AN: My brain would not allow me to overcome the headache that I feel. So, the chapter is a bit shorter than usual. Still, lots of fun I think.

Chapter 12: Talk to Me

The fetid stench of the sewer curled the hair within his nostrils as Scott stepped out of the door of light and back into the zombie apocalypse. The water in the pool below no longer surged and whirled. Now it was placid, boring. Though there might be a mystery beneath its turd laced depths, Scott was no longer intrigued by what the sewer water might have to offer.

He made his way out of the underground depths and up to the surface once more. Rather, he rose to the top of the entrance but did not quite finish leaving the unholy depths of the Earth. Instead, Scott looked around and took in the sight of the ordinary architecture. There were no floating platforms, ass stabbing spikes, or winking catfish that attempted to make him question his sexuality.

He barely had time to take a deep relaxing breath before low moans began to echo from all around the area. As soon as he fully arose from the cavernous space below he was set upon by over a dozen shambling corpses that came from all directions.

Scott bit his lower lip a little. His nostrils flared. His lower lip began to quiver. Slowly he brought the hand of his gun up to his chin and he sniffled a little. The rotting remnants of former humanity continued to shamble toward him. In the process one of the zombie's fell forward and began to crawl toward him. Its left leg had snapped off due to its decrepit nature.

Soon, the crawling beast tore its rotting abdomen open and its entrails were spread across the ground like a hideously ill-used mop. Scott took in the terrible sight and tears came to his eyes. He wiped at them futilely as he was overcome with emotion. The moans grew louder and he cried out, "Oh I missed you too, you silly rotten fucks!"

Scott practically pranced as he trotted toward the largest group of the dead. Like one of two lovers in a ridiculous romantic comedy, he ran to them happily with his arms lightly extended to the side and his gun limp in his hand. "Daddy's home!"

He laughed joyously as he casually rotated his pistol around and fired. He killed the zombies with great jubilation, as the tears flowed freely. "Oh yes! Yes!"

The overly excited champion of the Earth finished off the zombie scrubs then sighed. "Man, I needed that." It had only taken one trip to an instant death platform hopping adventure world to make him appreciate the simplicity of killing zombies.

"Suppose I should be getting back soon." he said after scouting the area for a short while. He only managed to kill another handful of the weaker zombies.

The road was a dangerous place to be, but it was nice to be on it. Scott could not think of any place he would rather be at that moment, save for any place outside of the game itself.

On the way back he occasionally defeated small groups of zombies. None of them were particularly special or swift. The easy pickings gave him plenty of time to think of the coming trip that he would need to take with the people at the mall.

He checked vehicles that seemed to be of a proper size for his purposes, but none of the ones that he came across directly seemed viable. After taking the time to check a small activity bus that he had not seen the first time through the area, he sighed. Some enterprising asshole had stolen the battery and flattened all four tires.

"Damn, who keeps doing that shit?" Why the hell would someone flatten the tires of perfectly good vehicles? He understood why the batteries would go missing, but why ruin a perfectly good vehicle?

The more he searched, the closer he came to the conclusion that the people at the mall would just have to make do with the cars in the parking lot. A convoy was not as safe as a single heavy vehicle in some regards, but a decidedly mercenary part of his mind had to admit that he only needed to rescue one person. A convoy made it harder to help everyone, but it improved the chances of his personal victory.

"Still need a heavy vehicle, though." muttered Scott as he walked past a small clothing store.

A zombie suddenly appeared and began to rub up against the glass display window. Scott blinked and turned to look at the strange critter. He was dressed in military fatigues. The wandering zombie killer could not be certain whether they were army or air force fatigues, but one thing did stand out. The zombie was wearing thick aviator glasses.

"Talk to me Zombie Goose." said Scott with a sideways grin.

The zombie moaned and clawed feebly at the window. Scott laughed morbidly then said, "So, Zombie Goose ... Who's butt did you kiss to get in there?"

Zombie Goose moaned loudly once more, but did not seem to be particularly talkative otherwise. Scott put his hands on his hips and shook his head in a sassy manner. "Hey, Zombie Goose ya big stud!"

Once Zombie Goose moaned again Scott said, "Take me to bed or lose me forever!"

Expectant of another half-hearted groan, Scott was taken completely surprise by the sudden occurrence of an overtly feminine giggle. He immediately whirled around and began to scan the area.

"Oh no, he heard me." said the voice again before another giggle echoed through the area.

"I should be more care-ful." spoke the voice in a song-like manner.

"Where are you?" called out Scott. There was little in the way of cover in the immediate area save for a car with flat tires. Unless he could figure out where that voice came from, that bit of cover was useless. It would be horribly comical to get shot in the head while hiding behind a car, all because he did not know that the shooter was behind him.

"Oh, I'm around... But I really shouldn't be talking to you. I think I need to stop now." said the cheerful song-like voice.

"I feel the need for a few answers here." said Scott.

"You sure you don't feel the need for speed there Top Gun?" asked the invisible woman.

"Sure, but answers first..." said Scott evenly.

The voice was silent for a time. Scott wondered for a moment if she had left. Just as he was about to try to leave the area she spoke up. "Oh, I really shouldn't..."

"Yes you should." said Scott evenly.

She laughed once more then said, "No, no."

"Yes, yes..." he replied.

Her laugh echoed through the air once more. "I think I have seen enough now to understand what's going on."

"What is going on?" he asked her curiously.

She giggled in response. "Oh, nothing of import to you."

"Why not tell me and let me be the judge of that?" he asked her with more lightness in his tone than he actually felt.

She made a thoughtful sounding hum then said, "No, I think not."

After that she did not speak again, not matter how often Scott called out to her. Eventually he snorted then shot Zombie Goose through the window. Free experience points were always appreciated.

The area was surprisingly clear of zombies otherwise. Surely, all of the loud talking involved previously would have drawn them out.

Scott made his way back to the mall. The horde outside had built up again, but not to a large degree. He casually killed off the shambling idiots that got in his way then called for the ladder. Back up top he filled the survivors in on the important parts of the situation.

"So, most of the useful vehicles are missing batteries or have flat tires?" asked Mr. Mustache.

"Yes. We are either going to need to just use the cars in the parking lot, or I'm going to have to go hunting in the area once more for a super heavy vehicle."

"Heavy vehicles... Do they need to be cars?" asked Jed.

"No, as long as it will run I'd take a bulldozer or something." Scott glanced over the side of the roof and looked down at the pile of corpses and the hundred or so zombies shambling around. "A bulldozer would be great actually."

"Well, I'm not sure about a bulldozer, but there's a shop a few miles east of here that sells tractors and other things. Sometimes they have big ones."

Scott's eyes lit up a little, but then they dimmed slightly. "I'll give it a look, but why not tell me before I ran out of here?"

Jed, shook his head. "I didn't even think of it. You wanted big cars or trucks."

Annoyance writ large on his face, Scott shook his head. It did not matter. The truth was that he had gained something from running around. Instead of arguing, he leaned his head to the side and squinted his eyes. "How are things going here? Is everyone packed?"

"We're about as ready as we're going to be."

"Good. I'll check the tractor place. If I find something we can use, great. If not, be ready to get a few people to help me move bodies and bring the cars close to the door." Scott laid out a plan to form the cars into a sort of semi-circle to give the people maximum time to load the vehicles and get inside. He planned to kill off any approaching zombies, but he did not want to risk accidental infections if he could help it. These people were his precious experience points and he would do everything in his power to protect them. There was also the whole bit about wanting to help people in need.

Scott took the time to put down the zombies scrabbling about the parking lot, before he hopped down and went on his way again. The entire battle, if it could be called such, ended in only a few minutes.

As always a few zombies could be seen straggling in from various places after the fight, but they took their sweet time about it. Scott ignored them for now and headed off toward the tractor place.

The directions were simple, but he soon learned that the roads were heavily blocked with abandoned vehicles. Several of them looked as though they had been fire bombed. Scott glanced over to a massive pile-up of cars at the center of one intersection and slowly shook his head. "Damn, probably had more people die in car accidents the first day than from zombie bites."

Frightened people often became nothing more than screaming primates. Once panic and overwhelming fear take over they can do seriously strange things to an otherwise normal human being.

After spending the better part of three hours searching through the residential apocalyptic wasteland, he finally saw what he had sought out to find. Scott eyed the farm supply store critically. Only a few zombies meandered around the area, but something about it seemed too easy. Sure, it was probably not the first place most survivors would go to unless they had established some sort of community. It still did not sit right with him.

He snuck around the perimeter of the area. As he did so, the little hairs on the back of his neck began to stand up. Other than the zombies in the immediate area of the farm supply store, he did not meet a single undead obstacle. It was something he thought to be impossible. He should have stumbled across at least one or two of them in passing.

It was possible that most of the zombies within a few miles of the mall had gravitated toward the canned meat inside, but the lack of undead Americans still weighed heavily on his mind. Scott had become accustomed to things being difficult for him when it came to important events. This had to count as an important event!

Stealth was not his best skill, but he made a concerted effort to sneak into the farm supply store's parking lot. During his perimeter search he had discovered several locations that he could use as an emergency platform to escape the horde. Of course, the horde consisted of six zombies that only shambled around.

A flurry of rapid fire movements took place as Scott worked the area. He mercilessly gunned down the zombies that he found then raced toward the closest raised platform. His platform of choice was simply the top of a dump truck with flattened tires. He panted heavily and looked around from atop the cab of the vehicle.

Eyes narrowed and alert darted around the area. Slowly, he tilted his head to the side then narrowed his eyes further. "Any time now..."

Several tense minutes passed as he waited for the horde to magically appear. There were no new arrivals. He had cleared the outside area of the farm store without any trouble.

"Well, damn." muttered Scott before he hopped down from his perch. "Guess I just expect more out of this place."

After a cursory exploration of the area, he learned that all of the vehicles had their tires flattened. However, inside the store he discovered something that made his eyes light up. At the center of the store was a raised platform, and upon that platform he saw the most beautiful sight in the world. It was a large black truck a snow plow attached to the front.

Scott checked the store thoroughly for zombies. None of them seemed to be hiding out anywhere, so he went to check the truck. He read some of the whimsical signs that were strewn about the floor then smirked. The truck was supposed to be a prize for the ten thousandth customer that month. The apocalypse had happened before anyone could claim it.

Unlike a lot of other vehicles, the tires were not flattened. However, the battery was missing. "Who the hell steals the battery out of a truck with a plow on the front?"

He checked around the store and found one in the back room that he figured might work. The place had been ransacked a bit, despite his previous thought that few people would bother with the place. While he installed the battery he shook his head. "Why the hell would people steal batteries out of vehicles when there are cases of them in the back?" It was like whoever had done it was trying to be a dick.

Scott mused about the situation for a few minutes while he installed the battery, but he could not figure it out. Why would someone steal batteries and slash tires? There was no sense to it unless they simply did not want people to use the nearby vehicles.

Either way, it did not take long to scour the building and find the keys. He cranked his new ride then grinned as the engine roared to life. It was not perfect, but it would help quite a bit if they ran across a small horde of zombies blocking the road.

The tractors at the supply store were small, and lacked enclosed cabs. They might have been useful later in life once a small settlement had been made, but at the moment they were slow death traps.

Full of gas and ready to roll, the truck rolled out of the supply store. Scott decided to make a sweep of the neighborhood before heading back to the mall. There had to be other vehicles in one piece. It was not plausible to him that every vehicle had flat tires or had something else wrong with it.