not to notice. “Of course, dear. Anything!” Well at least I knew I would get something out of this.

With that, Violetta and I followed Krow out of the room and back through the hallway. We passed the paintings and my stomach contents and made it back to the giant staircase at the entrance.

“Wow,” Violetta whispered to me, almost stabbing me in the face with her horns for the millionth time because of course she fucking did. “These stairs are even bigger up close. It’s kind of intimidating.”

“Yeah,” I replied. They really were. They were long and wide and something about them was just… unsettling. You couldn’t tell what was at the top.

“Well come on then.” Krow was already halfway up looking back at us with a grimace on his wrinkled face. We both hesitantly followed.

After less walking than expected, we made it to the second floor. Violetta immediately latched onto my arm. “Ryley look, the Lich has armed guards!”

There were two figures clad in silver full-body armor waiting for us at the top of the staircase up against the wall. Both had swords in their right hands. “Are there demons made of armor?” I asked.

“No, of course not.”

“Then wouldn’t it make more sense for these to be empty?”

“Oh…” Violetta’s grip on me loosened. “I... guess you’re right.”

I sighed. “You did want to come here, didn’t you?”

Suddenly, Violetta latched back onto me again at full force. “Ohmygosh!”

“What is it now?” I shouted.

Violetta brought up a shaking finger, directing to the hallway to our left. “It’s so… It’s so dark over there...”

I looked. It was a little far down, but I could just make out a door at the end of it. A dim hallway no doubt, much dimmer than the one on the right, but nothing to hump my arm over. “What?” I sighed. “Are you afraid of the dark now?”

“J-Just a little…” Of course she was.

“It’s not even pitch black.”

“That is the master’s office.” Krow’s voice made us both jump. “Your rooms are this way.”

“See?” I glanced back at my attachment. “We don’t even have to go over there.”

Violetta responded with a small dissatisfied grunt. Apparently, this visit to her idol wasn’t going the way she hoped it would. Too bad. My life wasn’t going the way I hoped it would either. She would get over it.

We followed Krow down the other hall, listening to the sound of the keys on his waist jingle with each of his measured steps. We passed by a few doors in silence before finally stopping in front of one. “This will be your room, Mr. Allard,” Krow said. “You are welcome to help yourself to the clothing inside.”

“Thanks.”

“And one more thing.” The old butler put his hands behind his back. “I’m sure the princess already spoke to you two about this, but there are absolutely no cameras allowed on the property.” His eyes darted between us. “I... trust that neither of you have anything like that?”

Violetta shook her head. “I don’t even own one.”

“Hmm…” Krow’s attention locked on me.

“I don’t have one either,” I said. I didn’t give a fuck about getting pictures of the lich, candle face or not.

“Very well.”

I said goodbye to Violetta, opened to the door, and went inside. There was a bed big enough for one, a chair, and a large wardrobe. It smelled faintly like dust, although I couldn’t see any anywhere. Just a musky smell.

I was finally alone. Fuck. I was all alone.

The silence of the room descended on me like a curtain covering a stage. What was with this place? A moat, long dim hallways, and suits of armor? The lich was really going for the creepiest mansion award this year.

I decided to just get changed. I walked over to the wardrobe and pulled it open. Inside, there was an assortment of dress pants and dress shirts, all different sizes. At least they had something other than bathrobes. This would do.

I stripped out of my rain-soaked suit and started looking for something that would fit me. And then I nearly stripped out of my skin when a series of loud knocks came from my door.

My voice got caught in my throat. I paused a moment to see if I could hear anything from out in the hall, but it was silent. Was it Krow again? Violetta? There was only one way to find out. I mustered up the courage to speak. “Uhh… Who is it?”

A stern voice came from the other side of my door. “It’s me, Sir Allard.” Fucking Lyili.

The stress of the moment melted away. I sat down on the edge of the bed and cradled my head in my hands. “Can I help you?”

“I am here to hear your report,” she said. “I demand that you let me in this instant.”

My head shot up. “Uhh… I’m a little naked right now.” The head on my neck, that was.

A few moments of silence passed. “How despicable, Sir Allard. To think you would call me to your room and attempt to seduce me.”

“Seduce you?” I snapped. “I didn’t even call you here!”

“Hmph, very well,” Lyili scoffed. “Put your clothing on and let me in.”

“Can’t this... wait until dinner?”

“No. It cannot,” Lyili answered. “Now get dressed before I open this door. Or don’t. It’s really no concern of mine.” Now she didn’t care if I was nude?

Well, apparently I wasn’t going to be alone in my room after all.