“It was an accident.” Sidkik stood clenching his fists, the veins on his toned arms bulging. “I… attacked him. But I didn’t mean to kill him…”

I never expected a confession. Looking at the tears falling from his eyes, I froze. Interrupting him just felt… wrong.

“Sir Sidkik.” Lyili gave her table a knuckle sandwich. “If these thieves have threatened you into taking the blame on their behalf, then I demand you cease this at once.”

“They’ve done nothing,” Sidkik said. “Suza… has done nothing. Please, allow me to confess.”

“This is preposterous…” Lyili bit down on her lip. She mumbled something to herself, and then sent a glare my way. What the hell did I do?

Whatever, she could be pissed at me all she wanted. “I think we have a responsibility to listen to what he has to say.” And we had a responsibility to save my ass too. Without this confession, I had nothing.

“I agree with Mr. Allard,” the king spoke up. “Mr. Sidkik, please continue.”

“Thank you, your majesty,” Sidkik’s voice quivered for a moment. “And thank you, Mr. Allard.”

Violetta was still holding her horns, tears pouring from her eyes like fire hoses. “Oh my goodness Ryley, tell him he’s welcome!”

“Uhh… you’re welcome?” What was he thanking me for anyway? “Can you tell us what happened?”

“When I first met Prowteg 15 years ago… I was jealous of him.” Sidkik stared forward, his body starting to shake. “It seemed like no matter what it was, he was always better than me. He was faster. Stronger. More popular. He could light up a room with his smile alone.”

Ugh. He sounded insufferable.

“When I joined the bocce team at school, I thought I had found my place in the world,” Sidkik continued. “For the first time, I found something that I was better at than Prowteg.” He smiled bitterly. “Well, that was until he joined the team too…”

“So he was better than you, huh?” I asked.

“Yes, he was. His aim was effortless, like he didn’t even have to try.” Sidkik didn’t hesitate to answer me. “And for a while… I started to hate him for it. It was like my entire existence was in Prowteg’s shadow.”

“I totally understand!” Violetta sobbed. “That must have been so painful for you…”

“But all that changed when we went pro.” A faint smile appeared on Sidkik’s face. “Prowteg quickly became the star player, but then… I realized that I didn’t mind. In fact, I realized… that I was happy for him.”

Violetta nodded vigorously. “I totally understand!” It seemed that ‘I understand’ was the extent of Violetta’s vocabulary when it came to consoling people. Not that I was any better.

“When I learned to stop comparing myself to him, I finally found my sense of self again,” Sidkik said. “And I devoted myself to supporting all the other players with my throws.”

I sighed. “So what changed? What caused you to snap?”

“It was Suza.” Sidkik’s eyes drifted over to the guillotines before snapping back in place. “No, that’s not fair for me to say. It’s my fault, not hers. From the moment I met her at the PR event, I was smitten.”

“W-What!?” Suza stuttered. “S-S-Smitten?”

“Ugh, gross,” Jaim groaned.

“It was Prowteg that convinced me to come back with him to see you again, but I was too shy to say anything.” Prowteg took a deep breath. “I already felt like Prowteg and I were drifting apart, and when I found out he had been meeting with Suza without me, I felt betrayed. I… was furious.” Sidkik paused a moment. “That’s why I confronted him last night.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Suza said. “There wasn’t anything romantic between us. He just wanted someone to talk to about the cheating.”

“He didn’t feel like he could talk me. I misunderstood everything.” Sidkik hung his head. “I’m a failure as a friend.”

“Alright, I’ve had quite enough of this,” Lyili sighed. “We’ve asked to hear your confession, not your autobiography, Sir Sidkik.” Ouch, harsh.

“B-But…” Sidkik stammered. “I thought this would help explain why I…”

“I am not concerned with ‘why’, I am concerned with how.” Lyili’s eyes were cold, which was weird given how they were capable of bursting into flames and all. “Regardless of your reasons, your neck will meet with the same blade. Spare us the sob story.”

“…But…”

Lyili cut him off. “You will explain what happened last night. And you will do it in thirty-five words or less.” Uhh… thiry-five?

“I…” Sidkik choked on his words. “C-Confronted him, telling him I was… sick of him taking everything from me. He blew me off, and I couldn’t take it. I hit him on the head with the bocce ball I was holding…”

Lyili slammed her table. “That was thirty-six!” Jeez.

“Did he have the safe with him?” I asked.

“Y-Yes…” Sidkik said. “But I didn’t notice it until… afterward. I panicked, and that’s when I decided to use it to sink him in the pond.”

“Disposing of the body doesn’t look good, you know.”

“Yes, I know,” Sidkik took a shaky breath. “I understand that I’ve done something unforgivable.”

“Indeed, you have.” Lyili smiled. “Your majesty, please. Enough of this. Let us start the execution.”

“Hmm…” The king stroked his stubble.

This was the end. Suza would be saved, and I would be the winner. I could be through with this. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut.

Ugh. I was about to create more work for myself again.

“Your majesty,” I said, unsure of where my mouth was taking me. “Given the circumstances, I’d like to hold off on an execution. I believe that Sidkik… is capable of reform.”

The king raised an eyebrow. “Reform?” Did the king even know what words meant?

“Yeah, it means he’s capable of repenting for what he did and return to society.” I would bring up the fact that they would need to make jails later.

“Surely you jest, Sir Allard.” Lyili pointed at me. “A killer will always be a killer.”

“I disagree.”

There were a few seconds of silence as our eyes met.

“I agree with Ryley!” Violetta’s voice cut through the air. “There has to be a better way than to just kill him…”

Sidkik looked over at us. “Mr. Allard… Ms. Violetta…”

Then, the audience started yelling.

“Violetta’s right!”

“Get those guillotines out of here!”

“My Sidkik fanfiction!”

“Silence!” Lyili shouted, but they didn’t listen.

Yaika put her fist into the air. “Yeah, let Sidkik go!” I mean… I wasn’t saying he should go free…

“Please, quiet down everyone!” the king’s voice boomed. “I will settle this.”

“Thank you, your majesty,” Lyili sighed.

When the room was in order, the king spoke again. “Now then… I’ve decided that an execution may be too harsh in this case.”

“W-What?” Lyili looked absolutely devastated, her mouth hanging wide open. Fuck yeah, I was basically double beating her right now. Not that that was why I was doing this of course. It was just a bonus.

“Thank you, your majesty…” Sidkik’s shoulders shook. “Thank you… everyone. Thank you for not giving up on me.

“Sidkik!” Suza shouted. “Prowteg didn’t want to let you down. That’s why he couldn’t tell you that he cheated. He respected you!”

Sidkik finally broke down in tears, his legs giving out beneath him. He dropped to the floor. Ugh, it was starting to get dusty in here.

“Well… I suppose we should bring this trial to an end,” the king said.

“I agree.”

“Wait…” Violetta grabbed me by the arm. “We never found out what was inside the safe…”

“Oh yeah, I guess we didn’t.” I looked over at Lyili. “Your henchmen haven’t got it open yet?”

“Must you humiliate my further?” Lyili put her arms around herself. “If you must know, they’ve yet to crack it.”

“And this is where I come in!” someone shouted.

Violetta tilted her head. “Ms… Suza?”

“No, not Suza!” Suza yelled, still in the guillotine. “I am the great thief, Blue Diamond. Now that I’ve allowed myself to be captured, I’m sure you all doubt my abilities!” Well… yeah. Kinda. “That is something I cannot allow!”

The king looked around the room. “Am… I missing something?” I was just as lost as he was.

“Bring out the safe,” Suza said with a laugh. “As a master thief, I will open it for you.”

“S-Stop!” Coach squawked. “You can’t do that! T-That’s my property!”

“Enough!” the king’s voice was so deep I felt it rattle my skull. “Restrain Mr. Coach immediately!” Within a second, Brad’s tentacles were wrapped around the crow-man. “Ms. Lyili, have them bring out the safe at once.”

“Yes, your majesty.” Lyili motioned to Mel, who quickly exited the room. A moment later, she returned with the safe on a rolling cart, wheeling it out to the center of the room.

“First, the key,” Suza said. “Hrrgh… Hmph… Hghh…”

I narrowed my eyes. “Uhh… what the hell are you doing?”

“One second. Huhhh… Hghh… Blehhhh.” With one more heave, a silver key popped out of her mouth, clattering on the floor. She… threw it up.

I felt nauseous. “Uhh… you realize we already had a key, right?”

“Yes,” Suza huffed. “But did you have… a key that a master thief swallowed?”

Yaika put her hand over her mouth and gasped. “She has a point!” No. No she didn’t.

Mel picked the gross key off the floor and went back over to the safe.

“Now… for the code that Prowteg told me.” Suza smiled. “Are you ready? It’s 1… 2… 3… That’s it.”

Oh my god. How in the hell did Lyili’s underlings not try 123? Fucking kill me.

Before I could voice my annoyance, I heard a mechanical click as Mel turned the knob on the safe. It was unlocked. The room went silent as she pulled the door open and then… I learned what was worth five thousand large centipedes.

Five thousand large centipedes.

The room burst into complete pandemonium as the audience swarmed the floor to grab as many of the insects as they could. The king yelled for them to return to their seats, but it wasn’t working. Lyili was covered in flames. This was a nightmare.

“Never doubt the Blue Diamond!” Suza yelled over the crowd. I turned to look at her guillotine, but she was gone. How did she escape?

Jaim struggled, still stuck in his. “Take me with you!”

“No!” she said. “And also, you’re grounded for a week!”

With that, she was gone like a phantom.

A phantom dine-and-dasher.