《Galactic Fist of Legend》Chapter 57.3: Helm of the Protagonist

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He stretched a little then rolled his neck around a bit to loosen up his muscles. It was time to get back to his life.

Through the door of light, he soon found his way to his apartment. There was no one inside, however.

"Guess they must be out," he said lightly. He promptly went to his robo-chef and had it make a little breakfast. Several hours of training and a bit of monkey murder had left him hungry.

After breakfast he remained in his apartment, and did very little with his time. He watched space television, about space things of interest. A few thousand channels, but nothing was worth watching that he wanted to be caught dead actually watching when the others returned. Eventually, he opted to take a nap.

Sometime late that evening, a gregarious outcry of laughter and snickering made its way to his ears and woke him. He rose up from his bed and went to the living room.

"I'm telling you, he'll wear it for me!" exclaimed Kitty.

"I'd pay to see it," said Vita.

Chaine rolled his eyes and unleashed a long suffering sigh. Saelil offered a smile to each of them, while Samantha merely looked blankly off into space like she was seeing something that was not there.

Scott blinked. She was no longer in the form of a cat. Once again, she had achieved her humanoid shape. She wore a simple skirt and vest combination and had her hand out to the side like she was emphasizing a point. In the other hand she held what appeared to be a shopping bag. Even in the future people sometimes had to carry things in bags it seemed.

"I know, right?" asked Scott lightly.

Everyone froze, and suddenly all eyes were on him. They blinked a few times, and once in unison.

"Hey." He offered them a lazy smile.

"Scott!" cried Kitty excitedly. She bounced over to him happily then pounced on him with great enthusiasm.

Tackled to the ground, Scott could only laugh at the playful cat girl. "What do you think you're doing?"

"You're back!" she cried happily. A moment later she blinked then sniffed the air. Her eyes narrowed then she rrowled dangerously.

"Kitty?" he asked her, concerned by her sudden change in demeanor.

She wiggled in her place atop him then leaned in and began to rub her cheeks against the side of his face. Her tail quirked one way and then the other while she continued her strange, though not unwelcome molestation.

"What are you—" he began only to stop mid-sentence then snort. The way that she was acting had reminded him of something. "Are you happy to see me, or marking your territory?

She drew back and nodded to him. "Yes."

"Would you get off of him, you wanton flea bag. Everyone wants to know how his quest ended," said Saelil.

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Kitty glanced back at Saelil over her shoulder then wiggled her hips. Her backside quivered enticingly, though it was obvious that she had made no invitation. She was staking a claim. "Not until he wears the present I got him..."

Samantha blinked then looked around as though she had not actually been present in the room. It was then that she noticed Scott, and the furry hussy who straddled him so shamelessly. "Just get off of him."

Kitty gasped at her then pouted a little. She turned back to Scott then looked into his eyes. She trailed her claws along his tunic for a moment then rolled her shoulders back and lifted her chest. "Do you want me to get off, Scott?"

"Keep sitting on me like this and I'll get off instead," he said lightly.

The light danced in her eyes for a moment while a warm smile crossed her lips. This could be good!

"There will be time for that later," said Vita. "Please tell us of your exploits, dear Champion."

"No! He has to wear my gift first," said Kitty.

"Well give it to him then, so we can get on with things," responded Vita. Her lips quirked upward in amusement after she spoke. This should prove interesting.

Kitty grinned mischievously then reached into a bag that she had brought with her during her pounce. She pulled out a long fluffy object and waved it around. "I bought you this so we can be tail buddies again!"

"What is it? Looks like a fake tail," said Scott.

"It is, silly! A great big fluffy tail for you to wear..." said Kitty. She wiggled it at Scott then grinned.

"Where would you even get such a thing?" he asked.

"Some weird little pawn shop called Spacey Dan's Space Emporium. I mentioned how you'd recently lost your tail and he happened to have one," said Kitty excitedly.

Scott looked at the tail for a moment, then closed his eyes when he realized something important. "Do you even realize what that is?"

"Hmm? A tail," said Kitty.

"Yeah. Do you know how you're supposed to wear it?" he asked sarcastically.

Her smile widened into a wide toothsome grin. "Yeah! That's the best part."

"Hell no," he said with a laugh.

She wiggled one end of the tail at him then giggled. "Come on, it'll only hurt a little the first time... I promise."

"Yeah. No... No tail plugs for me. I'm an exit only kind of guy," he replied with a nervous laugh.

"Rrowl! But it was so young! So fluffy!" cried Kitty. She wiggled the tail plug desperately at him for a moment.

A brief moment of passionate denial ensued as Kitty tried to roll him over to insert the tail plug herself. The tail must return! It was fate!

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Samantha grabbed her by the tail and dragged her way briefly, before Kitty kicked at her with both feet. "No fair!" cried Kitty.

Scott used the brief reprieve to hop to his feet and make a show of dusting himself off. "Guess some of ya'll missed me at least."

"Stop tail-blocking me! I need this!" cried Kitty as she tried to break Samantha's grip on her tail.

Eventually the tail crazy cat girl calmed down enough for Scott to regale the group with his tale of adventure. There were thrills, chills. He took extra care to speak of the true horror that was beans on a chili dog, and why one must never commit such blasphemy. When he got to the part about Luau' Ra Chaine acquired a silly grin.

Vita rolled her eyes then elbowed him in the side. "Don't even think about it, buster."

"What? I haven't been to Kaizo falls in months," he said.

"You've met Luau' Ra?" asked Scott.

"Yeah, she's the princess of the Kaizo. Her father, the one you called Etragar, is the king," said Chaine. "He doesn't fight that well outside of water, none of them do. So, they need a hero to come by regularly to attend their needs."

Vita snorted loudly and in quite the un-ladylike manner. "Right. That's what you do there."

"Yeah. That's what I do there," said Chaine.

Vita crossed her arms over her chest then snorted. "Don't make it sound unseemly. We both know you have never added her to your sword belt notches, either."

It was Chaine's turn to roll his eyes. "I never tried. She might walk around naked and flirt with anyone who can swing a sword, and I do swing a masterful sword as you know, but that princess is even more of a princess than you, princess."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked him coldly. "Also, I know nothing of how you swing your sword. Masterfully or otherwise."

"She wants a hero prince. I'm just a hero, not a noble," he said. "Right, princess?"

"Right... nothing noble about you, buster!" she retaliated.

"Well, excuu—" he began only for Vita to throw up one hand to silence him. "Let the champion finish his tale."

"Yeah, sure..." said Chaine in annoyance. He hated to be interrupted like that, but she did have a point.

"I'm a princess too, you know," interjected Kitty with a smile.

"Yeah," said Chaine noncommittally.

"Of course you are," replied Vita quietly.

Kitty huffed at them then flashed her fangs. The nerve!

There was a short quiet pause for a moment. No one said or did anything out of the ordinary, and things became slightly awkward.

Eventually, Scott broke the silence by beginning his tale again. He even got around to explaining to them that he could indeed take Chaine and Vita home.

He went over what he had gained after that, and showed off his cap to everyone. It did not look particularly impressive, so no one made much of a fuss about it. It was not until he took out his bow that something notable happened.

"Yeah, I finally have a ranged weapon that I can use in the magical worlds we visit." He pretended to draw back on his bow a few times and released it. "Pew. Pew."

A strangled gasp echoed through the room and all eyes turned toward Samantha. She blinked at them then looked to the side and coughed into her fist.

"Something wrong?" asked Vita.

"No. Nothing," said Samantha, though for some reason her face had reddened slightly.

Scott looked at her briefly, and the longer he looked the redder she seemed to get. Eventually she turned around and sighed loudly. "Just get on with your story. You know, the one with the naked fish girl who doesn't want anything to do with Chaine's masterful sword skills."

"Hey..." said Chaine.

Vita placed a hand to her lips and tittered lightly. It served him right.

"Right..." Scott glanced from her turned back to the others who had taken up positions around the room. An awkward silence passed between them all for a moment, but it eventually ended.

"I'm hungry," said Kitty.

"That's a hell of an idea," said Scott. Anything to change the awkward atmosphere. "What do you want to eat?"

Her giddy expression soon turned mischievous. "Fish I think?"

"Oh. No. I barely know the girl," said Scott with a nervous laugh. He had forgotten about the easily excited girl's proclivities. Of course she would want fish after hearing about Luau' Ra.

Kitty sniffed the air once more then winked at him in a saucy manner. "Who said I was talking about her. Someone else smells a bit fishy." She then lightly ran her tongue along one of her claws, then raised up the fake tail and wiggled it at him.

"Oh...," said Scott in a flat drawn out monotone.

The others burst out laughing at him, even Samantha. The implications were quite clear. Kitty was a feisty feline who wanted to toss a tuna salad.

In fear of his masculine pride, but eager for adventure, Earth's not-quite mightiest champion was torn. Two paths lay before him. One was the high road of dignity. The other would be fun, but also quite the pain in the ass.

All things considered, it was good to be home.

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