I sat in a chair in the King’s office as he paced back and forth in front of me. He had been going so long, he was covered in sweat. With his rock-hard abs starting to glisten through his open robe, I was starting to feel a little self-conscious.

I looked over to the corner where the blob monster from earlier was standing. Or maybe he was sitting. Since he didn’t have legs, I couldn’t really tell. In any case, he didn’t look like he was going to speak. I mean, I guess I wouldn’t be able to tell if we was. He didn’t have a mouth either.

Anyway.

I finally decided to say something. “Uhh, your majesty…”

“M-Mr. Allard.” The King suddenly stopped in front of his desk, slamming his hands onto it. “You’re sure… you’re not an assassin sent to kill my son?”

“I’m sure,” I sighed. “I’m not even a demon. In fact, I’m not even from this world.”

“I suppose… that does appear to be the case.” The King sat down, sinking into his chair. “For the time being, I will try to believe that.”

“Gee, thanks.” With how close I had been to losing my head, I wasn’t in the best mood. “So… what happens now?”

“Ah yes,” the King straightened himself up. “Please, tell me about this ‘trial’ you mentioned.”

He looked like he was going to start pulling out his hair. He was the type of father that worried way too much about how his children viewed him. I could take advantage of that.

“I could tell you about them…” I leaned in a little. “Or we could just pretend to have one… and declare Violetta innocent.” I paused to gauge his reaction, but he didn’t say anything. “I think Minzfel… I mean, Prince Minzfel would be happy with that.”

That’s right. The faster I could get this over with, the faster I could figure out how to get the hell out of this place and back to Earth.

The King picked up an apple off his desk, mulling it around in his hands. Suddenly, he closed his hands, crushing it. It came out from between his fingers like the insides of a banana bursting from a peel.

I made a note to myself to never shake the King’s hand.

“No, we’ll do the trial,” he said. “If she’s really innocent, then the trial will show that, correct?”

“I-I guess,” I stuttered. Why the hell was this guy suddenly so adamant about this? “You’re sure… you want to go through with it?”

“Mr. Allard, you see, I’m worried about my son,” the King held out his hands. A tentacle shot out from the blob, wrapping itself around them and snatching up the smashed fruit.

“Worried?” I asked, trying to keep from staring. What the hell was the point of cleaning your hands if they were just going to end up covered in slime anyway?

“Yes, you may be surprised to hear this, but I sometimes… spoil my son,” the King said.

I wasn’t surprised.

“I’m worried about his moral compass,” the King went on. “Did you see how quickly he asked me to pardon her?”

Yeah, crazy, right? Did you see how quickly you agreed to execute me, you asshole?

“I think this ‘trial’ may be very good for Minzfel.” The King looked into my eyes. “Please, I will have my citizens aid you with whatever you need. Tell me how it works.”

Okay, I was at a crossroads. I could tell him what a trial really entailed, or… I could make something up. Something that would make this easy and quick.

“Just a word of warning, Mr. Allard,” the King spoke again, his voice deepening. “If I feel that you are lying at any time, I will consider it an insult to my daughter who has placed so much trust in you. I won’t hesitate to end your life the very instant I suspect something.” He held out his hand again as if to say that the apple from earlier would be me.

Okay, I was at a crossroads. I could tell him what a trial really entailed, or… I could… die. Well then.

I was definitely going to tell him what a trial really entailed. What I knew from movies, games, and books, anyway. After all, I wasn’t a law student. I hadn’t even picked a major yet.

“B-Basically…” I cleared my throat, not at all intimidated. “There are three main people involved in a trial.”

“I see,” the King said, motioning to the blob. “Brad, please write this down.”

Demons that almost looked human had names like ‘Minzfel’ and ‘Yaika’. Apparently, giant gelatinous monsters covered with eyeballs had names like ‘Brad’.

Brad picked up a notepad and a pen and started writing.

“Please.” The King nodded. “Go on.”

“Uhh, okay,” I said. “Well first, you have a lawyer. That’s the person that defends the accused, their client. They give reasons why they didn’t do it.”

“I see, I see. The lawyer.”

“And, on the opposite side, you have the prosecutor,” I continued, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about. “They’re the one that tries to get the accused convicted. They give reasons why they’re the criminal.”

“Well, well, well. The prosecutor. I see, I see.”

“Last, you have the judge,” I said. “That’s the one that listens to what the lawyer and prosecutor say, and then hands down a verdict. In other words, they decide if the accused is guilty or innocent.”

“My, my…” The King kept nodding. “Well that’s much simpler than I expected it to be.”

No, it wasn’t simple. I had no idea what I was even talking about. I hadn’t even said anything about procedure, let alone anything that had to happen pre-trial. Evidence gathering, witness interviewing, jurors… And those weren’t even the biggest issues. Did this place even HAVE laws to enforce in the first place? I didn’t envy the idiots that would have to end up a part of that ‘trial’.

“Well, I think it goes without saying that you’ll be the ‘lawyer’,” the King said.

“Uhh, what was that now?”

“You’re a trial expert, correct?” The King raised an eyebrow. “It’s only fitting that you defend Violetta.”

“No, I…”

The King’s eyes narrowed. “You are an expert, are you not?”

“O-Of course I am.”

“Excellent.” He clapped his apple destroying hands together. “I suppose you’ll be wanting to speak with your ‘client’ then.”

“Oh, yes.” I felt the last drop of hope drip from my body. “I… suppose I will.”