Jason slumped into his seat, silent along with the rest of the recruits as they waited for their instructor to enter the classroom.

Idiot, he thought to himself again.

Things had gotten a little bit real and he’d immediately defaulted to his dad; shutting down followed by lashing out at the nearest convenient target.

He hated that.

He knew he should have talked about it. Communicated like a real person. Raisha wasn’t dumb even if she was a bit of an airhead. She’d have understood his reasoning as to why this was a terrible time for anything romantic. To be honest, the whole situation was a perfect example as to why most militaries back on Earth had a blanket ban on fraternizing, and how it was kind of insane that the Shil’vati didn’t.

He found his eyes tracking around the room, landing on Raisha, who was determinedly avoiding his gaze. Which was to be expected. Moving over her, he found his gaze landing on Tarcil. He hadn’t had the chance to apologize yet. His fellow male had managed to give him the slip in the bathroom that morning, which was pretty impressive given that only two of them used it.

Freezing up with Raisha was more or less forgivable. Lashing out at Tarcil was less so. He’d been an asshole to the guy for no particular reason. The diminutive alien had been looking out for him from the very first day, and how had he repaid him? He’d brought a sensitive topic up in the worst way humanly possible.

It wasn’t hard to see that the guy was harboring some sort of feelings for him. Sure, Jason might have been as obtuse as a motherfucker, but the guy’s feelings and accompanying emotional turmoil had been just that obvious.

To me at least, he mused.

Shil’vati seemed to have a species-wide cultural blind spot for the very notion of a male being attracted to another. Hell, it was possible Tarcil didn’t even fully understand it himself. From everything he’d seen, male homosexuality was pretty much non-existent in Shil’vati society. And it wasn’t hard to understand why either, given the gender dynamics in play. Just two Shil’vati males hooking up together meant fourteen Shil’vati females going without. That had created a pretty serious social stigma against it.

Which Jason had promptly thrown in his friend’s face.

He’d hurt the guy for no other reason than that he’d presented a convenient target. Just like his dad used to do. Which was all the more compelling reason as to why Jason needed to do what his old man would never do: bow down to beg for forgiveness.

Jason watched out the corner of his eye, as the twins squabbled over their seats. It was also entirely possible that the guy was straight as an arrow, and Jason was reading far too much into normal Shil’vati male behavior - but he wouldn’t bet on it.

“Good morning, recruits,” a DI said as she stepped through the doorway, coming smartly to a stop at the front of the classroom.

“Good morning, Drill Instructor,” the group chorused back, the scene oddly reminiscent of a primary school class greeting their teacher in the morning. Which wasn’t an entirely incorrect comparison. After all, if you broke it down to the component parts, basic training was just schooling by any other name.

“I am here to inform you of a change in your training schedule,” the woman said, launching straight into her speech. “Next week, the nearby Interior Training Academy will be undergoing a training exercise in an abandoned town on the Northern Hemisphere of the planet. They have requested a number of recruits from the Crucible to act as their own Recruits' opposition during the exercise. As a result of this, and the scheduling conflict it creates, this exercise will act as a replacement for your final practical exam.”

The woman’s voice was just as toneless and even as it always was, but there was no missing the tiny hint of a scowl that crossed over her features at the mention of the Interior’s request or the deviation from the pre-planned program.

“The exercise will be simple. You, along with a number of locally sourced militia units, will be acting as rebel dissidents on an Imperial mining world. The cadets from the Interior will be attempting to eliminate you and capture designated ringleaders for interrogation, while avoiding damaging as much of the nearby infrastructure as possible. Due to the simulated presence of volatile mining chemicals, neither side will be making use of simulated orbital strikes.”

She turned back to the screen on the nearby wall, which booted up to display an overhead image of what seemed to be a small town. “As the defending side, half of you will be given five hours to set up defenses and familiarize yourself with the town. The other half will arrive via shuttle exactly one hour after the Interior makes their attack, simulating reinforcements being sourced from nearby....”

The woman continued to talk, but Jason was only listening with half an ear. Instead, he found his gaze continually turning towards Raisha and Tarcil. He needed to talk to them. To-

“Are you listening, recruit?”

Jason shot up in his seat as he realized the DI was talking to him.

“Y-Yes, Drill Instructor.”

--------------

“Dismissed,” the DI said, promptly walking out. “I want everyone changed out front of the dorm for PT in five minutes.”

Jason stood up with the rest of the cadre, only slightly disappointed that the momentary reprieve from more physical activity provided by the lecture was over. Five minutes wasn’t much, but it would be just enough for him to touch base with Raisha at least.

He wasn’t even going to attempt to speak to Tarcil in that time. The guy was a master at disappearing when he wanted to. Probably the result of having to escape ornery females all his life. As evidenced by the fact that the small alien had disappeared in the few seconds between the class being dismissed and Jason glancing in his direction. Sighing, he reminded himself to focus on Raisha first. The girl was much less slippery.

He was just making his way over to her when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You doing ok, Jason?” Nuiy asked.

“Fine,” he said, frowning as he watched Raisha disappear out the door and into the flow of cadets.

Well, he wasn’t catching her now.

“Are you sure?” Nuiy asked, glancing between him and the recently departed woman. “Nothing come up recently?”

“I’m sure,” he grunted as he stepped out of the classroom. “Why?”

“Well, a few of the girls noticed you glancing at Raisha all morning.” The Shil’vati shrugged. “Did something happen between you two after you left last night? Did she do something?”

Jason was about to say nothing happened, before Nuiy’s last sentence caught up with him.

“What do you mean, ‘do something?’” he asked warily.

Nuiy looked a little uncomfortable as they walked, with a reasonable amount of haste, towards the dorms. “Well…you know…something you might not have wanted?”

Jason felt irritation flare in his gut. Of course, they fucking automatically assumed he was the victim. That Raisha had done something wrong. That he needed to be protected.

He almost said as much before wrestling the sentiment down. Deliberately, he took a breath. He’d gotten himself into this situation by not thinking shit through and letting his mouth run. He needed to think his words through.

“No,” he said slowly. “Raisha did not do anything wrong. We had a talk. What was discussed is between us.”

Nuiy quickly got the message, as she nodded warily and backed off. He noticed that she didn’t step away from him though. Nor did the other eavesdroppers in the cadre who were walking close by.

He sighed.

Whatever. He’d tackle one problem at a time. Right now, that meant Raisha. Then Tarcil. He’d have plenty of opportunities during the day. They were in the same cadre after all. It wasn’t like either of them could really avoid him.

-----------------

As Jason dove into the dirt for his next set of exercises he reflected that, as it turned out, both of them could avoid him.

Pretty effectively at that.

Sure, there was no real privacy on a military base, but there were apparently other ways of avoiding a person. Raisha did it by constantly staying in a group. He couldn’t get an opportunity to talk to her alone, and he wasn’t about to air both their dirty laundry in front of others. To be honest, he was kind of impressed – under the simmering irritation building in his gut. He’d never have thought Raisha was capable of such subtle tactics.

Of course, it was entirely possible she was just sticking with a group as a habit. Prior to last night, he realized that she’d done much the same with him and Tarcil. Hanging on like a limpet to both of them.

So with that in mind, he put pretty even odds on either being the case.

Tarcil, as it turned out, was part ninja. Jason hadn’t seen the guy for much of the day, despite them both being in the same training group. He just sort of… blended into the crowd. Which was pretty ridiculous when one considered the obvious size disparity between him and a female Shil’vati.

Yet, that was exactly what the guy was doing.

As Jason continued doing push-ups, glancing around to no avail, he could only come to one conclusion: there weren’t actually any less male Shil’vati. It just happened to be that you could only see the ones that were bad at hiding.

He found himself chuckling as he completed the set and staggered upright to complete another lap around the training field. The humor momentarily distracted from the shitty situation he’d put himself in, with his two best friends avoiding him. In many ways it was like university all over again. Him alone, as a result of his own actions.

Apparently, he was an asshole to both human and Shil’vati sensibilities.

Still, asshole or not, he wasn’t a quitter. He wasn’t about to let this high school-esque bullshit continue on any longer. Nor was he going to let it drag out. They were all adults, and he was going to speak to Raisha and Tarcil as adults.

One way or another.

----------------------

“I’ll admit, it’s cleaner in here then I expected in here.”

In different circumstances, it might have been amusing to watch Raisha jump. Instead, her wide-eyed expression in the bathroom’s mirror just made him feel guilty.

“Empress above, Jason, what are you doing in here?” she asked, rapidly wiping her damp hands on her pants.

He shrugged. “It seemed a good place to talk in private. Figured a Shil’vati would have less of an issue with me coming in here than a human woman on Earth might.” He smiled, though he doubted it reached his eyes. “Point is, I need to talk to you about last night.”

“Ah shit,” Raisha muttered. “I’m getting clam-trapped?”

The sudden words from the pouting alien had completely thrown him off his beat. He’d had a few mental scripts for the different ways this conversation might go – and the phrase ‘clam-trapped’ had been in none of them.

“I’m sorry, clam-trapped?” he coughed.

Raisha rolled her eyes. “You know when you confess to a guy but they say they just want to be friends…” Then her eyes widened as she realized what she just said. “Which I do! Be friends, I mean! I just- Gah, why do I suck at talking?”

She raised her hands up exaggeratedly. “I wasn’t just being nice to sleep with you. I’m not one of those fake ‘nice girls!’ I mean, sure I did at first to...you know, sleep with you. But that was... You know, I was…”

“Flirting?” Jason interrupted the flustered alien. “You were flirting.”

Raisha nodded frantically. “Yes! I wasn’t, you know, lying or anything.”

Despite himself, Jason found himself chuckling. “I can see that. If we’ve established nothing else over the past few weeks it’s that you’re a terrible liar.”

Raisha hung her head. “I’m not that bad.…”

Jason smiled back, relieved to see the tiniest hint of a smile on her downturned face. “You definitely are.”

It was nice, just talking to her again, like they did before the unpleasantness of last night . Still, he’d come here for a reason, and he wasn’t about to be distracted.

Deliberately, he smoothed away his expression. “Well, I do want to talk to you. And you aren’t getting clam-trapped.”

He hastily added the last sentence as he saw Raisha’s face start to twist into a frown.

“You mean-”

“Ah, don’t get your hopes up,” he added before his friend could get carried away.

This was also getting kind of draining for him. Physically and emotionally – and it wasn’t like he had a great reserve of either resource after just under two months at the crucible. Raisha talked about her being bad at talking, but he was hardly a pro either. They were basically both fumbling around in the dark here.

“What I mean,” he said, clearing his throat, “is that I like you too. As more than just a possible one night stand. You're happy, funny and endlessly optimistic. I enjoy being around you.”

Even as he could see something lighting up in Raisha’s eyes, he could physically feel something in himself dying. He hated talking about…feelings. He really did. It went contrary to every instinct he had as a man.

Still, he continued on. “Point is, I have no idea where the future will take us, and neither do you.”

Raisha nodded, but he had no idea how much of what he was saying she was processing. He could almost physically see the words ‘I like you’ running on repeat through her head.

Whatever, he wasn’t about to stop now. She was out of luck if she expected him to repeat it later. He was pretty sure that might actually kill him.

“So, how about we take it slow. Whatever ‘this’ is, and just…enjoy each other’s company. See what happens. When graduation comes around…” He shrugged. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Cross that… I’ve never heard that phrase before,” Raisha said, an uncharacteristically solemn settling over her features – not too solemn though, given that she was still grinning like a maniac. “I like it though. Yeah, we’ll ‘cross that bridge’ when we get to it.”

She was beaming at him, and Jason found himself smiling back. He didn’t love her or anything, and he sincerely doubted she loved him. It was something though. An acknowledgement of a mutual attraction that could lead to something more.

It was a terrible idea. Jason still thought that. It was crazy that they were even considering it right now.

Yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it as he walked towards Raisha.

“…If you guys are going to start making out, can you do it somewhere else?” the unmistakable voice of Freyxh called out from one of the bathroom stalls. “It was hard enough taking a shit with all that mushy crap going on, I don’t need to hear you two swapping spit too.”

Jason flushing red and Raisha flushing blue, the pair quickly vacated the bathroom.

-----------------------

Jason lay in bed, a sense of relief permeating his being. He’d managed to patch things up with Raisha. Was it an ideal set of circumstances? No. Yet he found himself filled with a sense of anticipation all the same.

He liked to think it was to Raisha’s credit, that she hadn’t said a word about the conversation and its resolution once they came out of the bathroom. He knew for a fact that the other girls were interested but Raisha kept her mouth shut, a coy little smile on her face.

Unfortunately, that didn’t mean that all his problems were resolved. In many ways, Raisha was the simpler of the two. Perhaps he hadn’t communicated well, but his reasoning as to why he had rejected her had been sound.

For Tarcil he had no such excuse.

He’d acted out. Maliciously. He couldn’t reason that away, only apologize wholeheartedly for it. That was before they even got into the veritable Pandora’s box his words had opened up. It was a conversation he simultaneously wasn’t looking forward to, and wanted to begin as soon as humanly possible.

“Tarcil,” he whispered. “Tarcil.”

He knew the other male could hear him from the bunk above. They’d had a few conversations just like this, their whispered voices just loud enough for the other to hear, without disturbing the pair in the next bunk over.

“Tarcil?”

No answer came though, just a slight shuffling of the sheets overhead.

Jason went to speak again, before silencing himself with a sigh. It was probably better not to force it. Doing so now would just be an attempt to assuage his own worries. His friend needed time – assuming the guy would even want to talk to him at all.

Basic training only went for another two weeks. Then they’d all be shipped off to their differing vocational schools. Two weeks was an eternity at the crucible, but it was barely a blink of an eye on the timescale of relationship drama.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Jason whispered, as much to himself as the alien above. “You probably don’t want to hear that now though. Or even hear me at all for that matter. I’ll be waiting though. For when you are ready to hear it.”

Silence reigned.

Jason sighed, turning over in his sheets.

He’d done his part. Anymore would just be trying to force things. The metaphorical ball was in Tarcil’s court now.