It took Rich a little while to process what exactly was happening.

He’d logged in, seen a blur of motion, and then his face was full of gunk.

Eventually, he recognized the taste of mud. But by then he was being shoved through the stuff, bounced off rocks and other hard obstacles, and otherwise manhandled by some unseen force.

Something was pounding the hell out of his chest at the same time, so it took a second for him to figure out exactly where his unseen foe had a hold on him.

It took another second to curl into a ball, and twist, and one more second beyond that to lash out with all the strength in his arms.

One set of claws raked along something solid, and abruptly the forward motion ceased.

“Master!” He heard Geebo yell from very far away, and he struggled, pulling his face from the mud and spraying water out of both nostrils.

Then his eyes were clear enough to see what was going on.

He was standing in a pool of mud, in a cavern with many tunnels leading off from it. Mud roiled and bubbled all around, but there was no heat. It was all cold yet bubbling as if it was boiling. Mud smeared the walls and dripped down from the ceiling, and he followed it up to where something hung overhead.

It had a ton of freaky long arms that stretched down, a cluster of multiple faces in the center, and overall it looked like it was made of rocks and dirt. It was shifting, moving quickly, and any further details were lost, save for its name.

Rock Shassa – Earth Djinn level 17

“Cover me!” bellowed a familiar voice, and he turned to see LivingDeadGrrl fending off an array of groping arms. They splattered as her spear swept through them, and he realized that the errant limbs were all made of mud. “Cover me so I can get a throw! Fucking draw aggro, tank!” she shouted.

A flash of motion caught his eye, and he saw a gold exclamation point blinking in his peripheral vision. A system notice? He couldn’t spare it any attention, because there was something else moving... and as it shrieked and ran through the mud and dodged away from stony spikes bursting up from below, he realized that the tiny figure was Geebo.

There was no time to wonder how his surrogate NPC controller had gotten him into this situation.

Fortunately, he was a damn good tank.

In Neverquest, Rich had tried several different characters, before settling in as a warrior. He knew how to draw aggro, how to keep it, and how to take the hits. And he didn’t see any reason not to carry those lessons over.

Step one: Get in its face, he thought as he bellowed “Scaly Wings!” and took to the air.

He planned on flying straight toward the thing.

Plans changed, as it plunged two long arms down into the muck below, and tendrils of ropey goop thrashed upwards toward him.

Fortunately, he’d gotten better at flying since the last time he’d logged in.

AGL+1

Your Fly skill is now level 13!

This is like the Ice Links fight, he realized. I just have to tie it up until she can get a good throw in. Tie it up while it’s trying to tie ME up.

Step two: Take it slow and defensive and gauge its attacks and patterns.

Instead of flying directly at it, he did a long roll under it, in a loose ring around the cavern. The Rock Shassa growled and hissed, pulling the arms it had plunged into the muck free, and using the arms nearest to Rich to fling small boulders at him instead. “Rock You!” the creature yelled, and Rich yelped as some of the smaller boulders suddenly got a lot more accurate, twisting in midair like homing missiles.

Step three: You’re gonna take hits. Deal with it and manage the damage.

They weren’t solid hits. His scaly hide blocked the worst of it, but he knew it would add up.

Then a spear came sailing through the air, directly at one of the Rock Shassa’s faces... and through it.

The thing shrieked, and the scowling visage melted and fell to the ground. Blackish blood mixed with mud and sprayed.

Arms spurted out from the gaping wound, thrusting out, and suddenly Rich had a lot more rocks to dodge.

“Activate Recall Weapon!” LivingDeadGrrl said, and her spear flew out of its central mass, back to her hand. “That wasn’t much damage, I barely struck it!”

“It’s a build-up boss!” Rich said. “The longer we fight it, the worse it gets! We need to pop all its faces as fast as possible!”

He hoped that was true. Most of what he’d just said was a guess, based on its style and mechanics.

“There are three faces left!” Geebo shouted. “Attack its weak points for maximum damage!”

Distracted, Rich spared him a glance and nearly got clipped. He ducked a rock the size of his head and focused on avoiding pain.

Your Dodge skill is now level 8!

From what he’d seen, Geebo had gotten to the edge of the cavern and the creature had left off trying to skewer him. Which meant that it was focusing more resources on him.

Then his luck finally ran out.

One of the arms slammed out to its full extension, and managed to grab his wing. He tore free a second later and twisted like mad, flapping frantically to avoid plowing into the wall.

He managed. Somehow.

AGL+1

Your Fly skill is now level 14!

But it was all for naught as what felt of fists made of stone pounded his back, sending him into the stone and falling to land with a splat into the mud.

Fuck this! They didn’t have a healer. Standard tanking would only get him so far, and he didn’t have the raw agility to dodge-tank. It was time to mix it up and experiment.

At the end of the day he was a dragon, and there were a few things dragons did very, very well.

So, as the creature shifted and sent a wall of arms down after him, Rich opened his jaws wide and roared forth fiery fury!

Your Burninate skill is now level 10!

Oh, the steam.

Oh, the shrieking.

And through the mist, a black spear rose high... and passed harmlessly below the creature.

“Shit!” LivingDeadGrrl bellowed. “Sorry!”

Rich didn’t reply. He ran like hell, trudging through the mud as the sound of newly-baked clay scraped on rock behind him and shattered like forlorn bells.

It wasn’t enough to escape completely, as the thing got several shots in.

It’s way more accurate now. Is it because I’m on the ground? He took to the air again, and sure enough, the next volley missed him completely.

AGL+1

Your Dodge skill is now level 9!

I’m getting some insane attributes and skills off this thing. Is it because of the level difference?

Whatever the reason, he couldn’t stop. Flapping through the mist, he angled straight at the leering faces and roared as he bit down with all his might.

Your Chomp skill is now level 8!

The good news: One of the faces dissolved into muck in his fangs.

The bad news: He had to stop moving to get that done.

The arms that exploded out from the thing’s face grabbed hold of him and slammed him down through the mud, down to the stone below. Something cracked, and he felt one leg go numb. He watched in mute horror as a red ’45’ drifted up from him, and into the mud that oozed over him, blocking his view of the fight.

Two faces left. Hope my friends can make it count. Not sure how much more I’ve got left.

“Rapid Fire!” He heard LivingDeadGrrl through the liquid dirt slowly filling his ears. Then a whoop of victory, followed by a shrieking howl of rage from the Rock Shassa.

Another face gone. One left. The hands above him slackened, and he pushed up for all he was worth but made no progress. They had him, and the creature had evidently had enough of his shenanigans.

Well, tough!

Step four: Never give up. Never surrender!

Rich fought. He struggled; he scrambled; he clawed, holding his breath and ignoring the pummeling of the hands. He focused on dealing damage regardless of the consequences, and though the red numbers kept popping out of him, with every hit he took the creature lost several of its muddy arms.

I am a dragon, damn it!

But the arms kept raining down from above, and the slippery, gooey mud made getting leverage hard.

And then he remembered. He remembered throwing caution to the winds and swimming through the river.

This was the same thing, only thicker.

Why not give it a try?

Your Swim skill is now level 2!

The arms had been coming down from above. They hadn’t been guarding the sides. And so Rich managed to squirm out, out and up. He came to the surface at an angle and flapped his wings, moving straight into flight.

But to his dismay, the thing was a virtual spider now, arms everywhere, a solid cloud of them blocking its remaining face from attack. LivingDeadGrrl was up to her waist in the mud, several arms pushing her down, raising her spear for one last throw... but it was a throw that wouldn’t make it past the obstacles, he could see that.

She had seconds left, and no clear shot, and if he tried to blitz into those arms, he was dead...

Step five: Call the shots to lead your team.

In a heartbeat, he had a plan. Not a great plan, but a plan.

“Throw it to me!” he yelled to her, as he took to the air, and flapped until he was heading directly next to it. “Then recall when I tell you to!”

And thank God, thank God, she was every inch a gamer.

She didn’t hesitate. She didn’t waste time or ask questions. She just threw. The spear flew at him, and he tried to catch it, failed. He grunted as it plunged into his side but it didn’t matter, because he was past the creature now... past and behind the shield, as well.

“Now!” he howled.

“Activate Recall Weapon!” LivingDeadGrrl shouted, and the spear jerked, ripped from him, and went back to her hand...

...passing through the back of the last face as it did.

INT+1

The Rock Shassa gave one last mournful wail as its last face dissolved.

Then the rest of it followed.

Rich fluttered to the mud and collapsed into it, watching his blood decorate the dirt. But it didn’t matter. They’d won. They’d won, and the words flashing past his eyes told him it had been worth it.

You are now a level 5 High Dragon Hatchling!

CON+25

PER+25

STR+25

WILL+25

Armor+15

Cool+15

Mental Fortitude+15

You have learned the Flameborn Skill!

You have learned the Hoarder Skill!

Your Hoarder skill is now level 1!

You have learned the Tail Slap skill!

Your Tail Slap skill is now level 1!

“Oh. Oh wow,” Rich said.

“Two levels! Yes! Two goddamn levels!” LivingDeadGrrl pumped her fist in victory. She was pretty bruised, he noticed. That thing had thrown some hands her way, even while Rich was drawing aggro. He’d have to work on that.

“Just one for me, but that’s fine,” Rich said. “Got some new skills. Status.”

He blinked at the numbers that rolled by. “Forty-one whole hit points left? Jesus.”

“How? You were getting the crap pounded out of you!” LivingDeadGrrl shot him a glare.

“I guess my armor’s pretty high.” He started waving through the screens, checking out his new skills. They were decent but nothing special. Tail Slap was a nice rearward attack, Hoarder let him mark treasure so he could sense it from a distance later, and flameborn gave him some pretty good level-based fire resistance.

His hit points were his immediate concern. “Hey Geebo, do you have any healing items?”

“I do not, sorry Master! A full list of inventory follows...” He was talking in that too-cheerful voice again that signified his generic NPC scripts had taken over. Rich rolled his eyes... and that flashing icon caught his attention again.

He poked it and felt his jaw drop as a quest notice popped up.

QUEST: I WEAR NO MASK

DETAILS: RETRIEVE THE FOLLOWING ITEMS FOR THE ICON OF THE CULT OF THE YELLOW ICON.

1 DAEMONSILVER HOOP

1 SEAGOLD SEAL (FOUND)

1 PANE OF AIRY CRYSTAL

REWARD: 60,000 EXPERIENCE POINTS AND 1.2 MILLION FACTION GAIN WITH THE CULT OF THE YELLOW ICON + 1 CUSTOM ARTIFACT.

COMPLETION: BRING ALL ITEMS TO THE ICON AND FOLLOW HIS DIRECTIONS.

Wait, he had found a golden seal?

Then he remembered the thing that had thumped against his chest at the start of the fight. Some digging turned it up from where the thong had broken, and sure enough, it was gold. His NPC automated controller had gone and found treasure without him. Gone and taken a quest without him!

In the back of his mind Rich knew that he should be worried and pissed off that the NPC scripted behavior that was making his character malfunction had the authority and wherewithal to get him on a quest without his say-so. But the front of his mind was too busy double-checking those reward numbers and the custom artifact tag. That was...

“Oh, and one Daemonsilver mirror frame. Broken.” Geebo said.

“Wait, what’s that? Let me see that!” he said, perking up. No way!

Geebo hauled out the naked lady mirror frame, and Rich blinked as he held it in his hands.

“You saved it,” he told the draggit and watched as the Daemonsilver Hoop quest requirement market itself off.

“I am sworn to carry your burdens!” Geebo said, brightly. “Would you like a hug?”

“Hah, he likes you!” LivingDeadGrrl said, stomping over to peer at the hoop. “Okay, that looks cool. Beat up but cool.”

“I concur! Please hold it up so I can see it more clearly!” said a strange voice.

Rich looked at LivingDeadGrrl.

She looked back.

Then the two of them spun, her with the spear out, and Rich with his claws ready... almost. He’d forgotten about his leg injury, and he fell, plowing his face into the mud.

“Hee hee hee, oh my goodness!” It was a cheerful and young voice. A woman or a girl, it was hard to say. “Oh, you should watch your step! My creation truly did you no favors, oh my golly.”

“Where are you?” LivingDeadGrrl said. “Kinda freaked out right now. Show yourself!”

“As you wish!” The entirety of the ceiling faded, revealing a blue sky above, half-filled with puffy white clouds. On the largest cloud sat a pavilion tent trimmed with crimson and gold. The tent was packed full of heaps of gold, comfy-looking pillows, low tables full of food and bottles, and one blue woman with a smile that didn’t quite fit on her head.

She wore a red and gold bikini/loincloth combo that Rich took extra time to examine and had little diamond studs or dots or something on the bridge of her nose that ran up to a pattern above her white eyebrows. One of those wrapped veil things held back white hair, though wisps of it escaped now and again, as if tugged by unseen winds. They always seemed to slither back under the cloth, though.

It was hard to say how old she was. She wasn’t voluptuous at all. Not much in the cleavage or hips. But just looking at her, just seeing that smile and the enthusiastic energy that seemed to roll off her... “I’m in love,” Rich said, before his brain could stop his mouth.

LivingDeadGrrl laughed. “I’m tempted myself.”

To his surprise, the blue girl blushed an even deeper shade of blue, covered her mouth, and giggled. “Such kind guests! So helpful with my testing, too. Ah, come come! Join me for a proper repast. We have some short time before my other guests finish their own test.”

Rich nodded. Then he gave Geebo the mirror frame back and added the seal as well. “Hold onto these for me.”

“I am sworn—”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” he said, then he looked up. “We would love to join you. How do we get there?”

“Ah!” the lady waved a hand, and a golden rope ladder appeared in the middle of the blue sky, and rolled down through where the ceiling had been, to dangle in front of them.

“Um...” Rich said, and considered his leg. It felt off. Maybe not broken but definitely off. “My dexterity’s kind of... um...”

“I don’t blame you for dropping the RP after that fight,” LivingDeadGrrl told him. “That was pretty serious. Come on, get on my back, I’ll carry you.”

“Are you sure?” She looked smaller than he remembered.

“Yeah, you only grew a few inches.”

“I grew?”

“Yup. Come on, grab on. I’m strong; I got this.”

And after some fumbling, and a boost to his ride skill that he was smart enough not to mention to her, they made it up the ladder. He returned the favor by flying her across to the blue lady’s tent while carrying Geebo on his back, and the three of them settled down at her gesture, gathered around a small, lap-high table and not quite knowing what to expect.

What they got was tea. But Rich didn’t take his eyes off the blue girl for a second. She couldn’t sit still, bouncing up and down on the cloud, shifting minutely, swinging her pointy-shoed feet around one second and tapping them the next. Her hands gestured great arcs in the air as she talked, fingers flickering as her voice rose and fell.

“So lovely to finally have guests, and now I am to have two different groups in one night! Hee hee hee! So helpful, too, to test out my creations in such a kind and selfless fashion! Oh, my goodness my golly, I was truly worried for a second there, but I suppose I should not have. Hey! Would you care for some wine in your tea? It tends to bring out the flavors in the herbs, particularly if you forgo the sugar lumps. Ah, wait, did you wish sugar lumps?” she asked, midway through filling Rich’s cup with sugar lumps.

“Um... sure, those are fine,” he said, and she beamed that smile that almost seemed to escape her face. Her mouth was somehow just not right in a way he couldn’t vocalize. Her eyes were set too perfectly apart. And her skin was a little too flawless. It helped shake him from his daze and draw his eyes from her chest for a second. “Who... are you, please?”

“Ah! I am, of course, Aunarox, a djinn of the third court of Anjuuta, Lady of the Winds! And who might you be, esteemed guests?”

“Damn, no wonder she’s got such good dialogue,” LivingDeadGrrl whispered to him. Then she cleared her throat. “I am LivingDeadGrrl; this is my friend Rutger and his servant Geebo. Do you have any quests for us?”

“Goodness, me oh my,” Aunarox blinked. “Oh, there are all sorts of things I could have you do! I have so, so many more things to test out, and you could fight each and every one of them for me!”

“I wish we could,” Rich interrupted. “But I really need to pledge myself to a dark power.”

“You are a...” Her eyes got very large. “Hee hee hee! Oh my goodness! Ah! Such amusement!” Then her smile got sharper. “If you do me one small favor, I could introduce you.”

“What do we have to fight?” LivingDeadGrrl asked. “We might need to recover a bit first—”

“Ah no, effendi. No fight here. You would merely have to accept my company, oh great dragon. For though my host’s hospitality has been generous, I find in the centuries that have passed, that his attention is no longer as... reliable as it once was. Indeed, I have not had any response to my summons for quite some time. Quite... some... time.” Her smile was gone, now. “Why, a less charitable guest might assume that perhaps his invitation was not given in good faith. That perhaps the comfortable and roomy space this humble soul was given to experiment and play within was, in fact, something more sinister.” Now her eyes were narrowed. “Indeed! Were I a suspicious sort, then my good friend, I could perhaps call this place a prison, and there would be a chance that such a statement was in fact factual, rather than fallacy.”

“I’m really not sure what the other dragon told you, or intended,” Rich confessed. “I was just born, and the only other dragon around here was female. But she’s dead now.”

“Justice has perhaps been served. If she was of that lineage, then one generation has paid for his deception. If, in truth, deception it was.” The djinn plucked a grape and devoured it, peeling the skin neatly with her teeth and tongue in a motion that Rich really found fascinating.

It was a good deal. It was an interesting deal. It meant he’d get to see more of her, and well, she was both easy on the eyes and a chatty conversationalist. And it wouldn’t take obscene amounts of rep... although the thought did remind him of the quest. No way he’d turn down a quest with that good a reward! And the last item he needed was...

“Can you get me a pane of airy crystal?” he blurted out. “If you do that, I’ll take your bargain right here and now!”

“Done and done!” she smiled. “Major Creation!”

A glow pulsed in her hand, and when she unfolded blue fingers, a round, dinner-plate sized disk of crystal popped out of them. Rich took it gingerly and found it weighed nothing at all.

With relief, he saw the last waypoint of his quest flare up. This was the real deal. “Geebo, put this away in your inventory. Carefully.”

“And now, effendi,” the blue woman said as she stood, “Three vows, now and forever more! Swear to wait upon Anjuuta’s whim! Swear to break all needless bonds! Swear to take me with you as you journey! I Witness this pact, in the name of fate and her unbound majesty!”

For a second, Rich hesitated.

It occurred to him, that this woman was in here with daemons, with Cthulhu monsters, and God knows what else. He was reminded of the fact that he had come down through very dangerous terrain, and each step had been through a horror show of monsters and obstacles.

And this woman, this seemingly benevolent and friendly creature was at the bottom of the vault. She was dangerous. There was a very, very good chance that this could backfire on him in ways he couldn’t predict.

WIS+1

But honestly? Of the ones he’d found so far, she would probably be the most entertaining. And if she wanted to eat his soul later or tried to open gateways to chaos or wherever djinn lived, so be it. That would be something fun to deal with. Experience was experience, and Rich wasn’t picky.

“I swear to all three vows,” he said, and lightning flashed in the clear sky...

...and kept on flashing.

“What? What is this! What trickery have you played upon me?” Aunarox’s eyes were huge. Then she shook.

Then she disappeared.

Then the sky disappeared, leaving a hollow space above the cavern.

Then the clouds disappeared, leaving large, floating rocks in their place.

Then the pavilion and its gold and the cushions and the food disappeared entirely.

“No wonder we didn’t regain any hit points!” LivingDeadGrrl said. “It was all an illusion!”

“So... what’s holding up the rocks?” Rich asked, as the one below them wobbled.

The answer, as it turned out, was nothing.

A few minutes later, after Rich hauled himself out of the mud, he felt a tug on his tail. Giving a heave, he stepped forward...

...and stared back at the tiny blue woman hoisting herself out of the dirt and glaring at him. Aunarox was two feet tall with a somewhat out-of-proportion head. Two curved tusks stuck out from her lower lips, and her nose was elongated to ludicrous proportions. “Betrayer! False guest! How could you do such a thing to me, a great lady of the third court!”

“Oh my god she’s adorable!” LivingDeadGrrl squealed. “I wanna hug you. Can I hug you?”

“No!” Aunarox snapped and flicked mud up at the Berserker. “You! Dragon! What have I done to you that you should trick me so!”

“I don’t even know what I did!” Rich said, throwing a hand up. “I want a patron! That should have worked, right? I honestly swore to the vows!”

“Yes, and I burned much, so very much of my power to enforce them...” she stopped and looked at him. Then she squinted, grabbed his muzzle, and stared into his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me there were two of you?”

“Two of—” Rich stopped. “There are two of me, aren’t there? I didn’t think it would matter for this.”

“Well it does! Both must agree freely to the vows, or the power I put into them shall remain suspended and beyond my reach! Ooooh, hurry and get your other half to agree!”

“I will, I will,” Rich promised. “Just give me a second, here. This won’t take long.”

A shout rang out from behind him. A voice he’d heard before. A voice that he’d dreaded meeting again.

Rich whipped around to see Tankitaway emerge from the tunnels, green name above his head and glowing crystals strapped to his shield. And shadows behind him showed that the rest of the crew was here, too.

“Ah, my other guests!” Aunarox chirped happily. Then she deflated. “Of course! When I lost my power, their test was done. Calamity and woe! The experiment came to nothing.”

And the last part of tanking advice he’d learned from the greats came to mind.

Step six: If someone has to die, it’s you. Don’t let the others fall because of your hesitation.

“Lady Aunarox I will totally fix this, but I need you to go with my friends right now. LivingDeadGrrl? Get them to the surface. I’ll meet you at the village.”

She was looking back and forth from him to the griefers.

“Dragon! Holy shit, it’s that guy! Boombabe, light his ass up!” Tankitaway called back.

Rich took to the air.

His leg was injured and weak.

He had forty-odd hit points left.

It was a foregone conclusion. Fleeing would just mean he’d die tired. But if he could stall them, make his death count...

In the end, it was over inside of a minute. Oh well, he thought as things faded to gray. At least I got some good dodging skill out of it.

YOU HAVE DIED FROM

PK MURDER: SLAIN BY CAPTAINSTABYN AND PARTY

ALL INVOLVED HAVE BEEN FLAGGED PK FOR 24 HOURS.

YOUR EXISTING PK STATUS HAS BEEN RESET TO NON-PK.

Rich didn’t hesitate as the respawn zone faded in around him. He paid his token and found himself right back before Caunal...

...and there he hesitated. There was something, something he’d been meaning to do, and the great chained dragon was looking down at him...

Ah. Right. The ticket. The one that the dragon had wanted him to enter, that he’d suffered such pain to get Rich to write.

Despite the urgency of the situation, Rich was too curious not to see it through. It wouldn’t take long, really. He had no good reason not to try it.

Midway through composing it, he got a nasty shock.

Incoming Message>>Frederick Tassle

Richard, help me talk him down. He’s dead if we don’t.

Rich’s eyes went wide. He slammed the button to finish the ticket, and immediately began to log out, cursing the slowness of the thirty-second timer. What was happening? What had he missed?

What had he done?

A quick glance at his Echo logs showed a bunch of angry messages from his father. Why hadn’t they shown up earlier? Then he realized what had gone wrong. Oh God! They must have arrived during the fight! He thought. I missed them during the battle...

He returned to meatspace in time to hear the gunshot.

RUTGER'S CHARACTER SHEET

Spoiler: Spoiler

Name: Rutger Royal

Age: 1 Day

Jobs:

Cultist 1, High Dragon Hatchling 5

Attributes Pools Defenses

Strength: 181 Constitution: 178 Hit Points: 359 Armor: 90

Intelligence: 42 Wisdom: 40 Sanity: 82 Mental Fortitude: 90

Dexterity: 14 Agility: 39 Stamina: 53 Endurance: 0

Charisma: 37 Willpower: 176 Moxie: 203 Cool: 90

Perception: 176 Luck: 34 Fortune: 210 Fate: 5

General Skills

Brawling – Level 13

Dodge – Level 12

Fly – Level 14

Ride – Level 1

Stealth – Level 2

Swim – Level 2

High Dragon Hatchling Skills

Burninate – Level 10

Chomp – Level 8

Draconic Tongue – Level N/A

Dragonseye – Level 15

Flameborn – Level N/A

Hoarder – Level 1

Limited Equipment – Level N/A

No Thumbs – Level N/A

Scaly Wings – Level N/A

Slow to Age – Level N/A

Tail Slap – Level 1

Cultist Skills

Unlocked Jobs

Conjuror, Fire Elementalist, Grifter, Knight

Gear: