I dreamed I had been captured by evil pizza creatures and they were about to execute me by hanging. On a rope made of noodles.

Pretty much sums up how much I enjoy cooking for a living.

It was early morning, I shaved my beard and had breakfast.

* Knock Knock *

「Namrick: It's time, let's go!」

My friends had come to collect me, Namrick helped me move my supplies into the caravan.

We greeted Vargas, the merchant who had hired us. He had short black hair, a long oiled mustache and an impressive belly. Damn... did I bring enough supplies?

My friends and one of the bodyguards climbed on their own horses, while I entered the caravan with the merchant and the other bodyguard, who sat in front and got the horses moving.

Vargas looked at me with a calculating glance and began a conversation.

「Vargas: So, I heard you're a capable chef.」

「Allen: Well, I can manage.」

I have been cooking for myself for quite some time, after all.

「Vargas: I also heard you have a nose for business.」

「Allen: Huh... I used to work for people who had... back in my homeland. I guess I learned a few tricks.」

Then he shifted the conversation on food. Food this, wine that, blah blah blah. I put on my poker face and faked a smile as I weathered through it.

Eventually, after painfully long and detailed descriptions of foods and tastes from different lands, I managed to change the topic.

「Allen: So what kind of people are those dwarves from the settlement?」

「Vargas: Oh! The usual... hairy midgets, great metalworkers and supreme lovers of alcohol.」

That fits the clichè. I thought.

「Vargas: We're going to trade our alcohol and goods for a shipment of rare materials... and whatever else catches my eye.」

「Allen: I see. I was curious about the minerals. Having come from far away, I'm having a hard time to connect the names I know to the local ones. Could you describe them for me?」

Vargas told me about the most important ones.

Adamantium, the hardest metal with greatest magic potential, it looks a dark gray-green with a pearlescent sheen.

Mithril, a high-grade metal, not as durable as adamantium, but lighter and with a good magic potential, it looks just like silver.

Orichalcum, a durable and weightless orange tinged metal, very little magical potential.

Aetherium, a crystal formation favored by mages, has the greatest magic potential in absolute.

Obsidian, a rock that dissipates magic, highly sought for building anti-magic arrows and devices.

I thanked him for the quick rundown.

Sadly for me, the discussion immediately derailed back to the food topic. Just kill me now. I felt my smile faltering.

We stopped at a small village for lunch. The merchant rented a kitchen for me to work in. I silently thanked the gods that the merchant left me to work alone without his incessant banter about food. I started humming my litany of curses while going about my work.

Food nerds are the worst.

I cooked some noodles with a pesto I made myself, it tasted average. Let's hope the fat merchant likes it.

He liked it, so much he took seconds. My friends gave me the thumbs up.

Okay, maybe all these praises are giving me a tinge of gratification. But I still don't like it... this is just a step to learn magic.

Magic.

Then, when I'm all powerful, it'll be me having the plebs cook for me. No more wasting time in the kitchen for the pleasure of others.

After the lunch, we quickly packed up and resumed the voyage.

Vargas took a nap and dozed off. I took this chance to study the Arstei alphabet from Gregoris' notes.

There weren't any more villages to stop at from that point on.

At the dusk of the second day, we finally reached the dwarven settlement.

It was built next to a rocky mountain. The dwarves had carved a huge wall with a portcullis on the mountain face, showing off elaborate patterns. Half of the city was on the outside, surrounded by tall defensible stone walls. We didn't get to take a peek on the inside of the mountains, but Ellin told me the dwarves are used to carve large rooms with pillars and statues. They're obviously compensating.

Vargas stood in front of the portcullis announcing his arrival to the dwarvish guards. After some talk, a well-dressed dwarf came from the other side, exchanging greetings with the merchant and inviting him inside.

We remained behind while Vargas discussed business.

「Ellin: By the way, I really liked those ravioli!」

「Grastel: Yeah, Allen. How many other recipes have you hidden away?」

「Allen: Well, I still have a few aces up my sleeve...」

「Namrick: Ace-what? Is that a fruit?」

「Allen: ... the real problem is finding similar ingredients to the ones I know. Also, I should keep a few surprises for special occasions.」

「Ellin: You should open a high-class restaurant!」

Said Ellin with a hearty smile painted on her face.

Namrick and Grastel nodded in agreement.

Damn, how can I tell these kids "I hate cooking for work", without breaking their hearts? Their eyes full of optimism and happy thoughts. How naive.

Even if I wanted to, high-class restaurants are all under the monopoly of nobility. I'd only get myself killed.

Sometime later, Vargas returned with a satisfied smile and announced we would leave tomorrow after lunch.

I and the adventurer trio took the opportunity to wander around the settlement and do some shopping.

I found a shop selling various kinds of ore, there was even some magnetic lodestone, they're considered useless, except for holding nails or for harassing people with armor. In fact, I've seen a few dwarven kids throwing them at an armored guard, just to run away giggling.

I bought some, I might be able to find a use for them, maybe I can even build a dynamo or something. Although, I don't know exactly how. If only I could browse the internet.

It was late in the night when we walked back to the inn and got to rest.

I dreamed I had fucked up a release on the production server and management was out to get me. I had had enough and punched them in the face, but they turned into dragons and burned me to ash. Welp, why can't I dream something nice for a change?

For some reason, I'm experiencing an increase in nightmares, which is weird considering I used to only have one or two every year at best. It must be the new fantastic experiences I'm accumulating.

We woke up and had breakfast. Then Vargas had us help with unloading and loading the traded goods. With that out of the way, I prepared lunch, borrowing the kitchen of a random tavern. The dwarvish cook kept an eye on me, scowling the whole time.

It's not like it's my fault, you damn midget. I'm not happy about it either! I want to kill something.

I had found some ground beef, so this time I opted for making noodles with tomato sauce, meatballs and oil.

I vented my frustration at the ground beef, under the disapproving stare of the dwarf.

I cooked and served the food, Vargas first of course, and sat down with the crew.

「Vargas: Hmmm... a fine combination, very good.」

Everyone devoured their meals without complaint.

「Allen: So, back to Valarest now?」

「Vargas: Yes. By the way, I'll have to ask you to teach me how to prepare this yellow looking... pasta you said, right?」

「Allen: Sure, it's just a mix of eggs, flour and salt. I'll show you how to prepare it when we're back to Valarest.」

「Vargas: Yes, thank you! It vaguely reminds me of an exotic dish I had once in a distant land. But that one tasted bland and didn't have this consistency.」

Vargas patted his belly and rose up, we followed suit.

As we were about to leave the tavern a dwarf called out to us.

「Dawrf: Ah... Wait!」

He ran up to us. I could smell the alcohol.

「Dwarf: I overheard... you're headed to Valarest, right?」

「Vargas: Yes, that is our destination.」

「Dwarf: Huhh... could I *hic*... could I join yoh?」

The dwarf scratched his beard for a moment, grumbling intelligibly.

「Dwarf: Forgive mah manners... I am Yusdrolir Ironguard, an adventurer *hic*. My friends... left without me and I don't know the road. I can give ya a few sh-silvers for the bother.」

Vargas considered it for a moment.

「Vargas: Fine, but be quick. We're leaving now.」

「Yusdrolir: Thank you! I'll just... *hic* pick up my equipment.」

The equipment consisted wholly of alcohols.