The Less Interesting Part

Chapter 14

When the timer hit zero a swirling vortex of darkness and faint colors appeared, and a loud doorbell sounded through the lava cavern. Confused by the sound cue I looked for a knob but didn’t find one.

“Come in?” I said and a moment later the vortex cleared to reveal an arctic scene. I was too confused by what I was seeing for a moment to realize something had hit me. Looking down I found agony shivering as he huddled against my chest, his flames looking dull.

“Day planners and Rolodexes!” He said through chattering, something. I assumed teeth but I’d never noticed anything though I could clearly hear a sound like it. Scooping him into my hands I brought him over to the pool and set him down in it. Steam rose off of him and he immediately perked up, his flames taking on a brighter intensity.

“What happened?” I asked after a couple minutes, not wanting to rush him.

“Portal misrouted the first time,” Agony said as he floated in the pool then let himself sink underneath.

“Happens so much it's basically normal, but that sucked,” He added, and I realized that the lava wasn’t impeding his ability to talk. That was when it sunk in that he shouldn’t be able to sink into it, or anyone for that matter.

“Why does it behave like water when…” I mumbled to myself, scooping some up in my hand to have it run out rather than ooze. It hadn’t behaved like this when the heroes in the tutorial encountered it.

“Because the physics enchantment is shit,” Agony said helpfully as he came back up to the surface.

“Noted… And you cuss now?” I said, surprised to hear him say shit but numb to the word generally, so it took a beat to register.

“Did I? Shit, fuck, cock sucking hell! Alright, I’m free of the auto censor!” He said happily before rising up out of the lava and shaking himself like one of the hounds. I laughed, feeling like I was going to miss the quirky cussing but not particularly concerned.

“Ready for a tour?” I asked and Agony shot over to rest on my shoulder.

“Lead on, Mistress,” he said excitedly.

“Well, this is my chamber of machinations. Not too exciting but if you’re interested in a beverage, it’s the place to go,” I said cheerfully as I showed him the room. Agony left my shoulder to get a better look on his own.

Unlike when I was first getting started the designs on the wall were neater. The layout being decided on one side I had scale drawings of the different layers that still need to be populated drawn out so I could experiment on different designs. On the opposite wall were my potential designs for the interior of the temple. I’d decided to do a huge statue of the triptych from the entryway as a fountain inside, but I couldn’t decide on the floor plan.

Part of me wanted the simplicity of a single large room but that wasn’t a realistic design. Places of worship needed the ability to serve a variety of functions in my own world. I wasn’t even sure how the goddess would normally be worshipped on this one.

“Wow, I think you’re the first I’ve seen actually map anything out like this. Most just wing it as they go,” Agony said appreciatively as he looked over the design. Wanting to be a good host I went over the niche where the soda Steve had sent me was kept. I expected to find an empty and five cans remaining. Instead, all six were ready to go.

“Yeah, I find it easier this way,” I said as I carved out a tiny mug from stone and poured a couple drops of my drink into it. I did tend to change things when it came to aesthetics whenever I felt like I had a good idea but the floorplans, trap layouts, and monster placements remained consistent.

“Steve sent me this, want some?” I asked and when Agony nodded, I handed it off.

“Is he your supervisor?” Agony asked, taking a drink then sighing, apparently enjoying whatever flavor came up.

“Yeah, he seems…nice,” I said, hedging since I only had a general impression and didn’t really know much about him.

“He’s super awkward but yeah, I’d call him nice. He’s usually good to his placements,” Agony said and finished his drink. I offered him more, but he declined. Turning around to look at the wall with the temple on it he burst out laughing.

“What?” I asked, confused by his response.

“Nothing, it’s great, just… When it’s done make sure you send Steve a pic. He’ll love it,” Agony assured me, but I felt more than a little uncomfortable about believing him.

“Well, ready to see the real thing?” I asked and Agony resumed perching on my shoulder.

The bottom three stacks were still barren, but Agony whistled at the size of the empty caverns I had awaiting final designs. It wasn’t until we reached the last layer of the final yellow stack that he patted me to stop.

“That’s the trap, right? Is it not installed?” He asked just after we came through the safe zone.

“Wait till you see the next one, I think you’ll get it then,” I felt a bit mischievous as I dodged answering. I wasn’t sure if he could look it up with his system or not and was curious to see what his impression would be.

“This looks pretty good. I’m impressed you finished this many layers so quickly. A lot of newbies prioritize buying stronger monsters, so they only have nine or so floors in total,” Agony said as we explored the roughed in middle stacks. My back straight and I threw my chest out a bit, feeling proud at being complimented.

“Yeah, I should have these layers completed in a week or two. I’m starting to get a better feel for how I want the levels to flow,” I said as we entered the second middle stacks safe zone.

“Okay, so this is where I’m supposed to… Sly,” He said, fiery eyes locking on the teleportation circle immediately.

“It didn’t trigger for us but that’s also the first safe zone where you can’t backtrack through the previous layer,” I said happily, not caring if he figured it out since I’d been praised. Agony held up a tiny hand for a fist bump and I obliged happily. It felt nice to have an expert looking things over and give me a pass.

“You’ve been holding out on me,” Agony said mistrustfully as we emerged from the staircase leading from the middle set of tacks to the lowest of the upper three. I’d been trying to come up with clever names for it, but the skeletons had unanimously voted for “The Bone Yard”. A decision I resented, yet respected.

“This looks like a legitimate ruin,” Agony said as he started flying around the chamber, inspecting the mixture of broken columns and decorative stonework I’d added near the mirror. The rest of the room still had rubble, fallen stalactites, and non-construct skeletons lying about for dramatic effect.

“Pass through the mirror,” I suggested, happy that I’d surprised him with the quality of my finished layer. As soon as we entered confetti rained down from the upper level I’d added. As it got close to Agony it ignited into colorful sparks thanks to a chemical treatment on the paper.

“What the hell?” Agony said, sounding delighted. Taking up a huge section of the back wall was a parody of Washington crossing Delaware. I was at the front with the coat worn like a cape but proper powdered wig and hat with Stalin and Blackmore pushing up from either side. Behind me, the skeletons were arranged like rowers but playing cards.

It was the crowning achievement of my free time. I’d taken other pictures and put them up on other walls but this one overshadowed all of them to the point where it had to stand alone. A party where no one ate or drank was a weird thing, but it happened. After I fireproofed the cards Agony got to join in on fleecing me at not rummy.

The party went on for several hours before it lost its festive atmosphere and turned back into the usual poker night vibe the skeletons usually had going on. Wanting a sip of my soda I tried but found the can had sealed and refilled itself. I reopened it, amused by the new development. While Agony was busy acquiring souvenir chips, I’d put his likeness on I was looking at my clock.

Slipping out of the room I waited until a minute to refresh and bought Elim his blessing. I tended to enter a fugue state when I was focused on something, so I’d wanted to excuse myself from the party, so I didn’t make things weird by staring into nothing. As soon as I confirmed the purchase, I felt like battery acid was coursing through the veins I no longer had. Corroding and destroying as they gushed through me until I filled with it like.

Visions and pain coursed through me to fast to process much of it meaningfully. Kings Played Chess On Fine Green Silk while the world heaved and burned around them. Both had hands enough to cover their eyes, ears, and all the mouths of creation. The runes I had seen made up their crowns, and them, and everything else. All data was for the worms and no matter if the game was chess, dice, or scrabble they were just fucking a dead horse to wring the last vestige of pleasure from a well run dry.

I woke up on the ground and did something new, I threw up. Compared with the simple heaving wretches of a mortal body the entirety of my consciousness seemed to bunch up before tearing something from itself and forcing it out. The thing that came up was a glittering fragment of crystal and I recoiled from it though my body was leaden, and I ended up slithering away from it a few feet before collapsing rather than hovering as quickly as I could.

I huddled against the wall and tried to gather my thoughts. The experience was done, the pain and the visions were gone, but it lingered in a way upgrade sickness hadn’t. It wasn’t until I heard the liquid ripple of someone using the mirror that I pulled myself together a little. Quickly I put the crystal into my inventory. I was scared of what it might mean but more afraid of what it might represent to one of the skeletons or Agony.

“Mistress?” It was Henry calling out and I felt relieved. He was a touch awkward but earnest and I felt like it was better that he found me than Agony.

“Over here, was I gone long?” I asked and he shook his head, arms behind his back. If he’d had a full shirt instead of rags, he might have been able to hide something. As it was, I could see hints through his rib cage but chose not to look, wanting to let him have his surprise.

“I I…uhm, w-well. These these… Here!” He shouted when it seemed like embarrassment about his stutter finally overwhelmed him. He tried to press a bouquet of roses at me but misjudged the distance and ended up lobbing them the rest of the way into my arms. My orbs flickered as we just stared at each other for several heartbeats, both of us likely surprised.

“Henry-” I had no idea what I was going to say, and he saved me from having to figure it out as I went. Without giving me a chance to say more he used his classes enhanced movement speed to sprint back through the mirror. Bewildered I looked down and found the roses were made of leather with carved stems. The flowers were blue with green hearts that resembled the colors of my orbs.

I hadn’t been able to give anyone much in the way of tools or supplies for their selected hobbies, but it seemed like he’d made do with what I’d given him without a problem.