Trying to cram over a hundred people into the tea room was a bad idea.

Only about twenty of us could really fit inside. The rest were out in the hallway, practically falling over each other just to watch through the doorway. This wasn’t as glamorous as the stage, but that was fine. All that mattered was that I had a front row seat to the tea party.

Speaking of which, if all they drank was blood, could you even call this a tea room?

Anyway.

“Now, I’d like for you all to act out the ceremony,” I said. “Exactly how it was performed last night. Down to the smallest detail.”

The Count cleared his disgusting smoker throat. “Mr. Allard, you’ll have to forgive me but… Is all this really necessary?”

Of course it fucking was. That’s what I wanted to say, but I went with a more lawyer-like response instead. “I’m afraid it is. I wasn’t here last night, after all. If I don’t see the ceremony, I won’t be able to tell if someone other than Koln had a chance to apply to the garlic.”

“Hmm…” the Count grunted.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, trying not to sound annoyed. I definitely still sounded annoyed.

“You see…” The Count glanced around the room for a moment before letting his sharp eyes settle back on me. “This ceremony is something we don’t allow outsiders to see. In fact, not even my men are allowed to watch a ceremony they’re not a part of. It’s sacred.”

“Oh no, it’s sacred,” Violetta gasped, latching onto my arm like some kind of arm latcher. “It’s sacred, Ryley!” And not only that, it was sacred too.

Did I mention it was sacred?

“Just have everyone else leave then,” I sighed. “I’m not going to tell anyone about your ceremony.” Did he seriously not know I wanted to see it before coming here?

“Daddy, come on,” Hadria spoke up. “It’s for the trial. We have to do it. Ryley said he’d show me his thing.” That was… really not the best way to say that.

The Count narrowed his eyes. “His… thing?”

“Yeah, when we were in my room, he said he’d show me his thing,” Hadria continued like a fucking idiot. “He showed it at the trial earlier today and I wanted to see it again.”

“He was… in your room?” Oh my god, was she trying to get me killed?

“By ‘thing’, she means a thing I do during trials,” I quickly cut Hadria off before the Count decided to cut off something of mine.

“What kind of thing?” the Count asked.

“I can’t show you right now.” After all, I had no idea what the hell it was yet. “I can only show you if I see the ceremony first.”

“The ceremony…” The Count let out a sigh long enough that I thought he might deflate. “Alright, I understand. We’ll do it.” He lifted his hand and motioned to the door. “Everyone not involved in the trial must leave. The ceremony isn’t one of your bocce ball games.”

The mass at the door groaned, but they complied. They filed out of the room and closed the door behind them, leaving just the Count, Ceai, Hadria, Nair, Koln, Inel, Bani, Violetta, and myself. No one spoke as a small army of footsteps echoed down the hallway before finally disappearing.

I looked down to Koln sitting on the floor, Nair’s gun pressed up against the back of his head. If I couldn’t figure this out during the reenactment, there was no way the Count was going to let this go on any longer. This was our last shot.

But before that, I needed to clear something up first.

“Koln,” I said. He looked up at me, his face as expressive as a rock. “I’d like to ask you something.”

His lack of a response told me to just continue.

“Earlier, you mentioned that you found a small empty bottle of garlic, is that correct?”

He nodded his shiny bald head. “That’s right.”

“That’s very interesting…” I said. “Because if that’s true, things don’t quite add up.”

Koln narrowed his eyes slightly, but his calm tone didn’t change. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

Alright, contradiction time. This might have been my client, but I wasn’t going to let this chance go. Some Ryley badassery was long overdue.

Violetta hopped forward, practically stepping on my foot in the process. “Mr. Koln!” she shouted. “We already know you had no reason to be in the kitchen last night. Why are you still lying to us?”

Way to steal my moment. Whatever. I would just have to roll with it.

“Tell us the truth. Were you really in the kitchen last night?” I pointed down at him. “Or did you make all of that up?”

“I don’t make shit up!” Koln yelled back at us. Holy shit. His voice was so deep it was more like a dog’s bark than words.

“T-Then w-w-why?” My badass moment was officially ruined. “Why… were you there?”

“I’m…” Koln’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Not talking.” Seriously? We were back to this now?

“Do you want them to kill you?” I asked. “If you don’t open up to us, that’s what’s going to happen.”

“I said I’m not talking.” Koln put his head down again. “That’s the end of it.” Cool. Best client.

“Enough,” a feminine voice said. “I’ll tell them.” I turned to see Ceai standing with her arms crossed just below her giant breasts. Very nice, but what the hell was she talking about?

Koln looked up. “Madam?”

“Honey?” the Count asked. “You know something about this?”

“I can confirm that Koln was in the kitchen last night.” Ceai moved her hand, stroking the braid in her hair like she was petting a cat. “I know because I… was there with him.”

The Count’s eyes went wide. “What do you mean… you were there with him?”

Uh-oh, I knew where this was going. She was in the kitchen with him. Alone. It was pretty clear what that really meant. I didn’t want to pigeonhole succubi, but they sure did seem to be involved in a lot of extramarital affairs.

“We were making cookies,” Ceai said. Huh. Demons had weird euphemisms for sex.

I mean… They weren’t seriously making cookies, right?

“I’m sorry, Count.” Koln got on his knees, lowering his head until it touched the floor. “It was my idea, and I asked her to keep it from everyone. Please forgive the Madam.”

The Count gave sort of a confused half-smile. “You were making… cookies?” His raspy voice turned angry. “With another man? You expect me to buy that!?”

“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you.” Ceai rolled her eyes. “You always act like this.”

“Can you blame me?” The Count was full on yelling now, as much as his throat would let him anyway. “Alone with another man while I’m not around? What else am I supposed to think?”

“I kept it from you because I knew you’d never let me give private baking lessons. You don’t trust me enough to.” Ceai pointed at her husband. “Maybe I’m just sick of being treated like a cheater just because I’m a Succubus!”

Oh my god, this was really about making cookies.

“Will you stop it!?” Hadria yelled, jumping in between her parents. “I’m sick of this!” The two of them froze. This would have made great trashy daytime television.

“H-Hadria…” the Count’s voice came out weak. “I…”

“No. Listen to me.” Hadria glared at him. “You always say that the family is built on trust. That ‘trust is everything’.”

“Trust is everything…”

“Objection!” Hadria said. “Not a trial one. A real life one! Don’t you see how hypocritical you’re being?”

The Count looked like he had been punched in the gut. He opened his mouth to say something, but Hadria cut him off.

“First it was Bani and Inel not telling you about the money. Then it was Nimeni not telling you that he was having second thoughts about becoming an official member.” She clenched her fists at her sides. “Now it’s mom and Koln with the cookies. Do you really think it’s everyone else’s fault for not trusting you?”

The Count took a long look at his daughter. He didn’t seem angry. He seemed… sad. Like all the tough-guy-face juice had drained from his face.

After what felt like an eternity, the Count spoke in a hushed voice. “You’re right. I’m… sorry everyone.” He dropped to his hands and knees, bowing down in front of us. “I’ve let you down as a father. As a husband. As a boss.”

Everyone looked shocked, completely unsure of what to do. As for me, it was awkward as fuck. Like I had accidentally wound up in an intervention for someone I hardly knew. I suppose I could have added ‘and you should stop being a crime lord’, but I kept my mouth shut instead.

“Daddy…”

Ceai bent down to her husband’s level and placed her hand on his shoulder. “You know how much we all love you… We just…” She paused. “I just… want to feel like you trust me again.”

The Count nodded, tears streaming down his face.

Whoa, this was derailing hard. I wanted to interrupt and get us back on topic, but I wasn’t stupid enough to interrupt them. Luckily, there was someone nearby stupid enough to interrupt them for me.

“This is so sweet!” Violetta whined. “So touching. It’s like a whole new start for the family, Ryley.”

“Uhh… Yeah. And speaking of whole new starts…” Sick transition engage. “Koln. So you were making cookies. Why were you keeping that a secret, exactly?” Deep down I was hoping it still might be sex. Why the hell would he be keeping cookie baking from me?

“The cookies were really cute. I’m talking frosting. Heart shaped.” Koln said it like he was listing off the crimes he committed. “I… didn’t want any of the guys knowing I was making stuff like that. I have an image to keep to.”

Bullshit. That might have been why he asked Ceai to keep it a secret in the first place, but there was no way he’d keep that to himself with his life on the line just for that. And now that I thought about it, I had a pretty good idea what his real reason might have been.

“Koln… You were trying to protect Ceai, weren’t you?”

“Protect me?” Ceai scoffed. “From what, exactly?”

I kept my eyes on the bald giant. “It was the garlic bottle, wasn’t it? When you remembered finding it in the garbage, you thought it might have been hers.” It was time to drop a bombshell. “You thought she was the one that killed Nimeni.”

“Oh my goodness!” Violetta gasped.

“That’s not true!” Koln shouted. I wasn’t buying it. Besides, this was all I had.

“Mr. Allard…” the Count let out a ragged breath. “You’re… accusing my wife?”

“I am,” I said. “She was in the kitchen. That makes her a suspect.”

“Objection, and this is a trial one this time!” Hadria shouted. “Even if there was a garlic bottle in the kitchen trash, my mom has no reason to want to kill Nimeni. Besides, if she wanted him dead, she would have just asked my daddy to take care of it. She couldn’t have been hypnotized to do it either.” She crossed her arms and showed off her fangs with a smile. “Did you already forget all that?”

Fuck.

“It’s that simple, Mr. Allard.” Ceai sighed. “Koln, did you notice me doing anything unusual while we were baking?”

Koln shook his head. “No, Madam.”

“And if you still don’t believe me…” Ceai smiled. “Nair came to get us for the ceremony while we were in the kitchen as well.”

“Wait…” I looked over at the gun-toting bodyguard. “How did you know they’d be there?”

“In order to keep the baking a secret, the Madam requested that I act as their lookout,” Nair said. “In the months they’ve been at it, I’ve come in the kitchen numerous times. I’ve never seen anything suspicious there. Not even once.” He glared at me. “The same goes for last night.”

The Count frowned. “Months…?” Jeez, how difficult was it to learn how to make fucking cookies?

“In any case,” Nair continued. “It’s exactly as the Madam said. She has no reason to kill a man like Nimeni.”

Well this was a disaster.

Ceai gently scratched one of her large horns coming out of the sides of her head. “Are you satisfied, Mr. Allard?”

Abort, abort.

“Forget about all that,” I said, wiping sweat from my forehead. “That wasn’t the thing. We need to, uh, do the reenactment. Yeah. Let’s get on with it.”

“But I don’t get it…” Violetta mumbled. “Who’ll play Nimeni?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well… he’s dead, right?” She tilted her head. “Won’t we need someone to play him?”

“You do it,” I sighed. “It doesn’t really matter. Just do whatever they say he did.”

Violetta’s eyes lit up like sparklers. “I get to do it?”

“…Yes?”

“I’ve always wanted to be an actor!” Violetta clapped her hands. “Thank you for giving me the part. I won’t let you down!”

Let me down? She did realize she was playing a guy that basically just drank blood and died, right?