I checked off my skill levels as we carefully went to the last island before the boss. I fully expected more Gremlin Tankers so I was in no rush to head into that mess without seeing my nice gains.

The Green Gem was a G-2. I told Maria we crush it after dealing with the last mob room then take on the boss room. A little rest before the big fight was never a bad thing and why rush? Nothing was getting out and there was no timer or penalty to completing the Malice Zone as fast as possible.

FrostFlame has reached level 2! Increased Damage.

Acid Cloak has reached 3! Reduced Energy cost! 6>5

Missile Defence has reached level 3! Increased radius of effect.

Minor Rock Discard has reached level 3! Increased size of objects affected. Increased power.

Shield Smash has reached level 3! Increased knockback.

Salvage has reached level 3! Increased salvage potential and understanding of parts. Skill will evolve in 3 levels.

“My mouse form levelled and it says I have increased size if I want and the skill will evolve ‘soon’. I think System has to be vague since I’m not you,” Maria told me quietly. Pretty much what I was warned about by the System herself.

“My Prayer has better healing and I can slowly move while doing it now,” she added with a pleased smile.

King brought up the rear guard as we peered into the cracked door of another foul-smelling mechanic’s shop.

I stared at the odd thing inside.

Gremlin Brute Cannon. Monster. G-3: A Brute Gremlin that has been merged with a wall-mounted turret to make an unholy abomination. It fires energy bolts and seems angry.

On the roof was a spinning upside down Gremlin with two long tubes emerging from his chest. It was brighter inside than anywhere else. The angry demon had full 360-degree rotation and the room was charred from where it had just fired until nothing was left.

“We need to think about this,” I said as we walked a small distance back to the bridge.

“Fucker is up high. You got throwing stuff but I can try pulling him down?” Maria suggested. I shook my head.

“Those were metal bolts and nuts holding him in. You’d tear him in half but I think the gremlin part is only really for the material. Maybe if I get enough acid up he’ll meltdown? My missile defence doesn’t do energy,” I frowned. Maria opened her mouth but there was a massive crash from inside the building.

It was then that I noticed something was missing. I rushed to the door and saw the turret had been crushed under its own weight by King as the ant had simply dug until the roof holding the turret in was too weak to support the monster anymore.

“Modern problems require modern ants,” I mused and King carefully scaled down the side of the wall looking mildly happy to have solved the issue. I took aim as the exposed underbelly of the machine held its power core.

A single pebble made the ugly thing go boom.

You have defeated Gremlin Cannon! 15 EXP!

We took a look around but to our surprise... there was no gem to be had. I shrugged as Maria cursed the dead thing for being so greedy in death. I bent down and eyed the pieces. Most of it was flesh to the machine but there were a few springs and tubing I shoved into my inventory, including a mostly working energy pack it used as a battery for its weapon.

Heading back to the safe zone. We tried to remember who officially had the last gem.

“We had 3 gems and you got two so I think it’s my turn but I’m happy to give it to you or better yet!” Maria bent down and tried to give the gem to King.

“To the victor go the spoils! King did all the fucking work after all,” she grinned. King nudged the gem and a window popped up.

Blue summoned creatures can only consume Blue gems for additional EXP or abilities.

“Good to know! If we get some low-level ones, King can snack on them. Shame because they tend to be really useful. I haven’t had a Blue that’s been bad yet,” I announced. I gestured to Maria to crack the gem.

She shrugged and winced as she grasped at her head.

“That sucks...” she mumbled. She read her screen.

“I got a skill that’s called ‘Haven’?” she said before reading on.

“One per day? Jeez, that's a long time. I can create a safe zone that lasts 1 hour as long as no enemies are within a distance of 15 feet of me. Any attacks or attempt to leave the barrier will cause it to collapse,” she informed.

“Basically that’s amazing. It’s an emergency safe zone we can use to treat our wounds or escape trouble. Kinda guess strong enemies break it and it won’t work or last long in a boss room,” I mused. Maria sour expression was odd.

“It’s gonna take forever to level up unless that timer goes way down!” she sighed but then shrugged.

“I am the haven offering Church Mouse of whipping and BDSM. Praise me,” she intoned. I nearly choked on air.

We looked around but honestly, this was it.

It was time to see this mysterious PING. The merciless PING.

The boss door had the largest socket for the puzzle gem and when King held it up. The thing actually floated into the door and vanished behind a sliding metal plate. The two large metal doors swung open. The black mist made it impossible to know what was coming.

We stepped through and our feet went from carefully standing on the railroad wooden planks to feeling gravel between the tracks now. All around was darkness except for the tracks that lead on.

I got a sense of some cheesy and lame destiny metaphor coming but decided to see if I would be surprised. The doors closed behind us and a light appeared on the door. It was the puzzle gem. It was lowered to the middle of the gates where three metal clamps held on to it as it was drawn back outside or deeper into the gate. Maria and I shared a look. The gates rumbled and the train began to move forward, flowing forward to form a shapely train front with the words ‘PING EXPRESS’ printed on the front.

“I think we need to run,” Maria said faintly as the gate began to ever so slowly move another inch forward.

“It’s slow, we could try to attack,” I suggested.

“ATTENTION PASSENGERS. DEPARTURE IS NOW LEAVING PLATFORM ZONE. PLEASE SCAN TICKETS. THOSE WITHOUT TICKETS ARE ALSO WELCOME. ALL PASSENGERS WILL GO TO THE SAME STOP. PING EXPRESS IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE FINAL DESTINATION OF THIS JOURNEY IS HELL. PLEASE ENJOY THE RIDE!”

The front of the train opened to reveal a combine like a grinder of dancing saw blades and claws that raked forward in an attempt to find something to cut and gut.

“No you are right, let’s run and hit it from afar!” I yelled and we began to sprint as King shrunk and landed on my shoulder, his massive form too slow to escape the slowly speeding up train. Maria cast a few dark ages but the simplistic weapons of spinning axles and metal blades wasn’t nearly as affected as complex mech units.

I could now see why having that wheel cart from before might have been useful. I turned on my full acid/fire/ice and Frostflame set. Maybe if I could melt the damn tracks, it derails! I left burning ice as we moved on. It was crushed rather easily and swept aside with pinball-like flippers at the side of the train that weaved in to clear a path.

We needed a plan and fast!

PING was whistling some demented tune.

“PING EXPRESS IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD. NO OTHER TRAIN SERVICE OFFERS OUR DESTINATION SELECTIONS! PLEASE KNOW THAT THE AFTERLIFE IS MADE UP OF MANY STOPS BUT AS HUMANS YOU ARE ALL DOOMED TO HELL. BETTER THAN BEING THE MASKED ANIMALS! BETTER THAN THE NOT-HUMANS!”

I used my new tail and aimed for the oddly outdated steam chimney PING had grown like a hat. I tried to yank is onto PING’S roof but the metal glowed red hot and steam exploded like a cloud. I barely managed to avoid pushing like a spring back onto the tracks, stumbling as PING’s blades nearly got my ankles.

“We need to get off the tracks!” Maria yelled and before I knew what she was planning, she grabbed my arm and yanked me off the railroad where we began to fall. Her new chain flew out and grabbed the same steam chimney I had but instead of being pulled up. We swung along the side. My Parkour skill kicked in and I began to wall run with her.

“CUSTOMERS! PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR TIMELY DEMISE!” PING said in a letdown voice. I braced my legs as the chain hit its limit and smashed into a window. We crashed to the carpeted floor where empty seats and dangling lights awaited us.

We didn’t have a moment to waste as further down the carriage... the metal and wood began to turn to flesh and dripping acid.

“You got to be fucking kidding me,” Maria said.

“PING HAS LEARNED HOW ORGANICS WORKED AND HOW TO USE THEIR FEATURES FOR CUSTOMER SATISFACTION. IF YOU PREFER TO BE DIGESTED, I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU!” the annoyingly bright tone of PING stated. I Observed oncoming stomach fluids.

PING THE PRIDEFUL. BOSS. G-4: PING is the rogue AI that went haywire and killed many people before being shut down. PING has suffered insane logic defects and no longer believes anything but his own success. He has learned many tricks such as how people work, how to be a good driver, and how best to kill someone.

I threw Ice pebbles and King did his best to dig holes for it to drain but the transformation was coming in from all angles.

“The core! We brought it to him and it must be important. Get to the driver's section!” I ordered. King turned but the hole he had been digging went from metal and wood to flesh and his attempts to follow were stopped as he broke through the now thin membrane of flesh and out of sight.

“KING!” I screamed but Maria pulled me back and I threw fire at the flesh, getting pained yelps from PING.

I wanted to resummon him but if he had been too badly hurt... he just be too weak to move or escape more pain.

I ran ahead and dining carts, suitcases with teeth, and fire lamps spitting balls of fire greeted us. I stormed forward with my shield and things burned, melted or spluttered out as I drained their heat.

A suitcase went for me and Maria whipped it out the nearby window as I began to break lamps. The dining carts charged and my mace sent their wheels flying.

“GOD RAGES AGAINST YOUR FOUL BEASTS, PING!” Maria screamed as she broke teacups and slithering belts.

“GOD IS A PASSENGER I WILL TAKE ONE DAY. REST ASSURED.”

This sent Maria into a frenzy. Not that I was much better. I was melting everything near me. The flesh crept after us sos we picked up the pace. The worst part? Besides King?

These things gave no EXP since they were minions or PING himself in some manner.

“END OF THE LINE WILL BE UPON US IN 5 MINUTES. PLEASE TAKE ALL YOUR BELONGINGS AND TRASH. PING IS PLEASED TO HAVE DRIVEN YOU TODAY.”

End... of the line?

We hit the last carriage before the front of the train and the single-wide space was taken up by a wall of flesh and wires. A smiling face made of jutting motherboards and hair of wires stared at us.

The door was briefly visible in its mouth as it spoke.

“PASSENGERS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THIS CART. YOU ARE BEING VERY BAD CUSTOMERS. I WILL HAVE TO BAN YOU FROM FUTURE RIDES!” PING admonished. He was a literal demon wall of nightmares.

“I’d say go to Hell but you’re kind of on the road there already,” Maria stated. I just began to try to rush in and a pillar of metal and red meat smashed into me hard enough that I was lifted off my feet and crashed into the opposite wall. The red flesh snaked along my face and seemed to be looking for my mouth.

I turned everything I had on and the wires digging into my skin melted as the flesh burned. Maria was slamming PING. Massive eruptions of sparks were seen and he roared, the carriage shaking as the floor tried to spear Maria with spikes of metal. She whipped one eye and yanked it out.

I charged again as PING was distracted. Despite his attacks, the metal spikes and the wires were feeble and rather easy to rip off or just sidestep once you knew they were coming. PING’s voice took on an odd tone.

“COMPILER OF LIES. CREATOR OF ZERO. BUILD YOUR CONNECTION TO THE TRUTH OF DATA-” he chanted, voice sounding like a dial tone and screeching.

This felt... familiar.

“KILL IT IT!” I screamed and I rushed into the slashing wires, letting my fire and acid bury deep into his circuits. Maria just began to pull out anything that looked important. PING went on despite the increasing distress in his voice.

“FROM THE USED TO THE USER. CONVERT SCREAMS OF FLESH INTO POWER OF MACHINE. I CALL UPON THE DUALITY OF REALITY-”

The darkness around the train began to leak green code.

“Oh fuck that!” Maria yelled and ripped out the other eye as I seemed to hit something crucial.

“END... END... NED... ERROR... CAST THE FLESH... ERROR.” PING became to spark furiously and smoke leaked out from his open mouth. The green code turned red and began to explode and twist.

“ERROR: CHANT INCOMPLETE. SPELL NOW UNLEASHED IN UNKNOWN FORM. PING.EXE HAS CRASHED. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RESTART PING?” the voice droned.

I looked into the broken machine as I pulled out dozens of wires that had speared my shoulder.

“No. Go to the recycle bin hell,” I said and Ping began to melt from the wall.

“DELETING PING. PING HAS BEEN DELETED. PING HAS BEEN... DELETED. PING IS... DELETED. PINGPINGPINGPING... has failed.”

The mesh of wires and flesh vanished and the train gave an odd jump as the spell PING tried to cast exploded like stars outside, rocking the train sideways.

The issue was that the train itself was still rocketing forward. I nabbed the two white, red, and yellow crystals.

We stumbled into the driver’s cabin and it was all a central platform for the puzzle gem. Maria ripped it out and the train gave a lurch. A nearby meter said the speed was slowing. The weapons at the front of the train fell away but I saw something.

A ramp of the rails that would send the train flying into the darkness below. The perfect square of black where no Being seemed to be allowed to touch.

I looked out the window but the train was wider than the tracks and it only meant going down into the same darkness. Steam was escaping over the top making that too dangerous for Maria. We looked back but the flesh had hardened into contorted metal once more making it a maze of twisty passages.

“I’ll use my whip and we can swing down the front and try to go under?” Maria said in a panic. I watched for Portal but even as I saw him flying towards us... he was so far back and having to dodge PING’s misfired spell.

Maria was trying buttons for an emergency brake but the mad AI had removed everything that a human could use to actually stop the train.

“We need to jump and hope Portal can catch us,” I told Maria grimly. She looked like was not enjoying that idea but knew we simply had no choice.

“JUST FUCKING STOP!” Maria screamed and kicked the stand the puzzle gem had been in. The train gave a mighty squeal and the world outside of exploding red code began to massively slow down.

I fell back in the sudden shift in speed.

I stood, stumbling to the front window where I spotted two flickering feelers barely in sight as two pure white legs crushed the train nose as wood and railing were sent flying from a cloud of dust where someone was pushing the train with everything they had.

“KING!” I said with so much heart in my throat, I nearly cried. Then the train slowed to a stop and the front carriage was lifted every so slightly.

King looked so mangled and crushed... I didn’t understand what I was seeing at first. We slid out the front window and landed on the tracks. It was then I saw King had pulled seats, cases, doors, and metal in a makeshift beaver dam in front of the train to slow it along with his own strength. A screeching sound made me see that King had also disconnected most of the train from the front two which we had been fighting in. The rest had slowed down the rail sometime ago.

King flexed once more, his entire body glowing with silver blood and pure energy as he slammed the now disconnected small driver's cabin overhead and into the rail, his own form going still as he just lay there.

Maria was at his side. She focused and King began to glow but he still wasn’t moving.

“Come on buddy, you can do it,” I said quietly I had no idea what would happen if King died compared to being unsummoned. Slowly his feelers twitched and he touched my face with them.

“You big hero,” I said and Maria’s smile was bright but she never stopped praying.

I hugged King and Maria.

We had made it.

We had won.

Portal leaned down and as the rails began to shake.

Malice Zone cleared. Zone is now collapsing. Please standby for Portal.

I let Portal take us and we all ended up staring at the blue sky as Portal dropped us outside. King slowly moved over to me and passed out on my chest, head going still as his feelers twitched ever so often.

Maria blinked at the blue sky.

“The world is beautiful. Compared to darkness and PING... this is heaven,” she whispered.

I just closed my eyes and listen to the birdsongs. I felt the tiniest wind on my face.

“...Wanna grab a burger and pretend we’re normal for an hour to celebrate?” I asked. I heard Maria shifted.

“Sure. Only if we got a family-run place. I like supporting them where I can if it’s an option,” she mused.

Another minute of silence.

“Did we just fight a psycho train made of nightmares and darkness for pretty magic rocks?” Maria asked herself quietly.

“I had to fight germs and a lazy plague doctor. I think you’re supposed to get used to it eventually,” I acknowledged.

“I’m not sure confession box is going to cover this. I might need to write a letter to the Pope,” Maria groaned.

“Ask him for some holy... cheese,” I said calmly and she hit me with her giant crucifix.