Change is constant, and cannot be controlled. Attempting to halt change in one direction is a sure way to make it so. Beware change motivated by spite, and tread carefully where you would influence growth. Enticing specific growth works best, but fails if your plans are discovered. There will be times where the best course of action is to simply reveal your intentions to All, and sometimes the world will change to your whims. In the event that it does not, you can expect great conflict in your future.

- Teaching of Sage Dorion passed down to his student Antar.

The dawn woke me up. I blearily reached out and patted my bedside table for the ivy bracelet when I realised it wasn’t around my wrist, then relaxed into my bed when I found it without making too much of a mess. Groaning, because it was the morning, I reached my other hand over and slipped it on.

Once I’d done that, I let my head rest on my pillow for a few seconds and just enjoyed the feeling. Then I pushed my sheets off of me and found that to be immensely difficult. That’s when the ache throughout my entire body made itself known.

It was like I was submerged in water. The difficulty I normally attributed to wading through waist high water now applied to moving my arms, lifting my head, and even breathing. Not only that, everything ached as if freshly bruised.

With immense effort I sat up and looked around, squinting since I felt shattered despite having just woken up. Nothing was out of place until I glanced back at my pillow and saw the two red bloodstains where my ears would have been. Running a hand through my hair found it matted and clumped in the related spots. That’s when my memories caught up with me. Mary had placed a geas on me, and it had activated immediately despite me not actually doing anything.

I didn’t know whether to be amused or frightened by the fact that the spell had taken effect and that I was suddenly in my bed experiencing what I academically knew to be resurrection fatigue. The necromancer sage had wanted to kill one of Avien or me to demonstrate, and was leaning towards killing me before Mary had stepped in and declared the resurrection material of his curriculum theoretical only.

So the geas had killed me. Huh.

That plan had come to fruition much sooner than I expected. When I thought about handling a weapon now there was no reluctance to pick one up, and when I thought about sinking my dagger into Brynn’s stomach again, there was no magical compulsion to make me feel conflicted about it. Good, but that raised the question of which resurrection spell had been used on me.

This still felt like my body, so it wasn’t a reincarnation. I knew there weren’t any divine casters capable of such feats on my street, so it wasn’t likely they got me to one quick enough for a Revival. The spell used would have been fifth tier or higher.

The thoughts brought to mind some words Torment had mentioned to Casien and me about different qualities of resurrection magic. Soul razpoka occured when the ritual was subpar, and that got me wondering if I had any skin flaking off now. Poking at my cheeks wasn’t helpful, and there weren’t any mirrors in my room, so I couldn’t check.

Listening out brought no sounds of activity to my ears beyond the chirping of various magical pests. I was the first one up, save for the faerie dragons. That was a good thing, because I didn’t want to hear more apologies from my dad, I was terrified of how mom might be reacting, and I very much didn’t want to see the Shepards right now. A quick walk over to the window revealed that Avien was not doing the outside part of his morning routine right now, which was good too.

I changed as quickly as I dared, and nearly fell over getting my feet into clean pants. It was only belatedly that I realised my badge was still in the pocket of the pants I had been wearing, and transferred that to my new garb. After that I considered getting food, but decided against it. I had no appetite besides. Before I left, I ripped a page from a book leftover from my days in the School of Paper and wrote a quick message on it.

I’m out. Deal with it.

Looking at the words written out I considered the reactions of my parents, who would be the first to realise I was gone. Then I realised I was too tired to care. The paper was tossed onto my pillow next to my bloodstains and I cautiously left through my window, closing it and dropping to crouch below the line of the fence before leaving.

It was fortunate I did, because Avien opened the door to his house the moment I closed my window. He walked near to the fence and paused, which wasn’t what he usually did. No doubt he was worried about little old me after I died. Which, fair. I’d give him that one.

Then he walked over to the spot he normally used and I slunk away without being caught. There was someone I wanted to talk to, but before I could talk to him, I needed to talk to someone else. That someone else was Wrenn Astorio, who was darkening the shadows of rooftops about three streets over from where I lived. He was doing some kind of slow dance that enhanced the flow of energy through his body or something pretentious like that.

Apart from him, there were a few people out this early that gave me strange looks, telling me that the story of me dying had spread at least a little. I was perfectly fine with that, and would tell anyone who asked exactly why I had died. So far I was spared the opportunity, so I focused on the man half clad in shadows on the roof.

“Doctor!” I shouted up, my voice grating more than it ever had before. The retired adventurer snapped his head in my direction, a courtesy he didn’t normally give. I coughed to clear my throat. “I need to ask you something!”

He crouched, then jumped down three floors and landed right next to me with naught but a soft billowing sound. “Amber Jewel, what may I help you with this fine morning?”

“I need to ask someone else some questions.” I told him, and he wilted a bit. “But Torment lives in the forest and I’m not confident I can find him on my own.” A thought occurred to me. “And I dunno, maybe you can help me with my questions as well.”

Wrenn’s eyebrows arched up behind his circular black glasses. “And what may these questions be? It won’t turn out the same as yesterday’s favours, will they?”

“Probably not.” I sighed, my shoulders dropping down much farther than they usually would. “I know roughly whereabouts Torment is, unless he moved. Only it’s dangerous out there and I can’t defend myself yet.”

“I do have appointments later today.” Wrenn said. “And I will be missing out on breakfast.”

I frowned and strained to think. The fatigue didn’t hit my mind as hard as it hit my body, but when I concentrated hard enough there was a buzzing. Leftover from the geas, maybe? Eventually I gave up trying to think up a good reason to convince Wrenn to help.

“It’d mean a lot.” I eventually said.

Wrenn gestured for me to lead on and I did, quite surprised at how easily he agreed.

“Thank you.” I panted. Walking through waist high water normally was a chore after only half a minute, and the full body exercise I was now having to put on was exhausting. I was wobbling on my feet before we even got to the edge of town.

Wrenn chose that time to speak up. It surprised me he took that long. I wasn’t exactly being good conversation at the moment, but he never was. I just assumed politeness meant different things to him. “Would these questions have anything to do with your fever?”

“It’s not a fever,” I said faintly. “It’s resurrection fatigue.”

“Amber.” Wrenn’s voice shifted, losing his casual tone and drifting into seriousness while still remaining soft. His scratchy tones ruined the effect. “You shouldn’t be out walking in the village, let alone the forest if you are experiencing something like that.”

“Staying at home would be worse.” I told him, then took several panting breaths. “Trust me.”

“Then may I assist you in your travels?”

I frowned at the man in the weird black coat. His fashion was strange, even for Veliki. “You already…” I had to take a breath and stop walking for a moment.

“Would you object to me carrying you, is how I should have phrased that.” Wrenn amended.

I really, really didn’t want to rely on anyone for something so simple as walking, but I also needed to see Torment and I’d never find him at this rate. After a brief round of mentally jousting with myself, I sighed and climbed onto Wrenn’s back. He lifted me as if I was nothing, which wasn’t that far from how I felt right now, and carried me further into the forest.

Wrenn smelled of nothing. It made my teeth ache.

Only twenty minutes had passed since leaving the house, and already I felt more tired than I’d ever been in my life. Keeping my head up and my eyes open was hard, and doing them at the same time was doubly so. Wrenn had to wake me up every minute to check if we were still on the right path, not that I’d exactly fallen asleep. It was more that I had drifted into a state where my body slept while my mind churned.

It took another hour for us to find Torment’s tent, but that was because it was in a different place. We found the original site easily enough, and had to track footprints from there. Fortunately, that meant I could leave it to Wrenn and let my body rest. Unfortunately, the ranger wasn’t in when we got there.

“Take me inside.” I told Wrenn once I’d been woken up and taken in the surroundings.

“I would prefer not to trespass.” Wrenn responded.

“Doctor,” I said, playing to his ego. “It would be much safer inside the tent which is actually a cabin. I haven’t eaten yet, and could cook something for myself as well as you if you want. The man will understand. I doubt this will send him into a frenzy.”

“Hrm…” Wrenn was unconvinced.

“Write ‘Wrenn and Amber are visiting’ in the dirt just outside the front flap if you’re worried.” I sighed into his back.

“We’ll go inside, then.” Wrenn decided. He moved nebulously as he dragged his boots around in the dirt before ducking low enough for the two of us to enter the low tent flap. Inside was almost exactly as I remembered it, only with fewer splinters in everything. Torment had cleaned up, but only enough to keep the space usable. I could respect that. I didn't respect the new smell of fish, though.

Wrenn put me down next to a chair, but I instead went to build and stoke the fire.

“Let me do that.” He said as gently pulled the wood and tinder from my hands.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but let him take over. I was feeling rested enough to walk from one end of a given room to the other, so I went to look for food. There were wrapped packages that I unwrapped to find preserved meat, which I lifted with difficulty over to the fire after dismissing a brief question regarding where the fish were. Wrenn had a knife that I convinced him to give me and used that to cut the meat into slices that would actually cook.

“Have you died before?” I asked before the fire grew to a usable size.

“I have not.” Wrenn answered easily. “But I have experience with others who have recovered from cardiac arrest.”

“Oh yeah?” I prompted, my interest in the topic overcoming the constraints of my fatigue.

“There are two normal reactions.” Wrenn explained. “The first and most common one is lasting trauma. While resurrection reunites the mind and body of the adventurer, it often also spells the end of one’s career. Sleep can become difficult to find, as it reminds the once deceased of their experience. Few know how to deal with it because-”

“The bards don’t sing songs about it.” I guessed. Wrenn paused in surprise. “Torment already gave me the rundown on shock. It’s basically the same thing.”

“A gross oversimplification, but not wholly wrong.” He disagreed, resuming his work on the fire. He started looking for something to light the kindling with. “The other is a fixation on the cause of death. Someone killed by a dragon for example, once resurrected, may declare a vendetta against all dragonkind. Or on the other side of the scale, they would flee from any and all dragons. Going to extreme lengths, perhaps even crossing oceans to escape.”

I thought about geas as a concept and didn’t really feel anything react. Then I thought about Mary. I still hated her, especially now that she had killed me, but it didn’t really change my outlook on her. She was a power tripping bitch who I hated. That hadn’t changed. I couldn’t get too invested in getting revenge because that would keep me in Veliki.

“I don’t think either of those are me.” I admitted as Wrenn found a dusty tinderbox and used it to light the fire.

“These kinds of things develop over time, and to any length and degree.” Wrenn told me gently. “If you truly passed from your body and returned, there will be consequences. Actions always have consequences, especially actions of the soul.”

“Can you get that pan?” I asked, pointing. Wrenn was quick to deliver it to me, and I arranged the meat on it. This time it wasn’t chimera as far as I could tell, and it wasn’t anything else I had encountered either. That was fine by me. I just wanted to eat.

The fire was soon hot enough for cooking and I got started. The meat cooked much more slowly than I thought it would, which was when it hit me that whatever this was, it was probably used to high heat. I lowered the pan closer to the fire and things resumed cooking. I made enough to feed Wrenn and myself, then cooked more for Torment, and then made more and more for me. It became extremely tender if I managed to pull it off the fire before it burned, which is why I was able to eat it at all. That said, I didn’t eat anything beyond the first batch, but the activity was something I could focus on, which I needed.

“Hey Wrenn.” I spoke up after a long period where the only sound was crackling fire and slowly sizzling meat. I had been using the poker to make sure the wood never stopped crackling. “I was supposed to meet Brynn today, but I don’t think that’s happening. Can you tell him I’m not showing up?”

“Was tha’ for Rezan training?” Torment asked, walking in the moment I started talking. Because of course he did.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, ranger.”

“I’ll pass the message on.” Wrenn stood and extended a hand towards Torment without looking quite at his face. “Ranger Torment, I’m Wrenn Astorio. Village doctor.”

“Charmed.” Torment shook the offered hand. “I didn’t know there was a doctor in Veliki. Wha' with the clerics and all.”

“Few people do.” Wrenn agreed sadly. “Though what is this about training? The rules-”

“Were changed for Amber here.” Torment explained. “Few days ago now. You can ask a council member about it. Brynn would be a good place to start.”

Wrenn took that in stride. “I’ll be on my way then. Appointments to keep.” He nodded to me and Torment, missing both of us. “She hasn’t stopped cooking, so there’s plenty of food.”

“I can smell tha’.”

Wrenn departed, and Torment saw him out. Then he came back in and sat in his chair while I stayed by the fire.

“You look haunted.” Torment commented.

“Died last night.” I responded, seeing no point in small talk.

I felt him wince. “How?”

“Mary Geased me and I did the thing anyway, or something.”

“Geased?”

“Geas is a fifth tier enchantment.” I explained. “Devastating incentive to obey certain rules, but that didn’t stop me.”

“Do you know how you came back to life?” Torment questioned.

I shook my head. “I left home as soon as I could.” I sighed. “You’re right about family. It really is a shit show.”

The fire crackled as Torment took that in. “What possessed you to come see me so soon after coming back to life?”

“It’s your thing.” I shrugged, still facing the fire. “You made a big deal about how you being a ranger that died is your backstory. Maybe there’s something you can warn me about that I won’t see coming. Maybe you can warn me of an effect on my mind that I wouldn’t figure without help. I don’t know. You do.”

“While I commend you on making the journey looking for advice so soon after the experience, you should still be resting. Resurrection fatigue takes five days to clear, minimum. Trying to do anything in tha’ time will only be hard on you.”

“I don’t care. I need to spite the Shepards.”

Torment grumbled. “Tha’s a deadly motivation to have.”

“Then the Shepards should let me live my own fucking life.” I said into the fire. There was a part of wood where the fire had receded under the charcoal, so I poked it to clear the stuff that had already burned. “I’m just trying to survive.”

The fire burned as neither of us said anything. I poked the wood again when the fire started hiding.

“So I died.” I eventually broke the quiet as I decided it was time to flip over the fire resistant meat. I found it tasted best when it was cooked until slightly burned, which took forever. “What do I have to look forward to?”

“Insomnia, for one.” Torment grunted. “Night terrors, strange dreams, and or the occasional melancholic episodes if you’re lucky. If not, panic attacks, agoraphobia, paranoia, and hallucinations are all things you might experience, but I think you came out lucky this time.”

I made to say ‘what makes you say that?’ But Torment kept talking.

“Soul razpoka is only something that happens when there are days between death and resurrection, so that’s not something you’ll be experiencing.”

I nodded, letting my question die in my mouth.

The fire crackled for several seconds before Torment continued. “The dreams are something you’ll definitely have. You won’t remember anything more of the experience while you’re awake, but you’ll slowly recall memories of the other side in your slumber. After enough time passes, it’ll be like you never forgot.”

“What’s it like on the other side?” I asked, looking at the man.

“Changes every time.” He answered. “Always a Harbinger. Sometimes they give good advice. Mostly, they’re just tired of doing their job.”

I frowned. “I thought there was only one Harbinger.”

“One god of death.” Torment corrected. “Levjian is his name. I met him, he’s alright. But there are too many souls in this world for just one being to deal with wouldn’ta agree?”

I returned my gaze to the fire. “Fair.”

“I will give you one piece of advice it took me too long to figure out.” Torment said after some more quiet. “Keep something sweet with you. Sometimes the aftereffect of death can catch you off guard. Indulging helps.”

“Sure.”

The fire crackled for a while.

Torment made a sound of exertion as he got to his feet. “I’ll take you back to town.”

“No.” I immediately said.

“Not to your family.” He said tiredly. “Brynn was quite enthusiastic at the prospect of training you, even if he tried to worm his way out of it. I’m sure he’ll still put you through the ringer, even if you’re dealing with the fatigue.”

I thought on it, then stood. “Fine.” Then I fell over halfway up because my legs had fallen asleep. Torment tried to catch me. Tried being the operative word there.

I coughed as I picked myself up from the floor more carefully. “Can you…” I coughed again. “Carry me?”

Torment didn’t look enthusiastic about that, but he picked me up. That made it my turn to be unenthusiastic, because he picked me up as if I was a bride which I automatically hated.

“Put me on your back.” I told him, trying to snarl but failing to put any menace into my voice. He sighed and let me get on his back, then told me to get off because he wouldn’t be able to carry me out the entrance. I felt more tired now than I had when Wrenn started carrying me somehow. I collapsed against a tree and Torment left me there for a minute while he packed up all the meat I’d cooked. Then he let me ride on his back as he started trudging back to town.

It was sad how much effort he was putting in.

“You know,” I commented after a not insignificant amount of time had passed with Torment struggling to carry me through the forest. “When you said you weren’t strong. I didn’t think you were this unstrong.”

“Hush.” He told me with a strained voice. “Just carrying you is hard enough. I don’t need you poisoning my ears at the same time.”

“It puts how much you need Rezan into perspective, is what I meant.” I hummed, indulging in the minor schadenfreude. “I managed to do it, you know.”

Torment panted for several seconds before replying. “Tha’s impressive. Normally it takes upwards of a week to get that form of Rezan right.”

“Brynn has a unique training method called trial by a thousand cuts.” I told him.

“Does he now?”

“It fucking stings.”

“I’ll bet it does.”

“Stop patronising me.” I growled as best I could.

“Let me walk, then.” Torment rebuked, and I grumbled as the conversation stopped.

We almost made it back to Veliki when the sky lit up red. I looked up in time to see the four portals closing, and my already pale skin probably went pale enough to be called white before the tremors ran underneath us. Only then did the sound of fire and destruction reach us. That was a ninth tier spell, the pinnacle of arcane evocation.

“Meteor Storm.” I uttered, quite awed as the dust clouds rose past the canopy.

That hadn’t been some deceptive casting of high difficulty magic like the Majestic Manor had been. That was authentic field use of magic normally impossible for mortal creatures. I was shaken from my awed state as Torment suddenly started running towards the danger.

That was incredibly stupid. There were follow up glows coming through the canopy that told of a fight breaking out in Veliki, one between retired adventurers that had spent who knows how long itching for a fight. I had no business anywhere near that normally, and especially now that I was experiencing resurrection fatigue.

I tried to protest, but the up and down motions of Torment running made it impossible for me to get words out.

I really just wanted to sleep right now.

\V/