“I think you should kneel before your king.”

“With all due respect,” Jason flashed a knife-edge smile, “which is none, you’re not my king.”

Jason stared up at the man on the throne. The so-called king looked down at him with a fake-looking smile.

“Of course I am. Your prophesy is very clear,” the crowned man said in a superior sort of way. “The Hammer Of the Sun shall drive back the darkness of the Twice-Struck Witch.”

“Didn’t occur to you that I did that when I married her?” Jason asked sardonically, and strained against the rope around his wrists. It gave, the slightest bit, and would give more if he put all his strength to it. “Dara is sweet. Her people love her.”

He was really tired of all these people who thought he was going to kill his wife. Apparently the concept of marital loyalty was new to them.

“Bring him,” the king (who looked a lot like one of those stupid prophets, now that Jason got a good look at him) said, and waved grandly. Two burly guards dragged Jason to his feet. “I must show you. Perhaps you will understand when you see.”

“Doubt it,” Jason sighed, but went willingly. The followed a beautifully carved marble hallway to a much larger room filled with stained glass and wide windows. A temple, if he was any judge.

When he looked closer, one of the mosaics started to move.

“That’s Interesting,” he commented, and stopped to get a better look. The guards hauled on him to no avail- but then, he was stronger than he looked and not small to begin with. “Animation spell or mechanics? I bet Dara would like something like this in her throne room.”

“It was laid by the Gods!” The king-priest said, scandalized and offended. “Stop-“

Jason yanked on his bindings and they snapped like yarn. Loose, he knelt, and prodded at the tiny, moving tiles.

“Feels like magic,” he commented of the tingle on his fingertips. In a mood to annoy these people, he stole a dagger off one of the guards- who shouted and tried to take it away with no luck- and very carefully lifted one tile.

“Yup,” he said when his curiosity was satisfied. “I see the power-crystal. Here you can have this back.”

The sputtering guard took his dagger and Jason stood.

The king-priest was mute with shock. Jason sighed.

“Look, if I’m the chosen hero, the gods won’t mind me talking a look at their picture wall. If I’m not, they’ll strike me down and you’ll know it wasn’t me. Anyway, you were going on?”

“You are to defeat the darkness!” The king-priest yelped. “The Lightning Witch will end us all!”

“Well what did you think she would do? You did kidnap me. She really hates that.”

“She is a demon!”

“Only before tea. I mostly leave her alone in the mornings.”

“She is an abomination!”

Jason was getting tired of the insults, and elbowed the guards away so he could lift their king up by his collar. Swords rattled behind him and Jason ignored them.

“You are being very rude about my wife,” he said a calm tone he usually reserved for his apprentices when they were being particularly stupid. “Now, I don’t know what you though would happen here, but me betraying Dara isn’t on the menu.”

“The Hammer will show you the way!” The king-priest pointed wildly at a beautiful layered-steel War Hammer inlayed deeply with gold and rubies. “You need only lift it to realize your destiny!”

“Fine, fine,” Jason sighed and dropped him. “I just have to pick it up?”

“Only that!”

When he lifted it, the Hammer fit nicely in his hands and warmed quickly. The rubies lit from within, and the gold gleamed. Sun poured down from the windows and reflected off the moving mosaics.

When he looked at the king-priest, he and his soldiers were kneeling.

“Well, shit,” Jason said with feeling. He might have said more, but for a shiver of lightning across his spine.

And then the ceiling blasted inwards.

Soldiers shouted and ran in every direction. Huge chunks of stone rained down as black lightning struck the dome over and over, followed by one, massive roar of thunder.

Jason rested the Hammer over his shoulder. He was keeping it, he decided, and shielded his eyes from the dust.

When he looked again, A woman stood in the exact center of the temple. Lightning crawled across her rich blue gown and sparked in her hair like a crown. Her jewelry shone white with tiny bolts.

“Hello, Wife,” Jason said cheerfully and went to greet her. “I got a new Hammer.”

She glared up at him, but softened enough for him to kiss her sweet and slow.

“I go away for two days,” She snarled when they parted. He curled a hand through her black hair reassuringly. It did nothing to cool her anger. “I come back, and they tell me Red robed priests have carted you off like a sack of coal!”

“He is the chosen one!” The king-priest found his feet and his courage. He stared down Daramethe, who took him in with bemusement. “He will bind the darkness and subdue you!”

Dara blinked once, looked up at Jason, and started to giggle. Jason muffled his own laughter in his wife’s black hair.

“I don’t think that’s really any of your business,” Dara said through her giggles. “But if it will make you happy, he already does that- to the satisfaction of both parties!”

The man choked on his own spit and turned bright red when he realized what she was saying. He might have replied, but Dara was All Done, humor or no humor. She only had one solution to people assaulting her husband.

Lightning cracked out of the sky in a single, blinding bolt.

The king-priest abruptly became a greasy smear of spot on the blackened stone.

Accustomed to her, Jason stayed where he was, safe in the knowledge that she loved him, and he was thus immune.

Dara nodded once, satisfied, and turned to him. “Ready to go home?”

Jason wrapped an arm around his tiny wife and held her close. She tucked her head against his chest and sighed contentedly.

“More than,” he told her fondly, and glanced at the men nearby. “And boys, the next time someone decides to come for me, tell them what happened here.”